Anybody else have non-support from loved ones?
I have an eighteen year old daughter who is an only child. I am a single mother and have spent her entire life catering to her every need. Sad thing is NOW she expects it still. She is not working, non loving, disrespectful, and most of all at this time in my life, NON supportive.
I am a little over a week away from my surgery. I am on the full liquid diet. She still expects me to take her OUT to eat since I am not cooking. I don't mind picking her something up, but I don't want to go sit and WATCH her eat. Well this started and argument with us last night. When I told her I had not planned on taking HER to eat, she proceeded to cuss me out and throw an 18 yr old tantrum. She said that this surgery was not HER idea and I am putting MY needs before HERS.
I have done EVERYTHING for her! I put my life on a shelf to raise her as a single mother. I quit dating (and ALL of the fun that goes with dating), 13 years ago! She turned 18 this year. This was supposed to be MY year to look out for ME.
So why can't I tell her to kiss off??? I am not just doing this for ME! I want to be here for her when she gets married. I want to be here for her children and THEIR children. I want to ride horses with her. I want to be a mom she can be proud of. It just hurts so bad for her to treat me like crap. I think she may be afraid that with my weight LOSS, I will FIND my backbone!! I can't kick her out because I love her too much.
Anyone out there going through similar situations with people you love the most trying to hold you back??
I am a little over a week away from my surgery. I am on the full liquid diet. She still expects me to take her OUT to eat since I am not cooking. I don't mind picking her something up, but I don't want to go sit and WATCH her eat. Well this started and argument with us last night. When I told her I had not planned on taking HER to eat, she proceeded to cuss me out and throw an 18 yr old tantrum. She said that this surgery was not HER idea and I am putting MY needs before HERS.
I have done EVERYTHING for her! I put my life on a shelf to raise her as a single mother. I quit dating (and ALL of the fun that goes with dating), 13 years ago! She turned 18 this year. This was supposed to be MY year to look out for ME.
So why can't I tell her to kiss off??? I am not just doing this for ME! I want to be here for her when she gets married. I want to be here for her children and THEIR children. I want to ride horses with her. I want to be a mom she can be proud of. It just hurts so bad for her to treat me like crap. I think she may be afraid that with my weight LOSS, I will FIND my backbone!! I can't kick her out because I love her too much.
Anyone out there going through similar situations with people you love the most trying to hold you back??
"She said that this surgery was not HER idea and I am putting MY needs before HERS. "
You damn skippy you're putting your needs before hers and it's well deserved. She's 17 years old...let her get her own dinner. She know how to make a sandwich..let her make one.
And the reason you can't tell her to "kiss off" is because deep down you feel guilty for doing something for your self for a change. She doesn't understand that this is not only for you but for her too. She is still in the mind set that it's her first and you last. That will change with time. Once she sees how healthy you are and that you can finally do things with her that you never could before, she'll come around.
I have always had the love and support of my only child (my son Trace) and my husband as well. My son knew it was for me and even told me it was about time I did something for me and not everyone else. This will come with time and when she finally sees the results she will realize you were doing it for her, your grandchildren and great grandchildren...
To be around to see them grow up. Takes alot to stand up to your children and get that "backbone" you're talking about...but you can do it and it will be fine in the end.
You have support here so lean on us, use us for sounding boards, venting boards...anything. That's why we're here.
You damn skippy you're putting your needs before hers and it's well deserved. She's 17 years old...let her get her own dinner. She know how to make a sandwich..let her make one.
And the reason you can't tell her to "kiss off" is because deep down you feel guilty for doing something for your self for a change. She doesn't understand that this is not only for you but for her too. She is still in the mind set that it's her first and you last. That will change with time. Once she sees how healthy you are and that you can finally do things with her that you never could before, she'll come around.
I have always had the love and support of my only child (my son Trace) and my husband as well. My son knew it was for me and even told me it was about time I did something for me and not everyone else. This will come with time and when she finally sees the results she will realize you were doing it for her, your grandchildren and great grandchildren...
To be around to see them grow up. Takes alot to stand up to your children and get that "backbone" you're talking about...but you can do it and it will be fine in the end.
You have support here so lean on us, use us for sounding boards, venting boards...anything. That's why we're here.
Barbara McKeown 
Thank you Desari, I am glad you have support. I have my Mom, but haven't really got to talk to her lately. She has been really busy. I have no one else. It would be nice if my only child could be proud of me. I think she is just afraid I am going to be hotter than her...HA! She is a super skinny model for local photographers. She is a DIVA!!! I am just gonna keep taking it one day at a time, one step at a time moving in MY direction or trying to anyway.
