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So, here it is, another year ... 2011.  It's been over 8 years since I had my surgery, and 9 years since I started this journey.  Life has changed.  I've been divorced twice, lived in a lot of areas, and a few months ago, started dating someone I've known for 26 years.  It's strange how things change.

I got a call today asking about gastic bypass surgery.  Would I do it again?  And the answer is... as resounding YES!  I would not change my journey for anything.  I am still very happy I chose this route.  It took me years to get happy, but I still sit between 104 and 110 pounds at 5'1.  So much better than the 283 I was.  As little as I am, I'm sometimes shocked at how things have changed.  I try very much to help as many people get healthy.  Whether it's through surgery or not, I am there. 

I am starting to love my life, I love the person I'm with, I love my family and my daughter .... and I finally love me.  If you ever have a question, please ask.  I will always respond.  Even after all these years.

Peace @}-------
Shanna

Just another day ... with breathing and life ahead of me.  So, that should be good enough, right?

Actually, there are things that still get to me.  A lot of things I should be depressed about.  But... nope.  I went back to Subway on Monday.  Going to work at a place here in town just a block away this weekend, going to work part time for both, maybe work full time at one, and almost full time at the other.  Yes, it's going to be a lot of work, and a lot of time away, but to dig myself out of my financial hole, and make a new life for Tasha and me ... well, it's gotta be done.

I love my little girl and I want her to know that I am doing this for her.  All for her.  Now, if I could just get her and m hubby on the same page.  Yeah, right, like THAT'll happen.  *sigh*

Ok, time to get human for the day.  Enjoy life ...
Peace @}----
Shanna

I pst lyrics on here from time to time.  Sometimes, they are just songs.  Sometimes they strike close to home.  Driving hom from work today, someone I know called a radio station and had them play me a Rascal Flatts song.  I had no idea that people viewed me as this person.  But I've had some time to think about it.  It really does fit.  :

RASCAL FLATTS LYRICS

"Stand"

You feel like a candle in a hurricane

Just like a picture with a broken frame

Alone and helpless

Like you've lost your fight

But you'll be alright

[Chorus:]

Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you're made of

You might bend, till you break

Cause its all you can take

On your knees you look up

Decide you've had enough

You get mad you get strong

Wipe your hands shake it off

Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel

With the end ripped out

The edge of a canyon

With only one way down

Take what you're given before its gone

Start holding on, keep holding on

[Repeat Chorus]

Everytime you get up

And get back in the race

One more small piece of you

Starts to fall into place

Ooohhh

[Repeat Chorus]

@}----------
Shanna

So, my life in a nutshell right now has really gone to hell in a hand basket!  I'm more than broke, and trying like hell to get a job again.  I left that last one thinking it would be a snap to get another one.  That was almost 4 months ago.  EEK!

The dh is working a little, and that's almost helping.  But *sigh*  Where to begin?

I'm behind on a lot of things.  And have to get assistance from the county now.  I'm going down there on Thursday.  Yay, not.  But I can't allow my heat and lights to go out.  Not with Tasha around.  And let's see ... oh yes, the lovely court system.

I had a problem a while back with my bank, and it spiraled out of control.  Needless to say, I ended up in court, charged almost as bad as a DUI or something stupid like that.  All for a measley $290 or so in NSF.  Gross misdemeanor they said because of it being over $200 or $250 or something.  Well, a few months ago, I was stupid.  I grabbed the wrong checkbook and went into town.  Went for gas and pop and whatever at the gas station.  OOPS.  It came back into court.  I had already paid $1600 for the mess I had a year ao, and was told no more in a year.  But, this was before the year was up.  NOW, even though this other one was only originally about $30, and I paid the fees and costs and fine ... they want me to come back into court and vacate the suspended sentence ... FOR A YEAR IN JAIL!  OMG!  How am I supposed to do that?  Not with my daughter!  My dh works nights, and we cannot leave her alone.  Her dad can't do it.  I was told that even though I may beg, I will probably have to do something.  Well, shit ... a friend of mine was charged with felony theft, to the tune of $15000 and she got HOME MONITORING for 28 days.  Ankle bracelet on, so much time to get to work and home.  I have volunteered to PAY for it even.  I will stay home 24/7 if I have to.  Just go out to get the mail and take the garbage out.  (About 50 ft from the door for the mail, 5 feet for the garbage.)  I will do ANYTHING not to be away from my daughter.  ANYTHING.  I'm scared.  Very scared.  And I know it was inadvertently all my fault.  But, I am a good person.  It's been YEARS since I'd had a bad check, and I mad a mistake.  How can they let people go around with 5, 10 or more DUI's, assault, drugs ... all that ... and someone who makes a dumb, silly, one time mistake gets locked away and burried?  It's just not fair.  Not fair at all.

@}-----
Shanna

That's got to be what this is.  And disaster waiting to happen.  I just found out my cousin Kim (on my dad's side) has lung cancer.

A month ago, my cousin Lisa (on my mom's side and a member here) had her oldest daughter nearly die from bacterial menangitis and pneunmonia.(sp?)

What more really am I supposed to be able to handle?  If ya'll only KNEW how my life was right now.  I'm more than a little depressed.

Peace @}-----
Shanna

1/14/02

I am just starting to begin my journey here. I found this site by looking up WLS. And I called Dr. Howell's office in Fargo, ND today and they are sending me an info packet. I think I'm nervous.

1/31/02

I sent off all my forms today and am feeling pretty good about this. I'm getting nervous, excited, nervous. And did I mention nervous? ha.

I'm looking forward to this more than anything. I have a 4 year old that really wants mommy to play, and I want to be able to say OK, instead of "Mommy's tired right now. I hate feeling like this, but I think it will be ok soon.

I know it takes a few months, so I figure, I waited 20 years to find this, I can wait a few more months!

Love and Hugs and Prayers to all! Thanks for all your support!

02/03/02
Ugh. I have gained 5 pounds in the past week. This can't be good. A few months ago, I bought a pair of bibs from K-Mart. They are a 22/24 or something like that. Well, today I put them on and they are a little snug. When I bought them, they were too big. This is soo depressing. And of course, when you get depressed, you want to eat. I know it's all in my head, but I feel like eating a whole gallon of ice cream or something!!!
Anyway, thanks.


2/04/02
Well, I see I was feeling a bit depressed yesterday. I'm wondering ... since I sent off my papers last week to the surgeon's office, should I call and see if they got them? How do I cope with not knowing what's going on? I know it's going to take awhile, but it sure is getting to me! I'm anxious. I hate being anxious, but I'm also determinded. I have decided to keep going to my workout club, but I really hope they don't give me that look, you know ... THAT look. I find though that going there makes it very hard to breathe. *sigh* I guess I just sit back and wait.


2/07/02

I got a journal at Wal-Mart and entitled it My WLS Journey. I am trying to write something positive in it every day. I bought one that was really beautiful because I figured that if I was going to do something beautiful for myself like change my life, I should have something that matches what I want to feel. I thought it made sense.
I am going to call the 2 psych's that I used to see for various reasons and talk to them about my intentions. One is in the same medical group as the surgeon I have picked, and one isn't. I don't know if BCBS of MN needs psych eval's or not, but I don't think it would hurt to get referrals from them as well as my PCP, who I am seeing on Feb. 28th. I'll call the psych's tomorrow. I hope they can help this process. I wonder what I should do about calling next to the surgeon's office? What's next?

