Dear VSG forum - my boyfriend has pretty much left me cuz I got fat & chose surgery
Well I've been dealing with this boyfriend whom I love with all my heart who likes me "skinny" pretty much hates me being "heavier" but will not be tolerant of me having WLS. He is in super shape and very disciplined. He by the way met me when I was not at my heaviest, but heavier.
His whole argument has been that I am lazy and should stop eating so much. He recommends 2+ hours on the bike per day and a very strict diet. No gym because the men would only try to pick me and use me.
Last 4th of July, I really looked beautiful ( I didn't know it then). I had gained about 10lbs. I was wearing a size 8 dress and all I could remember during that time was feeling so fat and unpretty because he kept nagging me about my weight and every single little thing I ate. I had to hide to eat my Tasti de Lite (light yogurt/soft serve) which I loved so much. I was hiding lots of food that he deemed "unhealthy" even naked air popcorn - he felt that the large bowl I used was gluttonous. Even salad needed to be portioned because again it was gluttonous to eat a very large salad forget about eating only the inside salad portion of a $5- foot long, it was a crime.
Yep, I started feeling less and less desirable. I have a terrible complex and I am not sure I would have felt so awful being the size I am and having the gain if I didn't go through the daily feedback from him. I think too that I might have been able to gain a little less than I did if I didn't feel so much pressure.
Man, what am I getting at. I am just so sorry that he could not hold me and love me through this. How will I be able to trust him again when I start losing and the chase begins again. I feel so hurt. He has been ignoring me. sometimes calling me, sometimes accepting my calls, but mostly not. He does this in other areas of his life. He is very passive aggressive. He tells me he loves me and that I am his best friend despite this all.
He can't believe I am going to let a surgeon "gut me". How could I believe that we will have a family after I destroy my body he says.
I just know I am going to feel so resentful when he returns because he mistreated "the fat girl". I was always the fat girl - even so when I am smaller.
What happens now? I really don't believe I could be with another man. and I probably wouldn't think twice about it if I didn't want a child. I love him, would want to be with him forever but how could I go through this and he not come around and support me?
I promise this is the last post of the day. I need to let this go. Thanks
His whole argument has been that I am lazy and should stop eating so much. He recommends 2+ hours on the bike per day and a very strict diet. No gym because the men would only try to pick me and use me.
Last 4th of July, I really looked beautiful ( I didn't know it then). I had gained about 10lbs. I was wearing a size 8 dress and all I could remember during that time was feeling so fat and unpretty because he kept nagging me about my weight and every single little thing I ate. I had to hide to eat my Tasti de Lite (light yogurt/soft serve) which I loved so much. I was hiding lots of food that he deemed "unhealthy" even naked air popcorn - he felt that the large bowl I used was gluttonous. Even salad needed to be portioned because again it was gluttonous to eat a very large salad forget about eating only the inside salad portion of a $5- foot long, it was a crime.
Yep, I started feeling less and less desirable. I have a terrible complex and I am not sure I would have felt so awful being the size I am and having the gain if I didn't go through the daily feedback from him. I think too that I might have been able to gain a little less than I did if I didn't feel so much pressure.
Man, what am I getting at. I am just so sorry that he could not hold me and love me through this. How will I be able to trust him again when I start losing and the chase begins again. I feel so hurt. He has been ignoring me. sometimes calling me, sometimes accepting my calls, but mostly not. He does this in other areas of his life. He is very passive aggressive. He tells me he loves me and that I am his best friend despite this all.
He can't believe I am going to let a surgeon "gut me". How could I believe that we will have a family after I destroy my body he says.
I just know I am going to feel so resentful when he returns because he mistreated "the fat girl". I was always the fat girl - even so when I am smaller.
What happens now? I really don't believe I could be with another man. and I probably wouldn't think twice about it if I didn't want a child. I love him, would want to be with him forever but how could I go through this and he not come around and support me?
I promise this is the last post of the day. I need to let this go. Thanks
3/30/2005 Lap Band installed 12/20/2010 Lap Band REMOVED
6/6/2011 Vertical SLEEVE Gastrectomy
Is this the kind of person you want to procreate with?
VSG 6/10/2011 Dr. Ann Lidor BMore MD 5'5 HW-247 SW-233 GW-145 CW-120
http://www.youtube.com/user/72Crabadams Me rambling about my journey : )
http://www.youtube.com/user/72Crabadams Me rambling about my journey : )
oh sweetie.... (((hugs)))
I know you're hurting now, but trust me when I say that YOU DESERVE BETTER!
