BabyRuth2u

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I had my 1 year visit with my WLS doctor yesterday. He was very pleased with my progress. I have lost 140 lbs since surgery and 160 total since our first consultation. He said that I have lost 74% of my excess weight and that was fantastic. He stated that not many people do that. I know many of my fellow Marchers have done this, so it is done!! :) I guess maybe he just hasn't had any patients with those numbers in one year. He asked me if they could highlight me in their monthly newletter with before and after pics. I don't know which month it will be in, but if/when it happens and I get a copy I'll post it somehow. I was also asked if I would speak at a future monthly support meeting when they do patient stories. I feel honored and proud to be able to do that. It has been a great year and I look forward to so much more in this coming year! My starting weight at our first consultation was 345 lbs. I now weigh 185 lbs.  Having WLS was the best decision of my life. It has given me so much more of a life. I am so very pleased, happy, excited, thrilled that I did this. I have been truly blessed!

............. Yes lost...... somewhere between the women's department and the regular misses department. LOL Over the past 9, almost 10 months now I have been having a blast shopping, always for smaller sizes, better fits, nicer style. (I started at a size 34w top 28w to 30 w pant). But today when I went out for a little shopping spree to up my wardrobe for my new job I had a bit of a dilemma. Mind you, this is a good dilemma I have (I guess LOL) but I found that I'm kind of too small now to be shopping in the women's plus size department, but at the same time can't fit all things in regular sizes XL. So my choices today suddenly became very limited. Here I was ready to SHOP and I came home with one pair of slacks and one sweater top. 
I was at  J.C. Penney and went to the women's plus size department. They have these slacks I really like that I have in black. I wanted to get them in a few other colors. The last ones I was wearing were a 16wp, so i tried the 14wp in gray and they fit! WoooHooo!! The same size in the navy just wasn't  quite right. I've found this with other things that colors can make a size a bit different, heavier dyes etc I guess. So I opted for just the gray. But tried the same pants on in regular 16 (way too long) and then tried 16wp in the petites section they were too tight. UGH! So no navy..... anyways, tops in the women's plus section 1x are now too big. They just kind of flopped, were baggy on me. Ok cool!!! I have been getting some regular XL's at different stores, but no luck today at J.C. Penney with the exception of the sweater. Everything else in regular 18, 16 or XL would fit but was just fitting and I didn't want to buy what I really couldn't wear yet. (What if, maybe I never get any smaller, then what would I do with these tighter shirts) yes, I know I shouldn't think that way, but you know how we WLS people are, we always think this is it, we're done losing. LOL So it was a bit frustrating that I couldn't SHOP as I was so excitedly planning to do. It appears too that a women's 16 or 18 is not the same as a regular 16 or 18. I do believe women's is cut fuller. So I'm guessing I'm not fuller anymore, but not yet trimmer. See, I'm lost! LOL I guess I need to wait another 10 lbs or so to get myself really right were I need to be to be "normal". LOL I love my new deep royal blue sweater so I'm happy.  I just felt kind of lost today at one point when I didn't know where to turn. Am I a woman? or am I a misses? I'm so confused!!!!!.......................LOL

Thought it was time for an update especially since I have some good news and some great news! :)  My weight has continued to go down, been at 194 for a few days. I'm starting to taste those 180's.. LOL It is just so weird, or is that surreal, not sure if that is the right word or not. As I've mentioned before, I don't have any recollection of ever weighing anything less than 200 with the exception of 7th grade at 150.  So at times I feel like I'm dreaming. And ok it was one thing to get under 200 and be 190 something, but now I'm not far from being 180 something? Huh? where does it stop? LOL When am I going to wake up? I know I don't want to!!!!! At least not for another 30 lbs or so. LOL That was the good news. :)
Great news is that I got a new job!! I've been at a temp position for about 9 weeks, tossed between sales assistant, receptionist and HR manager assistant. I was made the offer for the HR managers assistant  yesterday and I accepted. I have really enjoyed working with this company. The people and atmosphere are great. I enjoy the variety of work. They are a very well know and respected company, they pay well (woohoo), benefits are great, it's close to home, just an amazing opportunity and so excited. 
I believe that part of what got me this position is having had my WLS. I've always worked, had decent jobs, but never got ahead to where I'd like to be. This job puts me there and opens so many other opportunities for me.  I believe that having lost 150 lbs so far has truly benefited me. DUh, really Ruth? LOL I mean that I don't get up in the morning feeling basically like crap. I don't ache, Im not feeling sick, just basically miserable and then having either a bad day at work or calling off because I just can't do it. I've not missed a day while working here, I get up with no problems since surgery, I feel good in the morning, I can do so much. I have all kinds of energy, and am just better in those ways. I feel the same inside, i am still me, but on the outside I shine so much more, and I can dress the part better too. At 350 lbs, trying to look professional, being able to buy business suits and other attire that look good on you just isn't all that easy. But now I can present myself as I am, wear what/who I am. I love it!!!! :)

