"I had surgery and after I'd lost some weight, I decided to stick with it and keep on...

I said that and variations on that theme several times over the weekend when I saw a lot of people I haven't seen in years.  I also said, when asked, "Well, this was a health issue, not about looking good, but thank you, I'm enjoying that part of it, too."

I am usually an over-sharer.  And in fact, whatever my current interest or activity is, I usually want to talk about it too much.  If anybody had told me I'd have this surgery and then not tell everybody about it, I wouldn't have believed it.

I totally understand why some people choose to tell everyone.  I know all the reasons why, and I think they are good ones. Generous and practical, etc.

But for some reason I have held back, assuming I would eventually start telling people beyond immediate family and friends.  But I haven't.  And I've finally figured out why, for me, this feels more comfortable.

There are a group of us--four or five couples--who get together for dinner several times a year.  Only one of those friends didn't know about my surgery.  She has her own weight issues. She's one of those people I assumed would be eager to know more, to consider it for herself, because she struggles so much with her weight and works so hard trying to lose.  We got together a few weeks ago and she was so delighted and surprised by my appearance, just thrilled for me.  When I mentioned surgery, her face changed totally--shocked--and she said, "WHY would you do that to yourself?"

I explained, briefly, a little, and she started talking about what she's doing now, and how good she feels, and I realized--she's not at all interested.  She disapproves, even, but isn't judging, just isn't interested.  This didn't bother me, mind you. But it surprised the heck out of me.

There were a couple of people I saw this weekend that I was halfway tempted to tell the truth, but in a couple of cases I realized I have absolutely no ability to judge whether somebody is heavy enough to even consider this option or not, and to mention it might be offensive.  The other person... I dunno.  There is no doubt she's heavy enough and has been for the twenty-five years I've known her.  But as friendly and delightful and charming as she was to me all weekend, there was never a word said about the change in my appearance, and I didn't feel comfortable broaching the subject myself. 

This could have easily been a weekend where I talked about VSG nonstop, either because people were genuinely interested, or because I just got started and didn't stop.  But I was much more comfortable with it not on the table.  People noticed my weight loss, complimented me, but nobody actually asked "how did you do it?"  We talked about other things.  Books, movies, sports, politics.

Life beyond WLS.

This may change. But for now, I'm very happy with my decision not to share.  It's nobody's business but mine, and I'm seeing that most people don't even care. Which is kind of nice.

 I like your post

Thanks.

I understand why other people want to be open about it. I just decided that's not for me, not now.

 Great post!  I've found the topic of WLS to be ....ummm....somewhat emotionally fraught for a lot of people so I just don't talk about it.  You're right - there are so many other things to talk about in life...

Fiona

Of course the way politics are going, I might bring up WLS just to change the subject!

Interesting post. I haven't had anyone approach me yet about my weight loss. I've only lost about 35 lbs so far. So I don't know that I look that different to most people who don't really look that close. I'm pretty sure some people have noticed at this point but no one has said anything except the people I told before I had the surgery.

Last weekend I told two people. One is someone who is clearly obese. We got on the subject of surgeries since she had a surgery on her neck. She's the aunt of one of my daughter's friends. She was actually interested and had not heard of VSG. That seems to be typical. You say WLS and people assume RNY or lapband and have never heard of VSG. I am usually an open person too..to a fault but I haven't been so open about my VSG surgery. Partially because I don't want people watching me wondering if it is working. It's kind of like when you are trying to get pregnant. I didn't tell people about that either until I was actually pregnant. Then I was a babbling fool about it. And partily because I don't always want to get into a big hairy conversation about WLS. There doesn't seem to be a quick way to say it and go.

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Now that I think about it, the people who asked the most questions and were most interested were people who don't need it.  They found it fascinating.

I think people who are obese are often not ready to even look at surgery as an option. If you think about it, we all had to get to a certain point of desparation before we would even approach the idea of surgery for weight loss. It was more comfortable to live in denial than to look at and talk about what it is doing to our bodies. It's a scary thought and the perception is that WLS is dangerous...it use to be much more of a risk as a surgery than it is today. Only those with a very high BMI would qualify. Modern technology has made WLS now very safe where the health risks of obesity, even at a lower BMI, are way worse than the risks associated with WLS. We know that because we have educated ourselves and researched it. The average person only goes by what they have heard or witnessed in the past. They have all heard WLS nightmares. I heard about WLS for a long time before I would even give it serious thought. I only had heard of the Lapband and Gastric Bypass. Neither of those options appealed to me. Now had I known about VSG, I might have considered it earlier.

We have to understand where most people are coming from and not judge them. They don't know what we know. And generally their questions and comments come from a place of concern or fear. Most people want to understand. It is human nature to reject something we don't understand.