On a side note: Dropped my daughter off at daycare this morning and one of the kids says, : Hey, is your mommy pregnant? I could have died right there. That really made my mind up for me. Out of the mouths of babes, huh?-----------Peace and Prayers.

2/09/02
After a couple of days of depression, I decided I should post. I called and made appointments with two different psych's the other day. I have 21 days until I meet with my PCP. I can't wait to call the surgeon's office on Monday to ask them what next. I heard a few negative comments from some friends, but I am overall happy with my decision. I heard from a lady who's whole meeting/approval/surgery date process went off without a hitch in less than 2 months! Wow! That gives me some hope. And right now hope is all I have. I've been battling pain in an old surgery scar that my Physician's Assistant says is partially weight related. Well, gee, there's a surprise! No sarcasm there, no not at all. {:-)} So anyway ... I really just wanted to post and say that I'm still holding on to hope that my daughter and I can play without mommy having to sit down. Now, if I can just give up the smokies. I have less than 1/2 a pack left, and I have decided not to buy anymore. None. My hubby still smokes, but he can buy his own. I am putting aside the $3 a day I was spending on mine to go to pay for the part of surgery that my insurance won't cover WHEN I get approved. (Positive thinking, right?) Update again soon! ---Peace and Prayers!



2/11/02
YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! I called another surgeon's office today, and Oh m'gosh! I am soooooooo excited! I can get this done a whole lot sooner than I first thought! I would have to wait for about 8 months or so to see Dr. Howell. I might be able to get everything done with Dr. Bray in about 8 weeks! HOLY MOLY! I'm excited, and nervous, and oh man oh man! I still cannot believe that Dr. Bray himself had called me back this morning! I am just amazed at the quick response and that it can be done so very close to home yet, and so very close in time! Can you say enthusiasm? WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO! Peace out....

2/13/02
I got my packet of papers from the other surgeon today. As excited as I was the other day, my excitement has turned to worry. Why do I do? Wait 8 months to see Dr. Howell? Or wait less than 2 months to get everything done with Dr. Bray? *sigh* I have some thinking to do. ----Peace-------

2/15/02
I have decided to wait until I talk with my PCP about this. Which doctor, which clinic. They have moved my PCP date from the 28th to the 19th at 10:45 am. I have all my info. Now, I just don't want him saying NO. I'll go around him if I have to. I've been real depressed the last couple of days and I think it's cuz DH and I are fighting about this surgery. He thinks it's a waste of time. Or that I'll get "skinny and leave." HEll, I don't have to be thin to do that! But I wouldn't. Never has crossed my mind. *sigh* Just sold my dream truck today too. I loved that truck. BIG truck. Maybe I should view it as a symbol of getting rid of all the BIG things in my life? LOL


AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, now that THAT's outta the way. Well meaning people. That's my problem. And this time it's my mother. My whother, who until just this morning was all in favor of me going through with this. My mother, who told me she'd be there to help when I was done. My mother, who read an article and OH! Wow! This can solve EVERYONE'S problem in the world! Look, see? It's got it all right here, there's no such thing as not being able to lose weight because you just can't! There's a reason, see? Says so right here! They wouldn't print it unless it was true right? (Ok, so I'm being a little sarcastic. But COME ON!!!!) If she was trying to be so nice through this, she severely missed the mark! SEVERELY! So, ok. I should just give up and read this and do exactly as it says and everything will be hunky dory? I DON'T FRIGGIN THINK SO! (sorry) Why is it they can't understand? Why is it that people can be so IGNORANT?!?!?! Ok, enough venting.

I just had to come on about this while it was still fresh in my mind. And to say, only 2 more days until I bombard my PCP with all my info from here, BCBS, and everything else I could get my printer to print! lol ... Oh, and the info from both surgeon's I've talked to. Still questioning where and who I should go (to) and think I'm going to wait until I talk to the PCP on making my decision.

---------this is really starting to tick me off! I've posted a few times in the past couple of days on the message board, and they don't friggin' show up! What's up with that?


2/18/02

My PCP date has been moved back a day. Now I'm going to see Dr. Graff on Wednesday at 8:30. *sigh* Great. I went from the 28th, to the 19th, to the 20th. Hopefully not another movement!!!!!!!!! I tried calling Dr. Howell's office today, but Cindy wasn't in. Not until Tuesday. Great. :*(
2/20/02

WOOHOO! Happy Dance Happy Dance! Hi all! I had my PCP visit today, and he's going to write me letter of necessity for the insurance company. I got a call from the surgeon's office also, and as soon as they get the letter of supervised 3 month weight loss trial, and the letter from my PCP, I get to schedule my consult! I know he's booked until April already, but that's ok. I think I have every base ready ... Even an inside in insurance! One of the people I work with, her son works for the main office for BC/BS of MN, and she kind of talked to him a week ago for me, he told her that with my health problems, and the wieght, I will have no problem getting approved !!!!!!!! I'm just so incredible psyched! THANK YOU GOD! Now, about this 3 month weight loss attempt, I think it's been a few years since I had a supervised one, but I think I can find one. Somewhere. I was going to curves, I wonder if that works? I can always ask. This is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cool! I'm having the best day!

02/25/02
So I'm still waiting for my PCP letter. And what do I write about my "supervised" weight loss attempt? I don't have one! But I certainly can make one! :) *gasp* Would I do that? noooo. Not me.

So I'm waiting for that letter, I need to get it faxed off so I can get my consult appointment. I am supposed to me in Kelly and Stacy's wedding on June 15th, and depending on the consult and approval/surgery date, I might not be able to. Boy will they be pissed! I don't know. Do I send off the $100 for a dress I might never wear? UGH!


02/26/02
I got my mail. I got my referral letter! Damn! Now, I'm faxing it off tonight when I get to work. And I have my couseling appointment today at 4. That's only like 2 hours away. Wow. Nerves are starting to kick in knowing that once I get my letter signed about the weight loss attempt, everything's in place but the approval. Holy COW! Wish me luck!!!


03/05/02
I got my letter from Curves today. So I get to fax that off when I get to work tonight, and that's it. Just waiting for the consult date. Wow. That's it? That's all that's left? Holy cow! I think I'm going to be a bundle of nerves for a while! Love and Peace!

Same Day Update!

I just got off the phone with the surgeon's office. I have been placed in the appointment pile! WOOHOO! I know it's still going to be until May at least until I can see him, but UGH! I wish it was sooner! *sigh* I'm such an impatient person!!

03/09/02
Here I sit. Wondering. I'm wondering, how long does it take to get a block of appointments to open up? I did find someone from DL that's gone to Dr. Howell. She went to see him yesterday. I'm sooo jealous! Anyway ... she told me that Dr. Howell is going to start doing LAP RNY. That's encouraging! I'd love to have LAP as opposed to OPEN. Little scars as opposed to one giant long one? Hell, oops, I mean heck yeah! I'm finding it hard to keep positive with this wait. I'm hating the fact that I will not be able to do this until at least JULY! What a long time! It's the beginning of March, I have 2 months to wait until I see the Dr. Then about 2 more months before the surgery?! Lots of time to back out. I know I won't, but I'm already scared to death. So now what? I need to find a hobby or something to keep my mind off it. @}----------Peace.

