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today's weight:  228.0  (stayed the same as yesterday, but it wasn't a gain. yay!)

today is friday, april 25, 2008.

today was a busy day at work.  ... tomorrow is the white house correspondents dinner and i'm knee-deep in preparations for that.  i was proud of myself today because in the past, i would get all stressed out about this dinner and i would eat my way through the day, trying to find some comfort.  but, today, i stuck to my list of allowed foods .... baby food for breakfast, leftover chicken and a teeny piece of watermelon for lunch, 1/2 hardboiled smashed egg for snack at 5:00, and then steve wanted to call out for chinese for dinner, so i had 1 oz. steamed chicken and some egg drop soup.  yummmy.

i went for a 25-minute walk today at lunchtime ... the weather was absolutely beautiful.  25 minutes wasn't too long .... the hardest part is convincing myself to go for the walk.  i know once i get out there, i will love it, but it's the getting there that's the hard part.  lol.

today's weight:  228.5  (still going in the right direction.  yay!)

today is thursday, april 24, 2008.

it was a beautiful spring morning here ... i drove to work with the windows down in the car.   my breakfast was 1 ounce of leftover turkey burger.  for lunch, i had 1 ounce of turkey burger, 1 tbsp. green beans smashed and 1 tbsp. baked potato smashed.  (yeah, i'm not very creative.)

i had to drive to the corporate office for at 3 p.m. meeting, then got stuck in the traffic on my way back home.  i went to the grocery store, picked up some chicken to make for dinner and got my liquid vicodin.  (big smile).

i made dinner, put my chicken in the blender after it was cooked on the grill.  yummy.  i added some barbeque sauce.  had 1 tbsp potato salad smashed and 1 tbsp peas smashed.  very good.

for snack, i had some sf/ff cheesecake pudding.  couldn't finish the little container.  hmmmm, does that mean i have some restriction?  or is it some willpower?  whatever it is ... i'll take it.  lol.

today's weight:   229.5  (woooo hooo ... in the twenties!)

today is wednesday, april 23, 2008.

well, first of all, sorry i didn't blog yesterday.  i woke up on tuesday morning and had an email from my friend steve telling me he would be in DC at 4:45 p.m. at the greyhound station.  you see, steve used to live in the area and we were very close, but he's a government worker and got transferred to germany two years ago.  every year, he comes back and goes to the white house correspondents dinner with me.  the original plan was that he was coming in at the end of the week .... nope, i get an email saying he'll be here three days earlier.  urgggg.  the house is a mess.  i don't have groceries.  and, i'm definitely not mentally prepared for this visit.

you see, out of all my family and friends, steve is the only person who does not support my lap-band.  when i told him i was having the surgery, he got very angry with me and told me it was stupid and that he loved me the way i am and he didn't understand why i would do this.  i explained to him about my diabetes and how the doctors all suggest this.  but, he still does get it.  

i picked him up at the bus station yesterday afternoon and the first thing he says to me ... in a snotty voice ... 'are you able to eat yet?'  i told him yes, i could eat, but it has to be certain foods and certain consistencies.  he humfed.  then, he shows me this big container of chocolate chip cookies and said, 'here, i brought these for you.'  i thanked him and then said, 'i can't eat those ... i'm sorry.  but you can eat them all yourself.'  he was actually angry with me.  oh, well.

wednesday afternoon i had my follow-up appointment with dr. williams.  (dr. chan was not available for another month.  wtf is that about??  a month??  and this is the second time it's happened.  so, i get there at 1:15 for a 1:30 appointment.  finally, at 3:45, they called me back to the exam room.  yep, over two hours in the waiting room ... and not a word from the receptionist.  there were about 10 other people in the room ....  all of them waited over two or three hours.  wtf????   there were so many people walking around and, in fact, as i was waiting in the exam room for 45 minutes, dr. elariny actually came in and was getting ready to check me over and i finally said told him i had an appointment with dr. williams.  he had no clue who i was, but he was going to examine me.  they were so unorganized and it was chaotic.  then, dr. williams came in, examined me and i had a few questions about my chest/back pain and he just blew me off.  then, i asked him if i could do some light weight lifting and he said he would check with dr. elariny.  i stood and waited ... dr. williams never came back.  so, i made my follow-up appointment with the dietician for three weeks.  maybe i'll be able to get a few minutes of her attention.  urggggggg.

