I Believe
*******under construction..excuse the mess*********
Within my heart they're always there
No matter what in life I try to see
The truth is staring straight at me
I try to find that special goal
The one in life that makes me whole
For reasons that I must confess
These things in life I can't express
But I know within my heart
Strength will come and have it's part
I know that I need confidence
To bear my heart with truthfulness
Face the things that hold me back
Quench my soul with what I lack
Then reflections you will see
Will be the very heart of me
Doing this my greatest test
Hopeful dreams for all the rest
Look inside my heart you'll find
The woman now that I've designed.
~ Francine Pucillo ~
Copyright September 20, 2003
Me at my heaviest of 320lbs.!
Ticker for surgeon's goal
I am a 43 year old mother of two teenage sons, Jeremy & Brandon. and married to a wonderful man, Michael, now for 8 years. He is very supportive of my decision to start on this new adventure. I am an avid animal lover, 3 dogs, and 2 cats, and my family and friends are very important to me. I am now at my highest ever weight of 311 lbs., being 5'8" tall. I have developed many health problems, fibromyalgia, diabetes, incontinence, arthritis, GERD, chronic pain and fatigue, hernias,sleep apnea, a fatty liver,high blood pressure, back spasms. I have tried many diets and yo-yo'd back and forth over the years with my weight. I am praying that God had brought me to this decision to have WLS and that all will go smoothly with all of the pre-op tests.
My first baby girl-Buffy
Ellie-Buffy's Lil Sister
I received my packet today from Nita. I have my appointment for lab work in the a.m. at my doctor's office and I am now getting ready to make appointments for my psychiatrist. and nutritionalist...here we start...I am starting to get excited! :-)
My men-Jeremy 19th Birthday, with Dad, hubby Michael 11/17/04
My Boys-Brandon 17, Jeremy 19, Christmas 2004'
Today I went and had my lab work done, so that is another thing I can check off my list! I also signed for my medical records to be sent to Dr. Melkonian's office. Dr. Lisa Lorence, the psychiatrist, returned my call today and I am scheduled to see her on March 11th! Wow...so far so good. I have left a voicemail for the nutritionalist and hope to hear from her on Monday! I am so thankful the Lord is helping me through this and all is going smooth, and I pray it continues so.
Michael and Foxy Chilling Out
Hey everyone...just wanted to update my journey. I spoke with Dr. Lorence today and she is still checking on my insurance, but I am scheduled to see her on 3/11 (the psychologist). I still can't get in touch with the nutritionalist, she is out of town until 3/7 and I am getting a bit antsy, because I have to have all my ducks in a row for when I go and see Dr. Melkonian on 3/18. Lord give me the patience and continue to help through this journey..in Your Name I PRAY! AMEN!
#1 Steeler Fan Here-Bigger than Life! 10/31/04
Reason for me to have WLS:
1) Morbidly Obese-over 300lbs.
2) Sleep Apnea-hope to lose the CPAP with the weight!
3) Social Anxiety-ashamed of how I look to others
4) Depression-Vicious cycle
5) Fibromyalgia-the excess weight does not help
6) Arthritis-Excess weight causes more pain
7) Sex-Always loved it, but can't enjoy like I used to
8) GERD-Again excess weight does not help
9) Energy-or should I say lack of...looking forward to feeling better and want to do things!
10) Chronic Pain-Much of this will go away with the weight
11) Life-my quality of life is not good...looking forward to better quality as well as quantity (longer life being thinner)
12) Clothes-Not having to shop in the plus section, and feel like I am wearing sacks to cover up.
13) Travel-being able to fit in a plane seat without holding breath and squeezing to fit into seatbelt.
14) Restaurant rant Booths-Not having to worry if I'll fit in it.
15) Sanitary-Feeling cleaner, because I will be able to reach certain parts better!
16) Exercise-being able to do this again!
17) Me-to gain my self respect back.
18) Food-Eating to live, not living to EAT!
19) Cleaning House-Being able to do it again.