3/13/02
I just had to come on and yell this out:Thank you TINA!
She did such a beautiful job on this profile! I'm impressed! I am still waiting to hear about a consult date with Dr. Howell's office. And I just realized I was supposed to go to Dr. Leightner's office today at 2 p.m. Oh man! Great, looks like I have a little more calls to make tomorrow! Dang dang DANG! So I'll see if I can get in there Thursday or Friday and REMEMBER it this time! Shoot! I'm also going to call Cindy at Dr. Howell's office tomorrow. I think I will also call my "angelette" to see how she's doing on her liquids tomorrow and her stuff for surgery on Thursday. Peace!



03/13/02
I called Dr. Howell's office, again. *sigh* Left a message on hopefully getting a consult date soon. Would be nice to hear something! Doesn't really look like that's going to happen anytime soon though. I did go to my psych today, TG! They were able to get me in right away even after I forgot yesterday. I hate this waiting game!
I am bringing my DH with me on my next psych appointment so we can discuss this openly, and maybe he will se how I really REALLY am serious about doing this! Hopefully.
I have a job interview in the morning, I'm crossing my fingers, but I have been turned down for jobs because of my size ... I know that's what it has been when there have been others who interview for the same positions I have, who are 1/2 my size, less qualified, and gotten the jobs. Like I was told today ... FAT seems to be the only "acceptable" prejudice left in America. As awful as that sounds, it's soo true!


03/14/02
I just got off the phone with Cindy, Dr. Howell's coordinator. At least I have an idea now how long it will be before I can find out my date with Dr. Howell. And she suggested taking the DH with me. Good idea! Plus, I had/have job interviews coming around again, and her suggestion is that I do not say anything at all about my upcoming surgery. Smart, because as the one who has done the hiring before, I wouldn't hire someone who needed to take close to a month off just after coming to work for me. So, I will not look for another job until sometime afterwards, huh? *sigh* I decided that the 20th, my anniversary is the last and final day there will be smoking in my house. Yes I know I cheated. I quit for quite sometime. But I really feel bad about not making it all the way without smoking. I have to be done with them completely at least 6 weeks before my surgery date, which puts me at May. But I'd rather see this done before April and I figured my anniversary is the best time to do it. That way I have motivation. Good motivation. I actually ran out today and haven't had one since about 10 this morning. Not bad. But I can tell you that it's on my mind. And giving me a headache. So I have to think of another way to keep my hands and mind occupied!

I for a short period of time contemplated calling Br. Bray today and scheduling everything through him. But, no. I made my decision. And as much as I bitch and moan, I am not going to let these next 2 to 4 months get me down. That really in relative terms is NOT a long perios of time. Right? Peace out!@}------


03/28/02
Oh Wonderful. Still waiting for a consult date. Now I'm dealing with Tasha's pink eye, in BOTH eyes, and what I'm finding on her now looks like chickenpox! Is there something I did wrong this past week to deserve this?! LOL Peace.


04/02/02
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!I just got off the phone with the surgeon's office. I actually get to get my consult date TOMORROW!!!!!!! So, tomorrow I find out when I can meet this elusive Dr. Howell. I'm wondering now, if I had to wait 3 MONTHS just to get an appoinment date, wait another month before even meeting the man, how long to you think it will take before I get my stuff sent to the insurance company and get approved, or even get a surgery date? Fun. I'm getting a little perturbed. Ah well. Off to work.


04/04/02
I HAVE A CONSULT DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Finally! I'd do a cartwheel, but I'm afraid I'd break my neck! ha
May 8, 2002 10:30 a.m. with the surgeon, and 2:30 with the dietician/nutritionist. WOOOHOOO!YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!


04/10/02
I have less than a month to go to my initial consult. I'm getting a little nervous. I don't know why, but I am. I went to another psych appointment yesterday. It was pretty good. I'm thinking that I might have a lot of problems dealing with this afterwards. I'm hoping I don't, but that seems to be my big thing right now. I know that some of my friends are not going to be very supportive of this, and that's fine. I was thinking then that if they aren't, well, then I guess they aren't really good friends, are they? Now to get myself feeling better and to get rid of all the smoke in the house ... DH is still smoking. I wonder now ... what's the main things I'll need to go to the hospital? Hmmmm?


04/14/02
Hey all! Miss me? ;-)
I had to tell you about my weekend. I spent the weekend helping out the parental units. I really mean HELPING. I stripped off 2 rooms of wallpaper, 2 rooms of paneling and one room of carpeting and all that fun suff that goes with it. I am EXHAUSTED! And the whole time I kept thinking ... Man I cannot WAIT until doing this doesn't feel like it's going to kill me! It is a lot harder doing this now at 244 than it was doing this at about 130! I'm 5'2, so being 244 makes me VERY round, and hard to bend down to get all those staples and nails out of the floor. I have aches in the aches in my muscles I forgot I even had! I knew they would be remodeling their house soon, I was just kind of hoping that it would be AFTER I had surgery and healed so I could use it as an excuse for excercise ... That would DEFINATELY be a whole body workout! Plus, I think I'd benefit from it a lot more!
So, I come home tonight and think, ahhhhhhh, I can relax. WRONG! I noticed my cat fidgeting around the fridge and the walk-in door(I live in a bar, well, it USED to be a bar. Kinda heat huh?) Gee, silly me, what does he have there? OMG, it's a mouse! And not just any mouse ... Speedy @#$%^&*!! Gonzalas! So now the chase is one. Me trying to corner the mouse and the cat trying to corner the mouse and my DH just snoring away in the other room ... Like HE did anything today! So, just about the time I think I have the mouse cornered, the cat pounces, misses, bites MY foot ... the mouse looks at me ... and I swear I heard ARIBBA ANDALLE (Or however you spell it, sorry!), and my tiredness takes over ... the d**n thing WINKED. And disappeared. Sigh. So, Now, MAYBE I can get some rest, but the cat is looking at that door again with the twitchy tail. (The cat, not the door.) So here we go again! I hope things get a little less stressful when it comes to surgery!
On another note, I have family pictures for the church on May 7 ... the day before my consult with the surgeon. My last BIG pic? I hope so!



04/22/02
T minus 16 days and counting until I meet with the surgeon. And I've been dealing with this stupid insurance company on some issues on whether or not I'm even on my husbands plan! Well, DUH! Everything ELSE went through with the past 3 years, why would it change NOW? Stupid people should not breed, My thoughts on those people! ARGH!!!
Peace!



04/29/02
Not counting today, 9 days to my consult! YAY! Nervous! Scared, nervous that he'll tell me no. I want my hubby to come with me. But right now, I'm focusing on the things that are killing me the most, ie:heartburn, knee pain, back pain, numbness in limbs, etc. I need to get my questions and my list together. Guess I'll be doing that tomorrow. *Sigh* There's always tomorrow, right?





