Kate U.

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I can't believe it- only 15 more days. Next week I start my 7 day preop diet. 
So I'm going this weekend to get everything I need to carry me through the pre op full liquid to the post op full liquid, including the clear liquids in between. (I'll be doing 7 day full -> 1 day clear-> SURGERY -> 4-6 day clear ->4-6day full -> 4-6 day soft to pureed)

My shopping list:

Clear Liquid
Isopure Zero Carb
SF ice pops 
SF vegan Jello
Vegetable broth
Tons of smart water or propel

Full Liquid
BSN Syntha 6 protein shake mix (my favorite- yummy. I hope I still like it post op!)
SF yogurt
Diet v8- fruit flavored 
Soymilk
97-98% fat free Cream Soups (I'll strain them)
SF Puddling Mix (I already have Micellar Milk to mix it with)

Not looking forward to the liquid diet for the most part, except for some more potential preop weight loss (i've already lost 10 pounds or so pre op)

I don't know what happened but all of the sudden I'm feeling alot more positive about things. It just hit me that I am FINALLY having this and that my entire life is about the change. I am about to evolve into the woman I've always wanted to be. No more frustration about not keeping up with the others... I feel positive about the progress I'm about to make!!!

I can't wait for this journey to begin!!!

Is it Dec 26th yet?!?!?! :-D

I was so f*ing frustrated last night. Here I am the prez of a derby league and I can't skate longer than 98% of the other players. Literally after about 5 minutes of skating at a medium pace, I can't feel my right foot. My doctor says this is due to an infection I had in my leg for the past month... the infection is gone but the inflammation is still there, although it's subsiding (FINALLY!). I actually thought the leg infection was going to end up postponing my surgery. But I still think that alot of it has to do with my weight... my feet can't support my weight- I'm convinced of it. Then, after a while, I get leg fatigue.. .and then it's over. I'm down for the count.

You can't imagine how embarassing it is when you fall and your coach rushes to help you up because she knows it's hard for you to get off the floor by yourself. It's embarrassing when you can't do an entire drill because not only do you know you can't get up, but you know that you'll fuck up your knees beyond belief just by doing padded knee falls.

But you know what all of this frustration and strife is doing for me... motivating me. I refuse to EVER feel like this again... to EVER let myself go so much that it takes me 30 seconds to get of the f*ing floor. Never again. It also just confirms why I am having surgery. No matter how much I think I'm like a normal person... I'm not. I'm carrying almost 200 pounds more than these women, who are in my general age range. It is a stark contrast that I had to force myself to see. In my head, I'm still 190 pounds.. .still chunky, but healthy. When I go to derby, it is evident that I am not 190 pounds... but I am 333.

I can't wait... I wish it was already Dec 26. It seems like to days are going soooo slowly past.  I cannot wait to start my new life... to be the woman in the mirror that I see in my mind... beauty will come to fruition

Ok so I went to the local bariatric store. They're great there- very imformative, friendly, knowledgable, etc. Check them out www.bariatriceating.com They even have a little bar there where you can test out different protein shakes. I'm so glad that they have that because I would have spent 40 bucks on this one drink that I would have HATED when I got home. So I decided to go with Micellar Milk and then I bought a variety of Davinci Splenda Syrups... in banada, chai, and Malibu Rum. Had them yesterday morning and spent the rest of the day with a huge migraine, nausea, and sweating my ass off. I had to skip practice and everything, I felt that bad. 

Splenda is the devil. Glad I figured this out now and not post op. Check out some of the other symptoms people have had from Splenda http://splendasickness.blogspot.com/

Ick.

Only 28 days until the big day!!!!! I'm still trying to phathom that the day is finally coming. I've been trying to make sure that I've thought of everything, prepared mentally and emotionally, and that I'm 1000% confident that I will succeed. But I still always have those fat girl doubts in the back of my mind. Which I think is normal. I have every resource and tool that will allow me to succeed in this. I won't be 100% perfect, but I'll be 100% dedicated.

What I find ironic about this entire WLS situation is this... I have been trying to get WLS for a while now. Desperate for it... was about to pay for it... etc. And now, I joined this sport in which its totally cool to be fat. I mean, ideally, I would be like 230 and playing  and I would freaking rock! There's different positions in derby, and when you're a blocker, size is used to your advantage. But there are plenty of awesome thin blockers. I just have to keep in mind that I will be strong and I'll still be bigger than the others due to my height. I will also need to train over the next year like I'm thin so I don't use my weight as a crutch. For example, I can just barely lean into a person and they go flying. Instead of doing that, I need to learn how to really block, the correct way, not just throw my weight. 

It's also ironic because derby is usually full of partying. I'm used to maybe drinking once a month, if that. Since derby started, I'm definitely doing something every weekend and there is usually alcohol involved. I don't have to drink, mind you, and I don't always. I seriously can drink like a man(good german stock) but I usually just have a few beers and relax.  It's just ironic that soon I will be having my last drink for a long while as I just joined this kind of partying culture. Luckily, the girls are so much fun, you don't really need to drink. Seriously- they're that entertaining.

Well, CityLink came out and the article was awesome! Very serious and deep- the writer got into the history of derby and everything. We got the cover and then 4 fabulous full color pages! And I didn't look too shabby. People were saying I looked like the meanest one! funny.