I was telling my friend the other day that why are we the only mothers that take car of our children way past what animal mothers do... they have them puppies and once they get teeth they are off the
tit,,I am having to show some tough love my self theses days and it is hard... but I am about to get very selfish and start saying no I am not doing this or that..Good Luck...
tit,,I am having to show some tough love my self theses days and it is hard... but I am about to get very selfish and start saying no I am not doing this or that..Good Luck...
ROMANS 12:1
I beseech you therefore brethern, by the mercies of God,that you present your bodies a living sacrifice,holy and acceptable to God which is your reasonable service.
I beseech you therefore brethern, by the mercies of God,that you present your bodies a living sacrifice,holy and acceptable to God which is your reasonable service.
People will walk all over us until we decide to get up off the floor. That includes family, and WLS or no WLS. So when ya gonna get up?
Height 5' 7" High Wt 268 / Consult Wt 246 / Surgery Wt 241 / Goal Wt 150 / Happy place 135-137 / Current Wt 143
Tracker starts at consult weight
In maintenance since December 2011.
I recently made my 23 yr old son move out because of the constant arguments where he thought he could do anything in my house and I had no say so because "he was an adult". In the short time he has been on his own he now has a better understanding about what real adult responsibilities are. Every child regardless of age that lives under a parents roof needs to understand and obey the house rules; this especially means respecting the parents. You may need to let your daughter know that if she doesn't like the new life you now have, she is an "adult" and can to find a place of her own. This may sound harsh to some of you but in our society today we coddle our adult children too much and it does them no good for their future. I hope you and your daughter find some mutual understanding as I have been in your position.
HW 417 SW 360 CW 251 GW 250 Height 6' 5" Surgery on July 17, 2012
Of course you love her! Parents just don't tend to tell their kids to "kiss off"... even if we should. It is about time for you to put yourself first for a change. If you are not happy with you how can you be there for her? She's a big girl and ready to take care of herself...ready to start taking care of you for a change. You are doing her a favor doing a bit of "pushing her out of the nest."
Coming from her perspective. I think she is afraid of losing you. You are all she has and you have always been there. What happens if something happens to you during surgery? I'm sure that thought terrifies her. We know that as surgeries go, it doesn't get much safer, but all she hears is SURGERY and that is scary to her. At least she is communicating...not in a very effective way but that is better than keeping it all in, telling what you want to hear and acting like she is okay with this when she is not. Keep her talking and let her know how much you need her to talk keep talking to you even if you don't want to hear what she has to say. Remember she is likely speaking out of fear.
Stand your ground, keep respecting her, let her vent and she will come around.
Coming from her perspective. I think she is afraid of losing you. You are all she has and you have always been there. What happens if something happens to you during surgery? I'm sure that thought terrifies her. We know that as surgeries go, it doesn't get much safer, but all she hears is SURGERY and that is scary to her. At least she is communicating...not in a very effective way but that is better than keeping it all in, telling what you want to hear and acting like she is okay with this when she is not. Keep her talking and let her know how much you need her to talk keep talking to you even if you don't want to hear what she has to say. Remember she is likely speaking out of fear.
Stand your ground, keep respecting her, let her vent and she will come around.
Debbie
YouTube WLS Channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/NadurraDeb
Are you kidding me??? You no longer have the obligation to do anything for her. She is an adult. PERIOD! Time for her to grow up! Now its your turn to be taken care of. You need to do you!
I told my 3 kids, ages 20, 17, and 14 that they are on their own as far as meals is concerned as i am recovering ( I told them Dr. said i have to take 3 weeks to recover) So I will go and do grocery shopping for them and will make sure they have things that are simple to make. And they can figure it out for themselves.. Heck they can figure it out for my husband too!
I told my 3 kids, ages 20, 17, and 14 that they are on their own as far as meals is concerned as i am recovering ( I told them Dr. said i have to take 3 weeks to recover) So I will go and do grocery shopping for them and will make sure they have things that are simple to make. And they can figure it out for themselves.. Heck they can figure it out for my husband too!
she sound like a spoil brat I hate for anyone to disrespect their mother hell that is wrong and she 18 she not a baby tell her to cook for her self like you said you been a good single mother all these years its time for you to do whats best for you as parents we take care of our kids in the hopes of one day they will do the same in return at a time like now when you about to have your surgery you or gong to need her help sit her down and talk to her let her know you will not put up with the disrespect from her. take care good luck god bless
SO INLOVE WITH MY SELF
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