05/09/02
Met with Dr. Howell yesterday. He is very straight forward and to the point. Recommended this surgery be covered and is writing out the letter this week. Then hopefully it gets sent out next week and I have a few more weeks to wait. More waiting more waiting. Yawn. And even MORE waiting. In the meantime all I do is eat. Oh fun. Ok, so I will keep busy some other way. I hope.
I also met with the dietician yesterday. Fun gal. And a lot more informative than I thought she would be considering she's about the size of a No. 2 pencil! WOW, is she little! But she doesn't have the "little attitude" if you know what I mean. She's not looking down her nose at ANYONE and I find that very reassuring. Ao enough of my babbling ... Peace! @}-----------




05/14/02
YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!! I got my letter that Dr. Howell sent off to the insurance company today!!! BC/BS of MN says that they should know within two weeks. TWO WEEKS! Pray for me! I really REALLY am excited and nervous now. What if they say no? What do I do then? AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! Things are REALLY on their way now, aren't they? I feel like doing a cart wheel, and I would, but I think I'd break my neck!

Good luck to all those having surgery today and soon ... all pre-op and post op! And to those like me ... Patience is a virtue, isn't it? Peace!

05/15/02

I just got this in email and thought it fit well for our lives:

Life's Reflections


1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.


2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.


3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?


4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?


5. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I thought that was kind of cute. I'm getting nervous now. I'm just waiting and waiting and waiting. What do you do to keep from going INSANE?
Peace and love and luck goes out to everyone here pre-op/post-op/even the lurkers! Love to you all! Peace




05/20/02

DENIED. Dammit all to hell! Now what? F-ing DENIED. My so called insurance company has a WLS EXCLUSION. So now what?


SAME DAY UPDATE!!!!
I got a letter that states that Comprehensive Care Services, Inc. has a written exclusion in the contract with my husband's place of employment that prohibits any time of treatment for obesity. I read through the policy a bit, and though it mentions diet pills and what-not, it does not mention gastric bypass surgery. The letter I received states that it was excluded including, but not limited to, gastric bypass. Now, I went to BCBS website and downloaded and printed the medical policy on gastric bypass ... and I meet every one of their requirements. But some contract that my hubby's work has says NO. CCS is an independent licensee of the Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association. So I'm a bit confused. I'm going to find out who I need to talk to at my husbands job about this hand picked exclusion policy, and then I will fight this all the way to the top if I have to! I'm not giving up yet, and I'm looking for any kind of loophole I can.
Peace.

05/21/02
Ok, here we go ...

I got the Employee Benefit Plan handbook from my husbands employer. Under "General Exclusions" number 50:(quote) Treatment of obesity. Pretty vague, don'tcha think? So then, it talks about these BENEFIT PROVISIONS at the beginning of the book, so I read that, and there, in black and white #1 is (quote):Medically Necessary. Hmmmmmmmmmm...

So I ask you ... would I have gone through all this if it WASN'T medically necessary? So there is hope, and the appeal process begins. I have a call into my surgeon's office, and to my PCP. I have been researching insurance appeal letters, borrowing bits and pieces for ideas. I have contacted obesitylaw.com and am waiting for my contact back and my call backs from everyone.

My DH came home today for lunch, and we had an all out knock down drag out fight. He is afraid that there will be reprocussions at work. I am trying to explain to him that it's not his employer really that I am going to fight against. It is the employers insurance policy. I will fight all the way to the top if I have to. I will get BCBS involved if I have to. Because Comprehensive Care Services is only a licensee of BCBS ... and I have in my possession the policy manual printout reguarding gastric bypass.

Plus, I have a copy of the papers from Atty Gen Mike Hatch of MN who sued BCBS because of the denials. Well, now they cover it and they are contradicting themselves. Anway~~~

Peace to all ...
Rant Over.


Same day update!

Here is is! My letter for the appeal's office. I'm pasting it as I wait on the phone as we speak. *sigh* I'm even more nervous about appealing than i was about the initial request. So here we go. I hope that someone can get some use out of it.
May 21, 2002
RE: Gastric bypass surgery
Comprehensive Care Services, Inc.
P. O. Box 64668
St. Paul, MN 55164

