Amber J.

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I have to admit, I don't blog much. I have a hard time deciding if it's because I really don't have much to say or because I'm just too lazy. Though, I did just write my first 'food blog' on my personal webpage (www.knottypoodle.com) Anywho, another month has passed in my weight loss journey. I am now four months out from my surgery. It's crazy for me to think that it's only been four months. It seems like so much more time has passed. As of today I'm down 69 pounds with 56 more to go to reach my goal. I'm so thrilled that I've already lost over 50% of my excess body weight since my surgeon was very sure to let me know that I'd be lucky to hit that 50% mark.

I have to admit, I'm still not the perfect post-op bariatric patient. I don't always get all my protein in, I often forget to take the last dose of my calcium, and I rarely get 64 ounces of water a day. But I'm consciously working on it. Especially since my hair is falling out like a Seattle downpour. The one thing I HAVE been getting enough of is exercise. I currently do belly dancing once a week, weight lifting three times a week, yoga once a week, and Kenpo Karate three to four times a week. Apparently I've been over doing it. I often burn over 900 calories in one karate class...so eating 600 calories a day just wasn't cutting it. I have such a high calorie deficit that I've had to cut down on how much I'm doing. Now that I've cut back, my weight loss is picking up pace again. Hopefully I'll be able to eat more sometime soon and I'll be able to pick it up again.

The biggest change for me these days is how much more like a 'normal' person I feel. Now that I'm below 200 pounds I feel like I'm fit to be seen in polite society again. I know I was just as good of a person when I was 265 pounds but I was always highly AWARE of my weight and size. Especially living here in Seattle with a husband who works at Microsoft. This area has such a wonderful fitness scene and drive toward health that you're really the odd duck out if you're obese. And, of course, there's all the new clothes I get to buy. I'm down from a size 24-26 to a 14. Do you have ANY idea how much cheaper it is not to have to shop at Lane Bryant? Yesterday, I went to Old Navy's summer sale and was able to get a bunch of cute shirts and skirts for only $5 each. That's a huge decrease from the $50 per item that Lane Bryant would charge.

A lot of my old mindsets haven't changed, though. When I'm out walking I still look at hills and think, "Oh god...this is gonna suck..I'm not going to be able to breath." But then when I get to the top I think "Wow...that was quick and not as bad as I thought it was going to be." I'm really finding it hard to change the way I think to match my current physical size and strength. I think it's because I've lost the weight so quickly. I still have my inherent laziness that was brought on because of how HARD everything was when I was big. I still plan so that I'll have to go up and down the stairs in my house as few times as possible. But I'm working on it.

I think I'll always be 'working on it' but every day I wake up and I think about how happy I am and how wonderful my life is. That's all I can really ask for.

 I haven't blogged in a while so I figured today would be a good day. I'm coming up on two months out and things are going sooooo much better. I'm able to eat solid foods now. I can keep pretty much anything down except for chicken breast and some pork. I still have a problem with food sitting uncomfortably for at least 30-60 minutes after I eat. It's rather miserable. The only things that go down easily and don't hurt while sitting there are carby things like pasta and bread. It's a real struggle not to eat more carbs because of this.

For the most part I'm sticking strictly to my surgeon's diet plan. The only real problem I'm having is eating enough calories. My surgeon wants me to be getting all my protein from solid food and to avoid any kind of liquid calories, even protein shakes. It's just not going to happen. if I stick entirely to solid foods I'm lucky to get 30 grams of protein a day. It is wonderful to be on solid foods, though. I have SO much more energy and I finally feel human. The Zofran my surgeon prescribed for anti-nausea has really helped with this as well.

I've started working out with my personal trainer again and it's going wonderful. I'm not nearly as weak or getting as winded as I thought I would. My trainers are very impressed. The only downside is I'm sooooo sore and Tylenol does nothing at all to help with the pain. I really miss my Excedrin Back and Body. Besides working out with my trainers, I'm getting a half hour of cardio in every day, working out with The Biggest Loser on my Kinect, doing belly dancing classes on Tuesdays, and yoga on Thursdays. It feels WONDERFUL to be so active! I go back to work on the 3rd and I'm not nearly as afraid of it as I was since my workouts are going so well.

I've also been really diligent about tracking all my meals and exercise on myfitnesspal.com. I really like the website and I love the fact that it has an iPhone app that goes along with it. It keeps me accountable and encourages me to up my food intake when its too low.

I hope everyone else with my surgery date is doing as well!

One more pound and I'll be down 30 pounds since my surgery. Very awesome but I definitely feel I should be down more. The last four or five days have been extremely stressful for me and full of way more activity then I could handle. I feel exhausted and can't wait to spend the rest of the week relaxing at home. During this flurry of activity I definitely feel like I wasn't eating enough. I was getting maybe one or two protein shakes a day and then a half of a cup of some kind of cream soup at night. I was just too distracted to treat myself right and so tired that I just didn't even feel like eating.

