Question

 So why is it so hard to get your family to support you with WLS? I have some health issues and some physical limitations because I have asthma....So whats wrong with starting a healthier life for myself? I thought that my hubby will be there but he really dont want me to have it because he thinks my attitude going to change with my appearance! But I keep trying to tell him I am me and always going to be me just healthier and happier! Are any of you going through this? Its making me really sad but this should be my happy time. I am always doing any and everything for everyone else and the one time I feel I can do something good for me everyone seems to have turned their backs on me! I need some insight on this so please help!!!!

I have a sister that was very judgemental of my mom having WLS and so when I decided to have it I made the choice not to tell her. I also told no one at work. Only 7 people know, my mom, fiance, and my five closest friends. They were all supportive and have been here for me when I needed them. My fiance does have some issues, but most of them are his own insecurites about me getting "hotter" and leaving him. I try to be understanding but it's frustrating because he can't see that I am doing this for health reasons, first and foremost. I tell him all the time that I'm not going anywhere just because I lose weight. He loves me no matter what I look like. Why would I give that up?

You need to do what you need to do. Put yourself and your health first. Then let the chips fall where they may.

Good luck!

 Thanks so much!

Oh, I have plenty of things I could say, but I read your signature line, and frankly that says it all. Just let go and trust.

 I will and thank you very much!

I think there's actually a pretty great chance that your attitude will change - your husband is right. On the other hand, it'll probably change much for the better; hopefully your husband isn't threatened or jealous.

Think about it:
Youre going to have life altering surgery
You're going to stop being obese
You're going to adopt a new relationship with food (whether you want to or not)
You're not going to suffer from complications like asthma, and whatever else you've got.

You won't be the same person at the end that you are now. Hopefully you'll be healthy, free, unrepressed, unselfishconscious, etc, and that all will affect your attitude on life and relationships.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you - what specifically is your husband predicting about your future attitude?

 He pretty much thinks once I get my sext going I am not going to want to be bothered with him anymore. But I have been with him for almost 12 years and that should count for something. I know my self confidence will change as far as my appearance goes but I believe that God gave me the inner me so no outside appearance will reflect my love for my husband, family or God. As far as health goes I have a stroke in Feb 2011 and I am only 34, I have HB, High Choles., Hypothyroidism, and Asthma. Its like I know that I am doing it for health reasons but he dont care whether I am big or small he just being insecure right now and very selffish because I support what he want to do.

Some people really do like to bring others downa and believe it or not (regardless of thier size) people tend to get jealous. Men get afraid---my husband was hesitant at one point but I keep reassuring him that I will love him and that I am changing the outside not the inside.

Have you two sat and really had a heart to heart?

yes. he is really hesitant about the surgery as well and really feel that i am not big enough to have it. but i am 265 and 5'5 and thats not healthy at all. i think his biggest fear is me leaving him because his friend got a divorce after his wife had wls but i keep telling him thats not us. but its planted in his head that i am going out the door when i get to the size i wanna be. i told him its not about my size but about my health. i am just going to keep praying that God give him an understanding and keep trying to reassure him that i married him for purpose without condition and i have real love for him.