A request for a post-op

It seems I have found myself in a quandary as what to say.  I know, that's a first!! I have a co-worker from one of our satellite sites that had RNY almost 4 years ago.  This person is now back with us doing some additional training.  Unfortunately, they have regained most of their weight.  Once again this person has been very supportive of me and my weight loss.  In fact they had no idea that I had RNY.  Here's my dilemma, I have a pretty good idea why they have gained all their weight back.  Their eating habits have reverted back to the "old ways" of eating, and I have no idea what to say to this person. Yesterday during lunch, we had a beautiful strawberry cake and ice cream that a co-worker had made.  I have decided  that this type stuff is not for me, so I ate 1/2 of a Supreme protein bar.  Sorry Melinda, it was I who raided your supply at Vitamin Shoppe!!!!!  This was my "sweet" while everyone else ate their cake and ice cream.  The person in question came straight to the table and proceeded to help themselves to a big plate of both.  I kept my cool and did not say anything. Afterwords, this person went right into a dumping episode. When it came to my turn to train, she asked me how I was able to resist the delectable sweets that was on the table?  I went right to my photos that I keep on my desk.  I have a double frame that has a picture of me at my heaviest and a picture of Beth and RJ.  I pointed it out and said, "This is why, I want to be around for them".  At this point she asked for some suggestions and I showed her several websites to go, as well as offers of support from the boards and the various gatherings that we have here in Nashville.  She is unfortunately from the Cleveland Tn area.   Here's my request...What else can I do?  Just like you who are reading this post, I to worry about regain.  And the bad part of this story  is, that is what the general public remembers, the people who have regained their weight, not the successes.  So, I turn to my fellow comrades here at the Tenn Board for ideas and suggestions.  What else can I do? Thanks guys, you are the best!

The simple answer is NOTHING Scott you can not make someone change their ways unless they are willing to change their own behavior. Most people talk a good talk but when it comes to backing it up they are not able to. The dedicated few will take advise and utilize it in their daily life and watch their success and that be enough motivation to continue as others will say hey I got this beat and continue the poor eating habits. May I suggest you buy them the weight loss surgery for dummies book and tell them "This may give you some ideas where to pick up at." but as far as personal advise I would step away and just be a positive physical example

It makes me very sad.  That is why we are so hard headed and hard core when we tell people "DO NOT EAT THAT!"  Its not because we are food nazi's, it's because in our hearts, to the very core of our being, there is a genuine desire for others to lose their weight just as fast as possible...  and to change their eating lifestyle from DAY # ONE.  Not a few weeks, not a few months, but from day 1.  It has to be something that a person makes up in their mind to do.  Determination.  Guts.  Perseverance.  This surgery is not for whimps.  None of us who laid down on the table are whimps.  We considered the risks, and they were bad.  We could have never woken up.  We considered what our doctors & nutritionists told us.  We signed our names on those dotted lines, and agreed not only to pay for our surgery, but to follow the guidelines.  The thing is, many wont follow the rules. I heard of a lady yesterday on the main board who is not taking her supplements in two years!  She ended up very sick and needed transfusions/IV's.  It blows my mind. I absolutely love taking my vitamins.  They taste wonderful.  I think they taste like candy.  I enjoy taking them.  Now if people do not like their vitamins, get recommendations...  try different products...  but goodness sakes, take them or else it will leave you very sick! Same way for sugar.  People say "It does not make me sick.  I can have it."  My answer is:  Just because you can have doesn't' mean you should have it.  Longterm successes of this surgery will tell you:  stay away from sugar.  I have heard so many people say :  I fell off the wagon and gained weight! DO NOT eat sugar!  Don't start with diet cokes.  Don't eat... this or that...  Begging and chiding and pleading others :  don't do it! There is nothing we can do Scott except lead by example and show the way.  While some people don't want to listen...  we can't force them to listen.  It's like a minister of the gospel who preaches GET SAVED or perish.  They preach and some will come to the message...  accept it... while others reject it.  While they may escape the repercusions now, some day there will be judgment day.  In our journeys, some day all those non changed behaviors and habits catch up with us. That is why I live with the fear of gaining weight back.  That's why I call myself a recovering fatty.  There is no cure for obesity.  I must do everything I know to do in order to prevent it from happening again.  I take responsiblity for ME.  I discipline myself.  Its work I must do.  No one else can do it for me...  but one thing for sure, I have gleaned so much from people who lead the way, such as Susan Maria, her crew of members, people here on OH.  Susan, Paula, Kym, there are many successful post ops here to listen to.  I have learned so much. 