Attention: Appeal Department
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to appeal Comprehensive Care Services, Inc.?s decision to deny authorization for gastric bypass surgery for me. Comprehensive Care Services, Inc. has denied coverage for gastric bypass, as a contract exclusion. I believe that gastric bypass is medically necessary to treat my medical conditions and is covered by my health plan. Comprehensive Care Services, Inc. should approve gastric bypass in my case. This letter is to expedite appeal your denial for RNY gastric bypass surgery (Diagnosis Code 278.01 Procedure Code 43847).
FAILURE TO PROVIDE IMMEDIATE TREATMENT FOR MY CONDITIONS INVOLVES AN IMMINENT AND SERIOUS THREAT TO MY HEALTH. I AM, THEREFORE, REQUESTING AN EXPEDITED REVIEW OF MY APPEAL. PLEASE NOTIFY ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Blue Cross Blue Shield covers medically necessary services that are not specifically excluded. Enclosed is a copy of the policy manual from Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota?s website regarding gastric bypass surgery. As you will see, I qualify under all of the requirements.
I was referred for this surgery by my PCP, who is very concerned about my health because of severe morbid obesity. I am a 30 year old morbidly obese female who is 61 ½ inches tall and weigh 245.2 lbs., giving me a body mass index of 46. The body mass index is calculated by dividing a person's weight in kilograms by their height in meters squared. When a man's BMI is over 27.8, or woman's exceeds 27.3, that person is considered obese. The degree of obesity associated with a particular BMI ranges from mild obesity at a BMI near 27, moderate obesity at a BMI between 27 - 30, severe obesity at 30 - 35, to very severe obesity (morbid obesity) for patients with a BMI of 40 or greater 1,2,3. Therefore, I may be classified as being morbidly obese. The annual number of deaths in America attributable to obesity has been estimated to be 300,000 deaths per year. With my abnormally high BMI, I am at an estimated 190 percent increased risk of death at my present weight. (1.2.)
I am having significant adverse symptoms from my obesity. I have difficulty standing. I have difficulty performing my daily activities, and in participating with my family in recreational activities. I have arthritis and pain of my weight-bearing joints. An increase in body weight adds trauma to weight bearing joints and excess body weight is a major predictor of osteoarthritis of the knees. This is a mechanical problem and not a metabolic one. Weight loss will markedly decrease the chance of developing osteoarthritis.
I also suffer from shortness of breath and asthma. There are several abnormalities in pulmonary function in obese individuals. At one extreme are patients with so-called Pickwickian syndrome, or the obesity-hypoventilation syndrome, which is characterized by somnolence and hypoventilation; it eventually leads to cor pulmonale. In patients who are less obese, there is a fairly uniform decrease in expiratory reserve volume and a tendency to reduction in all lung volumes. A low maximum rate of voluntary ventilation and venous admixture is also present. As an individual becomes more obese, the muscular work required for ventilation increases. In addition, respiratory muscles may not function normally in obese individuals, hence more complications with asthma.
Because of my acid reflux and pains and aches in my back and legs I have difficulty sleeping, and therefore, am fatigued and tired during the day. This surgery usually cures acid reflux and sleep disturbances.
I have hypertension at this point. Hypertension is a common concomitant of obesity. I also have hyperlipidemia, a direct result of morbid obesity.
I have genetic family history of adult onset obesity diabetes. My father, all grandparents, numerous aunts and uncles and cousins have all been diagnosed with this disease fairly early in life due to obesity. There is a strong family history of heart disease, putting me at risk of heart attacks and other heart arrhythmia problems.
I have made many, many attempts to lose weight and this has gone on all my life. I tried many over the counter diet pills. I have also tried many exercise programs. I met numerous times with a dietician. I met numerous times with my family physician and tried supervised programs. I have tried Jenny Craig. I tried Slim-Fast, Shaklee and GNC shakes. I would lose some weight then gain it all back, and more As you can see, I have spent all my teen and adult life trying to lose weight. I am now at the very edge of complete disability and am at a point where everything is an effort. The obese individual has functional impairment in the activities of daily living. This dysfunction impacts sleep, recreation, work and social interactions.
Stress incontinence plagues me. This condition is strongly associated with being overweight, and is usually relieved by weight loss. If I laugh, sneeze, or cough I have instances where the incontinence causes urinary leakage.
My health problems have not been resolved with treatments, such as, diets and medications. Without gastric bypass, I will continue to experience these problems. If left untreated, my condition may require even more complex and costly treatment in the future.
On page 38 of the Team Industries Employee Benefit Handbook, you list at number 50 a general exclusion for: Treatment of Obesity. Yet at the beginning of the General exclusion section, on page 36, there is a sentence stating, ?The following apply generally to all services, drugs and supplies. Specific limitations and exclusions related to certain types if care also appear in the BENEFIT PROVISIONS for services. Please refer to the BENEFIT PROVISIONS for specific coverage, limitations and exclusions.?
Yet when I turn to that section, this is what I find: ?The Benefit Provisions provide coverage for a wide range of services. The services associated with these benefits are covered to the extent that they are:
1. Medically necessary.
2. Prescribed by or given by a Physician.?
As you can see by my documentation, this surgery for me is deemed medically necessary. I believe any exclusion on obesity treatment is discriminatory and unfair practice. I believe that Attorney General Mike Hatch has been through this with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Minnesota before and has had laws changed regarding discriminatory and unfair practices. I have enclosed a copy of that article as well.
This next section is just from me and my heart. My daughter is 4 years old. I would love to live long enough to watch her grow up. As of right now, I have no energy to play with her, take her swimming, and take her to the park. I cannot run to keep up with her. I cannot get on the floor to play with her for fear of not being able to get back up. A person of my frame is unable to keep up with a child for the excess weight, over 100 pounds, keeps me back. I have problems in my back, knees, and feet. I am denied this surgery from you and in turn, you are not only denying me the right to a healthier life, but also to my daughter. Future repeats the past, and in doing so, not changing the path of the future now insures many life long problems for her as well.
I appreciate the expedited process in which you will handle this claim and appeal. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Respectfully,
Shanna Morton
sdm

cc: Dr. L. Michael Howell
Dr. A. Graff
HR Department, Team Industries, Audubon Engineering
Walter Lindstrom, Jr. Attorney, Obesity Law and Advocacy Center

Reference Sources:
1. Daily dietary fat and total food-energy intakes: Third National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, Phase I, 1988-1991. MMWR Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report. 1994; 43:116-117, 123-125.

2. Weight control: What works and why. Medical Essay. Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 1994


05/22/02
WARNING!!! Long rant ahead!

First off, I want to say thank you to everyone here for love and support in my fight against my insurance company. You are all just WONDERFUL! I put up the letter on my profile, so if you know of anyone who needs one ... go ahead. :)

Now for part one of my rant. I got a call from Dr. Howell's co-ordinator today. We talked over the situation a bit about the contradictions in the policy. So Dr. Howell will dictate another letter for appeal. I also have my PCP writing one. I'm trying also to get my psychiatrist to type something up if need be. I think I have everything in a row and ready to go soon, since you only have 60 days from the denial date to appeal. Things are looking ok when it comes to that, but the stress level is growing!

06/24/02

Mom and Dad's 35th Anniversary today! WOOHOO!
Ok, now on to other things. I got a letter last week from Dr. Howell's nurse. What a wench. Anyway, to make a long story short, it told me to get another insurance or hire a lawyer. WRONG. So I sent off my appeal letter myself. And sent off all the stuff with it. I check my receipt and it says they got it the 23rd at 5:26 p.m. Now they can't say, "We never got it." Because I can prove them wrong. I'm going to call tomorrow or so to find out who's got it and then I'm going to be as noisy as I can.
I held an anniversary party for my parents yesterday and was told I did WONDERFUL work. Even my hubby was impressed at it and I should feel proud of myself. Yeah, I guess I am. Then last night I watched the video. YIKES! I saw myself on the tape and got very scared for my health. Not what I want to look like ... at all! Or what I should look like. I saw this BLOB on the screen and realized it was ME! I could have cried. Then today I was outside with my daughter in the heat trying to cool off by her little pool, and realized I couldn't have gotten out of the chair if had been facing the other direction. Not only did I get sunburned, even with sunblock, but I was feeling rather sluggish and embarrassed to be outside with lots of cars going by. :*(

Anyway ... I get to go back to work again tonight full time and I hope it will keep my mind off this stuff. Peace.



07/01/02
Big sigh. It's hot. Really hot. I've been taking my daughter swimming close to home, but tell me, how comfortable do you think I am being in public in a SWIMMING SUIT? Ugh
I called the insurance company. They finally got my appeal letter. And now it's gone to med review where they make the final decision. I should know sometime next week. I'm scared and nervous and feeling sick to my stomach. Prayers. Peace.


07/08/02
APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED! APPROVED!
Can you say APPROVED! ? WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!


07/09/02
*sigh* Now that I've come back down to earth, it's time to start updating. The appeal worked, see above post, lol. Anyway, I have left a message for that ***** of a nurse that is at Dr. Howell's office. Anyway, we'll see how long it takes her to call me back, I'm thinking it's going to take forever to get her to give me a date. But there is something comforting in knowing that this is the last summer of misery. Hot, humid, sticky, sweating, immobility ... all going going gone. That knowledge is comforting. Being able to go golfing again. Being able to bend over to put my shoes on. Pick up something that fell. See my feet. *sigh* Too bad it cost me a friendship in the process. *shrug* Someday maybe things will change. Maybe. ++++++ @}---------

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! Ok, that said ...

