Somedays are Complete...
Mind F#*%K's!!!
Pardon my choice of words there but seriously! I just can't get over what an amazing tool Weight Loss Surgery is. This journey has so many ups and downs with some days being far harder than others but the good days stand out far more than the hard days the further out I seem to get from my surgery day.
I ran 3.5 KM today. Run? Me? The only thing I ran for before was the ice cream truck!! The images I see reflected back to me in store windows as I pass makes me stop and squint my eyes to see if that's really me. Some days I look at myself and still see the 390 pounds of weight I carried around and I feel so discouraged waiting for my mind to catch up to my body but then there are so many NSV's that it's hard not to really sit back and go....Wow my body is changing.
Things lately that have been really taking my mind for a spin include.....
Realizing I hardly fit into many clothes at Pennington's and Aditionelle - 2 stores I've shopped at since I was a teenager. What a mind trip this is and I actually feel frightened and overwhelmed about venturing out into the LARGE world of normal sized clothing - do I actually have a style that exists outside of Penningtons and Aditionelle?
Seeing the silver line of separation clearly beside my thigh and the next seat when I am riding the subway to work AND actually having people sit down next to me every single time I ride the subway.
Running, swimming, walking, biking......wowsa! I actually am enjoying these things! Is that even possible?
I still remember waking up from my surgery all pissed off because I had the VSG instead of the RNY I went in for...... and here I am 160 pounds down from my highest weight.
Unfreakingbelieveable!!!
I am having such an identity crisis and every day I still feel like I am having a battle with good choices vs bad choices BUT...and it's a BIG BUT....I continue to make the good choices and it actually makes me kind of proud of myself. I still to between 600-700 calories a day, 80 plus grams of protein, and 20-30 grams of carbs and it's working for me like a charm!
People don't recognize me anymore......hell I don't even recognize myself sometimes! What's going on?
I wish I had known about weight loss surgery long before I did but...no regrets....only moving forward! 31 more pounds till 199, 34 pounds until I am no longer obese, 40 pounds until 200 pounds lost.....and then I can only hope for a healthy BMI but even if that doesn't ever come.....I still think I did dang good!
Pardon my choice of words there but seriously! I just can't get over what an amazing tool Weight Loss Surgery is. This journey has so many ups and downs with some days being far harder than others but the good days stand out far more than the hard days the further out I seem to get from my surgery day.
I ran 3.5 KM today. Run? Me? The only thing I ran for before was the ice cream truck!! The images I see reflected back to me in store windows as I pass makes me stop and squint my eyes to see if that's really me. Some days I look at myself and still see the 390 pounds of weight I carried around and I feel so discouraged waiting for my mind to catch up to my body but then there are so many NSV's that it's hard not to really sit back and go....Wow my body is changing.
Things lately that have been really taking my mind for a spin include.....
Realizing I hardly fit into many clothes at Pennington's and Aditionelle - 2 stores I've shopped at since I was a teenager. What a mind trip this is and I actually feel frightened and overwhelmed about venturing out into the LARGE world of normal sized clothing - do I actually have a style that exists outside of Penningtons and Aditionelle?
Seeing the silver line of separation clearly beside my thigh and the next seat when I am riding the subway to work AND actually having people sit down next to me every single time I ride the subway.
Running, swimming, walking, biking......wowsa! I actually am enjoying these things! Is that even possible?
I still remember waking up from my surgery all pissed off because I had the VSG instead of the RNY I went in for...... and here I am 160 pounds down from my highest weight.
Unfreakingbelieveable!!!
I am having such an identity crisis and every day I still feel like I am having a battle with good choices vs bad choices BUT...and it's a BIG BUT....I continue to make the good choices and it actually makes me kind of proud of myself. I still to between 600-700 calories a day, 80 plus grams of protein, and 20-30 grams of carbs and it's working for me like a charm!
People don't recognize me anymore......hell I don't even recognize myself sometimes! What's going on?
I wish I had known about weight loss surgery long before I did but...no regrets....only moving forward! 31 more pounds till 199, 34 pounds until I am no longer obese, 40 pounds until 200 pounds lost.....and then I can only hope for a healthy BMI but even if that doesn't ever come.....I still think I did dang good!
SURGERY at Toronto Western Hospital - VSG JANUARY 25th, 2012!!
5'9 - HW - 390 SW - 368.8 GW - 150
Congrats! Keep up the great work!
I totally agree about the mind stuff. I was 100lbs overweight, so smaller than some, but I am still struggling with these mental issues I thought I was immune to.
I told my counselor yesterday that I am tired. Like my will power is tired. I think we have to keep pushing and rejuvenating ourselves. He thinks I need to change up my exercise a bit also because I started dreading it a bit.
I weight 175 now and I can't wrap my brain around it. I didn't think I'd be that person. I still see the fat, comfortable Tiffany. Now I'm terrified of succeeding at this. Blech. Good thing I'm in counseling!!
I totally agree about the mind stuff. I was 100lbs overweight, so smaller than some, but I am still struggling with these mental issues I thought I was immune to.
I told my counselor yesterday that I am tired. Like my will power is tired. I think we have to keep pushing and rejuvenating ourselves. He thinks I need to change up my exercise a bit also because I started dreading it a bit.
I weight 175 now and I can't wrap my brain around it. I didn't think I'd be that person. I still see the fat, comfortable Tiffany. Now I'm terrified of succeeding at this. Blech. Good thing I'm in counseling!!
(deactivated member)
on 8/14/12 8:16 pm
on 8/14/12 8:16 pm
Amen. Congrats on the run.
The big lady stores here are Lane Bryant and Avenue. Just because I was hoping to find a bargain I tried browsing Avenue a few weeks ago. I recalled there used to be a lot of size 14 there on the clearance racks. There actually weren't a lot, and they are too big.
I really want to buy clothes at this point. Maybe if I do get a real wardrobe then this last 16 pounds will fall off. I've been good with thrift shop and clearance items up until now, but with fall coming I want real clothes.
I gave in to my mom and actually looked at/tried on the small things that she has been holding onto and has finally decided to shed. She was offended that I didn't really take anything. The funniest to me were the slacks with waists just under my bra strap. She kept saying that they didn't bother her, and why didn't I take them since a shirt would cover that up. Um, because I don't want to look like a female version of Erkle?
The big lady stores here are Lane Bryant and Avenue. Just because I was hoping to find a bargain I tried browsing Avenue a few weeks ago. I recalled there used to be a lot of size 14 there on the clearance racks. There actually weren't a lot, and they are too big.
I really want to buy clothes at this point. Maybe if I do get a real wardrobe then this last 16 pounds will fall off. I've been good with thrift shop and clearance items up until now, but with fall coming I want real clothes.
I gave in to my mom and actually looked at/tried on the small things that she has been holding onto and has finally decided to shed. She was offended that I didn't really take anything. The funniest to me were the slacks with waists just under my bra strap. She kept saying that they didn't bother her, and why didn't I take them since a shirt would cover that up. Um, because I don't want to look like a female version of Erkle?
I agree - this whole process has opened a whole new world that I don't recognize sometimes. I am certaintly having a major identity crisis! I can go from my mirror at home where i feel like a big fat blob to the mirror at the gym when I'm working out thinkin "hot damn who is that person!?" Id rather my mind just pick one, but oh well.
www.sexyskinnybitch.wordpress.com - my journey to sexy skinny bitch status
11/16/12 - Got my Body by Sauceda - arms, Bl/BA, LBL, thigh lift.
HW 420/ SW 335 /CW 200 
85 lbs lost pre-op / 135 post op
~~~~Alison~~~~~
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