4 more days!!!

4 days more... So I am in the home stretch now for pre-op. I am on a liquid diet, which is difficult, but not impossible. I am getting in all the H2O the dr. wants, but the protein drink, I am having a problem with. I should be drinking 5 servings of protein drink mixed with 8 oz of skim milk everyday, but I can only mange three due to my lactose intolerance. My NUT gave me the go ahead to use a more agressive protein powder with 60g of protein per serving and to mix it with fruit juice or water. I am sure this will help with the tummy problems. I wanted to post a letter to all the forums and my profile page explaining why I have decided to have this surgery. I post this for everyone I have met through ObesityHelp, as well as those who do not understand why some of us make this "drastic" decision to undergo surgery to treat morbid obesitiy: As I get closer to my surgery date, I feel a sense of calm taking over. I know God is with me, because I am with God. I have fought this weight battle for so long and have watched relatives suffer the horrible side effects of obesity, including stroke, heart attack and limb amputation. I am doing this for my three kids. I want to see them grow up, I want to participate in their lives. I want to make memories with them instead of unfulfilled promises to them. I am doing this because I want to beat the odds of divorce in our country and dance with my husband at our 50 th wedding anniversary (we are creeping up to 10 in 1997). I am doing this because I want to run, jump, play, dance, skate, bike, swim and hike. I am doing this because I am tired of avoiding mirrors, clothing stores and lights (in the privacy of my bedroom). I am doing this as an ultimate expression of self love: I love me more than food, more than my fear and more than my self doubt. I go into this surgery with my eyes wide open. There can be complications, some of which can be fatal. I accept that because my life as it is right now, has possibly fatal consequences. I know there will be pain and I accept that, because my life right now has a fair amount of pain. I know I will be making a radical change to my lifestye and this will be a difficult process with a high learning curve. I accept that as well because I am READY and OPEN to radical change. I am not expecting record results, I am praying for healthy ones. I am not expecting to become a high fashion model, but I look forward to being a role model for my children and the rest of my family. I do not expect this surgery to change my emotional and mental health. Only I can do that. I am fully aware that I am one of God's "work in progress" as are we all. And knowing what I know of God's unceasing, expansive and unconditional love for me, His Beloved child, I know He will hold me, comfort me and support me in the operating room and beyond. The surgery date is just the beginning. I welcome my road ahead. What adventures I will have, what truths will I learn? I want to thank everyone here at ObesityHelp. (I still don't know why some say "AMOS" and until I find out, I can't use the acronym, lol). I have found such support here, such unconditional acceptance it humbles me. Whatever our choices, whatever our histories, backgrounds, personalities, struggles, interests and beliefs, we have manged to create here a strong and loving community. How beautiful is that? I celebrate each victory, feel each struggle as if a member of my blood family. Perhaps even more as those in my immediate family do not know intimately what it is we struggle with. To those who gave words of encouragement on my support page or gave advice in one of the many forums I post on, THANK YOU!!! Your words and prayers have meant much to me. I cannot express my gratitude for the acceptance I have found here. I leave you with this: God is Good ALL the time and ALL the time, God is Good! Blessings to you all.