50 lbs lighter..Merry Christmas to me!!

Dec 25, 2011

So this year has been full of many changes..some good and some I'd love to forget. As strange as it may sound,I feel like God was sending me a message when the first two occurred. Last year at this time my family was struggling and coming to grips with stepfather having a major stroke and my mother going into the hospital 3 days later with kidney problems. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and had really gotten to my breaking point. My fibromyalgia was killing me,my sleep apnea was awful and I was taking so many medications I couldn't function. It was affecting my everyday life in the worst way. I hurt so bad all the time that I was either sleeping too much or sleeping too little from pain and medication. It wasn't fair to my family..I never felt well and even on a good day,I smiled through the pain and paid for it later. I had talked about having surgery several times before and I knew my doctor was on board with the idea. I went to a seminar and I couldn't complete the process before our insurance would change again. I gave up on the thought of surgery for a few years,but this year I had really been putting on the weight and thinking again. Our insurance had stayed the same for the past two years and I felt I wouldn't run into the same situation I had before with it changing. After Ray's stroke and Mom's health problems,it was like God giving me a sign.. He was giving me that nudge I needed to make a move again. Ray was the last person we ever thought would have a stroke. He was active,healthy and Marine goodness sake! Seeing my mom's health deteriorate has been so hard as well.. I told myself I don't want to turn out that way. She has only 30% of her lungs functioning,she's on oxygen and has gone down hill fast the past few years. I love her with all my heart and it's kills me to see her this way. I didn't want my children to see me that way. My husband and I were blessed to adopt 3 beautiful siblings in 2004. I have always believed they were a gift from God and that he chose us to be their parents. I didn't want my kids,my gift from God to be slighted in any way. I had gotten to a point where I felt so bad all the time and I felt guilty when I had to tell them I can't do that,because I'm hurting. I want my kids to grow up and have memories of a fun mom,not one who was in pain all the time. Through trying to process why the stroke occurred and thinking about my mom, I made the decision that I was pursing my surgery with no looking back.. I told God,"I got the message..loud and clear!"  So,here I am a little over 2 months out and I am 50lbs lighter!! Life is different every day and I stumble across a new struggle all the time,but it is worth it. I finally realized I am worth it! Seeing my family and feeling good is the most wonderful Christmas present ever! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and I am excited to see what next year has in store for me :) I've come to realize we may not like change,but change is good in so many ways :) One of my favorite quotes by Martin Luther King says :"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

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