OT- problem with my mammogram

I really don't have family that could go with me.  I haven't spoken with my father in more than 20 years.  He was very abusive when I was growing up.  My  mother and sister haven't spoken to me since Thanksgiving, when they got angry because I said something on facebook about my father being abusive.

I don't have any good friends that live near me.  A friend of mine that lives three hours away said she'd go with me but I know it's hard for her to get off work and I'm not sure she really can.  And I think she is thinking it will be one appointment but I'm pretty sure it will be an appointment first just to talk with the surgeon, then another appointment to do the actual biopsy, then probably another appointment to discuss the results and what to do about it.  I don't think she can really take that much time off work.  She's three hours away so it would be a total of six hours driving, so she'd have to miss the entire day of work.

So sorry that you are going through this, Kelly.  Years ago, I had a similar situation that showed I have breast cysts.  The biopsy was...no, let me start over.  The anxiety of having the biopsy was actually worse than the biopsy itself.  It's a frightening time for a woman.  As someone else said, I wish you were closer, so you could have someone with you. 
Just know that you have a huge support system here on OH. 
Sending good thoughts and prayers your way, along with a hug!

Janet

Kelly,  okay, there is a bunch of unsolicited advice or suggestions in here.  Maybe you don't want that, in which case just read the first paragraph.  I am so sorry.  For it all.  It sucks.  As you know I had two home births (one of which was 64 hours of active labor before I could start the 5 hour pushing phase) just to avoid having to be in a hospital and deal with doctors.  My aversion was mostly related to childhood sexual abuse and ptsd.  so I get it, at least as much as another person could.  I am so sorry.  For the way you were treated in the ER and as a child and by your family who can't tolerate your truth.  So so sorry.  you have been an amazing support to me and lots of others and I care about you. 

Now for the unsolicited suggestions, ignore if this is not what you need:

It seems like you want the information but the actual appointments are too much.  So what would help?  Having someone there?  I wonder if there is a doula in your area who would do it?  It isn't so different from what they do with pregnant ladies.  Also, how about an EMDR therapist.  that has been my saving grace.  Are there any by you?  It is usually pretty quick especially for someone who has done as much emotional work as you have.  i sometimes see folks for EMDR in these marathon sessions, a few hours long or every day for a week to clear it out.  I know money is always a factor but I am assuming you want to live a long healthy life and that might mean some interaction with medical folk so maybe it would be worth it.  If you explained how serious the situation was and how critical it is for you to have this biopsy you may be able to find someone who would work with you quickly and offer a reduced rate if they don't take your insurance.  I have some friends whose kids get so freaked out during medical procedures that they have to be sedated for medical procedures or trips to the dentist.  Maybe the surgeon's office would be amenable to that?  I also use a guided imagery cd by Belleruth Naparstek called Awake and Relaxed during Medical Procedures.  it is really good and geared for people with PTSD.

 

A doula is actually a great idea and I will look into that.  Any idea about the best way to find one near me?

I have a therapist that I was doing EMDR with.  I was seeing her before the experience in the ER in November and continued seeing her for a while after that.  It started feeling unsafe to see her.  I haven't seen her in a couple months now.  I was concerned that if I told her I was not going to see my psychiatrist anymore and that I was coming off my Effexor, she would be upset or think I was making the wrong choice and might think I needed to be hospitalized or something.

Best way to find a doula is to call a local midwife, a homebirth midwife (if they exist in your area) will be much better able to point you in the right direction and recommend one who specializes in trauma.  But a regular conventional hospital practice with midwives might know as well.  You could also call the maternity floor at the local hospital and ask the nurses there.

where I live there is a NAMI office and a mental health association with staff who will accompany people to appointments.  Sometimes they are great sometimes not so much but that is another option.  If there is a Center for Independence near you they might do it too.  I have occasionally accompanied people to appointments with doctors and helped work with the doctor and client to set up a safety plan, to get the trauma triggers on the table and create a plan for how to avoid these and what you need in case they happen.  not every therapist and not every doctor is willing to do this but the fact is you really probably need this biopsy and perhaps the seriousness of that might get people to bend a bit to accommodate you.

I don't know your therapist but these days the only reason people get hospitalized is if they are an imminent risk of harm to themselves or others (like going to kill themselves soon), if that is how you are feeling then you probably do need to be in the hospital, but otherwise there would be no reason to hospitalize you.  Could you consider going back to her?  Talk to her on the phone first maybe and feel her out?

there is this book I really love calling A Shining Affliction (I wouldn't read it right now because it might trigger you a bit) but there is this line in it where the writer realizes, "What I am most afraid of has already happened."  That helps me sometimes.   Keep us updated.

I prayer for you. You can do it! God loves you and will put people in your way to help your. the best doctor is God.