Would I do it again?

Mar 22, 2009

I have been asked a lot lately..."Would you do it again?" With my blood sugars going crazy and my new addition to my lifestyle of what I am finding are seizures I have had to learn a new way to may my eating priority again. I can't put my children, my employees, my husband, or my body through these seizures because I choose to eat something "off" my diet.

I must say, at this point, an overwhelming "YES! I would do it again!" My husband would have me do it again. My children, well, I don't know what they would say. When I start to have a sugar drop my kids get freaked out - they don't want to see another seizure. That was more than hard on them.

But in the big picture...I know I would. I was practically disabled when I was at 300 lbs. I had blown out my lower back, couldn't wear anything other than open back shoes because my ankles were so huge. I couldn't cross my legs. I wore potato sacks for clothes because nothing else fit. I didn't feel like myself - I was hidden and saw no end in sight. I couldn't exercise - I was mainly on canes when I was walking, when I could walk.

But what would I have done differently before the surgery?

I wouldn't have lied to myself. I was eating too much. I was eating the wrong things. I was not educating myself as to what was eating me that caused me to be eating. Why was I hiding myself behind a world of fat? Why did I allow the process of eating create the serotonin in my brain to calm my aching heart?

I would have tried other options first. HCG diet maybe? getting a personal trainer and a counselor to help me with what I now KNOW was body dysmorphic disorder?

What would I change about the surgery process? I believe pre-operative evaluations should be a full year in length. This surgery is NOT a quick fix. Your body may get skinny, but your brain takes time to get there. There needs to be full pre-operative counseling and there needs to be PROOF that individuals requesting the surgery have the ability (mentally, financially, time expenditure, and emotionally) to "stick to" the "lifestyle".

Unlike many that are in this forum, I am years post operative. I DID NOT do my homework. I saw it as a quick fix. I DO NOT want to discourage anyone from having the surgery, but I can blatantly tell everyone in here that the nutrition class gave me a lot of "do's and don'ts" but not the "why's" so I could understand the consequences of nutritional choices. This needs to be openly discussed, questions need to be asked, and answers need to be real, not just sketchy informed consent.

For those of us that are years out know that we were more of the test rats and the problems will be ours first. I didn't really think of it that way. I will admit that one of the things that I did not recognize in my "fat desperation" was that years later I would become bold and prideful, thinking that I could "go back to normal" at some point just because I am now "skinny".

So, here is what I am going to do - I want to help educate. I will review literature...I will take feedback from others...but most importantly I WANT other peoples experiences to weigh against my own.

As for me and my surgery...I am now fighting for my health my life in a different way than I was before the surgery. It is no longer my weight but my quality and consistency of life that is imperative.

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