An open apology to RainyDazs.

 

So yesterday I pissed off RaineyDazs.......She than blocked me (I don't blame her) now I see she deactivated.

 

It's time for me to man up and admit that I was wrong...... I came across to strong for an open public forum (not like we see in the DS forum....but to strong for VSG)

 

I still stand for the points I was trying to convey..... but didn't choose a proper approach.

 

I recognize that RaineyDazs is a well informed VSG patient and is one of the "good ones" that "gets it" and is a valuable asset to this forum. 

 

Some of us are about ready to fade/rotate out and this forum needs to be left in good hands because the way things are going with goofy surgeons and wonky or no plans...... More and more "What should I do" and "what should I eat" and overall uninformed VSG patients are going to be rolling through here. It's a crime that surgeons can cut and go without giving their patients guidelines/plan and aftercare. It's also less than smart for a patient let themselves be in a position of basic unknowns.

 

Without dwelling on it any more.... I do apologize to RaineyDazs and wish that she would come back because this forum needs her......

 

frisco

HI Fisco- I don't think I read the post you mentioned but I takes a real man to make a public apology.  I hope Rainey does come back and you don't fade away too soon.  You would be missed- Kim

I think it's very nice of you to apologize, and I do hope Rainy does come back.  You're right, people *****ally "get" the VSG are very needed here, and hopefully she will think it over and come back. We all get upset from time to time, and react out of frustration or anger or whatever.  

I do want to point out, though, that the OP on that post actually had a fabulous attitude about your input, and actually said she wanted to prove to you she could do it right!  I think anyone who's been here for awhile sees your input for what it is:  a little harsh at times, but always coming from the right place and meant to help others succeed. I think that's Rainy's intention also, people just go about things in different ways.

Anyway, that's my opinion, for what it's worth, which is nothing. ;-)

I'm still trying to hold on out and remain active on the forum, but I'm not sure my approach is working either. Just when I think I'm ready to walk, or when I think "it's no use", I get a message from someone saying how much they appreciate the information I've shared.

I still don't get why the tone of the forum has changed so much, and I know 2 years ago, stuff like this didn't happen. We didn't have all this dangerous behavior, we didn't see people coddling each other, we sure as heck didn't see so many uninformed, negligent patients and surgeon's programs out there. 

I think you and I are both have hit the boiling point, and some days we exceed it by one degree. I just want people to be logical, and use a little common sense. I  personally do not think you have ever been too strong in your approach or comments, but that's because I respect and appreciate your input. I'm not here to win a popularity contest or wallow in self-pity because I can't eat a jumbo meal. And, that's what I've been seeing a lot of lately.

You are an invaluable resource to this forum, and I believe the good outweigh the bad in these situations. You had a bad day. We all do. She'll either get over it, or she won't. You are NOT responsible for her decision or choice to deactivate or to come back.

 I appreciate your direct approach, and really look forward to your posts, especially since you are a band to sleeve success. I hope you stick around and keep sharing your knowledge. 

You're right - it was her decision to deactivate, just like it's your decision to stay, despite your frustration with the posts here. Her presence and input were also valued while she was here. I guess I'm trying to see it from both sides.

I'm not denying her posts were helpful or valued. Her posts have nothing to do with my frustration. My reaction is my own, and I understand that concept. However, it's blatantly stupid to deny that some of the absurd posts do not leave most logical people dumbfounded. Yes, I said it, stupid. It's utterly reckless and dangerous behaviors that have been exhibited lately. Maybe I'm too logical or realistic, I'm not sure, but what I do know is that I choose to skip a lot of nonsense and let others who are not at burnout level give advice. The only time I chime in is when I believe that there is far too much "oh it's okay, tomorrow is another day". Sometimes, another day is not an option. Maybe it's because I suffered and endured major complications, and do not wish that on anyone. My recovery is the prime example of what I'd like people to avoid at all cost, and I didn't do anything to cause my complications. Or, maybe it's because when I see patterns and patterns that lead to regain and then more posts of frustration, and fear of failure, I want to make sure people understand that this is all up to them. We can only play the blame game so long before some personal accountability has to be exhibited. Maybe my expectations are too high, but I won't lower them just to make people feel better about what their doing. They ask a question, they need to be prepared to hear the cold stone facts/truths. Sugarcoating does nothing positive in the world, and when more people stand up for themselves, and stop making excuses, they'll find that life works a lot easier. I don't expect it to happen overnight, but they could start working on it instead of wanting everyone else to cater to their nonsensical posts.

I'd like to believe that people who decide to have their guts altered are smart enough to realize that this isn't just getting your tonsils our, or a mole removed. It's major surgery, with major risks, and thinking it's anything less, in my opinion, is absolutely ridiculous. I'm not here to win a popularity contest or always be "right". I'm here to give back to a community that was extremely supportive and encouraging through my journey thus far. I personally believe we coddled and enabled ourselves enough while obese, and sometimes we need a swift kick in the ass as a reminder of why we chose surgical intervention to help us beat our obesity.

Except logic and common sense are different after you've lived them then when you've only read it on a page.  There needs to be room for that journey.

We can just agree to disagree at this point because common sense is fairly simple. No one should think it's okay to eat solid food, jelly beans, tortilla chips a few days after having a huge portion of their stomach removed. Sorry, there is NO excuse in the world to justify that behavior. And, yes, those stories have been shared here, jelly beans, and red hot candies as they walked through the airport on their way back from the surgeon, a whopping 2 days post-op, and then want to know why they hurt, are puking, or feel deplorable.

Sorry, but the excuse that they didn't know, or they had no clue it could hurt them is absurd. I've read people who take care of a little mosquito bites more than they care to take care of an amputated organ on these forums. You can't keep making excuses for the lack of common sense. That's the biggest issue, and apparently, we aren't going to agree on it.

 I didn't read the post either, but I know that I really appreciate all of your posts and I think it was very nice of you to put this out there. Sometimes I need a good hand smacking to keep me in line, and even though they are not posted to me, reading what you (and the other vets) post helps to remind me where I came from and what I need to do to be successful. 

I know there is a general life cycle to most message boards, and eventually people outgrow the forum, but I really wish you would not go away completely for the sake of those who are in the middle and really depend on the things you say to help us get to "successful veteran" status.