Good Morning Scott,   I agree with hotmama... I don't think that there is a whole lot more that you can do.  People are going to do say or be what they are going to do say or be...  Even when they ask your advice or how did you do it....    So are you saying this person is a dumper?  Wow...  From the research I have done and asked doctors about they told me the people that gain weight back were generally not dumpers...  Nothing to deter them from destructive behavior...   I think all you can do from this point is live by example...  Easier said than done right?  You appear to have a personality type more similar to mine is respect that we take on the issues and problems of those around us...  It bothers you and you want to help them and fix it....  Scott, you just can't fix it.....

One last thought... I promise!  I keep a calendar in my purse.  I have written a saying on the front of it that says: "To succeed in the weight loss journey, one must conquer the mind (thoughts, self control and will).  The mind is the battleground - the place where battles are fought - and determines whether you win  (succeed) or lose (fail) in the war of obesity." If a person doesn't conquer it in their mind, they won't be a longterm success, in my opinion.   It has to be something they make up to do in their mind.  And, a person who dumps and still has gained all their weight back has not made up their mind to do whatever it takes to be a success.  That is the sad part.

Scott, you are such a nice guy who cares so much about people. You should be commended on what you did offer to this person. At least you were able to let this person know how and why you do what you do and you offered your support and advise. That is about all you can do at this point. If you are asked, give all the advise and support you can give. Definatley direct them to the closest support group. But, if you are not asked, don't offer your critisism or advise. I (as many of us have) am very  blessed to have found this site. I have made so many freinds here. And when I know I need to hear "misty, you know you can eat that way and you know what you are doing wrong". Or If I need to get advise on anything, I know who I can turn to so I can hear it. I am very blessed to have that around me. I think support and knowing where you can go to get that support or to get "ringed out" when I need it, is the best thing someone can have.  But on the other hand, if I don't want to hear about my eating habits - then leave me alone. We are all adults and we don't need someone to tell us what we should and shouldn't be doing because we all know what that is. So, if I am at a function eating something I shouldn't and I know this - then the last thing I personally want is someone coming up to me and saying "umm- yeah, you shouldn't be eating that". That would make me upset. I know I shouldn't be eating it but I chose too so leave me alone about it. If I come to you for help or advise or to get on me when I act up and don't eat right- then do it. If I don't come to you, then don't. And there have been plenty of times I will go to someone and say, I have been eating crap - get on me and get me back on track and they do. I can put up with that if I ask you. I hope that makes sense. I think you did a great thing and I hope this person feels like they can now come to you and you can help them as much as possible. I would just tread lightly about offering your help or advise if they truly don't want it and they don't approach you 1st. That is my 2 cents worth.

Misty Due to the price of inflation, your 2 cents worth just became 4 cents.  Just thought you should know! 

Scott you did all you could do, you became a living example to her. By her seeing that a protein bar could deter you from eating cake and ice cream, showed her that it COULD be done. Then you answered her questions. You can only be an example and perhaps tell her about OH. This website has helped me tremendously since I haven't been able to go to a Centennial Support Group Meeting. I went to 1 meeting at the hospital here in Clarksville but their guidelines are so different from Dr. Dyer's that it tempted me to want to cheat and eat fruit and drink sodas.

I feel guilty right now because as I was reading this post I was eating chips and salsa. I slept through breakfast and ate lunch but I was starving and didn't have anything quick and healthy to grab and didn't want a shake. So I chose something unhealthy. What did I learn from this? I learned that skipping breakfast is stupid and I always need a quick healthy option to eat so I'm not tempted to eat the wrong thing. Scott you're doing all that you can and you certainly helped me today.

Thanks guys!  I knew I could count on you.   Everyone of you are right...I would never tell anyone they should not be eating a certain food.  Nor do I want anyone to tell me this either.  Does my wife count?  LOL  .  I tried my best to lead by example.  Hopefully I succeeded.  She started asking me questions and I tried to answer her with compassion but truthfulness! You guys are the best and I appreciate the support you give me and others.  I just want to say THANK YOU...from the person who has just started thinking about WLS, to the person who is the farthest out.  Each and everyone of you have something intelligent, compassionate and honest to add to this board! Have a great day!

Scott I am here to tell you to NOT eat those supreme protein bars.  They are really bad for us as postops.  They are bad for all people.  Do not eat them, I repeat do not eat them.  Is it working?  Do you want to stop eating them? dang.  I didnt think that it would work but it was worth a try.