On Sunday I got approved to start 'soft' foods. The day before that, I knew I had to eat but had nothing on me because of all the running around so I took a few bites of the beef jerky that my husband had and had no problems at all with it. However, on Sunday I attempted to eat some tiny chicken meatballs and was in the bathroom hacking up food and foamies before I was halfway through with the second one. The same thing happened with the small piece of fish I've tried to eat. Now, a lot of people translate 'soft foods' into pureed but that's not how my doctor does it. He wants me to include easy to get down meats like fish, ground turkey, chicken..but I'm really starting to be afraid of any kind of meat. My doctor, like many, wants me to be getting all my daily protein from real foods and avoid protein shakes if I can.

The feeling of something being stuck is HORRIBLE. It even makes it hard for me to breath and I always end up in the bathroom wretching. I know I'm taking small enough bites and chewing well...I have no idea why these things keep getting stuck. Finally, last night, I ate some turkey lunch meat wrapped around some hummus and a small piece of avacado. It went down easy and I didn't feel stuck for once. I was only able to finish one and a half of them, though. Way below the 2 ounces I'm supposed to be having. I guess this is just going to be a process I have to work through but it sucks to be scared of every meal I eat.

 Thankfully, for me, dealing with other people's opinions has mostly been an amusing process. I haven't received anything negative (which might mostly be because my husband shelters me from his best friend whom I loath...the guy almost ruined our wedding..). The vast majority of the comments are really warm and welll meaning but a bit over-bearing. 

Yesterday I had to go back to the ER at the hospital because I was vomiting uncontrollably and couldn't hold water or my pain meds down. It turns out it was probably one of the stool softener gel caps that the hospital sent me home with that got stuck. Some how it passed while I was at the hospital and I feel great now! However, most of my friends on Facebook have taken this to mean that I am now incredibly fragile. I admit, I had a bit of a bad moment but as early as last night when I got home I felt a MILLION times better. Of course, I got quite a bit of chastisement for not calling my doctor as soon as I started throwing up. I do admit that I should have been quicker on that and shouldn't have tried to wait it out.

Today, still feeling amazing, i went out shopping with my husband. Pretty much all the people that had surgery the same day as me are up and about and some are even going to the gym already. I am not one to be left behind. We went to Costco, then the supermarket, then the pet store. I admit I might have over did it but I was only a bit sore and out of breath...not bent over in pain. I made a joking post about it on Facebook and almost immediately got a bunch of responses from friends and family about how I was trying to kill myself. Please people! I walked a little too far today....I didn't go to an amusement park!

This is a long journey and I'm going to have to push my limits in order to find out what those limits ARE! It's nice to have so many people that care about me but I need a bit of freedom to figure myself out as well. One of these days I'm going to wake up and feel normal again...but until then i'm never going to find that day if I hide in bed.

 Is it strange that I wish I could just sleep tomorrow away? Wake up and get it over with already? I've always HATED anticipation. I love taking vacations, I hate booking and planning them months in advance because I always end up counting the days. The nine months between our engagement and wedding almost killed me. I've gotten through these last two weeks by just focusing on staying on my pre-op diet. It was easier then I thought it would be. I went camping this weekend so at least I didn't have to torture myself thinking about my surgery date then, but now that I'm home it's sneaking up on me again.

I'm also getting anxiety over the silliest things. Liiikkkee..what if I forget my slippers when I go to the hospital? I'm going to be stuck shuffling around in the little hospital booties instead of my cute pink poodles. Of course, I can just send my husband home to get them. We live ten minutes from the hospital. I'm also worried because they haven't given me my check-in time yet. The hospital called to do a pre-registration. And then again to set up a time when they could call for a post-pre-registration where they get the list of all the medications I'm on and make sure my husband isn't abusing me (?). BUT, apparently, they don't actually give me my check-in time until they call me tomorrow.

I've been agonizing all week about whether or not I should have a 'last meal' tomorrow evening. Go out to my favorite Irish pub and gorge on one of their delicious wagyu beef shepard's pies. In the end, I've decided that, no, I don't want to do that to myself. I've made so many steps in the right direction during my pre-op diet that I'd feel like I was setting myself back years. Plus I just can't eat that much anymore. I could barely eat a cup of greens and half of a grilled chicken patty tonight and I haven't even had my surgery yet! Tomorrow, I think, I'll stick strictly to my protein shakes and broth and feel better about it. Hunger pains have becomes such a close companion to me the past couple of weeks that having the surgery is going to be a relief!