Whoever said, "There is nothing to fear but fear itself" LIED!

So I had my pre op appt yesterday. I had to answer the medical history and do an EKG and surgery prep type of stuff. I had to pee in a cup. SIDENOTE (TMI): Why don't they have some easier way for OBESE women to pee in a cup! THAT was sooo difficult! OMG! Can't wait for that one to be a NSV! LOL

Anyway, as I walked back to my truck with my surgery instructions, it hit me: I'M HAVING SURGERY!!! Ya'll, this thing just got real. In LESS than a week, I will voluntarily have the majority of my stomach removed. WTH!?!? So, I'm having a 'panic moment' and I'm obsessing over alllllllllllllllllllll of the foods I looooooooooooooooove to eat. (I won't torture myself by listing them...) Quite naturally, I am wondering if this will be worth it. Well, I can answer this question. I KNOW IT WILL BE WORTH IT! I'm just scared!

OH Family, I've come to realize what my biggest fear is. It's not the surgery or the pain or not being able to eat the foods I've come to love. IT'S FAILURE! What if I fail? This scares me so badly. People, myself included, use excuse after excuse as to why we can't lose weight. Well, this surgery will end ALL of my excuses. I won't have anything or anyone else to blame but ME. It's easy to fail when there are contributing factors such as friends and family and your general environment....but when all of that has been removed, and all you have to blame is yourself, it becomes a different story. I DON'T WANT TO FAIL....

As I lurk and read the posts on this board, I know that it is possible to lose the weight. You all are living proof that I can do this. I am so amazed at how you all have transformed your bodies. You are so motivational, and when I see before and after pics, my heart just smiles! It's just that the closer I get to May 25th, the more nervous I get! But I'm excited! I'm excited over the fact that in about 6 months, I WILL be over 100lbs down. I will be able to post NSVs on this forum. My students will refer to me as the incredible shrinking teacher! I will have control over my portions. I will exercise daily and commit to making this sleeve work for me! Failure is not an option, (especially since I'm paying cash!) and I will succeed! I've just got to keep telling myself these things. Faith is the substance of things HOPED for and the evidence of things that aren't seen. I can't physically see myself at my goal weight, but I have FAITH that I will get there! Fear or no fear, I WILL GET THERE!

Amen Sun!!! 
I'm completely in touch with the emotions you posted.  I'm so worried that I will fail too but I know I will only get out of it what I put into it.  So, I like you have faith that I will succeed b/c I know I will follow Doc's orders, exercise, etc...  I will only fail if I allow it to happen. 

God, please keep me faithful to honor you and live the life I know you want me to live. 

You said a mouthful. We will only get out of this what we put into this! We will make this work!

What a beautiful post! I think we have all been where you are... Excited and scared at the same time. I know that post op I often wondered if this was REALLY going to work for me. I was terrified that I would be the one that didn't lose a thing. I dropped about 15 pounds and then stalled. Again, I thought I was failing at this... Three weeks later, the scale moved again! Once you have the surgery, don't be discouraged if you stall... Tis WILL work for you! You sound like you are committed to making the changes that will utilize the sleeve to its maximum potential! Congratulations on making a choice to be healthy and happy!!

Thanks so much! I've read about the stalls on here. I just hope that I won't get discouraged if and when it happens.! LOL I'm still working on getting my mind right about everything. I'm a work in progress. I'm still fearful of failure, but I won't let this stop me from making the right choice for me!

You will get discouraged but you will work through it because you are already well informed about the stallls!  It is life changing and I can not wait for your change...Good luck!

I was thinking the same thing! I'm hoping that if I hit a stall, I won't freak out too badly! LOL And I'm ready for this change! I'm soooooooooooo excited! This is gonna be awesome!

Thanks!

Good Morning Sun,

I got a misty eyed reading your post because I think a lot of us feel the same way, "will I fail?"  But like you said at your closing we have to keep the faith.  Be encouraged!

Hi there! Hope all is well with you! So glad to know that I'm not the only one with the 'what if I fail' fear. I won't pretend that I'm made of steel. I AM SCARED! But my faith in God and faith in myself will take me all the way! We can do this! Thanks for the encouragement, and I'm sending a healthy dose of encouragement your way as well!

I am afraid of failing too. But I cannot afford to fail. This is costing me a pretty penny even with insurance and I took a loan out against my retirement. Gas prices keep creeping up so I can't afford to pig out..lol

((Hugs Sistergreek))