Please help me calm down........Sorry so long.

I am so disappointed. I had my follow up pysch eval today and the psychiatrist thought that I should get my surgery deferred for about 6 months to a year so that I can get some counseling. Is he crazy?  He stated that I express an overall low level of life satisfaction. Damn right I do, I am big as hell, I have health problems and I hate the way I look and feel.  Is that low enough for you? He also stated that I need to work on my personality because I need to be more assertive,  and  I have areas in my life that I am not happy with HEALTH, SELF ESTEEM, GOALS, MONEY and LOVE. Hell I think that i am part of the norm and not the exception. Hell I am fat so I have low self esteem, health wise, I am not happy with my diabetes, high blood pressure, PCOS, and high cholesterol.  my goals, yea I would have thought I would have finished my college degree by now, but I haven't, I have a few more classes to go, Money, IF you are not bringing in a 6 figure income, then most people are not happy with where they are with their financial situation. Love, I am married and I love my husband but do we have the best relationship right now, we are going through a rough patch,  so right now, I am not happy  with my husband, but I married him and promised to love throught the good and the bad.  Now to give him credit, I feel like I can use someone to talk to and seeing a therapist would probably benefit me to have someone to talk to that is objective, hell every body should have someone to talk to whether it be a friend, therapist or what ever, But to say that I need to defer my surgery because I am not happy wow.... So to all of you guys that had the surgery, where you happy with your life? Did the surgery enhance your self esteem, relationships, health, more opportunity to get promotions because you are more confidant and smaller.
He said I was welcome to get a second opinion and I have my report and I will do just that. I was upset and crying but I will get a second opinion.  I just don't think he was correct in his assessment...............So now does anyone live in the Charlotte NC area and now of a therapist I can go to for my pysch eval.
Thanks for letting me vent.

 I'm really, really, really sorry that you're disappointed. 

But it may not be the end of the world to defer for 6 months, and do some counseling in the meantime. 

I am NOT saying that because I think you're a crazy person--I'm saying that because having gone through this process, and seen others struggle, the BEST thing you can do for yourself is be emotionally and mentally prepared, and to have to tools in place to really be successful with this.

A lot of people experience a time period of depression and intense emotion after surgery. Your hormones go off the wall. It can be horrific if you're not ready or able to deal with it. 

The surgery is not responsible for making you happy or increasing your self esteem. In all honesty, for a while it reaped havoc on mine, until I finally started to sort it out and get some help putting my head in the right place. 

I really don't want to further upset you, and I'm writing this as objectively as possible--I don't know you. 
If you really feel prepared then I would encourage you to seek that second opinion. You're your own advocate, and you have to do what's best for you.

But also try to consider therapy as another wonderful tool you can use to make your surgery as successful and long lasting as possible. Maybe you can even talk to the person who evaluated you, and see if they'll agree to recommending the surgery if you agree to see someone during the first 6 months. 


Pre op can be a really emotional time. I vividly remember how crazy and desperate I felt when I was trying to get this done. Try to take a step back--it was not a "no." It was just a recommendation to give yourself a little more prep time.

Again, I'm really sorry that you're frustrated and disappointed, and I really hope things work out in the best way possible.

Abby

How disheartening.  This "psycho" therapist  is the one who is doing the real damage.  They are keeping you from regaining  your health and moving forward.  Is there anyone else you can go to?  Good luck.

Vent all you need to! I started seeing my therapist about two months before my psych eval because I was afraid that if I went it saying all the things I was feeling they would deny me. My therapist said that my depression was cir****tantial and that she thought the surgery and continued counseling would be a benefit to my overall well being. I was so thankful! I'm really sorry that this roadblock is keeping you from beginning your journey now but maybe this means you can find a therapist that you can build a relationship with :) there is hope!

MLSSADWN,
See that is what conclusion I came to that the depression and low self esteem  is cir****tantial and  the surgery along with  continued counseling would be very beneficial. I am not opposed to that  idea. I think continuing therapy along with the WLS would be awesome. So I am striving to find a therapist who would do just that.

Abbyide, Thanks for your opinion, I don't diagree with you on your assesment. I think therapy would be a great component with WLS. I am not opposed at all with even starting therapy sessions. I have read on this board how emotional the process is, you have to start dealing with the issues that was a factor in helping you gain all of that weight.  We all know that doesn't magically go away when you have the surgery. I feel like therapy would be a tool along with and not in lieu of  WLS. I had to really sit down and figure out why I wanted the surgery and came to the conclusion that I wanted to be a better me. I am becoming a better me now by being assertive, before all of my self evaluation, I would have taken the Dr. at his recommendation even if I didn't totally agree, but now I am going to advocate for my self,  I need this surgery. I respect his opinion wholeheartedly but I don't think it is good to wait. I am ready now. This has been a long road, I have been getting my insurance requirements for over 6-7 months and I have come to far and spent to much money to be post poned.

 I totally respect that, and I'm glad you didn't take what I said personally.
You know yourself best, and your opinion is the one that really matters in all of this. I would definitely pursue that second opinion from a new psych evaluation. 
Everyone hits road blocks, you know? Take this in stride and keep going after what you know is right for you.
I admire that.

Well I don't have a shring but I live in Charlotte and I could use a friend.  I will inbox you

Get a second opinion. I hate when shrinks think they can play god and keep you from something that will be good for you in the long run.

I understand your disappointment however you did say that some of the things he said is just.  I am telling you that after the surgery you do get so depressed and wonder if you did the right thing in having the operation.  I did get through it but it was so hard I cried daily my adult child was worried for me.  The hormones lets not go into that one.  but now two months out I still have no man in my life, I am still over weight just almost 70 lbs less, I am still working harder then ever in grad school, second part time job.  I am still a live healthier and making my way to be happier by choice not because a number on a scale...this is a tool as everyone will tell you over and over.  however it will not rescue you from your life or anything.  I workout five days a week I eat healthier I am loving this journey.