Family - not happy

So my mom is very against me having surgery. I haven't made a final decision. Like everyone including myself she thinks I should lose it myself. Sadly she doesn't understand why I can't and if I can't now what makes me think I can keep it off after surgery. Surely I have not proven I can make a life style change and keep the weight off or I would have. She thinks I am looking for a quick fix. Really I am looking for a year or so to use a tool to get the weight off and continue to do the work I have started with my counselor on the reasons I gained to begin with. Nothing my mom says is something I haven't already been concerned about. I know everyone says they will make changes and not gain the weight back but of the 4 people I know who have had surgery 3 people have gained weight. 1 has gained all her weight back. Any thoughts here?

After surgery, your stomach will be about the size of an egg.  Right now, it's about the size of a football.  Stands to reason that after surgery, it will be a lot easier to eat small portions, don't you think?

Of course, even eating small portions, it is possible to gain weight back if you make the wrong food choices. 

What does your surgeon say?  Your counselor?  Your registered dietician?  Those are the people I would take advice from, not your mom, since they are experts in this area and she's not.  If your mom is against having WLS, then she should not have it.  However, she should not get to decide whether you, or anyone else, has surgery.

You have to do what's right for YOU.  How many times did you lose weight on other plans?  And gain it back?  I resisted this surgery for years until the pain from my obesity left me with two options:  WLS or bilateral hip replacements.  It was a no-brainer, really!  But I always thought I would NEVER have WLS because it was a cop-out, a cheat, fill in your own term.  Through educating myself, I no longer feel that way.  I know I would not have kept it off on my own.  Can you gain it back?  Absolutely.  Will I?  Ony time will tell, but I plan to use this tool for the rest of my life.  I have the same issue as you regarding why I have the weight.  Through years of therapy, I no longer need the protection.  I am a happier person and I have come to terms with my past, and now I feel trapped in this blubber.  I have never been thin, as my issues started when I was 5 or 6.  I'm ready to break out and live my life!  Only you can answer the questions you're facing.  Do some soul-searching, make sure you're doing it for the right reasons, and then be strong in your convictions.  Mothers don't want to see their babies go through surgeries, but this is different.  Best wishes to you!

My mom was the exact same way.  She did not want me to have surgery and gave me all the horror stories that people she knew had gone through. Now that she sees the progress and sees that I had no complications, she is actually considering surgery for herself! She now admits that her comments were made out of fear of the unknown. Just do what's best for you and take care of yourself so you can say "I told you so!"

My mom was the same so I asked her to go with me to the psychologist led support group and it really put her at ease and put her on my side. So if there is something like that around you maybe invite her to something with you

I can only advise you to take your time making the decision and focus on what's best for you. Does your counsellor support you having the surgery? What about your doc? I had some friends and family that were not supportive of my idea to have the surgery at first and I had to take a step back from them and make the decision based on the information from my medical/mental health team, my own feelings/goals/needs, and my research.

It's important to remember that this is a medical decision that will impact your health. The lifestyle changes are essential for long term success, though, as I'm sure you are aware. Maybe start practicing some of them now? It may help build your confidence about making changes. What I did was make a point of not focusing on weight lost and stuff like that, but on other changes. I stopped drinking soda, I weaned myself off caffeine, I started taking the vitamins daily (as I do now that I've had surgery), I started going for 2 or 3 15-minute walks each day, and most importantly, I worked hard with my therapist on learning new ways of coping with my feelings that don't include food. I did end up losing a little weight before the surgery (about 25 lbs. over the 2 years it took me to get approved), but the focus for me wasn't on the weight loss, it was on learning to make a daily practice of healthier behaviors.

HTH, RE

Yyes, some people regain after RNY and a few gain all of their weight back. They regain the weight because they do not change their eating habits and/or do not address the psychological issues.  Whether or not you regain weight after a RNY is in YOUR HANDS.  You will have to make the changes and do the head work, but  your chances of keeping the weight off are a lot better with surgery.  It is your body and your life.  You need to do what is best for you, even if your mother doesn't agree.  

Lora

My counselor is not for or against and says either way we will continue to work on the underlying issues as that is her expertise. I have an appointment for psych review with anothe lady that has more of a background with else patience my current counselor thinks thy is a great idea.  My PCP is for it and when she heard which surgeon I was working with she was thrilled.  Says he is one of 2 she really highly recommends.  I have started participating here and plan to start attending a support group locally at the end if this month.  I have started working on some things ill need to change regardless. For example chewing really really well and the 30/30 with drinking.  I am walking more.  I know better than anyone I have tried 

My family was the same way - mom, husband, and all my friends.  The only people who supported me were my SIL and a close friend who had both had RNY.  I saw how happy they were with the changes in their lives and I wanted that.  I always felt like if I could lose the weight, I could keep it off, and I am committed to that.  I eat healthy now and I exercise 5-6 times a week.  I do weight lifting, I run.  I NEVER would have done that prior to losing the weight.  No one now (two years later) can argue with me that it was a bad thing nor can they say I haven't made the most of it.

 

Unlike you, everyone I know who has had the surgery has NOT gained back their weight.  SIL fluctuates with losing and gaining the same 5 lbs and my other friend has maintained her weight and gone on to lose 20 more pounds that she originally intended.

I am in a similar situation. I just "broke" the official news to my father tonight, who as I expected, said, "Oh no, really, I wish you wouldn't do that." I really feel like crying.  I know he is worried about the unknown, so am I, but I have made me decision. I am praying it is the right one for me.  But the other options, diabetes, heart attack, kidney failure, don't seem like good options either, so I will be having my surgery to take control of my life. I have been against it for years, thought I could do it alone.  I have changed eating, worked out, etc.. yet today I am at the same weight as I was two years ago with 125 pounds to lose.  

 

Good luck to you!