Rant - no empathy for the shrinking plus-sized bridesmaid!!

In an earlier post, I had reported I was in a wedding this coming winter, and people have been so supportive regarding the size I may be by that time...

HOWEVER...the bride is forcing us to purchase our dresses by mid-September, when I will have absolutely no idea what size to order. Right now, I'm wearing a 22/24 on top and fit comfortably into 2x shirts. My butt and lower abdominal area are the main issue, and have  been my 'problem area' since I was a teenager. Like most bariatric patients, I am shrinking on top first and have a big ol' booty and belly. Although I'm wearing a 24 pants right now (loosely), I am really unsure about the bridesmaid dress size vs. street clothes size. What is really frustrating is even the bridal shop clerk said not to order until October 15th or so, when I really get an idea of what size I will be. Sigh. It is bad enough to be micromanaged into buying a dress that the clerk stated would be really hard to size/fit with my changing body (and the really lovely one - strapless! - that I liked was given the 'eh, I don't know...' by the bride), but it is even worse when the bride gives the ultimatum of 'purchase your dress in 3 weeks or else.' Seriously? 

I know and understand (hey, I've been married 10 years and had three bridesmaids in my own wedding) that dresses take a while to get in, but when the actual clerk says not to order right away, I'm more apt to believe her and how shipping works for bridal stores. The last thing I need is to order a size and have it way too big (or small) for me. That, and the price difference between a size 18 and a 22 is oh, only $50. So....in talking with the clerks on the phone today, I was told to wait until the last possible time to order the dress, but my hip measurements will most likely dictate the dress size ordered. But still, that could be a $50 price point that I seriously do not want to even think about.



What hurts the most is that this bride will be a family member, and I thought so much more of her before seeing her bridezillaness before this whole dress thing. There's much more I won't get into here, but frankly I'm disappointed that of all the bridesmaids, I'm the one with the 'dress issue' (I guess I'm the equivalent of the pregnant bridesmaid...only the opposite!) and my needs are not respected.

Thanks for letting me rant. Oh, and did I mention it's my one-month surgiversary??!! I'm down 30 lbs!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I'm way out of the loop but is there some cultural requirement for you to be her bridesmaid?????  I'm sorry but I have a policy that if people want to treat me like **** and can't work with me - SCREW THEM. Tell her to find a different bridesmaid that will stay the same size and make her life easy.


I dont get bridezillas. Unless someone is paying me (and paying my bills) - i don't put up with that.

Yup.  What Alison said.  She's being extremely insenstive to your issues and that is not a "friend."  I would politely tell her that your dress issues seem to be stressing her out, so to avoid giving her further problems, you'll just bow out.

BTW, when I got married 23 years ago I had 8 bridesmaids (I know,nuts!)  First of all, I let THEM pick the dress that they all agreed upon.  I had one bridesmaid who was 8 months pregnant (my best friend to this day), one bridesmaid 5 months pregnant, and one bridesmaid who had given birth the month before the wedding.
Guess what??  I didn't care.  They were my friends and family and I wanted them to share in my special day.  I didn't care what they looked like, if they dyed their blue, etc.

Good luck!
Marie

Just went through this same song and dance and OH MY GAWD I'm so glad it's over. It was my cousins wedding. Her and I grew up very close and we are still close now.
We had to order our dresses by christmas of 2011. The wedding was not until August 25, 2012.
EIGHT FRICKN MONTHS! I fought with her, her mother, my mother and the Davids Bridal store clerk...I don't know what size I will be in 8 months from now!!! They didn't understand. I had reached my goal by then....I was scared of gaining weight. I have NEVER in my life been able to buy something 8 months in advance and be able to wear it when the time came.
I told her that I was NOT buying my dress by christmas and if she didn't like it then she should pick a skinny bridesmaid who doesn't have a weight problem. At that point she hung up on me and was at my front door within 15 minutes..beating my door down. I thought we were going to brawl. She came inside, pulled me to a mirror and made me look at myself ...until we both started to cry. She said "you ARE skinny. you WILL BE skinny in 8 months from now and you WILL stay skinny the rest of your life. You got another chance to make a happy life."
I went and bought the dress the next day...a size 10. at that time it fit. Not too tight, not too baggy (except for the boobs area, go figure). I went through the same stuff again when I had to get the dress altered. Full on panic mode. I didn't put the dress on the entire 7 months I had it. I was sure it was too small. I waited until 2 weeks before to take it for alterations. The lady told me I should have gotten a smaller size, then she wouldn't have had to cut out so much fabric. AGAIN, I cried...

I know this is not the same situation you have, but I DEFINATELY know how you feel.
I would wait until the very last possible second to buy the dress...and buy one that FITS, if it's a little snug, that's okay. You will be able to fit it shortly. And then wait until the last possible second for alterations. Tell the person doing the altering flat out..I am losing weight very quickly and I don't know what I will be like when the wedding is here. GOOD LUCK!!!

Or else what?  You won't be forced to participate in her "it's all about me" show?  Sounds like a bonus to me. 

DITTO!

Impending nuptuals make even the most sanest of women completely bonkers. If you can, have the store clerk call the bride and say that they (the store) are concerned with the dresses being ordered so early.

Your bride is probably feeling very out of control right now, and getting you gals crossed off her to-do list seems like something she can accomplish.

You can also be very honest with her - you are rapidly losing weight and a $50 price point difference is out of your budget. If she absolutely insists that the dresses be ordered before mid-September, you can always bow out. Better to do that now and retain a modicum of civility than to get your dress and have it hanging like a mumu by the time the "I dos" happen. She wants her girls to look their best because it's a reflection on her - that could be another way to approach it.

Good luck. One of my young co-workers just got engaged and I told her to stay far away from wedding websites! LOL! They will make you bonkers.

What's she going to do to you if you don't order until mid-October? Boot you out of bridesmaidsville? Frankly, with her attittude, that sounds like a win/win proposition to me.

I agree, with some of the others...what's the worst thing that is going to happen if you wait until when the clerk thinks it's a good time for you to order?  Just explain to bridezilla that you want to look your best for her pictures so it would be best to wait until your size stabilizes some before you place the order.  She may not have even thought about it because honestly, you are probably not the first thing on her mind right now  :)

I just wanna say Whoo Hoo for losing 30 pounds your 1st month. Rock on gurl!!!!
I'm gonna wanna see your bridemaid pic when that day comes. Work it gurl!!!