My first real gain and a meltdown
Up 2 lbs. this week. Don't know how that happened. Don't think it's real, so I'm going to just go with it. Was hopped up on pain meds Weds-Friday. Cannot say if I passed a gallstone or if it was a gallbladder attack, but it was BAD. Lortab not even touching it. Barely eating, and I'd lost a couple pounds in just the first few days of this week. Started feeling much better, enjoyed some Memorial Day cookouts, and ended up with a gain.
As far as the meltdown goes...I went in "public" aka with friends in a swimsuit this weekend. Mostly I felt really great. But my friend, who is about the same size as me, I noticed had no stretch marks and amazingly smooth skin. Not even my dippled face-of-the-moon thighs could hide in my one piece swimsuit. The next day I just cried about it. I've gotten to do so many things now. I LIVE. But that also makes me realize how much living I've missed. I am pissed my body will never look smooth and young and youthful. I'm very sad. What did I do to deserve this? I never ate more than my friends, and yet I was always on a diet. I tried and tried and tried. And even now, I'm so happy to be a thinner person, but I feel so scarred and ruined, physically and emotionally. I know some silly person will probably try and make a case for how they like their "scars" or "battle wounds" and how it reminds them of where they came from. Had I done something to deserve where I wound up, maybe I'd feel differently. But I did nothing but try to lose weight. These are an unwelcome reminder of life robbed from me.
As far as the meltdown goes...I went in "public" aka with friends in a swimsuit this weekend. Mostly I felt really great. But my friend, who is about the same size as me, I noticed had no stretch marks and amazingly smooth skin. Not even my dippled face-of-the-moon thighs could hide in my one piece swimsuit. The next day I just cried about it. I've gotten to do so many things now. I LIVE. But that also makes me realize how much living I've missed. I am pissed my body will never look smooth and young and youthful. I'm very sad. What did I do to deserve this? I never ate more than my friends, and yet I was always on a diet. I tried and tried and tried. And even now, I'm so happy to be a thinner person, but I feel so scarred and ruined, physically and emotionally. I know some silly person will probably try and make a case for how they like their "scars" or "battle wounds" and how it reminds them of where they came from. Had I done something to deserve where I wound up, maybe I'd feel differently. But I did nothing but try to lose weight. These are an unwelcome reminder of life robbed from me.
I am so sorry for your sadness..You dont deserve to cry about this..
I really identify with you..I was telling a friend last night..I am 27 and havent had kids- Yet my stomach looks damaged, I should have smooth, flawless skin..I shouldnt have to see these old stretch marks, streched skin, and laxity when I take off my clothes...I shouldnt have to make sure my pooch is tucked in..
I HATE it..it makes me feel cheated too.
We know we have alot to be thankful for, we are happy for the weight loss, but it still sucks having these scars to show for it.
And how do I tell someone who I want to date that my body looks like a mother of 8's when I get naked? Its pretty in clothes..
It makes me feel like a cheater.
How did I ever let myself get to that point? I like you hate that I am reminded every day of my past..
xo sassy
I really identify with you..I was telling a friend last night..I am 27 and havent had kids- Yet my stomach looks damaged, I should have smooth, flawless skin..I shouldnt have to see these old stretch marks, streched skin, and laxity when I take off my clothes...I shouldnt have to make sure my pooch is tucked in..
I HATE it..it makes me feel cheated too.
We know we have alot to be thankful for, we are happy for the weight loss, but it still sucks having these scars to show for it.
And how do I tell someone who I want to date that my body looks like a mother of 8's when I get naked? Its pretty in clothes..
It makes me feel like a cheater.
How did I ever let myself get to that point? I like you hate that I am reminded every day of my past..
xo sassy
2 pounds I would chalk up to narcotics slowing down your intestinal tract and, who knows, could be sodium from lovely cookout treats.
