what if I want cake?

Personally, I never eat cake, but everyone else in the family gets cake - even on MY birthday.   There is no need to forego traditions because you had surgery.   Choose the cake most of your guests would prefer and either eat a small piece or don't.  

I have always had the view that having surgery was MY choice and even if I consider myself a special snowflake, my family shouldn't have to ...  It's wholly possible to have these fun events without making everyone else feel awkward - let them eat cake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would eat the cake, so others have to be deprived of it or eat it when I am not around.  I am not going to buy it or serve it.  For me it would be like asking a recovering alcoholic to tend bar.

I wholeheartedly agree with both White Dove and Kim.  I too am 9 months out and I have no clue if I dum*****t on sugar as I avoid it completely so I can't speak to the try a bite crowd.  But I do think that now is the chance to create new traditions - it is up to you to decide what they are going to look like.  I personally enjoy watching everyone else eat the things they love.  I will drink a coffee or a tea during the dessert part of the meal and that is fine with me.  I'd rather talk and smile and enjoy the moment then eat things that I know aren't good for me even if it's just a tinny bite.  Regardless - maybe this year you could read that special card at the end of a long family walk?  Or go roller skating? Or to an amusement park? OR????  Lots of fun to be had on a special day that has NOTHING to do with food :)  Have a great B'Day!

I had 2 small mini cupcakes for mothers day.. I survived... :)

I would just get some of the little tiny mini cupcakes. Basically just one bite of cake!

I would get a yummy cake that everyone would enjoy. I personally do not believe we gain the weight back on a few special occasions a year. It's all the days in between that lead to regain. Have a bite or two of cake and let everyone else enjoy the rest. 

Happy birthday!!

As you can see, we are all different and we all have different ways of dealing with food, especially food with sugar or other things that may have contributed to our obesity.  Some of us can have a bite or two on their birthday or other special occasions.  Others, like myself, don't do moderation well and it is better for me to avoid it completely then to try to see if I could do something for the first time in my life, which is to eat a bite of cake or candy or whatever and then stop.  And not want more.  And not tell myself the next day "See, you are normal now.  You can have a little and not go crazy.  So have some more" or "Oh well, you blew it anyway, you might as well fini**** all.  That way it will be gone and you won't be tempted to have more.  You can always start again tomorrow".  Or a multitude of other lies I would tell myself.

I decided this time that I could not handle little amounts of foods that I am addicted to.  If I thought I could now eat whatever I wanted and not go overboard then I am fooling myself.  Sooner or later I would be back where I started, weight wise and eating wise.  Since my judgment has always been bad as far as being able to eat when the mood strikes I have to plan out my meals and not just eat things on the spur of the moment or impulsively.  That didn't work for me before WLS and there is no reason to think it would now.  As they say, they rerouted my insides, not my brain.  I don't trust myself to make good choices all the time left to my own devices so I do what works, which is to plan out what I am eating and to make sure I am prepared to eat those things.  That way I don't have to make decisions when I may be emotional or feeling sorry for myself or feeling like I deserve a reward for sticking to my eating plan or whatever lie I tell myself.

This is not to say I am anywhere near perfect.  I just do the best I can and if I am going to be in a situation where I might want dessert I bring my own, something that is sugar free and gluten free so I can enjoy it without feeling bad or triggering my cravings.  There are plenty  of things I can eat compared to the few things I choose not to eat and I focus on making the best decisions I can within the frame work of what I can eat with no issues.

For my birthday this year I made a home made from scratch cake with home made butter cream frosting, I spent forever making it just perfect. I lined it with candles, then I ran it over to the homeless shelter sang happy birthday blew out my candles, with a wish they'd all find homes, health and happiness and left the cake for them to eat. It was the best birthday cake ever! I hope, I don't know I didn't have any. I've decided that every one of my birthdays here on out will be celebrated that way. With that being said, I have had cake, a couple bites here or there about 4 times at a wedding or someone's birthday but it's been a 50/50 thing. got sick twice was fine twice so I didn't want to gamble with how I'd feel on my birthday! I expected my kids and hubby to be upset I gave the cake away but they honestly could care less I guess, they just ate a snack like always.