Support and Surgery

Wow--I have to ask--did you start putting on weight after y'all got together? Or were you heavy before? It makes me wonder if food is simply your coping mechanism for dealing with HIM!  Girl-I am so sorry but you do not deserve to be treated this way.  Have you tried counseling (for yourself)?

Hugs,
Pam

Hi Pam,
I am 5'1" and currently weigh 225 pounds (after losing 12 pounds waiting for surgery),
When I got married I weighed 110 pounds.  He is a bit of a control freak. I guess I
am just used to things the way they are. We will see how things are after I lose the
weight.  I appreciate your support and hugs.  Thanks.
Barbara

I am so sorry he is being such a jerk. When my DH got sleeved in San Diego, there was a couple there at the same time, wife being sleeved and husband being a jerk. Instead of staying with her, he wasn't comfortable enough on the cot and went home. Just left her there, a few hours from home.

From a previous post (if my memory is working) you have Kaiser in Fontana. It can't help that they are so slow. Since they decided to go "in house" the process has really slowed down. DH went to support group last night and there was someone there who finished classes 4 months ago and is still waiting. I know that can stress you out too. Try to hang in there and start saving an escape fund just in case you end up needing it. If he straitens up and you don't need it, do something fun. Either way, it wouldn't hurt to put a few backs aside, even if it is just a few dollars at a time.

Hi Linda,
I called Kaiser yesterday and was told I should hopefully get a call from the surgeons
office by the end of next week.  I hope, I hope.  I have considered not even telling
my husband when I get that appointment,  I can handle it on my own. I really don't
even want him there when I have the surgery. I would prefer he just drop me off and
leave.  My support group is right here on this website.  After surgery I will join a
support group locally.  Thank you for being there for me.
Barbara

You are welcome!! Wish I could offer you more than a vent session!! He is abusive and he is not going to change. You do NOT have to take it and you do NOT deserve this- please know that!!!! As far as not enough yet to leave him, not sure what California laws are but here in Pa. you would get half of everything!!!! Including HIS retirement!!!! I would give him an ultimatum, serious counseling or you are out!!! You have to take care of you girl!! Hugs

OMG-what a jerk!!! One thing you must do-lose the weight for you-not him.....you need to find a way to lose him-or stand up to his abuse and comments. Defitnitely try to get some counseling-and make him go with you!!

He is the very reason you are having to have the surgery-I suffered emotional abuse as a child from my father. Once when I lost almost 60 pounds, I was so proud, I told him about it and asked him how I looked. Big mistake-told me to turn around so he could see my backside, then said, "You have more work to do!" I was almost in tears-but never let him see.
 
He never came home from the hospital-died from heart disease and kidney failue-all due to his obesity and bad eating habits.

Feel free to vent anytime-we are here for you!!

Counseling is out.  I know what you mean about your father saying hurtful things.
My two sisters were very small and didn't have weight issues.  Just me. My father
used to call me "fat ass" when he was mad about something.  I guess I just took
after my mom's side of the family.  The women on that side of the family carried a
lot of weight. My husbands family is all very skinny, and all of them put down
people with weight on them.  My son took after his father - very slim. He complains
that he can't put on weight while my daughter took after me and hates having
to deal with the weight. I am 5'1" and weighed 110 pounds when I got married.
I didn't realize how small I was until years later when I was looking at old
pictures from my wedding. Boy, what time does to a person!  Thank  you so
much for your support.
Barbara

Ok I have to play devil's advocate for a minute. While I can't condone how he's treating you . Can you imagine what he is going through. Just as much as your world wll be changing so will his. If he is insecure with your marriage then he may be worrkied that when you are the new person you are going to be he will have to change as well and that could scare him. Have you sat him down and without accusing him of anything explained how you are feeling? Also is there another surgery group you could contact to see if you can have less of a wait?

This is all my fault. The day he asked me to marry him he said, "If you ever get
as big as your mother is I will kick you to the curb." 'I will not tolerate a fat wife." I
should have ran away then, but I never thought I would gain this much weight. I
talked to my husband and he keeps asking how soon this will be done.  Kaiser
moves very slowly even though they added an additional surgeon last July. I called
Kaiser yesterday and was told it will be another week before I get an appointment
with the surgeons office for my pre-op appointment and get my surgery date. When
Kaiser tells you two weeks they really mean four. I am sitting by the phone and
pray every day the call will come. Wish me luck.

 When your ready to make the move away from him you can say, "You may not tolerate a fat wife but I won't tolerate an insensitive asshole for a husband so I'm kicking you to the curb!"  

You deserve so much more then that.  We all do.