My friend is worried

I have a friend (300 pounds, congestive heart failure) who is worried about how I'll act after surgery. She's afraid that I'll become healthy and then criticize her for staying the same. I know from other issues that she'll never change. I'm done banging my head against the wall because of her, and have come to accept that she just wants to die and there's nothing I can do about it. I assured her that I'm not going to criticize her after I have surgery. Has anyone had someone like her in their life? how did you deal with it? She's a good friend, but it's so frustrating.

None of us really cared about ourselves, did we?  She is not any different that you or I or any of us.  Look what we did to ourselves. Go easy my friend, and remember where you came from.   Jane

I lost a close friend after I lost weight, she didn't want to see me anymore, I mean physically see me because she was gaining weight and I think seeing me was a hard reminder.  It has been hard, I feel weird about it but how can I force someone to want to see me or whatever if it hurts them.  I just stopped trying after I went to visit her in the nursing home she lives at and she was mortified.  She has MS and is very bad at this point.  It all makes me sick really.  We were fat together for twenty years and once I had surgery and lost weight it all changed and now I just feel bad about it.

You will probably lose this friend, it more ways then one.  I am sorry to say that but it is unfortunately true.

 

Yes, I have a very overweight friend who started becoming very distant as my weight started dropping.  When I finally had a heart to heart talk with her about it, she admitted that being with me made her more uncomfortable about her own size.  Even though we talked about it and I tried to assure her that I didn't feel any differently about her, and understood that she was not ready to do anything about her own weight (and didn't judge her for that since I wasn't ready for a long time, either), the friendship didn't survive me losing weight.

Lora

 I no longer talk about my surgery, my weight loss or even my new eating habits unless they bring it up, and then I keep it brief. Sometimes it's hard to do that since it's been such a big part of my life for the last few months. I think it will pass once they get accustomed to my changes. If you continue to see your friend at least once a week the change will be so gradual in her eyes that it will be easier.

Hi, I think you should explain to this "so called friend" that this is something you did for yourself, not hers! and that she needs to deal with it if she really want s to be your friend!! Unfortuntately she is probably just jealous and if she was a REAL friend she would support your!!

Just found this post again. Still going through all the tests, 7 pounds lost out of 15-20 that I have to lose before they'll schedule me.

My friend told me (jokingly, mostly?) that she'll hate me once I get skinny. This is going to be difficult. I'm not going to let her drag me down. If it starts to get that way, I'll cut her off. She doesn't drive, so I take her to and from work and she pays for the gas. If I have to stop being friends with her, I'll feel bad about her having to take a cab to work in the morning. This is a fine line I'll be trying to balance. Thank God I have therapy on Saturday.

As someone else mentioned recently, no one else wants to hear about our surgery or what we eat or about our weight loss. Do not bring it up unless asked, and even then keep it brief. Even family and close friends really do not want to hear it. If you want to talk about it, post on forums like this. This is a big lesson to be learned.