Your heart that hurts, I am sorry. There really arent any good words cuz it wouldnt matter if you DID deserve it - pain is pain and words dont make things better.
Neither do hugs, but thems all I gotz :s
***useless hugs in abundance****
Your heart that hurts, I am sorry. There really arent any good words cuz it wouldnt matter if you DID deserve it - pain is pain and words dont make things better.
Neither do hugs, but thems all I gotz :s
***useless hugs in abundance****
You are so beautiful! You are not the sum of the dimples on your thighs! Almost all of my friends are really skinny and always have been! I was the token chub of the group! I used to work out for hours in the gym to try and lose weight and even did a triathlon at 250 pounds. I was very strong but I couldn't be skinny or lose weight...it killed me. One day, I realized...I can run across town and my skinny friends can't. I can make goals and many of my skinny friends can't! You are probably much healthier than most of your skinny friends and do not even realize it. You are beautiful...skinny now, proud and strong woman! Bend over and kiss those dimples and enjoy your life as you are blessed! The best success in the world is living well! Don't compare...that never gets you anywhere!
HUGS!!!
Jenni
HUGS!!!
Jenni
5 9' Surgery/Start Weight: 341 CW: 276 Goal: 181 Dream Goal: 165
You are a beautiful woman. I know you don't feel beautiful but you are. I had my first child at 22 and my stomach never went back to normal. Now I never had a flat tummy. I even had lipo to try to get the "perfect" flat abs. I ended up with a weird dent in my gut from the lipo. Then child 2 came along when I was 25. All of my obsessing about perfection got me further and further away from it.
I still look in the mirror and see flaws. I'm getting sleeved this Friday and I am scared of what I am going to look like after I drop 100 pounds. Of course I am doing this for my health but I would be a lying sac of poo if I didn't admit there is some vanity in there too!.
((((Hugs)))
I still look in the mirror and see flaws. I'm getting sleeved this Friday and I am scared of what I am going to look like after I drop 100 pounds. Of course I am doing this for my health but I would be a lying sac of poo if I didn't admit there is some vanity in there too!.
((((Hugs)))
VSG 6/10/2011 Dr. Ann Lidor BMore MD 5'5 HW-247 SW-233 GW-145 CW-120
http://www.youtube.com/user/72Crabadams Me rambling about my journey : )
http://www.youtube.com/user/72Crabadams Me rambling about my journey : )
I hope this doesn't come off as discounting your pain in any way...it's not intended that way, but is just something that helps me cope when I feel like I'm dealing with something I just don't want to deal with.
We all have our stuff. Some people get really bad stuff: diseases, abuse, allergies to dogs. Some people have eczema. We have obesity, and it leaves physical and emotional marks on us even as we lose weight. As a human, you have a burden to carry--no one gets away without anything. Some folks seem to have it so easy, but you really never know what secret pain they carry or will carry in the future. You have a genuine loss to mourn, through no fault of your own. I hope you come to feel that it's a burden you can accept.
Best,
Jenny
We all have our stuff. Some people get really bad stuff: diseases, abuse, allergies to dogs. Some people have eczema. We have obesity, and it leaves physical and emotional marks on us even as we lose weight. As a human, you have a burden to carry--no one gets away without anything. Some folks seem to have it so easy, but you really never know what secret pain they carry or will carry in the future. You have a genuine loss to mourn, through no fault of your own. I hope you come to feel that it's a burden you can accept.
Best,
Jenny
Hey BrownBlonde,
So sorry to hear you were in pain and having issues. Forget the two pounds. You are a VSG ROCKSTAR and this will soon pass (probably literally if you think about Brandilynn's comments).
As for the scars and flaws... They are part of you, your history, your story, your memory and your accomplishments. Even perfect looking people have "issues" with their body. Movie stars have cellulite. If you can't live with them well then mederma and plastics can help.
