creating my own stumbling blocks

A little history : Some of ya'll may remember that I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago.  I drove myself to the local hospital and the CT showed incarcerated hernia and intestinal blockage....None of the local surgeons would touch me so they sent me to Tyler. By the time I got there the darn thing corrected itself. Unkinked.

I was released on work restrictions of no heavy lifting or strenuous activity, my employer, whom Ive only worked for for 2 months,sent me home and told me not to come back till I'm fully released and since I'm not covered under FMLA, I may not have a job to come back to.

OK now to present day : I guess I live in a "all or nothing" world. For some crazy reason I seem to be self sabotaging....I have stayed as far away from sugary stuff, diet or real, because I didn't want to wake that beast. For some asinine reason I thought I could drink sweet tea. I made it slightly less sweet than normal. I took a drink and it hurt my pouch......did that deter me...NO

Sunday the family and I went grocery shopping, I had sipped a little Tea before walking in the store, 3 isles in, I had to leave them standing there and go find a bathroom. I thought I would prolly have explosive diarrhea, No....I was sitting there minding my own business and all of a sudden, I started dry heaving, extreme salivating, there was no waste basket in my stall, thank baby Jesus for floor drains....yucky I know.

Confession time : I have awaken this horrible beast, I have eaten crap, that I used to eat before the WLS, even though I knew it would and it did hurt my pouch. I have not lost any wt. in the last two weeks. I'm so mad at the world, at myself. I'm sick of being riddled with hernias. They absolutely take my life from me. It's like, I'm useless, broken. 

I need to have a purpose, a job, a meaning....an existence. 

I know my kids are my purpose, I'm talking outside of family...

My days and nights are mixed up, I'm up til 2 or 3 every night then sleep half my day away. I got up at 6:30 this morning trying to turn this around.   

I hafta get my crapola together and fight this yearning for sweets. Ive come too far to even think about stopping now....I knew this was a lifelong adjustment in eating. I just had no idea, that the mental stuff would get in the way, the way it has. I remember doing the Atkins diet and the first three days were the toughest. I'm going back to all protein for a while. It would be so much easier if I had a job, that would take 8-10 hours of eating away.

Im just looking for a good kick in the pants, or a big ol hug....I think I know what I need to do. I hafta gain control over this....I wanna be a success....thanks for listening

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

BTDT....

I always order UNSWEET Tea with Peach flavoring at Sonic... but with the splenda in the flavoring it's hard to tell if they made it with unsweet tea or not  that is until the salivating foamies need to heave it all up starts... UGH...

I have a tough time trusting places when it comes to flavored drinks such as the teas and coffees. I find it easier just to order unsweetened tea and add splenda or stevia depenind what I have on me at the time of the restuarant has artificial sweetner. I have taken to make my own natural flavoring using real fruit to add to teas, unsweetened lemonade, and I am making my own ice coffee sugar free. It is the only way to guarantee that I do not accidentally get the dumping syndrome from something I purchased.

{{{ HUGS }}}  *you have already kicked yourself enough*

The old adage is so true.......  they do surgery on your tummy, not your head.

Do you know how much longer before your doctor releases you to go back to work?

I go Wednesday to see him, I don't know what he is gonna do, release me or schedule surgery...

Even if they release me, there is no guarantee that I still have a job.

Now would be a good time for surgery, the DH is working overtime and could carry me financially or a while.

Not sure if he is gonna make me wait til i lose more wt. I don't know nuttin....life is in limbo right now.

Thanks for the hug.....

Actually a healthier lifestyle is a almost a constant mental battle. WLS surgery such as RNY forces us to eat a healthier diet as part of that lifestyle change. For me personally  I choose to avoid sugar as much as possible because I do not want to suffer from the dumping syndrome. Before my surgery I elimnated all sugar from my diet to the make extent possible that way I would not crave it afterwards so much. My wife and I try to watch how much sugary stuff is in the house but it is hard with small children. I have a 10 year old son, 8 year old daughter and a 20 month old daughter so keeping sugary stuff out of the house is a challenge but it can be kept down to a minimum. My youngest last night wanted to give me one of here cookies and it is hard for her to understand that I can not eat them. Now one cookie does not contain enough sugar to hurt me in anyway but it will set a bad example and anytime she does not want some of her sweets give them to daddy. I try to tell her in simple term that the cookies are hers not daddy's. I do have some sugar free cookies  that she eats as well with me but again portion control is key. I watch my portions very carefully.

Now, everybody is different and their mental resolve is different. For some individuals the weight loss battle is extremely mental and others not so much. We are not perfect and therefore going to make mistakes. The surgery was just a tool for us to utilize and some us including myself to a degree need some mental support to make it all workout successfully. So do not beat yourself up about it it. Just get back to basics and follow the guidelines given to you by your surgeon. 


(((((((((Hugs))))))

My kids know from hearing me talk about WLS and sugar, that it will "hurt me"....

One of my boys,  the other day saw me with a snack and said "Momma, nooooo"

I dont know what he thought would happen, that  I would implode or something, but the concern and look on his face was heartbreaking.

I am trying and I will do better !!!

 Tara....please stay away from Sugar.    The more you take in.....the less effects from it you will feel.   I screwed up early on and took on a little sugar at a time till I could tolerate it.   Then it got to where I could eat any candy bar or sweet and not dump.   Now I have in the last probably 6 months pretty much eliminated "real sugar" again from my diet.    I ate a real cookie the other day and dumped like crazy !!!  Yeah I am back to my old self of not being able to tolerate it again.   With all the stress in your life right now take the time to refocus and get back on track.   If possible to eliminate some of you excess time....drive to a mall and walk when you get the urge to eat something that you know is forbidden.   You know we all send you lots of hugs and we do totally relate to you and your situation.  I am a stay at home mom and I face the food demons on a daily basis and trust me....all those demons know me by name !!!!  They call me too but I ignore them ( most of the time ) and go about my business.    I will be saying big time prayers for you.    Contact us if you need to talk.   We will support and encourage you !!!  Love ya !!!


Hugs and blessings ~~~ Vivian

Im going to stay away !!!

What is your take on natural sweet snacks? like strawberries, grapes and bananas....i love these...and it would be an easy transition from sugary snacks.

Wow, I guess I had not read that our bodies can adjust to tolerate sugar....I so do not want that ....


Thank you for sharing

Me again lol. Thankfully i dump like a big dog on a very small amount of sugar, HOWEVER i dont test hte limits either, so that my body will get used to it again.  I can do strawberries, grapes, watermelon but only a BITE of banana.  Weird coz watermelon has a lot of natural sugar and i can eat that but not banana.