experiencing a lot of emotions and
May 27, 2020
When my parents came to visit us for the first time since all of this happened (COVID/Social Distancing), several weeks ago and it hit me hard to see my mom and dad tell my young kids that they couldn't give them hugs...
I vocalized that it was hard for me to see and that explaining social distancing to my kids was a tough pill to swallow... (in fact, I still get choked up thinking about it) and my parents took it as "we won't come and see you, then"... so my younger brothers were driving home together from Detroit and Boston, I knew they would be coming down via the 15 freeway so I invited them to drive by and my mom sends me a message saying "I thought you weren't accepting visitors?! what about your difficulty with explaining social distancing (with that little shrug emoji)?" I kind of felt attacked?
I let her know that yes, it was hard, but it's not like my brothers are going to come in the house and make themselves at home... they are passing through and staying in their cars... and that I was working on getting used to things... I kind of felt attacked?
We live about 45 minutes away from the rest of my family (parents) and they want us to bring the kids down to "social distance hang out"... I said that it was really difficult to take the girls to a very familiar place and that it was hard for me and to see my children "get used to" not embracing their loved ones... I never said that they couldn't come to my house if they were local.
I don't want to get used to my girls running up to my parents? But my parents are calling things "New Normal, they are resiliant, and they feed off their parents emotions" well, I am an emotional mess right now and I want to know more about the virus in hopes we can find something sooner rather than later.
I want to use the example of, it's only been 3 months and what if we lived farther away and couldn't come see you? but then I feel like I am being selfish. But why do I feel guilty, still? I have so many thoughts and emotions and I am having a difficult time getting through them.
I feel like the whole COVID thing is stupid and yet, I am totally petrified that I will catch it and give something to someone in my family who is immunocompromised... I have had friends who have loved ones pass away from COVID, so I am wanting to stay indoors, but then I see others on social media not wearing masks, having a grand old time and I just don't get it.
May 05, 2020
Hoping that this funk that I have been in goes away soon. I am really trying to look at the positive side of things and be grateful for the things that I have. We have a roof over our heads, food in our fridge and we are healthy.
... But is it too much that I want a hug from my parents? I was used to seeing my parents every day for the most part... and now that I have only gotten to video chat has really put a damper in my emotional state. I guess I am a kid at heart... I just want my parents... lol