His harsh words/criticims sound abusive. You deserve a man that will love you and respect you... and support what is best for you. It doesn't sound like he's capable of any of those.
You need some space from him to find yourself and your confidence once again... and hopefully a man *****ally knows how to treat a woman.
It may seem hard now, but you will look back and be GLAD that he is gone.
I know you're hurting now, but trust me when I say that YOU DESERVE BETTER!
His harsh words/criticims sound abusive. You deserve a man that will love you and respect you... and support what is best for you. It doesn't sound like he's capable of any of those.
You need some space from him to find yourself and your confidence once again... and hopefully a man *****ally knows how to treat a woman.
It may seem hard now, but you will look back and be GLAD that he is gone.
I agree with the person above me who said he sounds abusive. He also sounds like a control freak.....telling you how to eat. What's up with that? Surgery is hard enough to go through without having negative people in your life who won't/cant support you. I know you love him, but Please consider letting him go.
Best wishes to you!
j
Best wishes to you!
j
5' tall HW209/SW194/CW153.4/GW140
It's never too late to be who you might have been. ~George Eliot
Hon gotta agree with Crab is this the man you want to raise your children. Can you imagine how he would destroy any daughter you might have and how horribly he would influence any son you would have. Darlin' you are young, you can still find a wonderful person to marry and have a family with who will love just as you are, fat skinny whatever. The most important WLS you need is to have this jerk removed from your life and don't take up with him again when you get skinny! A REAL man doesn't treat his beloved this way only an immature child acts like that. you are a beautiful, articulate young lady and deserve far better than to be verbally abused! Get your physical surgery and then work on your self esteem so he can't take advantage of you in the future! Hold out for someone that will truely love you and believe me they are out there. I didn't marry till I was 35 and now 25 yrs. later we are still happy and I weigh 275 down from 315 and he still loves me, flubber and all!
This man is mentally abusive. There is a good chance that given time it will progress to physical abuse. He has so many red flags going up in your post that I am seeing RED! This man will not only end up separating you from your family and friends but have you and your children cowering from his abuses. It will not stop when you lose weight it will get worse. Run from this man now before a child is in the picture. You have never done anything in your lifetime that makes you deserve this treatment. Seriously, get away from him so you can begin to build a healthy relationship with someone else.
I know what I am talking about because I have been there.
I know what I am talking about because I have been there.
Agreed with everything above... you need to find someone who loves you for you unconditionally, accepts, respects and supports your decisions and doesn't try to manipulate you into doing what he thinks is best. That's not love, that's a dysfunctional relationship and you absolutely deserve better. His shortcomings will NOT improve with children... they'll only become more prominent and more of a problem. It's better that you find out who he really is now than to discover it after you have a child together.
I'm a big believer in everything happening for a reason. You know what's best for you better than anyone else does. You've done the research, you've talked to people here, you've committed yourself to making these changes for the better... anyone standing in the way of creating a better life for yourself is no friend or true love!
If it's any consolation, I was in an emotionally damaging relationship just before my husband came into my life. Only when I truly let that previous relationship go and decided to focus on me and making myself happy (men be damned!) did my soul mate show up. If there's one thing that's absolutely true about love, it will find you when you least expect it.
So... my advice is to let this guy go, he's proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's not the one. I think you're going to get your VSG, you're going to rock it and in the midst of getting out there and enjoying your new life, Mr. Right will appear out of the blue to turn your world upside down, inside out and make it everything you ever wanted it to be.
You just have to believe in that with your entire heart and soul and I promise you it will come true.
Believe it
I'm a big believer in everything happening for a reason. You know what's best for you better than anyone else does. You've done the research, you've talked to people here, you've committed yourself to making these changes for the better... anyone standing in the way of creating a better life for yourself is no friend or true love!
If it's any consolation, I was in an emotionally damaging relationship just before my husband came into my life. Only when I truly let that previous relationship go and decided to focus on me and making myself happy (men be damned!) did my soul mate show up. If there's one thing that's absolutely true about love, it will find you when you least expect it.
So... my advice is to let this guy go, he's proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's not the one. I think you're going to get your VSG, you're going to rock it and in the midst of getting out there and enjoying your new life, Mr. Right will appear out of the blue to turn your world upside down, inside out and make it everything you ever wanted it to be.
You just have to believe in that with your entire heart and soul and I promise you it will come true.
Believe it
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