Venting ahead!
Is it just me or is anyone else here getting sick and doggone tired of seeing those stupid Jenny Craig and Dexitrim and Slim Fast commercials? Oooooooooh, oh no! I gained 35 lbs and I look fat and stupid so I'm going to blow my money and try a fad that eventually won't work! GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR! I just want to throw things at the TV any time I hear it or see it! Makes me SO mad! And have you noticed the "before" pictures of some of these women? Since when was 160 pounds so grossly disgusting to anyone? I would be so happy to se 160 again! I know a lot of us would! *sigh* Yeah ok ... sorry to vent and maybe step on some toes, but GRAW!!!! It gets to me!
Ok ... I talked to the surgeon's office, and I talked to the insurance company. The insurance company gave me the approval code and told me the letter of approval was sent out on Monday. So I'm anxiously awaiting the mail today! *wink wink*

I want to thank all of you who gave me such encouraging words and signed my page, even though I don't have a date yet .... (next week, I hope I'll know the date!) And to those of you who emailed me, you have no idea how good that makes me feel! After all the crap I went through with family and that so called friend over the past couple of months ... Thank you so much! I don't feel alone with all of you with me! Thank you. *MUAH!* Thank you!
Peace and love to all of you here who are pre-op, post op, those in the h*ll I was in and those just starting ... It's sooooo worth it! @}---------

07/14/02
Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh boy. What a last couple of days. 2 days ago I was happy and all that with finally getting the approval letter. I wrote in my paper journal. I was in a good mood. My daughter was playing. My mother-in-law and I talked a bit. Then all hell broke loose. After a few hours of Tasha not behaving, I took her into her play room and told her in no uncertain terms to keep her little butt on that couch and not move until I told her to! I had had it up to there with her being so mouthy! After I walked back into my living room, my mother-in-law, who just can't keep her mouth shut, says that well, "That's just abuse!" To which I went off telling her to mind her own bleepidy bleeping bleep bleep business. We got REALLY into it then and after 4 years of her getting into my business and underminding everything I do, I let her have it with both barrels. I got right into her face and let it all go. Called her a few names I don't think she's ever heard before. Told her to get the F out of my life and my daughters, cut the f-ing strings off the apron of that son of hers (my hubby) and get a f-ing life! I have HAD it! She told me I belonged locked up and to get the f out of her house ... (we pay for half the house that we remodeled and converted into an apartment.) I told her I pay to live there and she needs to get out of MY house! She mumbled something as she stepped through the door that leads to her kitchen and I had HAD it again ... I was SOOOOOOOOO mad, I kicked the door in!!!!! I have told my dh that yes, I went to far ... I might have gotten my point across differently. But I really felt good after letting this all go. I really did. Is that wrong? I don't know. Maybe. But I will not have anyone tell me how to raise MY child or tell me that I am abusing my daughter when I'm not! I will not let Tasha grow up to be as spoiled rotten as my dh is! Not in my lifetime! Now, my dh is put in a place he does not want to be in, but he has to make a choice. Me or that woman. I will not allow that woman anywhere near me nor my child. That's it. She's not biological gramma, she needs not be around her at all. And if it took me scaring the begeebeeze outta her to get her to stay out of my life, then so be it. Maybe now she'll think before she speaks and realizes that I will not bend to her every whim nor am I powerless to her manipulations. I think she's realized that she's not top bitch in my dh's life. Now time will tell how much damage this is causing, but ... right now, I feel pretty damn good about speaking my mind. And sometime later, I imagine I might feel bad. Maybe. But right now... I don't. Maybe that's not good. I'll deal with that when I get to it.

07/17/02
My MIL actually talked with me today, and even apologized. Can you belive that? She told me she had no right to butt in where she did and told me from now on, she will walk away when things start getting out of hand at home. About time. I told her that I will apologize for the door, but not for getting my point across.
That said...

07/14/02Oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh boy. What a last couple of days. 2 days ago I was happy and all that with finally getting the approval letter. I wrote in my paper journal. I was in a good mood. My daughter was playing. My mother-in-law and I talked a bit. Then all hell broke loose. After a few hours of Tasha not behaving, I took her into her play room and told her in no uncertain terms to keep her little butt on that couch and not move until I told her to! I had had it up to there with her being so mouthy! After I walked back into my living room, my mother-in-law, who just can't keep her mouth shut, says that well, "That's just abuse!" To which I went off telling her to mind her own bleepidy bleeping bleep bleep business. We got REALLY into it then and after 4 years of her getting into my business and underminding everything I do, I let her have it with both barrels. I got right into her face and let it all go. Called her a few names I don't think she's ever heard before. Told her to get the F out of my life and my daughters, cut the f-ing strings off the apron of that son of hers (my hubby) and get a f-ing life! I have HAD it! She told me I belonged locked up and to get the f out of her house ... (we pay for half the house that we remodeled and converted into an apartment.) I told her I pay to live there and she needs to get out of MY house! She mumbled something as she stepped through the door that leads to her kitchen and I had HAD it again ... I was SOOOOOOOOO mad, I kicked the door in!!!!! I have told my dh that yes, I went to far ... I might have gotten my point across differently. But I really felt good after letting this all go. I really did. Is that wrong? I don't know. Maybe. But I will not have anyone tell me how to raise MY child or tell me that I am abusing my daughter when I'm not! I will not let Tasha grow up to be as spoiled rotten as my dh is! Not in lifetime! Now, my dh is put in a place he does not want to be in, but he has to make a choice. Me or that woman. I will not allow that woman anywhere near me nor my child. That's it. She's not biological gramma, she needs not be around her at all. And if it took me scaring the begeebeeze outta her to get her to stay out of my life, then so be it. Maybe now she'll think before she speaks and realizes that I will not bend to her every whim nor am I powerless to her manipulations. I think she's realized that she's not top bitch in my dh's life. Now time will tell how much damage this is causing, but ... right now, I feel pretty damn good about speaking my mind. And sometime later, I imagine I might feel bad. Maybe. But right now... I don't. Maybe that's not good. I'll deal with that when I get to it.07/17/02My MIL actually talked with me today, and even apologized. Can you belive that? She told me she had no right to butt in where she did and told me from now on, she will walk away when things start getting out of hand at home. About time. I told her that I will apologize for the door, but not for getting my point across.That said...

I have decided to come up with my own list for reasons I am looking forward to WLS. Here we go:
1. Being able to sit with my legs together.
2. Being able to tie my shoes.
3. Being able to SEE my shoes!
4. Walking without pain or shortness of breath.
5. Sex! Teehee ...
6. Sitting in a normal chair.
7. Playing with my daughter.
8. Going out in public.
9. Being able to get my picture taken without being ashamed.
10. Did I mention sex?
11. Shaving my legs.
12. Exercising.
13. Wearing clothing that does not hurt!
14. Jeans that fit.
15. Pants without elastic waistbands.
16. Did I mention sex? I think I may have! ;-)
17. Bending over and still being able to breathe.
18. Running.
19. Normal size bras and undies!
20. Shoes that fit!
21. I think I mentioned sex a couple times now, but really, I am looking forward to sex with my hubby again!
22. Energy!
23. LIFE!
24. Being able to get my rings off to clean them!
25. Folding my arms.
26. SEX! Teehee ...

Things that I am going to miss about being M.O.:
1. Having my tummy as a shelf to put my food bowl/plate on and folding my hands over.
2. ummmmmmmmmmm ... That's it.
Peace. @}-----


07/25/02
I'VE GOT A DATE! Ok, it's a tenative date, but it's a date none the less! October 4, 2002! WOOHOO! So ... wow, it's really hitting home now isn't it? That's ... 9 weeks from tomorrow! HOLY COW! OMG! Uh ... I think I need a moment ...



