First Issue with Friend

Hey all!  I am down almost 90 lbs, I can round up right :)  I am feeling wonderful, but dealing with my first issue with a good friend post op.  She has been a great friend of mine for 10+ years, since college.  She has been pretty supportive throughout.  Well we all went out last Saturday and she was making comments all night in front of everyone we were with that I was losing weight too quickly. and that I was going to start looking anorexic.  Now, I'm almost 5'10", and I carry my weight pretty well, but certainly not that well!  I am still 259 lbs, with a goal of 160.  I still have 99 (woohoo, less than 100) lbs to go, and I am far from looking anorexic!

It was the first time I've experienced anything like this yet.  It made me SO uncomfortable.  It wasn't just one or two comments, it was all night long in front of the people we were with, some of whom I had just met.  I didn't know how to react, or if I should say anything.  It was just blah!  She is overweight herself, so maybe it was coming from that but I'm not sure.  We've never had any issues in the past.  

I know some of you have dealt with this.  How did you handle it?

If shes been a friend for 10 years I'd wait till you were less upset then try and talk to her about it.  I had the similar issue with a friend that was only like 10lbs heavier then she wanted to be.  The attention I was getting was too much for her as she tended to like being the center of attention.  We are no longer really friends.

Hey Kerrin, I am sorry you are dealing with this!  If it bothers you and you guys have been friends for a long time i would absolutly address it with her.  I also have a friend that is the same way. I try not to talk about surgery with her at all because she has never been supportive of it. She hates that whenever we get together as a group everyone tells me how great i am looking. She has always been a yo-yo with her weight and right now she is at her heighest weight (we've been friends since high school) I think it stems from insecurity on their part. I am certainly not going to feel bad about taking control of my health and losing weight and feeling great. If someone has a problem, thats their issue... not mine or yours.  As far as the comments. Ive gotten the "your so skinny" and then i tell them that actualy i am still in the obese BMI range and that usually shuts them up... for now!  On a side note my BMI has gone down 11 points in the past three months ;) but still obese LOL

Thank you for this, you are so right.  I don't feel bad about it, it's just all happened so fast, and I have enough trouble keeping my head up to speed on what's going on with my body, I don't know how to deal with this on top of it!  I think I will talk to her eventually.  I want to cool off a bit, and not make a huge issue of it, but if it keeps happening I'll have to address it.

And I'm still at an obese range too!  I still have a long ways to go.  She's just an important friend to me, and I don't want these issues to get worse..

Saturday night I had an issue with my best friend too. After a few hours of having people go on and on about how great I look, I could sense she was starting to get irritated by it. I took her aside and had a quick heart to heart.

We both started the weight loss journey together, but she decided to postpone surgery and try the meal replacement shakes first. It has not been successful.

There's no question that she is supportive of me and my journey, but I found out that she was constantly being compared to me. "If she can do it, why can't you??". I knew that friends were discussing me with her, but I wasn't aware that she was being subjected to such negative comments as a result.

Have a talk with her ;)

Hi KBB0185:

I can relate very well with your posting; I am learning that you can not share your WLS with everyone....you heard the saying: "Misery likes company";  your best friend of 10 years maybe feeling that you will change and the two of you will not have mu*****ommon any longer and she's afraid of losing your friendship.  

When I read your posting it bought back memories for me and I had to SMH!!!  My RNY is scheduled for 11/12/2014; when I told my best friend of 30 years that I was having the surgery due to co-morbodities, her comment was: "I guess I better get back on my diet because when we all go on our "couple" cruise in June of 2015, I do not want you to be showing me up and have everybody's husband wishing that their wives were looking like you".   I was so hurt when she made that comment.....my current weight is 243, by the time I have my surgery (being on the liquor diet) I will probably be close to 220 pounds....

Reading your post made me realize that I will probably be close to my goal weight of 140 by the time of the cruise, but I had to remind my bestie that I am still who I am....regardless of what I will look like after the WLS.... we have been friends through thick and thin and if the situation was reversed...my feelings and thoughts would remain as they are towards you.

With this said (which is a lot); you may have to have a one on one with her to find out what is truly the issue and to discuss them with her......

Good Luck

That is awful of her to say.  Isn't that the type of thing someone is supposed to think silently but not say out loud?  LOL :)

You will look so different in June, you have no idea how fast it goes.  I feel like I blinked and got here some days.  I am less than 4 months post op, and down 90 lbs (again, rounding up!).  I lost 27 during my pre-op liquid diet!  Granted you are at a much lower starting weight than I was, but still it happens quick!

Best of luck in your journey :)

There's a pre-op liquor diet?  Why didn't I get that, dang it!  

haaaa! Damn, I'm a little disappointed myself.