for dinner tonight, i had one ounce of a turkey burger, put in the blender until it was all chopped up.  also had 1 tbsp of baked potato smashed and 1 tbsp of green beans smashed.

after dinner, steve insisted i have those cookies with him.  i broke off a teeny tiny little piece ... about the size of a pencil eraser.  i put it in my mouth and smushed it with my tongue and lots of spit.  i was sooo afraid it would get stuck going down.  it didn't.  thankfully.  i didn't really enjoy the cookie .... it just finally shut him up.

yeah, he has way too much power over me.  urggggg.

today's weight:  233.5  (only 1/2 pound, but it's still going in the right direction.  lol.)  total loss:  4 pounds.

today is monday, april 21, 2008

today was an ok day.  i only cried once ... and it wasn't really anything to do with the lapband.  sometimes, friends and their spouses can really do stupid sh**.  uggggg.  but, that's so off topic, so i'll move on.  lol.

i had my first post-op appointment with the endocrinologist.  she said my bloodsugar levels are ok (around 150-175) for not taking any medication at all for the past week.  she told me that once i no longer have to crush my medication, she'd like me to start taking the metformin ... one pill, twice a day for four days.  then, go to two pills twice a day.  i should keep close track of my blood sugar numbers and let her know if they go too low.  i don't have to go back to see her for three months ... or, sooner, if i have any problems.  i guess i was a little disappointed because i thought i'd never have to take any diabetic medication ever again, but at least i don't have to take all the medication she used to have me take.

for breakfast, i had a jar of babyfood ... it's convenient to heat it up at work and just eat it out of the jar.  i had chicken today ... once again, it needed salt.  for lunch, i had one ounce of ground chicken, a tablespoon of smashed green beans and a tablespoon of smashed potatoes.  for dinner, i had two poached eggs and was full after the eggs.  

i took Bailey (the dog who thinks she's the child) for a walk tonight.  we walked for 20 minutes.  it was nice to get out and get some exercise while we had a break in the rain.

i was having some pains this morning in my stomach .. the port area.  it felt as though the pain was going from my stomach, straight through to my back.  i was very uncomfortable at work, but i'm not sure if it's my chair or if it was from something i ate giving me gas.  i'll have to wait until tomorrow to see how i feel.  i see the surgeon on wednesday for my first post-op appointment with him, so i'll mention it to him if it's still there.

today's weight:  234  (another step in the right direction.  yay!)  

today is sunday, april 20, 2008.

well, last night's sleep was absolutely horrible.  i took a vicodin around 11:30 and fell asleep in the recliner.  at 3 a.m., i woke up with a horrible back ache and then moved up to the bed with the trusty body pillow.  i fell back asleep and then woke up in pain again at 4 a.m..  urggggg.  i sat at the computer for an hour and then went back to bed at 5 a.m.  i slept from 5:00 to 7:30 and then was wide awake and got out of bed and started my day.

the weather here in DC was absolutely miserable today.  rain, rain, rain, thunder, lightning and more rain.  maybe it contributed to my mood.  maybe not.

i had the leftover cheese and brocolli soup for breakfast and then headed to the mall for a walk and to pick up some things and to get a manicure.   this was my first trip to the mall since surgery and i was a little concerned because when we go to the mall, it almost always included eating ... whether it was an auntie anne's pretzel or something in the food court.  i wasn't sure how i would handle it.  i did ok until i sat down for my manicure.  across the hallway from where i was sitting was 'PJ's rice bowl'  .... rice, sushi, and all kinds of aromatic food.  urggggg.   i could feel myself getting depressed because i'll never eat at the mall again.  (how ridiculous is THAT way of thinking?  .... i know better.  i know i'll be able to have mall food again ... just not right now.  i have to heal.)

after the mall, i came home and had a jar of baby food.  beef.  yuck.  but, i added some salt and it made it edible.  and, at least it wasn't soup.  (remember, i decided i was going to 'advance' myself by one day early to the pureed food stage.)  the beef baby food was a step in the right direction .... i just want 'food'.

at 3:00, i left the house to go meet Will for a few hours of fishing at the park.  the rain was so miserable, but it was nice to get out and have a couple hours of conversation with him.  

