Anna E.

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I haven't posted cuz I didn't want to post negative stuff.  But, I guess this blog isn't just for others to see how I am doing, but for me to be able to look back and see how far I have come, so here goes....
I am still "sick" but we don't think it's the stomach flu.  I threw up for about a day, then stayed with the nausea and pain, now there's more pain than nausea.  It hurts in my upper left abdomen spreading towards where my breastbone ends in the center and it hurts worst after I eat.  I also have a lot of gas (burping, hiccuping and well you know).  My dr gave me reglan on Wed the 24th which I take before meals and before bed.  It is supposed to be a pain killer/anti-nausea med. It's not helping that much.  Now my pcp is trying to get me in to a GI doc but to no avail so far.  So in that department I am to take the meds, eat bland foods w/out much roughage and try to make it to next week.  If it gets too painful I am to go into the ER.  We'll see how it goes.
Mentally, I saw my therapist and psych dr on the 24th.  They are tweaking my meds due to financial needs and I am just beginning to realize how much work I have to do with my therapist re: my using my weight as a barrier to keep people away, esp. sexually.  I also have used food as a crutch to not deal with my emotions and that has to start coming to an end pretty darn quickly.  My therapist said to try not to focus too much on these issues yet, and to stay away from discussing my sexual abuse in the past because it triggers me something fierce.  So I went home, tried to sleep and had a horrible, very disturbing dream.  I haven't slept since because when I close my eyes I see things, bad things.  I am now at about 35 hours of no sleep, which is very dangerous for me not just because I am sick, but because I am Bi-Polar and that can easily send me into a manic, then crash into a depression.  Neither is good I am afraid.
Good news,at least a little, my ins fully covers the surgery and I will find out what kind of tests the surgeon wants, but my pcp, psych, therapist and ins co are all ready to go.  Now I wait until 2-26-07 to see what happens next.  Until then I am trying to take care of me, watch good movies, listen to good music and take it one day at a time.  I guess that's all any of us can really do.

I haven't updated in a couple of days cuz  I have been sick with the stomach flu - yuck!  Anyway, I am starting to feel better and keep bland foods down so here I am!  I went to a symposium with the California Bariatric and General Surgery Associates on Wed 1-17-07.  It was very informative and I have scheduled my first consultaion with Dr. Pehrsson (sp?) on February 26th.  What's actually quite funny is that the guys that I went to the meeting with weren't looking into the surgery for themselves, but by the time the meeting was over, my friend G said "where do I sign up?", and then scheduled his consultation for the same day as mine!  It's cool to have support here on line and over the phone, but to have people supporting you who are going through the same problems you are, to be right here and even going with you to the appointments etc., even cooler!  I got the flu then on Thursday night and am just starting to regroup.  More later!

I had 15 days smoke-free.  I had gotten past the physical withdrawals, declined cigarettes when everyone around me was smoking, I had gone the longest ever without smoking.  Then I had one.  I was at a meeting last night and we had a break.  My friend and I went outside (first error) although I told him I wasn't planning on smoking, but I did.
I got home and decided that I was going to start fresh again today...I got until about 1pm.  How am I going to ever get this surgery if I have to be smoke-free, and, how am I going to be able to suceed with the surgery if I can't show will power in other areas of my life.  I am very discouraged. I have an appointment with my regular Dr. tomorrow and then I am going to a symposium tomorrow night to discuss surgery options, etc.  Guess we'll see how it goes...

OK, I've filled out two applications so far, have two here that I am not going to fill out, and one or two on the way!  This is getting silly...I can't seem to get straight answers from these surgery places about whether they are in-network with my ins. (blue cross ppo) and what the "extra" hidden charges will be.  One place I am covered but they are out-of-network so there is a 20% co-pay and it's cash to see the Dr. ($300).  Another place I am in-network but they use surgery assistants which are not covered so that will be $2300 for them plus a $200 "education" fee - whatever that is!  I have found a place in Pasadena who I am supposed to talk to tomorrow, and a place in Burbank who is sending me more paperwork to fill out - goody!!!

Other than that, I now have 8 days smoke-free! Yay for me!!  Talk at ya again soon!

It is Jan. 4th and still I have not had a cigarette...pretty good!  I am finding myself nibbling a little more, and "rewarding" myself with chocalate left over from Christmas.  Oh well, it's better than smoking right?!?   I am still having a hard time finding a surgeon who takes my insurance in full, but I talked to someone today from Surgilite.  She is sending me some paperwork to fill out and another guy is supposed to call me tomorrow about another place.  Meanwhile I'll keep taking it one step at a time.

So here it is, Jan 1st, 2007. My last weigh in at the dr. was 365lb, about 2 weeks ago.  Today is my first day of my new life as a non-smoker.  So far so good, and I've had to deal with people all over smoking around me at a wedding I had to attend today.  If I can stay smoke-free through that then I can do this.  I have to do this, with my having COPD already no surgeon will touch me until I'm smoke-free for 3 months.  So today is the first day towards my new life.
On another note, I am having difficulty finding a surgeon who take my insurance in full, and I have found out that my insurance doesn't fully cover all of the medications that I take, and I just lost my roommate/personal helper of a year.  So, my challenges this year are beginning to show themselves.  I will take them on one step at a time, that is all I can do.  I have to remember that in order to eat an elephant,  I must first take a single bite.  Happy New Year!

I filled out the registration paperwork online with litedimensions.com.  I guess the main Dr. is Dr. LaPort.  There is an information session that they want me to go to on Jan. 5th, I am still working on a ride.  Their website mentions that they sometimes help with travel so I hope that will work out. We'll see!

So I have officially begun my journey towards a new, healthy, life.  I had done a little research during the past year but I finally met with my primary care dr. and asked for a referral to a gastro-enterologist.  My mom has also struggled with her weight for a long time and she just got approved and scheduled for her lap-band (Jan. 15th).   She is the one who turned me on to this website.   I am excited for her and know that this will truly change her life.  I am very blessed to be on this road with her.  I may have a hard road ahead due to my many co-morbidities and my struggle to quit smoking.  I just turned 36 in Dec.  and I am beginning to realize that if I don't start makiing some serious changes in my life I may not live to see 40.  Wow.  It's one thing to say it and another to see it written down.  It's definitely time.