20) Breathing-without shortness and wheezing!
Michael at Hines Stadium 10/31/04-notice no makeup
Precious-our biggest Steeler Fan in the HOUSE!
My Special Lil Angel
My Sweetie Pie Foxy
Well I now have everything scheduled. I made my appointment today to see Jennifer Michele, the nutrionalist this Friday, 3/11, at 5pm! Yea! Now it is just the wait and see factor.
Your like an angel. You pocess love and bring love
to any thing or person. You love being yourself. Even though your cute or not. I think your just awesome. Like you are peace:)
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I just want to thank Michelle, the OH HTLM volunteer for being such a great communicator regarding my sprucing up job of my profile. Sorry I am so impatient to all you hard working volunteers out there. I appreciate all your work! God Bless you all!
You are a Mermaid, who sits on a rock in
the sea, looking and watching all humanity with
curiosity in your eyes. You have a two-sided
personality! On one hand, you revel in your
freedom and often prefer to live in your own
private dreams.
On the other hand, humanity
intrigues you and you love watching on. You are
actually very kind at heart, hating to see
people hurt and despise injustice! You probably
have one or two special friends, who mean the
world to you!
Also; you are probably quite
political, wanting to see justice done in the
world.
You are quite the dreamer, needing
freedom and personal space to dream your little
dreams. You love to escape into a book or some
good music and just drift away.
Some of your
good points are that you are sensitive,
compassionate and a freethinker. Your bad
points are that you may come across as cool and
aloof to others and probably have a tendency to
depression!
You are the ultimate dreamer with
a kind, but troubled heart!
Are you a Princess, Enchantress, Faerie, Mermaid or Toad? (with pictures!)
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Today I went for my psych. evaluation with Dr. Lisa Lorence and it went very well. I was very impressed with her and she told me that she would be sending her letter of recommendation for WLS to Dr. Melkonian. Later in the day I met with Jennifer Melchila, my nutrionist. She was also a very sweet person and made me feel very comfortable. She was excellent with all of her knowledge at such a young age. She told me that she would also be sending in her recommendation for WLS for me to Dr. Melkonian....YEA! Now, I just have my consult with Dr. Melkonian next Friday, March 18th and hopefully that will go well and all can be submited to my insurance for approval. Please Lord, let it be!
3/18/05
Today I had my first consult with Dr. Melkonian. I really was impressed with him and his staff. His nurse Nita, is a sweetie pie, and the young girl working the front, didn't get her name was so nice as well. I was a bit disgruntled that my own PCP's office had failed to get all my paperwork sent in. I had requested it be sent in February, and I had to stop back by his office to get that taken care of. Dr. M. explained all about the surgery to my husband and I and said he thought I would be a good candidate for it. He was very professional, yet nice at the same time. I have heard so many good things about him, I was not misled. Now the waiting comes...I have BCBS of MI. Dr. M. said this may slow things down abit, being out of state, but I hope not. I am looking forward to being on the losing side!!!!
I pray that this will bless you as it blessed me.
Hello God,
I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!
3/29/05
Well today has been a full day. My buddy Jessica had surgery this morning at 5:30am and came through it great. I called her this afternoon and got to hear her sweet voice on the phone for the first time! I am going to do my best to go and see her tomorrow at the hospital. She has been so nice to help me with things starting my journey and I can't help but love her! I also had a first today, I bathed the largest dog I ever have done before (I am learning to groom dogs). His name is Jake and he is a real sweatheart, lab/sherpard mix, but he weighs over 100 lbs, and boy, what a job. It was nice because his owner (my hairdresser) gave me a $10.00 tip....I guess always tipping her paid off this time! I also spoke with Nita at Dr. M's office and they have not gotten my letter transcribed yet for the insurance company. When I reminded her that I was there on 3/18 and they got all of their information that same afternoon she said that she would make sure that the letter was taken care of this week and will go to BCBS of MI. by the end of the week! Yeah! I can't wait! I want to be a loser so bad. I have been stock piling on stuff to start my liquid diet already and think I may start cutting out the caffine and sodas so it won't be such a shock to the system! Oh Lord, give me the patience I need!!!! Everyone keep Jessica in their prayers to heal under the hand of God and His angels! Love you girlfriend! Until later....anyone have any ideas for my future dieting, please email me! Love you all! Losers rule!
