4 Years Ago Today...........LONG
Today marks four years since I had RNY gastric bypass surgery. I now often forget how difficult life was before RNY, and I don’t really remember what living life as a SMO person was like. I do still deal with a bit of guilt for letting my body get so out of shape and overweight that I had to go to such extremes to correct it. I see that as a “flaw” in my self-control…….and that still stings.
I don’t label myself as a “success”. I just did what I set out to do-lose the extra weight and get healthy. I can’t say I was trying to “recapture” health or a smaller body because I was some form of obese most of my adult life. And while I didn’t have any co-morbidities, they were just waiting in the wings for me…my family history dictated that. I wouldn’t say I was “unhealthy” but I was definitely unfit. WLS and getting healthy was truly a journey to someplace I’d never been.
People often ask me if I really had a clue about how my life was going to change. And my answer is yes and no. I equate it to childbirth. Most of us jump into parenthood feet first-and once that pee stick shows the “+” we then stop and say “oh crap” and really start to comprehend the life changes that are coming. Or so we think! It rarely plays out in real life the way it played out in our heads!
WLS is the same. We get excited about losing weight and buying cute clothes, and we often jump in feet first. We research, read, chat, dream, view before and after pictures, meet with doctors/nutritionists/counselors and we think we are “ready”. But, when the anesthesia wears off, and you open your eyes, you often have an “oh crap” moment and the reality of what lies ahead sinks in. OR DOES IT? I really didn’t grasp the enormity of the required changes FOR LIFE that I needed to make until I started the process. AND I thought I was ready……..
Eating was a no-brainer that first year. Just follow the guidelines, measure and chew/chew/chew. I had no food issues so eating was pretty easy. Exercise was another matter. I started 6 months before my surgery and never stopped. But what do you do? How often? How does exercise affect food intake? There were tons of questions and lots of opinions…..I had to find my own way and my own balance. Everyone says “21 days to make a new habit” well, for exercise, it took a solid 2 years for it to REALLY become a way of life. I’m now on year 5 as a regular exerciser, and I can honestly say I cannot live without it. It is as essential as food and water to me.
Then, there’s MAINTENANCE. By far, this has been the biggest hurdle in the WLS journey. Once that day came where the scale was no longer dropping the numbers I panicked. For 13 months my world revolved around what I ate, how I moved and what the scale said. I had spreadsheets and graphs and everything! Well, once the last sad broom was coming through the room sweeping up the confetti from “the weight goal party”………….WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW??!!!
I understand how people lose focus and “get off track”. Once you aren’t consumed with your weight loss, and you look like a “regular” person, you start to act like one. And that means eating and drinking things that aren’t 100% the best for you. And the exercise drops off because life takes over. And you ignore the scale. Then you stop wearing your jeans…..and then…and then…..
But guess what??!!! I found my way. I was persistent, and I kept educating myself about nutrition and exercise. I found the balance that works for me. It is simple, but it isn’t easy. You truly have to be selfish about the time you spend on yourself to ensure you are constantly on track. Remember, we are still obese, just in remission!
I’m an eater, and I’m not going to give up food, even sweets. So I have to compensate for the days when I overindulge with extra exercise. Some days I want to sit on the couch and DO NOTHING- but I can’t. I have to force myself to the gym or out to run. I know the 324 pound former me is in the rearview mirror….and I have to stay far ahead of her!
Many things are so much easier for me now, in the body of a “normal sized” person. I do not have to try so hard to prove myself at work (I have a new career and place of employment-they never knew the SMO me). I can shop anywhere. High heels are my ‘REGULAR’ shoes. I hike and run for miles, go to boot camp classes, I’ve zip lined, and I can cross my legs. And after having the extra skin removed, I no longer see myself as a formerly obese woman. I’m just me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Thanks to all of you for continuing to support me and for allowing me to pay it forward. I made a promise that I’d stay active on these boards because this is the one place where I received much love and support during my journey from people *****ally understood what I was going through. I hope I can continue to help and encourage you as so many of you have helped and encouraged me. Peace and Hugs!!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am almost 5 months out and halfway to my goal. I have never, ever been a normal-sized person and I wonder about the guilt I will feel as a normal-sized person one day. While I was waiting to have my surgery, I cried so hard, not because I was scared of the surgery, but because I was so angry with myself for letting my weight spiral out of control and become so extreme that I was having surgery to try and "correct" it.
You are very inspiring. Congratulations on 4 years!
Happy Anniversary, Kim. Congratulations and thank you for remaining on OH paying it forward. You've always been true to yourself on OH and have given great advice without sugar coating the reality of what needs to be done.
I did some head shaking when reading your post.....namely the What Next after hitting a weight where your body is ready to stay AND we are still obese, just in remission.
Congrats again and continued success to you!
xoxo
Proximal RNY Lap - 02/21/05
9 years committed ~ 100% EWL and Maintaining
www.dazzlinglashesandbeyond.com
RNY 2/5/07 no regain having implemented lifestyle changes....
