Hello, and thanks for asking! We have not addressed next year yet; don't count anything out!  Watch for updates on the main forum.

 

I've always done all the cooking in our household, or ordering out mostly.  This is how we gained so much weight. My husband has fibro and barely is able to do things as it is.  I'm concerned about life after WLS, and how meals are going to be done.  I don't want to cook all this food, potatoes or pasta that I can't eat, and don't want to be near.  I've tried giving him smaller portions of things while preparing for my change.  He goes and grabs a bag of chips or ice cream after dinner.  He says he can cook for himself, which I know won't happen.  Does anyone have any advice on how to cook meals for both of us?  Besides just cooking 4X as much food?

My wife had the VSG surgery on the 27th, so 5 days ago. From what I have read, and from my own experience, I would have to say it really differs case to case. Fluctuation in your hormone levels will happen and it can lead to all sorts of fun and exciting things. Mood swings, libido fluctuation, etc.

So far my wife has felt "kind of weepy" at odd moments, but nothing to crazy. I'll try to keep this post updated if anything big changes. Mostly everyone has been pretty happy around here. :)

 

Now, things I wish I had understood better going in:

1. You can be key to your spouse's success or failure with WLS. I knew this, but the first week has really highlighted it. Changes in my wife's eating habits will mean changes in mine as well. It was only when my wife no longer could have food going into surgery, that I realized that I sometimes expressed love for her by sharing food or preparing food for her - and this food wasn't always the healthiest either.

It's not hard, but it takes some effort to figure out alternative ways to demonstrate love that doesn't involve food.

Aside from that, at least until you get used to everything, it would probably be best if your husband maintained a healthy diet around you. It has been good for me anyway to try to focus more on lean proteins and vegetables, but it has been difficult. The fact is that this is a big change and it can be kind of stressful. Food is the go-to remedy for stress for a lot of people - overweight or not. I have been struggling to fight the urge to eat comfort foods. I don't think that eating comfort foods in front of her will make my wife fail, but as her appetites are being reset, I think it is best to be a model of what she can look forward to once she's back to eating solids: in my case, delicious fish and vegetables!

 

2. WLS of any kind is serious abdominal surgery. The first thing I wanted to do when my wife came out okay, was give her a big hug. Unfortunately abdominal and shoulder pain can prevent hugging patients as hard as you possibly can just after surgery.

I know it sounds silly, but it's challenging. Just being aware of your limitations just after surgery is going to be important to both you and your spouse. A great thing you can do for your spouse, therefore, is just keep him informed about everything. 

 

3. You know a great way to express support and love without jostling hugs or food? Be a part of the patient's aftercare!

There are a ton, a TON, of things to look after post-op. I have developed a excel spreadsheet that helps my wife and I keep track of all of the supplements and medication she needs. It's something like 11 different medications or supplements to keep track of to varying degrees - not to mention helping the patient walk regularly, drink water, cough regularly, breath into spirometer... keeping track of all of this stuff is overwhelming even when you're not on pain medication. I can only imagine how rough it is for someone without a support person in the home. If one's support person is kind enough to take on the job, having someone at home taking care of the little things and helping you keep track of everything can be a huge help. 

 

4. Lastly (at least for now), the only thing you'll know for sure about the outcome of this is that you will lose weight, and your eating will be restricted in some way. Depending on age and weight, you may end up with loose skin. You may end up appearing older. These are just some of the less terrific possibilities with WLS. Your hormones will fluctuate, but things will stabilize eventually.

It's important to keep in mind, however, the positive things that will happen rather than any of the negative things that *might* happen.

You will have more energy.

You will be happier.

You will live longer. 

You will still be you.

No weight loss, surgically attained or not, will change who a person is. Attaining a weight that is healthy and comfortable for you will only free you to do more of the things that you've always wanted to do - whether you were too overweight (or underweight) to do it before. 

That's very rude of him!! Sounds like he's feeling jealous, insecure & hostile with his words. I get it. Imagine if we were in our husbands shoes. Your husband is probably paranoid everyday that you're going to leave him because you're a new you, a better, healthier, more attractive version of the old you. I completely understand where you're coming from. We as women need our husbands to tell us we're beautiful & at least try to make us feel good not because they have to but because they want to & also because they love us just that much...
Do you compliment him at all? I know you said you're feeling less attracted to him but it does go both ways.
Did he used to compliment you before WLS?
Do you feel like you flaunt the fact that you're more attractive now & since other men notice that he better start noticing now too?
I'm only asking all of these questions to get a better understanding of you & who you are & a better understanding of your husband too.
It's a hard situation that you're in because you do look & feel better & you want to go out more & live your life, have some excitement for once, have people notice you because they hadn't for awhile & then you come home to this bump on a log with his 6 pack who doesn't say anything flattering to you & he could give 2 craps about the way he looks. Are you stuck with this forever? You want to live now & I mean live it up.
I get it 110%, I really do.
Do you think he may be depressed? Do you guys tell eachother how you're feeling?
I know this is such a quick & simple answer but counseling may help, if you want your marriage to last it may be just what you both need & exactly what he needs. It sounds a little bit like you already know what you want to do though. You want to live your life & live it to the fullest with no one holding you back, especially not someone who doesn't even make you feel good anymore. Right???

I am pre-op, and my husband, while supportive, is not one to come to a message board or do any real research himself.

What should I tell him in terms of what to expect after my WLS, both in terms of physical stuff and emotional stuff?  Does everyone have mood swings?

What do you wish someone had told you before your spouse had WLS?

Thanks!

Sarah