I am so excited! I got a call from Ann this past week letting me know that all I am going to have to pay Dr. Melkonian is $243.00! Isn't that wonderful! Thank you Lord!! Also, I found out that Nita has sent my packet into BCBS of MI, so I am going to start calling them next week and pestering them to death to get my date asap!!
Okay everyone....I just got a reading online from a new friend of mine I have met through Amos, and it was amazing. She had me down pat, and I did not give her any information at all....I am psyched and pumped from my reading! I don't want to give her name...but she knows who I am...Thanks "B"!!! Love you!
Well just thought I would make a little update. I am still awaiting approval from BCBS of MI. I called Ann at Dr. M's office on Monday and she checked Nita's desk and Nita had mailed my packet out on 4/1 to Detroit. So...I know the mail will slow it down by a couple of days, but I do plan on calling this afternoon and touching base with BCBS. I have started to get excited, scared, pumped, you name it! All sorts of emotions. I have been trying to cut out my soft drinks, gave up straws, trying different proteins shakes, and prepare myself mentally. I know it will just be a matter of time now, and I pray to God every day and lift it all up to HIM, for He is the one to take care of this for me, as He has done on so many other things in my life. I'll update as I have more details..Love and Hugs to all!
This is just to say a very special "Thank you" to a very special lady, "Sherri Garrett". She is the volunteer from the HTLM staff that spruced up my profile to look so wonderful. Thank you Sherri! You are the best!
4/8/05
Hello...just wanted all to know that I am still waiting to hear on my insurance. It has been one week since it was mailed off by Nita to BCBS of MI. and I am getting so, so antzy. I am going to call Nita on Monday to find out exactly who and where she sent the packet so I can start worrying the insurance company to death. Lord I hope they approve me. It will be such a downer if I am not approved. I also want to thank sweet lil' Jessica for helping me fix a few things I messed up on my page. She is so, so sweet, I feel like I have known her forever, but I have not even met her in person yet. I am going to be at Pet Smart in Gastonia tomorrow assistaing with an adoption event for The Animal League of Gaston Co. if anyone wants to drop by. I'll be there from 11:00-2:00pm. Well it's back to bed for me...hopefully I will sleep. Love you all!
Well, what a Monday this has been. Still no update on my insurance approval. I called Nita at Dr. M's office this morning and left her a voicemail. She called me back after lunch and told me that BCBC of MI would not let her fax the paperwork so she mailed it on 4/1/05 and they told her it would take a month for approval or disapproval!!!! I called BCBS myself and talked to customer service...not getting anywhere, but just more confused. I called Nita again, and left her another message updating her and then missed her call back this evening at about 5:45 pm...She told me to just call her tomorrow, poor thing, sounded wore out! On a brighter note, I am really looking forward to the support meeting in Gastonia this Thursday so I can meet all these wonderful people I have been emailing and talking to! Love em' all already! Until later..love and blessings to you all!
You're Lili St. Cyr!
What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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4/14/05
Boy what a day. First, I finally was able to find out the right group of people at BCBS of MI. that Nita at Dr. M's office needs to talk to and I left her a voicemail. We have both been going in circle with them trying to get the pre-determination department...and now, hopefully, it won't be long!!! Then tonight I went to my first WLS support meeting in Gastonia at Carolina BBQ. It was wonderful! I met so many nice people. I felt like I already knew them from the AMOS site and I had already been talking to Jessica and just started talking to Melissa some, so what a great time. We had a really good turnout. We had 15 people there! It was awesome. Some people brought guest so there were actually 11 people there, 3 pre-op, 8 post-op. It really gives me hope seeing how great these ladies are doing. I am so excited about this...I am ready Lord...let's do it tomorrow!! :-)...until later, love and blessings to you all!