With the other cofounder of the league

me, trying out one of my mean faces

There will be a ton of upcoming press with all of the papers and I'm sure the news will come out soon, as I just secured us a private rink. So soon we'll all be in full pads and giving and taking full hits. 

It's still so frustrating because I'm supposed to be a leader and I can't keep up with the girls in terms of endurance. I always have to tap out before everyone else and it drives me insane. And it's not really even a cardio thing... more like a strength thing. That and pain- my feet more than anything (my knees are killing me too, but not as bad as my feet). I'm putting my feet through a beating at this weight on skates... they are not happy campers! ha!

I just want to be able to dominate on the track... and I just can't physically do it. I try to tell myself that it's just a matter of time and I'll be able to get the speed and endurance I want (and need!), but I'm impatient. And I'm limited in other ways... like I can't crossover effectively (when you skate, you cross one leg over the other to keep your speed through the turn) because my legs are just too big. I know that there's nothing I can do about it, but I still want to do them like everyone else!! But better! I'm too competitive to be fat right now lol. 

I always said when I played volleyball that I didn't need to be the absolute best, but I needed to be one of them. Now, when it comes to derby I feel the same way. There are lifelong skaters that I don't expect to be better than. But I always want to be better than the majority of people at whatever I do. That's why I don't pursue sports that I know I can't be really good at. Take softball. I was ok (barely). No, really, I sucked at it.  So I played for like a season and stopped. Because I didn't feel a potential for my personal success in that sport. When I first touched a volleyball, I knew I'd be good at it. Same thing with derby. I saw derby and I knew I could be good. Maybe not the best... but up there. And that's what I want to be. I want people fear me on the track. I want fans to love (or hate) me not because of my derby persona, but because of my skating.

Citylink... one of the local papers is coming out to our skating practice tonight to do a cover story about our new roller derby league. They also want to do in studio portraits. I've been in the paper and on the news for other things many times, but there was no expectation to be "sexy" as we were protesting for whatever issue... This article is expecting sexiness. Like I was thinking how sucky it would be if they didn't put me in it because of my weight, when I'm founding it with 1 other person. I mean, if I were an editor and I had two pics... one of a fat girl and one of some skinny hot chick with a skirt that you can see her ass in, I know which I would choose lol. It's just good business. And frankly, from my business point of view, I'd want them to choose that too. But they are a pretty cool paper so I'm hoping that they depict everyone in a "strong, independant, kick ass woman" kind of light.

I have been freaking out about my derby uniform   
That's kind of an exagerated derby uniform... but you get the idea of what derby grrls wear alot of the times. But this is kind of the expectation. We'll see what I can come up with. Luckily, by the time I need a full uniform for bouting, I'll already be on the losing side!!

Tonight, I'm wearing my super cleavage showing uniform top and then I'm wearing these black crops and my skates. And my wrist guards. Should be hot enough! :)

Since I'm a vegetarian, I have been very concerned about getting in my protein post op. I was really thinking that it would be a challenge. So I started compiling a list (via excel spreadsheet) putting in all of the foods I like to eat, especially fake meats, soy based foods, etc. There are a hell of a lot of things that I can eat! P.S. I'm happy to forward it to anyone who'd like to see it

So I've been doing a 3 day food journal (that's mostly just to get you thinking about working protein into your diet) that I have to take to my Nutritional Clearance Class and I did awesome! Didn't have a problem getting in the protein. Of course, the challenge with come when I have to get that same protein into my body in tiny quantities.

I've started drinking my gf's BSN Syntha 6 protein shakes in the morning. I bought a few pre bottled Isopures in different flavors (they weren't that good, but doable when I'm sick of milky tasting things). Then I've been throwing in things like chickpeas on my salad and lunch with a side of cottage cheese. 

I realized that my job's cafeteria will not be helpful post op. There's a ton of protein packed meat items, but not alot of vegetarian-friendly items. They do have a veggie burger which I could have occassionally. And they have things like cheese, cottage cheese, yogurt, etc which will be helpful. But if I want any variety at all, I'll need to bring my own stuff. 

I went to my psych eval last week. I think that the lady thought I was a little OCD due to my spreadsheets and inability to be bored (I work, coach a traveling volleyball team, founding a roller derby league, etc). She was kind of laughing at me about it lol. But I am the way I am and when I go for something, I almost always succeed. And if I don't, at least I know I went balls the wall trying. It's 100% or nothing. So I want to be 100% prepared, or at least as prepared as possible in going into this. 

You know, you go to these meetings with people who are in the process of getting approved. And they know next to nothing about the surgery, what it means post-op, etc. They just don't do their research. And that baffles me. When I wanted to do roller derby, I knew everything about skates, skating, etc before I even got on the floor because I just researched the crap out of everything. I mean, I know that's extreme but if you're about to rewire your body in such a drastic and permanent way, you should know what you're getting into!!! ::Thus ends my rant of the day::

I can't believe it's finally here... I've got my date! December 26th!!! Yes, the day after Christmas. What a wonderful Christmas present that will be!!! I'll have to have Christmas dinner early, since I'll be on a 7 day liquid diet. Luckily, I'm working on Xmas so that will help keep my mind off the Xmas traditional food fest lol. 

I've already lost 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks from roller derby.. I'm skating 3 times a week and eating pretty well. I figure I might as well get as much weight off now as I can... getting ahead of the game.

Yay!