Andrea F.

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I've been lurking on the site for awhile now, finally got up the courage to join and post a picture!  Started the process about 2 years ago, going to an informational seminar, but at the time my insurance didn't cover it and I didn't have the $15,000 - $20,000 just hanging around to do it.  After a few more years of failed diet attempts, I finally got going in the process in mid-April and now am just waiting for the insurance approval and a surgery date to be set.  I've lost 15 lbs, enough for the nutritionist to give me clearance (yay!)...but now with the surgery probably only a month away, I'm feeling really freaked out.  I have told my husband (very supportive) and my parents (getting used to the idea), and so far, only three of my close friends who I thought would be supportive but aren't really - I know they are concerned (maybe a little threatened to lose a pig out buddy too), but it's disappointing.  I am finding it very hard to "come out" - I know that many people don't feel they need to, but I sort of feel I do, especially in light of the concern from my friends that is expressed as negativity..."you know your stomach is going to be THAT big" one said as she thrust a shot glass in front of me and then proceeded to tell me that the 500 lb. woman down the street  had it and gained all the weight back.  That seems to be a theme - "you'll gain the weight back"...thanks for believing in me! sheesh!  Another is concerned I am going to die on the operating table.  What kind of books is she reading??  I have full faith in my surgeon, who has only had one death in his 10+ year career as a bariatric surgeon.  And, yeah, I know there are risks...but the worse risks are if I keep going the way I'm going!  I'm already on a CPAP machine and  have a family history of diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, arthritis, etc.  I'm lucky in that respect that I've made it to 39, being overweight my entire life, and have "only" the CPAP - I'm pretty healthy otherwise (other than being almost 200 lbs. overweight).  

Also freaking out about the time off from work...when I go on short term disability, I'll only get 75% of my pay.  It's going to be tight.  And, what kind of copay am I going to face?  I'm already still paying off the CPAP which hit one of the deductibles earlier this year.  And what about the belly flab?  I hope that since I've been exercising fairly consistently over the past few years that it won't look so bad...I know I will be healthier and look much better, but my brain is attacking me already with doubts on that, considering they won't do "contouring" surgery until a year  or so out...and how am I supposed to pay for that?? 

I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do, and we always find a way to figure out the money.  I can't let those doubts and my fear sabotage me once again into giving up.  I am so heartened by all of the picutres and stories here, but there is always those nagging fears/doubts in the back of my head...what if it doesn't work?  Wouldn't it just be easier to stay as you are?  You're happily married, have a great kid and you're still pretty healthy.  Yes, BUT...I need to do this, I need to focus on the positives...to be able to go on rollercoasters with my daughter again, to be around for my daughter as she grows up!, to look as good on the outside as I feel on the inside.  I need to believe that I do have willpower - I've never let my weight stop me from doing what I wanted to accomplish, and I can't let this nervousness stop me from losing the weight!!

:)  Stay focused!!