04/22/05
Just thought I would update since it has been awhile. I am STILL awaiting approval. I have been praying everyday and trying to be patient, but it is hard. I just got off the phone with Nita at Dr. M's office to verify that she had received my message on 4/20. I finally got a real person to talk to at BCBS of MI. in the predetermination department. I had to finally ask for a supervisor because no one would talk to me since I was not a provider...what the heck, this is my insurance that I am paying for and they would not talk to me! Anyway, this guy I spoke with was real nice and he still did not see anything in his system, so he told me to have Nita to fax the papers directly to him and he would make sure it got in the system??? I just left him a viocemail to followup and I hope he will call me. Nita mailed my original packet out on 4/1..and now it is 4/22...Please God, let me be approved, I am so ready now! I want to thank all the gals in my support group for being so great and supportive of me. They are all so awesome. And yes, Jessica, I will be seeing you at Planet Fitness! Pre-op or not! I am getting this ball a rollin'! I hope to have my approval and date by our next meeting on 5/19!! Keep your fingers crossed!
4/25/05
Hello again! Just thought I would come and say how appreciative I am of all of my new friends through AMOS, especially my new support group in Gastonia, I love you all so much! I feel like I have know some of you so long...it is amazing. I am looking so forward to joining all the wonderlful "LOSERS" on AMOS and I am going to try my best to keep my postings up after surgery so I can be a sucess and a great role model (I HOPE) for others as so many of you have been for me. I am not sure what the stage is that you are to get an angel, but I have not gotten one yet. I look forward to maybe hearing from some of you soon for this job, and I will, in turn do the same for someone once I am on the losing side. God Bless!
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Happy Cinco De Mayo everyone...hope you did not eat too much mexican like I did, still staying with me, if you know what I mean! I wanted to post since it has been a good while. I have been down lately because of the road blocks to my surgery I ran into. It has been back and forth between Dr. M's office and BCBS of MI. Dr. M's office wanting a letter of approval from BCBS and BCBS saying I did not need to be pre-approved as long as I meet all the criteria. Well, after this going back and forth for over a month, I hope I finally have all of my ducks in a row. There was some additional documetation that needed to come from my PCP's office and I went and talked to him today. He told me he would pull all my records, even my old ones and put together a letter for me with the documetation needed on my past weight loss efforts and fax it over to Dr. M's office tonight if possible. I am very fortunate to have a great PCP, however, some of his staff failed to send all my files over to begin with...so, here we are. Now I have lifted this back up to God and feel like a burden has been taken off of me, because I know, by God, all things are possible. I pray this will satisfy Dr. M's office enough for them to approve my surgery and give me my appointment and surgery date!! Love to you all and God Bless!
5/16/05
Well, I thought I would just post to be posting. Nothing new to update, I am STILL waiting on PCP to do another letter for me to Dr. M's office. I left my PCP a voicemail this morning letting him know, again, that this is the only thing holding up my surgery approval by Dr. M's office, since BCBS of MI. only require I meet all their criteria....trying not to get bummed about it, just not as excited. I hope going to the support meeting this Thursday will pump me back up. I really need it bad! It would be so nice to go to the meeting with some better news, other than, I am still waiting!!! Man, it seems like this is taking forever, and forever, and forever....God Almighty, please help me! Until latter...tootles!
6/13/05
Thought I would post an update, since it has been almost a month! Boy, that is hard to believe, yet not...it has been a rough road since I last posted. My surgery is on hold at this time until I can raise 2500.00. My surgeon's office was not satisfied with my PCP's letters and documentation, unless they change thier mind since last week my doctor sent all my records for the last 5yrs!, and they want 2500.00 up front since my insurance does not pre-approve. They would not allow me to just sign a waiver, so I am trying to come up with ways to do this. One of my amos found friends Jamie, gave me the idea of a raffle and that is what I am doing now...so if anyone wants to buy
