My brain is broken and my body too......

I am sooooooooooooooooo happy to see you .... YOU WERE MISSED!!!!  very very very much.... Sending you warm thoughts and healing light much strength and cyberhugs as you go through your tedious application process and deal with all those physical issues that I am so sorry you are suffering with ... 

Your inner strength runs deep and you are a strong and beautiful woman.  Setting your goals 'out loud' is an awesome recourse ... my DH too experienced bouts of depression during his disability application process and occasionally feels down with his multiple physical/medical issues ... I apologize for rambling on because I really don't know what to say so I am just going to send you a super big cyberhug and offer a helping hand, a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen and my support and cyber love for a beautiful sister on the journey (((((((((((HUGS)))))))) ... 

You are one special lady Martialinda!! Thank you!!

Hi, it is good to see you :)

I understand about the gaining weight thing.  I am not technically underweight, right at the bottom but I know I look a lot better when I am heavier but like you, intentionally gaining weight goes against everything I have ever believed in.  I refuse to eat junk just to put on some weight.  I know I could probably gain 10 lbs in a few weeks.  God knows I have done that many times before but once I let that genie out of the bottle I know I may never get him back in so I refuse to eat sugar, refined carbs and gluten but aside from that I eat fine.  I don't feel like I under eat at all.  I feel like I am eating all day but my weight has stayed pretty consistent for going on 2 years now.  Of course, at this point I am getting used to myself at this size so that is a concern, too.  I have spent most of my life in flux as far as my body goes.  I never stayed the same weight long enough to get used to it.  I hate the idea of another change but I am not happy with the way I look, either.

The good news is I am fairly healthy, about as healthy as I've been in years.  I have been able to work part time and even get in some activity.  I have also been through the disability process and I understand about the stress it brings.  I good news is that when I was finally approved I felt like a huge weight was lifted from me, a feeling that lasts to this day.  It took me nearly 4 years to get approved and I can't tell you how many times I wanted to give up but I am so glad I persevered.

And I also understand about the neck pain. I went through that last year, too.  I had the shots, pain meds, PT and all that.  They could not figure out the cause.  I was in so much pain that I was willing to do anything.  After ruling out most everything it was suggest that it may be my teeth.  I knew my teeth were bad and I had constant dental pain but I didn't know it could refer to other parts of my body but I was desperate.  Fortunately I had just started my job and I finally had dental insurance so I did what I had wanted to do for years and had all my teeth extracted and got dentures.  It was a grueling process but I knew it would get better and it did.  That was last January and I am happy to say that my neck pain has improved at least 90%.  I still experience some pain occasionally but it is finally managed by OTC pain meds and not prescription meds.  I haven't had to take any prescription pain meds since I recovered from my dental extractions.  I have finally been able to ride a bike again, something I hadn't done in nearly a year because of the pain.  I pray that you experience relief soon.

I don't know what you look like at 125 lbs but I'll bet you look great.  I know the head doesn't agree right now but you have to laugh.  Did you ever think when you were morbidly obese that you would think 125 lbs is fat?  That is why I don't talk too much about my weight issues.  I get too much "Oh you poor thing.  I wish I had that problem."  It is like I am complaining about having too much money.  No one feels sorry for you, not that I am looking for sympathy, but it is hard to find support where most of the people want to lose weight and I want to gain.  It is definitely a problem I never thought I would have but I do have faith that it will work out eventually as long as I continue to eat right.

I'm glad that the extractions 'solved' your neck pain, if I had to do that to solve mine I would be sitting on the oral surgeons doorstep and would even bring my own pliers! Oh well, I can't change what I have so going forward is the only thing that I can do.

I never in my life thought that I would try to gain weight NOR would I thought that 125 was big. When I really look honestly in the mirror I know that I look good. I am happier than happy to be able to buy bootleg Levi's (they were always my favorite) they don't come in a 2 or smaller but do come in a 4. They are a little roomy but super comfortable :))))  I agree that eating healthy is always first and most important.

Martha 

Oh Martha, it is so good to see you back!!!!  I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time right now, but you came to the right place. Welcome home RNY Sister, you've been missed !!!

Kat

Thank you Kat!!

Welcome Back Martha,  I think we are all kindred spirits with the broken parts of our bodies (each our own parts).  While I don't completely understand yours, I do understand that you are working on them.  For this you will always be a success to us here.  DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT.  We love and admire you and welcome you back with open arms and hugs.

Here is my {{HUG}} to you.  Keep your head up and your feet planted.  If there is anything I can do to ever help you, please just give me a shout.

You are a stable rock of support for me... the least I can do for you is offer the same back...

Lucy

Thank you Lucy, that means a lot to me. 

I am so happy to see you back Martha! Sorry to hear about the SSI. I have been on disability for over ten years because work was aggravating my rheumatoid arthritis. I remember the difficulties of filling out all the forms and be prepared to be denied the first time. Most people are denied the first time through. I was but appealed and had to go through more testing before I was approved. ItIt is deptessing and there are still times when I feel guilty for not being able to contribute much financially to my family but I know it is best. Hang out here with us as you have been missed!

Thank you Karen, I have been told that most people are denied the first time. I will appeal with a lawyer if needed, but at least I took the first big step. I have missed all of you too!