core belief shift - not always easy

I went to a support group meeting last night. Dr. C divides up his meetings into two sections, the first is devoted to answer questions for people exploring or awaiting WLS and the second to ongoing education and support of those already sleeved. During the evening one of the questions was basically, “ What are some side effects of the sleeve you don’t hear about from the doctors?” Several of us answered and the conversation led to Dr. C asking about ah ha or epiphanal  moments. Mine was this:

I always believed that once I got to maintenance I would be able to eat what I wanted or in my mind to “eat normally”. However, this is not true.

I cannot eat whatever I want because I am thin now. It doesn’t work that way. Some days it is still hard for me to wrap my head around this fact. Some days I want to stamp my feet and behave like a four year old because I want to eat like a person with a rapid metabolism or a person who trains as an athlete and burns calories accordingly. Or more honestly, I want to eat like the little boy I once was who was always on some sort of parent enforced food restriction. (You know, the rebellious “I’ll show you” little guy that so desperately wanted to eat Twinkies and HoHos with my friends. So when I could sneak something I would eat more than my fair share. I sort of gorged - binged.) Back then and into my teens and early adulthood all my friends seemed to eat what they wanted and stayed thin and so for years I thought thin people ate what they wanted, when they wanted - that was the gift of being thin.

Turns out that thin mature adults are usually thin because they continually watch what they eat. They make decisions throughout the day, every day, to maintain their weights. It is good for me to see this - to know this. It is helping me change a core belief.  

Now I know that the core belief I held is an untruth. Yet, as untrue as it is, it is still a hard thought for me to change. I work on changing this belief everyday. Some days it is a struggle. Some days it is easy.

My weight loss phase was easy. I had a plan. I stuck to it. Recipes are easy to follow and I had a great recipe for weight loss. Right now I’m still creating my maintenance. Some days the spice is just right . Some days I need to adjust because I have “over salted” or left something out. I am continually modifying and adjusting. But I am not giving up. I will get this right, but for me it is a little trial and error. It takes practice this maintenance thing.

To make sure you understand I am not whining, I will say that being thin and having to work on changing a core belief is still a hell of a lot better than being obese and miserable ever was! No question about that! I wouldn't trade where I am today for anything! This is a great place to be.

Great post!  And two points for using the word "epiphanal." :)

Are you Elina's twin brother? Or is the common denominator Dr Cirangle's support group? I want to move to Cali....sob sob...
A very wise and excellent post.

What a compliment!

I have been thinking a lot about this issue for almost two months. It's a big one this issue, and yes, Elina, has been an instrumental part of the process. She's a dear friend and someone on whom I know I can rely and trust.

As for Dr. C, he is truly inspiring. He is a no BS, witty fellow that tells it like it is. He challenges each person to achieve his or her personal best. He truly cares about every WLS patient's success and there is no question about that. Because Dr. C is so dedicated and passionate about his patients and his work, he inspires the same dedication from his patients.

Great post and I'm jealous of Dr. C too!

The truth is sometimes hard to except.  I think I had those same thoughts for the first 3 or 4 diets I went on.  I was spoiled because I was an extremely active young person all through my teens.  I ate whatever I wanted for sure and stayed thin and in shape.  Once I got a little older and stopped being so active, the weight started to pile on, slowly but steadily.

Somehow my brain refused to accept the new reality.  I remember one diet I was on all I could think about was the coconut cream pie I could have when it was over. 

Hopefully it has finally sunk in that I am no longer a teenager, attending a strenuous gym class 3 days a week,playing sports,  walking everywhere, spending summers at the beach, swimming everyday in the ocean and walking up and down the beach in a bikini!!

I long for those days for many reasons....I suppose this very thing is why so many people lose weight and gain it back.  Even with this fabulous sleeve, the possibility to regain is very real.

My epiphany now is I can't blow this chance to live to my full potential.  Healthy food and exercise is my new normal.  I spent many years denying the fact that this is what it takes to be a healthy weight.  Do I have it totally under control, hell no!  At least I am finally convinced that there is no going back.

Thank you for your thoughtful post and reminding us that life is different now if we want different results.

I still think of my weight loss as a fragile thing that will somehow and suddenly disappear and I will wake up one morning fat again. Because of this I see Dr. Cirangle every month to keep me accountable and on track. Maybe someday I will feel that I don't need that anymore but right now I feel that I do need it. I think that maintenance is a journey that has it's phases. I too thought I would be "normal" once I got to where I wanted to in my weight loss. I remember telling Dr. Cirangle that I wanted to "just eat like a normal person". He reminded me that today, normal is overweight or obese. It's the constant struggle and careful daily planning that will keep us on track. You are an amazing person and I am happy to call you my friend. I am impressed with your dedication to this journey and your struggle to achieve and maintain your goal. 

Ditto to what wantmylife said.....Thank you  Kairk; always appreciate your posts and perspective!

Were "Special".......

frisco

Once, my mom was in town visiting and we were sitting around the table chatting...and eating. M&M's were on the table and my husband grabbed one. One. He proceeded to nibble tiny little shavings off of it. My mom watched him, completely awe-struck (she was overweight). I saw what she was watching and I said, "My hubby can eat one M&M in 10 bits." My mom started laughing and said, "I can eat 10 M&M's in one bite."

Skinny people do eating differently. I've been blessed with a thin husband. I've gotten to watch him interact with food over the years. I remember the first time I realized that even though we eat the same things, he stops when he's finished eating. Until I had the VSG, I didn't know stopping before you were full was even possible. He could turn away from food that I would snatch out from under his nose and greedily finish eating.

I remember once watching a thin woman at work eating a 800 calorie muffin (you know, the awesome, huge chocolate ones). I finished my in record time, and of course went back for more. She cut her's into 4ths. Ate one fourth for breakfast. I grabbed my lunch out of the frig and she said she was going to eat "some" of her muffin for lunch. When I left at 5 pm, she'd lived the day on that muffin and there was still 1/4 left. It definitely wasn't the best choice in food, but I do know why she was thin (although probably not healthy).

Even though I have lived with thin people, I still struggle with the *want*. I want to be able to go and get ice cream with my family. But, I NEVER stop at the ice cream. The carb monster that lives in my gut, purrs and happily tugs at my cravings and off I go down the carb trail. Not a good thing for me.

I'm with you. Working on these issues and being thin is FAR better than when I was obese.