As of this morning I weighed in at 198.4, was at 199 yesterday. So I guess I'll call it official! :)  I didn't get overly excited, jump up and down or see/hear fireworks, but it does feel good. But, also at the same time scarey. I'm afraid to do something (like eat too much) to make me go back over 200. LOL is this nuts? We drive ourselves insane, don't we? I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and go from there. But I sure hope I don't go back over that would stink for sure!! I think I might want to wait another few pounds, like when I'm at 195 to be really excited, then I won't be so worried that I'm close. LOL Anyways... looks like I've made it!!!! *breaks into song* lol

Ok, I guess I can't complain too much, I weigh 200 lbs, how great is that in 9 months with a starting of 345 lbs?!! I weighed one morning 199.6, but I was afraid to believe it and I'm glad I didn't get too excited because I'm  now back to the evil 200.6 area. LOL Once I see the scale showing 198 or so and staying beneath the 200 then  I'll run around and scream a little! LOL

Today Dave and I went and did some Christmas shopping and a little shopping for ourselves. I needed some new clothes, pants not so much but my tops were getting too big and I have been running out of things to wear for work. Off work time is not as much of an issue, if it's a little baggy I don't care as much, but I like to look good and professional and neat at work. So we went to Grove City and I had a blast! I was able to go in any store I wanted and browse without feeling like the clerks would be wondering what that big person is doing here, we don't have anything for her! But I was able to be comfortable and have many options to try on. I got some great blazers, some slacks, lots of shirts/sweater tops. I made sure they all work together with eachother and the things I had at home so that I can stretch them in many ways. It was a really great day, I had so much fun trying on all the different things. Now I can't wait for Monday to get back to work to sport my new threads! LOL
Hoping to be back under the 200 tomorrow, I walked enough today to burn off a few pounds I think. LOL We shall see. Night. :)

Again the scale is whacked or I'm just going to sit at like 200.8. That's what the scale has said the past few days. It has even gone to 201.8 then back to 200.8. I just find it weird that the scale can be the exact number for like 3 days, not even an ounce off. Who knows I guess. I shouldn't be worrying about it so much. When the time comes I'll be less than 200. I'll let you know.

All else is going well. Life is great. I enjoy every day and am so thrilled to feel the way I do, look the way I do and to be able to do the things I do. So that is the most important. I find more lately that I am appreciating these things so much. They were Wows along the way, but I have found that Ive not taken any of it for granted. Each time I do a large flight of stairs, or stand on my feet for hours cleaning, shopping etc, cross my legs, run on the treadmill (which Ive been doing now the past two weeks. Not long, just a minute here, walk some, then run again etc) but I am running now, So each time I do these amazing things which others take for granted Iam thankful and thrilled at my life now as it is. It just keeps getting more exciting each day!! :)

When I got on the scale the other day and it said 202 it took my breath away. I seem to be dropping a 1 lb. a day this past week. Tonight Im showing that Im 200.6, could that mean tomorrow I'll see 199 or something? OMG!! Im afraid to say I've hit ONEderland when I do for fear my scale is off a bit and Im not really 199 yet.  LOL I might have to wait until I see 197 to believe it. LOL Or maybe heck with it and take the 199 when it shows, whacked scale or not its been going down by it's method! We shall see. Maybe see you tomorrow  hootin' and holler'n. LOL

I'm counting the days, I keep getting closer and closer to being under 200. I feel like there's all lthis excitement around me. I don't know what's going to happen when I see a number under 200, but I'm filled with anticipation. When I think about it, I think I'll cry, but maybe when it really happens I won't. I kind of feel I'll be dissapointed if I don't. LOL It just feels like it's going to be some grand day, that the sky is going to light up or something with fireworks. That it will be like a new life, a new beginning or something. I guess I should be right to feel this way, it is an amazing thing. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas. Oh, yea, wait, I am. LOL I'm at 203 as of today, inching ever so closely to this next goal. I can't wait!!!! :)

After my little weight gain I knew I had to kick my butt in gear, that I just couldn't keep doing whatever it was that I was doing or the scale would just keep going up. I say "whatever" I was doing because I really don't see what I'm doing any differently now but the weight has just been dropping the past few days. First thing was that I got my rear to the gym a.s.a.p over the weekend. I don't normally do the weekend but when the scale hit back up to 213 I knew I coulnd't waste any days. I had skipped a few last week, was feeling kind of down and I guess did a little more munching than I thought. But I got back to the gym, started measuring my food this week while I'm working and it seems to be working! I've been down to 206 the past two mornings. I am getting so excited as each day passes. I can't believe ONDERLAND is so close. I get ready to tear up when I think about being 199. I feel like when it happens I'll just cry. I sure hope so!! It sure is worth a good cry!! LOL I don't recall ever being under 200 with the exception of 7th grade. I remember it because we had to get physicals at the nurses office and I remember her saying I was 150 lbs and that it was too much and I needed to lose some weight. Well we can see that never happened. I recall the year after my graduating which would have been 1981 that I got up to 275 lbs. I said that was it, something had to be done. I went on a diet and got down to about 204. So about where I am now. But I never made it under the 200. And... since then have gone up to an all time high of  approx. 375. I was 345 when I saw my wls surgeon at first appt. Once I make it to ONDERLAND this will be the first time in my addult life (over the age of 18) that I ever weighed less than 200 lbs.  It is really weird being this weight now clothing size wise. Its the same thing with that. I dont ever remember being under maybe a 24w. I can't remember size 12, 14, 16, 18, 20, 22 etc. Did I ever wear those sizes in my life? It seems like I just went from being a kid to a 30/32, 5x. And then getting to about a 26, maybe a 24w once on a diet.  So anyways, just wanted to report that as mentioned, if you skip exercise and don't make the right food choices you will gain weight. This tool is amazing. Put it to work and it does work. We all know what we are suppose to do and not doing it my whole life has gotten me to a top of 375 lbs. I don't ever want to be there again, so I have to make the right choices. Will I do it all the time, every day? Probably not, we are all human and we have moments of weakness. Food is not evil, it is not bad. Too much of it is. Hope that the next post I can come here and cry for joy. It is just such a really weird feeling to think of having a "1" at the beginning of my weight. It feels like it will put me in a whole different place. I don't know, just seems like it will be some type of turning point, something great. I hope I'm not dissapointed!!! :)