08/05/02
DAMN! Finally WeFest is over in DL! TG!
So now, to get back to the task at hand ... WHAT THE HELL DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A SURGERY DATE? I'm beginning to get a little pissed off! I know she said she'd call me ... 3 flippin' weeks ago! So I've had an approval since JULY 3 and it's been over a MONTH! GRrrrrGRRRGrrrr! It's making it really hard to be a happy person without my mokies, my schedule and whatever. I'm beginning to get REALLY discouraged. And I'm about to call and go ballistic. I really am DONE being patient with this Kari person! ARGH!
@}------------



SAME DAY UPDATE

Ok, it's official! October 4th is no longer the tenative date. It's on the books and in the scheduling! Holy Schamoley! Less than 8 weeks. Let's see that is ... 43 days ... So, does that mean I can start my own countdown? 42 days and a wake up? Peace ....... Luvya bunches ... It's funny ... I thought I'd be more excited. Instead, I'm kind of ... depressed. Is that normal? Anyway ... I didn't talk to Kari ... I talked to the receptionist and she told me I was penciled in for that. I won't hear diddley shit until Kari gets back next week for my pre-op and everything else ... but at least I know what to do!


08/07/02
*Sigh*
I really want to quit my job. But I can't. As much as I hate this place sometimes, I can't leave because of the surgery. No one else is going to let me be gone for such a long period of time with no replacement. And I had BETTER get a damn raise for all the CRAP I have been putting up with here!
I'll be back ... work calls.


08/10/02
I think I've mentioned before that I hate my job. I really mean it. I hate this place! 117 hours in two weeks, DAMN! Ah, well. Just keep telling myself, think of the money, think of the money!
I'm beginning to have very strange dreams when it comes to this surgery. One was that my surgeon couldn't make it, so my BOSS was going to do it! Now THAT'S strange! Gawd I hope not! Anywho ...
I'm taking a mini vacation with the dh and a friend coming soon. Going to the twin cities and to the MOA. Not looking forward to walking through that place like this. We're also going to the Renaissance Festival. I love going there, but I hate the fact that every year I go, I'm bigger and bigger. It gets hard to walk around with out sitting. I have to sit a lot already at work because my knees, legs, back and feet hurt all the time. This won't be fun. But I just have to keep thinking that this is the last time ever. Last year. I will no longer look like this when I go there. Next year at this time, I will be able to have fun and enjoy myself. *sigh* Finally. It's hard to imagine. After so many years of being overweight and being teased, it's finally going to become a reality and I will be healthy! Finally! Wow.
I went to Red Lobster last night as one of my "last meal" things. I know, I shouldn't do that, but really, I'm sooooo hungry! Like right now, I could eat forever! Understandable.
I wish I would get my letter from the surgeon's office, or my phone call from his nurse. I'm getting sick of not knowing what to expect! Hopefully this week! Peace! @}------

SAME DAY UPDATE!
Talk about stress! I REALLY am learning to not like this job. After 4 years here, you'd think I would learn to leave it at the door. But I got up this morning at 4 to be here. Worked from 5 am until 3 pm. Then to top it all off, the person that was supposed to come in tonight couldn't get here because of something that happened at home. And the gal that was working the 2 to 6 shift wasn't going to come in until I threatened to fire her behind! And gee, guess who's here tonight from 6 until whenever when the Vikes game is over? Yeppers. That would be the doormat. ME. Damn I hate this job.



08/12/02
Ok, Repeat after me!
EVERYONE SAY IT WITH ME ...

1) I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my
mailing lists if I DON'T forward an email!

2) I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do
forward an e-mail.

3) Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria's
Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're
supposed to send me.
4) Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward
my e-mail to more than 50 people!
5) I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or
freebies from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old
Navy, or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

6) I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an
e-mail ...NEVER--NEVER!!

7) There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program,
and I am not STUPID enough to think that someone will
send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!

8) There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish
program in England collecting anything! He did when he
was 7 or 8 years old. He is now cancer free and 35 years old
and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE POST CARDS or GET-WELL CARDS.
9) The government does NOT have a bill in Congress called
901B (or whatever they named it this week) that, if
passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-
mail we send.

10) There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving,
colorful flowers, characters, or program that I will
receive immediately after I forward an e-mail. NONE,
ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
11) The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a
certain individual dying of some never-heard-of
disease for every e-mail address I send this to. The American
Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
12) And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into
sending things by telling me I am not their friend or
that I don't believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to
send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard
will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on!

Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized,
and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before
the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the
next three months and all of your hair will fall out.

There. 'Nuff Said.

08/15/02
I met my Angel Tami yesterday. I have to say that she has the CUTEST baby in the world! What a cutie! Tami is such a sweetheart, too! I am so happy to have gotten to know her!
I wrote on the board yesterday about how I am worried about the surgery now. I will be alone through at least half of it. Jason has to go to a second batch of training and I will be alone. That really sucks. REALLY. I am still curious as to how I will get home. And who will take care of the animals here. And who will take care of me? I ... *sigh* I dunno. Jason leaves in two days for a week of training. Then I get to go see him! YAY! I get a mini vacation! WOOHOO!!! My bestest friend in the whole wide world is coming down to stay with me for a week, so I won't be so lonely. She's coming with us to the cities, too. I wish she could come down when I have surgery. She even had offered to come get me and bring me home if she could. Wow. She lives in WINNEPEG! So nice of her! Anyway .. Time to get "human" and get ready to face the public for work. Yeah, fun. I have to be at the county fair booth for work. Yippee. (No sarcasm there, nope, not at all, lol).


August 30, 2002
34 days and a wake up!

YAY!

September 4, 2002
One month from today. 29 days and a wake up! YAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

September 9, 2002
24 days and a wake up ... Here we go!

September 11, 2002

Where were you when the world stop turning? (To quote Alan Jackson)

I got the call from my husband that said, hey I think the WTC is on fire. So I turned on the TV. The picture became clear and suddenly the 2nd plane went headlong into the second tower. To which I remember saying something about I gotta go, hung up the phone as I dropped it on the floor, fell back against the couch and cried. I watched in horror as people were JUMPING FROM THE TOWERS! I cried as the towers collapsed. I cried for the free nation. For all the children left without parents. For the families of everyone. For the world. I knew my brother, who lived in TX at the time, would get a call possibly reactivating his military anti-terrorist status. He was a specialist in the USArmy, trained in things I didn't even want to know about. I was afraid for the nation, for the rescue workers. For everyone.
I work for a talk/news/sports radio station. For one solid week, 9/11 was everything and everywhere. There was not much to do at work but let the major networks take it. It seemed the world was on hold. And now it's time to move forward. Stand up and be counted and know that (Quote from former Pres. Ronald Reagan) WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN.

May we find confort in the fact that our lives will change for the better, both from and because of 9/11, and from our second chance at life with WLS.


