i feel like a fat, disgusting, pig

hi all,

need some support.  didn't eat that much at thanksgiving (despite my food funeral fears), though i did have pie.  but, i ended up feeling ike some gigantic pig with no self-control who has failed to lose weight through diet and exercise b/c i don't do a great job at either thing and that i'm taking the easy way out.  it didn't help that when i was talking about the surgery and post-surgery diet for life my MIL said "well couldn't you do that with dieting??".  so, i totally bought into that guilt.  why have i been so weak??  why don't i exercise??  i'm just a sloth.

i'm feeling really guilty about taking the "easy way out'.  anyone else feel this way?  how did you get out of it??

sigh,

I've written this at least a thousand times and I'll likely write it another thousand times. ;o)

Obesity is a disease, it is not a character flaw.  If d/e worked for us we'd all be skinny and never have needed surgery.  When people start looking at obesity like they do cancer or diabetes then we can finally let go of the guilt and shame.

You are not a gigantic pig and your MIL is seriously uninformed.

I couldn't agree more with this!

Best of luck OP!

Just had the surgery, I can tell you this is not easy... rather tiresome just to keep track

Why are you beating yourself up? It sounds like your MIL is doing it for you, so you should give yourself a rest and sit back and let her do it. OR you can tell her that when she is more informed of your procedure and life change, you will discuss it further with her.
 
I personally would just not mention it around her again. Protect yourself. I'm not even letting my mother and brothers know I'm doing this because if I was disowned 8 years ago by them for divorcing my mean husband, it would add another nail in my coffin to tell them I'm doing this surgery. They would happily say I was taking the easy way out and scorn and ridicule me. I have surrounded myself with only those who are supportive of me and I suggest you do the same.

I know that accountablity to others is a trigger that works for me. If I get myself a trainer, I am accountable to them for my exercise. If I see my doctor once a month after the surgery, I am accountable to them for my weight loss. My therapist (who has been helping me get over the fact that I feel I'm taking the easy way out) told me that accountability is something that works for me, so use it to my advantage.

I would recommend you finding a supportive therapist to help you work through these feelings and as the other lady said, she's said what you said a thousand times so recognize that and accept that you'll feel that way again. This time, though, just let it go. Don't bring grief upon yourself. We all have people in our lives who like to bring it to us themselves!

Good luck, hon.

First off, WLS is not the easy way out. Don't let anyone tell you that and don't believe it. WLS is a valuable tool. It is not a cure all, but it does help.  Obesity is much more than over eating or eating bad choices. It is a spiraling, uncontrollable beast and the sleeve helps rane it in and control it.  We still have to work at using our sleeve to its best ability and that takes work.  You are not a sloth, the weight is keeping you hostage and once that weight starts to drop off you will feel like a whole new person.  I could have never lost 43lbs with out my sleeve, I have tried but the urges, cravings, tiredness kept me at bay.  Now that I have lost some weight I feel more powerful, more confident, more like me again. I just got finished walking 25minutes on an incline on the treadmill. I could have barely done 10 minutes before. People that have never battled weight don't understand how hard it is to "just eat right", "just excersise". They don't live in these heavy bodies, they don't understand.  Don't let anyone make you second guess yourself. If you feel like you need this wonderful tool called a sleeve do it, if you feel like you can do it without it, great, but it is your choice.  Good luck and stop beating yourself up about it.  Take care.

That kind of talk is not constructive or helpful in any way.  Please don't beat yourself up.  Look at it this way, if you eat 1/2 cup of food on a diet, you are starving and eventually give in and eat.  If you eat 1/2 cup of food after VSG, you are stuffed and have no desire to eat more.  Don't buy into the guilt.  Get back to me after your first bought of foamies, or any of the many things we struggle with and then tell me this surgery is the easy way out.  It's not!!!!!  It's a tool to help us achieve our goals.  You will be giving your family the gift of a healthier and happier you for a longer amount of time.  Lot's of hugs......no guilt!!!

I struggle with this also- it is about negative thinking patterns. This is one of the most difficult things to change. It is a daily- hour by hour battle that is won only by one positive thought after another. Remember you are worth the time and energy it takes to be healthy. I have made index cards of positive thoughts to read when I am struggling. Friend me if you want and I will share more with you.

I love your "Acting on Faith..." motto!!!!! WONDERFULLY Inspiring!!

Guilt is often what gets us so big to begin with - it can be a very evil thing. Having WLS is not some sort of moral shortcoming, nor is obesity - why should you have to be punished on a daily basis by starving yourself or never feeling full just to attempt to be at a healthier weight?

If you're not busy this coming Sunday, a handful of us post-WLS folks (mostly DSers, but also usually a few other WLS friends, anywhere from pre-op to YEARS post-op) are getting together in northern VA for a potluck. PM me if you're interested, and I can provide details and address. Sometimes, the best people to have these chats with are those of us who have been through it all before. I don't know how I would have survived without my local in-person supportive WLS friends  :)