The past two days have been a real struggle for me. I have been fighting this snacking demon, it has been winning and I've let it yesterday really get me down. I felt totally hopeless, like a real failure, that I was going to fail and that this was it, I had lost the battle. I picked, or should I say I ate all day yesterday. And when I got up this morning the scale showed me just what snacking and giving in can do. I had finally gotten to below that 210 mark, inching my way to under 200. Last week I was down to 208 then fluctuated from 208 to 210, mostly at 209. Well as of this morning I was 213. EEKS!!  I just felt sorry for myself yesterday. Felt sorry because I wanted to eat and know I shouldn't. It was a struggle. I let the old me win and gave in way too many times. Sure I'm still not eating sugar, no sweets, candy, ice cream, cookies and the such. But extra protein, some carbs like crackers and pasta will make you gain weight. 
I felt as I said so bad yesterday and just kept letting everything build. I felt sorry for myself, I guess it was a big old pity party. I felt lost and alone the only way I can describe it. I wanted to do stuff but didnt know what I wanted to do. I wanted, needed, felt something but couldnt get any get up and go. Today I got up and saw the 213, it almost threw me into another bad day. That is what I've been doing, let one non weightloss day get me down, slow me down, and then letting one bad day turn into another. But I decided today I better get a grip. Hope I hold onto it for awhile!!  I hadn't been to the gym for 2 days which unless it is the weekend, is not my norm. So I got myself out to the gym today, it was tough getting started but I made it and pushed it a little and worked a little harder. While I was there I had lots of time to think which kind of sucked, I had to keep changing my thinking to the positive, I kept thinking of all the bad things, downing things I was yesterday and was depressing myself all over again. But I turned it around and feel more positive today and have been in control. 
I somehow thought things would be easier as we went along. That by now 8 months out this should be old school, but its not. Its harder now than its been all along. I guess maybe because now I have to do some real work. Not that I / we havent been working hard all along, we just had some help in the beginning. We had no choice on eating much smaller portions, we were really psyched because weight came off so much faster and that drove us to really watch what we ate, exercise more and just keep seeing this amazing feat happen, us getting so much smaller. Wow!!! But now the weight comes off slower, we have to work even harder in our exercise, we are closer to "normal" size and it takes much more to lose 1 or 2 lbs. And this can be hard. It has been hard.  I don't want to be a failure. I worry that I'll gain my weight back. I look at some old pics I have on the fridge and they disgust me. I can't believe I looked like that, though sometimes I feel like I still do. But it scares me that I looked like that and didn't know it. Did I not care? Food was much better than the way I feel now? That I made the choice to eat so much, so often or whatever I/we did to get where we were? I realized last night and thought of it today that I have been snacking/eating to entertain myself. Pure and simple. And that is what I've always done. Nothing to do/Bored? Eat! Sad? Eat! Happy? Eat! It tastes really good? Eat some more just for tastes sake! I've been bored, I've been sad, I've been lonely. I've been eating! I have made that choice and its been the wrong choice. I have been letting the old me win. Was the old me a loser? no, she wasn't, but I don't want to see her anymore, I don't want to be her (physically) any more. I don't ever want to go back there. I'm just afraid I don't know how not to. Yes, I know the rules, I know I've got the tool, but I don't know that I know I can do this forever. Make sense? I'm afraid I'm going to fail like I did ever other diet I've tried. No, this is not a diet, but you know what I mean. 
It's funny too. I have been excited at the thought that I have a realistic amount of weight to lose now to be a somewhat "normal" size. That I could realistically lose another 40 lbs, or lets say 50 lbs and be done. It seems so reachable. But lately it seems so far away. So far because of how slow the weight loss is now. I'm back to feeling like its a lifetime away, not something that can be reached. Please, I hope I'm proven wrong. I don't want to end this in a negative tone because I have been feeling better and in control today, so that is a plus!! That is good! It is only one day at a time. Tomorrow is gone, today is here and Im making the best of it. No one said this would be easy.