September 12, 2002
Well, there are a few things that are going through my mind today. First off, do I have everything I need for this? What am I going to do about dinners for my fmaily? how about the cleaning? And ...
I'm wondering. Jason mentioned something about Tasha and her last name. I was going to call my lawyer about his idea to legally change Tasha's name, but I'd really prefer he just adopt her and get the whole child support process over with. I know there are still payments for back support that Tasha will get for the $10K that he owes her. but ... Jason suggested just changing her name and not doing the adoption until later. Well, that sounds like a cop out. Don'tcha think? I do.
So ...
3 weeks from tomorrow. 21 days. 21 days and a wake up. Ok, seeing that makes it a little more real. Wow!


SAME DAY UPDATE
I'm getting a little sick and tired of getting everyflippinthing I post on the board HELD BACK! GRRRRRRRRRRRR. Anyway ... I had to say that. Only 17 more days of work. 21 days from tomorrow. 21 days and a wake up. 3 weeks to a new life. Getting nervous? Yep. Excited? Yep. Ready for this? I think so. I hope so. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe. Yes. YES. I fought for it. I am ready to become healthy.

September 13, 2002
I figured out why I am feeling like this right now. It's today. Not the superstitious part. Today. Today would have been my best friend's 31st birthday. Happy birthday, Jill. I miss you. :*(



September 17, 2002
16 days and a wake up to go. Am I nervous yet? Yes. Am I excited? Yes. Am I ready for this? Yes.
I was thinking the other day. My uncle had this done years ago, had a revision, and is just as big now as he was back then. Mainly because he eats his fried foods and junk too much. He doesn't like the idea of me doing this. But I have better resolve. I hope. I was also thinking of my so called friend. You know, the one who refuses to talk to me anymore. It really bugs me. Still to this day, it bugs me. It's been 4 months since I last talked to her. And it still breaks my heart. So, you think she'll ever decided to talk to me again? I somehow doubt it. Even though she claims to be this spiritual and semi-religious person, I have a feeling that she will stick to her own narrowmindedness. I guess it's not my problem anymore is it?
Sometimes, when I am stressed out like this, I really wish I still smoked. Stress is gonna kill me one of these days, don'tcha think? Hence the reason I am doing this. I have too many narrow-minded people around me to even consider calling them friends anymore. Too many people around this small town area are just to flippin' ignorant for their own good. And to think I thought they were friends at one time. I guess I never really did fit in with them. Ever. And now I can see why. I always felt like the odd person out. Well, i guess I am the odd person out. I am older than most of them and the reason that they are even "civil" towards me is because of my dh. I would never have been friends with them if it weren't for him. Hell, I wouldn't have even known any of them. And I doubt I would have picked people like that for friends on my own. But they are the ones around the most now, and for some reason, I just don't care if they come see me in a couple weeks or not. I guess I don't really want them to. I'd just like to be left in peace. I already know that no one from work is going to come see me or even call to see how things are. No one at work has even made the effort to find out what's really going on and what I am going to be going through.

I am thinking of taking the time that I am home "recovering" to find another job. Something that's not at night anymore. I am so sick of working nights. I want to be a daytime person. I want to spend time with my family and work in a place where I am at least talked to. I know, I KNOW that they couldn't care less if I stay or go. I have been there for 4 years, working my ass off, and no one there even mentioned a thing about it. Not one. I don't think they even know. I have been busting my ass for them and I am not going to do that anymore. I could give a fuck if they even recognize me in anyway shape or form. I'll bet they don't even say that I'll be gone or welcome back if I do come back. Gawd I hate my job!


September 19, 2002
Two weeks. 14 days and a wake up. That's it. Almost there. Yesterdat in the mail, I got my info for my appointment with the dietician and the surgeon to get my pre-ops done. Wow. It's really coming isn't it? it's no longer over 2 months away, instead just 2 weeks. Soon I'll be in the single digits. Will I get calmer when it comes closer or will I get nervous as all hell? I don't know. Guess I'll know more as the time approaches. Man I wish I was still talking to Stacy. That bugs the crap outta me still. Oh well. I guess it's not my problem, right? We'll see. Peace out ...


September 23, 2002
FUNNY THOUGHTS

"It's easier to beg forgiveness than to get permission"
- Admiral Grace Hopper ... My thought for today.

I want to say thank you for everyone who has signed my page and to my special angels Rhonda and Tami. I would be lost without you guys!

Just 10 days and a wake up to go! YAHOOOOO!

I had the worst weekend. It was Mom's 54th birthday, and that should have been ok. But the moment I was dreading the most came to light this past weekend. Friday, I finally got the call from Tasha's biological paternal grandmother. She wanted to meet Tasha. I allowed it under restrictions. She was not to tell her she was gramma, and wasn't allowed to really get involved. So, it went ok, but ... We shall see. I am thinking about telling her (Tasha) that she has another gramma. I thought I would wait a bit, but then tell her than an angel gave her another gramma for a reason. I don't know. *sigh* What a spot to be in. My family isn't talking to me because they think I should not have allowed it. But you know what? I think it may be ok if she was to get to know them. She can make up her mind later, and it's MY decision. My DH is not the happiest about this. He feels threatened. I understand that. He wants to adopt her, but he's scared to. And if we get the adoption done, can she still see Joan? I don't know. I'm so confukt!

Anyway ... time to stay healthy!

Septemeber 25, 2002
8 days and a wake up to go! There's my countdown for today. I can't believe that after a year of struggling, I am almost there. And stuffy! I am hoping it's just allergies. I refuse to let myself get sick NOW! I woke up this morning with a real stuffy nose and itchy eyes. I'm hoping that it's not a cold. I am not going to let anything deter me now! I started this process 11 months ago. And I am not going to let anything get in my way now. No way jose! lol Everyone's asking me if I'm nervous yet. No. Not nervous, just wanna get this OVER WITH!!


September 26, 2002
Tasha was watching Sesame Street today and the count was on. And I thought ... 7 ah ah ah ah 7 days to go! LOL
I am now done with work until November .... WWWWOOOOOOOOHHHHHOOOOOOO!!!!!

September 30, 2002
3 days and a wake up to go. I'm getting a little freaked out. But happy to be starting my new life on FRIDAY!
Oh, yeah ...

Happy Birthday, Dad! 60! I'm so glad you made it! I love you!

October 11, 2002
1 week post op, I have ankles and shin bones. Who knew?

October 16, 2002
12 days post op and down 20.2 pounds! WOW!

October 21, 2002
So, here I sit. Thinking. What the hell did I do to myself? I am learning more everyday that I can only eat a LITTLE and I mean little bit. My eyes are bigger than my stomache. I miss my friend ... food. I miss eating. I miss everything. I am learning, though. I hate the pain. The horrible "ugh" feeling when I try to get up or when I wake up in the morning. I want to feel normal again. I know I will, eventually. But right now, I am no where near what I want to feel like. I am 2 weeks from going back to work, and I really could use the money. But ... *sigh* I'm learning. Everyday. Learning.

10/24/02
Scale is down 4 more pounds! So, 24 pounds in 20 days. Wow.
I found a few things I cannot eat. Peanut butter toast is one of them. They mean it when they say do not throw up. That hurt yesterday. A LOT! So I had some soup for dinner, and lay down for a while last night. I'm getting better every day, but still not real excited about eating yet. And the liquids