angel85

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It's been almost a year since I started the process of trying to get the sleeve.  After feeling defeated from the insurance denial, I began to question if I was doing the right thing.  Then I got the phone call in Janurary that my insurance will pay for the sleeve provided I do a three month diet prior to final approval.  I didn't know how to feel about the news.  I cried from frustration since I had already planned to be losing weight from the sleeve at the time.  My husband and I had even considered trying to get pregnant with a second child at the time.  I didn't know what to choose.  Should I get surgery now and be healthy with a second kid or just go ahead and be big like I was with the first one?  Here it is almost a year later and I have decided my health is more important than a new addition to the family.  I am in school pursing my bachelor's in Human Services and feel like I need to focus on me and my education right now.  I know that if I loose weight I will be able to be more active with my family and with regards to a future career. 

I'm feeling frustrated and unsure of what direction to head.  I'm seriously considering seeing a dietician and perhaps a mental health professional that deals strictly with eating disorders.  I got my first denial from my insurance for prectification for my VSG.  Cried my eyes out when I got it.  I didn't want to believe that I wasn't going easily get the surgery I so desperately wanted.  A few weeks after I had started my second request for insurance approval, my husband drops the "B" bomb on me.  He told me he wanted to TTC!  As much as part of me really wants another baby, the other part wants to say "F you and what you want, it's my body!".  I have been drinking slimfast and a few other protein rich drinks and have lost a few pounds.  I still feel like I'm not sure which direstion to head.  I really would love to have another baby next year but, I know I HAVE to lose at least 40 pounds to be in a healthier wieght range.  Oh! And to top things all off, my surgical group will not refund my $495 fee becuase I completed my pre op requirements.  So it's either I get surgery or loose almost $500.  I know it's not quite that black and white but it kind of is.  Sigh......

As of the 10th of this month, I have completed all of the necesarry steps that my insurance and my surgical group needed completed.  I had to do a nutrition and fitness class, a pre-op support group, a psych eval, pre-op testing, and a White Light Body Scan.  I hope to post the pic of the body scan up here soon.  It made me wanna throw up when I saw what I look like in 3d!  I guess it's good in a sense that way I can really see what progress I've made when I start loosing weight.  It will be much more obvious to see the difference in a 3d picture as opposed to a regular photo.   

1.) Weigh less than my hubby.  Since he is 5'10" and I am 5'1" I think this is definately possible.
2.) Be able to play with my son without getting tired after 10 minutes and half to sit down. 
3.) To not have my stomach lay on my upper thighs. (AKA "My flap")
4.) To not have my back rolls touch each other. This is an occurance that just started this year and frankly, it grosses me out as much as "The Flap".
5.)To be able to eat out and not feel like everyone is staring at the "fat girl" to see how much she eats.  Probably this is more in my head than it is a reality but, losing weight would help this feeling subside.
6.) To be able to exercise without my knees hurting while I'm doing it.  I read that for every 1 lb of you there are 5 lbs of pressure on your knees! Holy crap, no wonder they hurt so dang much!
7.) Along the same lines of #5, be able to sit at a booth and not worry about fitting in it.  When I was pregnant with my son, I went to a resturant and was seated in a very small both for a plus size preganant girl.  Needless to say, I had to move to a table because I did not fit.  I don't want that to happen again.
8.) When I am ready to become pregnant again, be able to wear cute maternity clothes. The companies are starting to make more now but no company makes plus size petite. That's a problem I face even now just as a plus size.  I have to have all of my pants hemmed. Annoying!
9.)Kick my chocolate and carb addiction. No, I'm not truely addicted but I might as well be.  Sometimes I feel like I can't stop myself and it just brings on the guilt later.  Plus chocolate makes my face break-out.
10.)Have less back pain.  I went to my PCP a while back to talk about what was causing my back pain.  In the most considerate way he could he told me "Your body is basically trying to tell you it can't take carrying that much weight." Since my doctor and I had discussed his and my wieght issues, I didn't take offense to this.  

Exactly one week from today I am meeting with Dr. Wohlgemuth. I am so freakin' excited. I know it's just a consult but it's progress towards getting my new sleeve.