Sunday, December 7, 2025

117.6 - down 1.4 in a day. So weird.

Don't know if DH finally apologized to his sister. They apparently both have the same explosive anger which they supposedly inherited from their father. He started the argument so he needs to end it. Could be a very awkward 4 days if he doesn't.

The golf clinic yesterday was quite good. I got some tips which could possibly make a big difference. We have another session today. Not much else planned at this point.

Have a serene Sunday!

201.8

Seeing the 1 in the ones' place relaxed me. Scale Brain is weird. I'm "okay" being anyplace in the 201s, but it seems that 201.9 is my emotionally acceptable high weight. Maybe that is a good thing, as it will keep me on track????

Got a message from one of my dad's care takers yesterday telling me that my dad is asking for chocolates. His beloved Trader Joe's dark chocolate peanut butter cups have been purchased and will be dropped off with his new tube of toothpaste later today. I get a spark of joy being able to do things that please him and bring him happiness in the moment. He has been really focused on "escaping" this week. He even talked about moving in with my aunt, who has been dead about 5 years. My brother, much to my chagrin, told him that moving in with our aunt would not be possible because she had passed away. That opened up a whole new can of worms because my dad doesn't remember and it bothered him that "No one told him" and was questioning why people are keeping important information from him. My response would have been, "That's something I will look into for you, Pop. That might be a really great solution for you." It works in the moment and he honestly won't remember the conversation in 15 minutes.

We never did get sunny skies here yesterday. I got some sun when I drove Molly to the vet office about 15 miles south of here. Good news is the fog is lifting and I can see blue sky today AND... Molly's tests came back showing she was not having a silent heat cycle. Whew.... I really do not want to miss breeding her this time around.

Brother is on his way back here from Reno. I guess that means SIL will be released from Hospital today. Not sure though.

Liz's DH brother sister altercation reminded me of my own dysfunctional food story... BFF always checks out my cupboards for goodies when he visits. Just something he does and I've never minded. Several years ago I was given some super fancy artisanal chocolates by a student. Not only were they beautiful, but rather costly, too. Well, BFF ate the last one of my chocolates and I lost my **** It was utterly ridiculous on my part. When he said he would buy me more, I barked back, "You can't afford them!". It was such an asinine comment we both broke out laughing and I had to apologize and admit that my eating disorder had gone in to maximum overdrive. To this day we use the "You can't afford it" line to crack each other up.

Not much going on here today. I will stick close to home and work on Buster and Grizz and do some light cleaning, but that's it. I think plans will need to revolve around my brother's schedule with his wife.

DH did admit that the stupid argument was his fault and he apologized for blowing up. He and his sister admitted that they both had tempers like their father. Which means that as long as there is an apology they get over it immediately and act as if it never happened. I hate conflict like that and when it happens I feel lingering after-effects. Probably a result of my alcoholic nasty drunk Mother's outbursts in my teen years. It was not a good time.

I learned not to tell someone with dementia that someone they cared for had died. When MIL forgot her husband had died, at first her children tried to remind her of his death but every time it was like she was hearing it for the first time and she experienced terrible grief. I learned to say that the person had just gone away for a while. Neither MIL nor deceased DH would question further - maybe somewhere deep in their brain they had a feeling that they wouldn't like the answer to where did they go.

I totally get this lingering feeling after there has been a dust up. I wonder if even though our rationale mind knows it's not our circus, if the teenager in us who was the people pleaser, peace maker, problem solver for the family dysfunctional behaviors feels like somehow it is our circus. I will give your DH and his sister credit it that they did apologize to each other. Did anyone apologize to you or the other sisters for creating this tension? And does it feel uncomfortable because their apologies end this round, but don't convey a sense of I'll do better next time? Does it feel like the cycle is blow up, apologize because we're just like Dad, forget about it, blow up again some other time, because we're just like Dad?

Yes, DH did apologize to his other sister and me. After the fight she and I cleaned up the food and talked for a bit. She was crying. She said this morning that while her siblings have their Dad's temper she was always more like her mother - the calm one. Interesting that they partially recreated some childhood scene in a way.

Always so much more than just the current moment. Family dynamics, especially around holidays are freighted with the weight of all the days that came before. It's powerful stuff and runs so much deeper than what we see on the surface. I think the people who explode feel better faster, because they got to discharge a lot of pent up feelings. The peacekeepers like you and your other sister in law get left with holding the rubble of the after shock. I hope everyone is feeling better this afternoon.

Exactly!!!

This peacekeeper agrees!

My Grandpa used to tell me the logging camp he was at had good food. I actually thought that was a reasonable explanation in his mind why he was living in a facility. The last time he had lived with other men and not his wife had been when he was logging. I never felt the need to explain to him he was in a nursing home. It seemed like a protective device and if it spared him any pain for any amount of time, I wanted that for him.

My aunt thought her very long dead parents were in Martha's Vineyard on vacation. I thought it sounded like a very nice side effect of the horrors of dementia.