I wonder however if you suffer from the same thing I suffer from and what it seems so many of us here on this forum suffer from. Feeling "not good enough". I have bouts of this all the time. When it is not my weight it is my age. My face looks old - my legs have veins - my boobs are saggy... my list goes on and on. For me, when I step back and really look at what is happening there is something triggering this in my life - before my sleeve I just "ate it away". Now I have to face some things...
So let me stop with my psyco babble assumptions and just offer you this... YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL - YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!!! Please don't compare yourself to others, it is a game you will never win. And lastly, remember, when you are comparing yourself to someone else wishing you could be like that, there are people looking at you wishing they could be YOU. Forget the sins of the past and live a wonderful, full future! You (we all) deserve all the happiness in the world.
Hugs,
Lala
So sorry to hear you were in pain and having issues. Forget the two pounds. You are a VSG ROCKSTAR and this will soon pass (probably literally if you think about Brandilynn's comments).
As for the scars and flaws... They are part of you, your history, your story, your memory and your accomplishments. Even perfect looking people have "issues" with their body. Movie stars have cellulite. If you can't live with them well then mederma and plastics can help.
I wonder however if you suffer from the same thing I suffer from and what it seems so many of us here on this forum suffer from. Feeling "not good enough". I have bouts of this all the time. When it is not my weight it is my age. My face looks old - my legs have veins - my boobs are saggy... my list goes on and on. For me, when I step back and really look at what is happening there is something triggering this in my life - before my sleeve I just "ate it away". Now I have to face some things...
So let me stop with my psyco babble assumptions and just offer you this... YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH - YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL - YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!!! Please don't compare yourself to others, it is a game you will never win. And lastly, remember, when you are comparing yourself to someone else wishing you could be like that, there are people looking at you wishing they could be YOU. Forget the sins of the past and live a wonderful, full future! You (we all) deserve all the happiness in the world.
Hugs,
Lala
#1 i am a man....so different perspective....and expectations from society....#2 I'm much older......so It is a bit easier for me.....to come to terms with my body image. What I will say.....is I am sorry that this is soo hard for you....especially younger women....i cannot relate...(obviously) but I empathize with your struggles...and wish i had some words of "wisdom' for ya!
I look at it like this.....we ALL were survivors of "obesity"....a disease......I liken it to having scars after removal of a tumor....or hair-loss after chemo/radiation....for cancer. We did what we needed to do to better our health/lives....and came out on the other side......alive ...healthy....active....vibrant....confident! Try to learn to accept yourself.....flaws and all....after all think of the alternatives! Cheer up....life is pretty damn AMAZING!....ya know?
I look at it like this.....we ALL were survivors of "obesity"....a disease......I liken it to having scars after removal of a tumor....or hair-loss after chemo/radiation....for cancer. We did what we needed to do to better our health/lives....and came out on the other side......alive ...healthy....active....vibrant....confident! Try to learn to accept yourself.....flaws and all....after all think of the alternatives! Cheer up....life is pretty damn AMAZING!....ya know?
JIMBO... 350lbs! lost!..... TRIPLE CENTURY CLUB!! HELL ...YEAH!
MY VSG......KICKS ASS! 
I am 6' 2" 
You certainly don't deserve to hurt so much after working as hard as you have, but I know it does hurt, and I'm so sorry.
As women, our bodies are so tied to our self-respect, which stinks. It does suck that our bodies can't be perfect, but you know you'd never go back to where you were. The only thing I can say is that so few of us ever get everything we want, from jobs, to men to bodies, family or friends. We try not to settle, but take as much control as we can and the rest we kiss up to kismet and hope the gods are kind.
Don't cry!
As women, our bodies are so tied to our self-respect, which stinks. It does suck that our bodies can't be perfect, but you know you'd never go back to where you were. The only thing I can say is that so few of us ever get everything we want, from jobs, to men to bodies, family or friends. We try not to settle, but take as much control as we can and the rest we kiss up to kismet and hope the gods are kind.
Don't cry!
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