the one thing that really bummed me out today was that i talked to my sister in pittsburgh and she asked if i was coming out there in a couple weeks to help my other sister move into her new house.  i told her i didn't think i was going to make the 4-hour trip because there really isn't anything i can do (no heavy lifting).  and, her response was, "well, i'm making spaghetti and karen (another sister) is making bread."  hmmmm, two things i can not eat.  so, why the hell would i come out there and not be able to eat?  urggggg.  i wanted to cry.  why does everything have to revolve around food???  for some reason, it really upset me.  makes me think that maybe i should call cigna in the morning and find a behavorial therapist to help me through this.  the separation from food is really bringing me down.  maybe i should have seen a therapist before the surgery ... i read so much about head hunger and all the things people went through.   i should have been better prepared.

for dinner, i had 1 oz. of chicken breast that was baked in fat free italian dressing.  after it was baked, i put it in the mini-blender with some more dressing so it was moist ... the consistency of chicken salad.  i had about a tablespoon of baked potato, smashed with my fork and about a tablespoon of green beans, smashed also.  i thought i would be more excited about the 'real' food, but it wasn't so much the fact that i was eating real food ... it was sooo exciting that i actually felt full and that gnawing, nagging hunger feeling that i've had for the past week finally went away.  wooo hooo.

for a snack tonight, i had 2 oz. sf/ff ice cream.  yummmmy.

i've been keeping track of everything i eat and drink.  and, i'm keeping track of my blood sugar readings twice a day.  i read in my book from dr. chan that at 2 weeks, the calorie intake should be 200 calories a day.  but, everybody on the boards talk about the importance of healing and not to worry about how many calories you consume, but i just can't get it past my head that i can eat more than those 200 calories.  (i know i'm still at one week post op and this chart doesn't even start until two weeks post op.)  

well, i took another vicodin ... maybe it will let me sleep a bit better.  omg, i can't wait to be able to sleep on my stomach.

weight:  236.5  (yay! down one more pound)

today is saturday, april 19, 2008.

well, i was finally able to get some comfortable sleep last night.  i used one of those long, squishy body pillows and tucked it underneath me as i rolled over to my right side.  i just couldn't sleep on my back one more night.  i went to bed around 11:30 p.m. and got up at 8:00.  i was up a few times during the night, but i feel like i got a good night's rest.  finally.

for breakfast, i had 1/4 bottle of the isopure no-carb protein drink.  it was really filling for a clear liquid drink ... and tasty, too.  lol.  for lunch, i had the leftover cream of mushroom soup (strained) and at 5 p.m., i had some vanilla yogurt for my afternoon snack.  for dinner, i had 1/2 can of campbells cheddar brocolli soup (strained) while ron had his leftover hamburger helper and that darned salad that i want so badly!  urggggg.   

i'm really tired of liquids and i really, really want to graduate to pureed foods.  according to the doctor's instructions, i have to wait until day 8 to go to pureed, but i think i'm going advance myself a bit and try to squeeze in some blendered chicken tomorrow for dinner.  tomorrow is day 7, so i'd only be advancing by about 12 hours.  lol.

i was very active today.  did a few loads of laundry (up and down the basement steps), went to the garden center and picked out a plant for the front porch, cleaned off the screened-in back porch and watched ron do some yard work.  i also made two pans of brownies for the neighbor guy for helping ron lift some heavy gardening tools.  my energy level is pretty good today.  my incisions are looking really good.  three of the really small ones are healed completely and i took that itchy tape off those.  the other two are still in the process of healing, so i'll leave them be for a few days.

i'm really getting depressed about not eating anything of any substance.  it's been a full week now of liquids.  and it sucks.  i can feel myself on the verge of tears all day and i'm very short with ron.  i just want to move forward and eat something where i can actually chew it.  i'm not craving junk food or food that's bad for me .... i just want REAL food.

oh, well, i'll make it through this. .... i'm not going to screw this up.  i'm determined to make it work.

weight this morning:  237.5.   wooo hooo!  finally back down to 'surgery day weight'.

today is friday, april 18, 2008.

today was my second day back to work and i got to graduate to full liquids.  for breakfast, i mixed an Unjury chocolate protein drink with 8 oz. ff milk.  i used one of those plastic shakers and put some ice in there, so it was kind of frothy.  i was only able to drink half the container (4 oz.), so i saved the rest and had it after work on my way home.  for lunch, i had a container of dannon light & fit vanilla yogurt.  for dinner, i warmed up a can of campbells cream of mushroom soup with a can of water and then strained it.  i was only able to eat half the bowl.  for an evening snack, i had sf/ff chocolate pudding.  i KNOW i'm not getting in enough liquids .... i only had about 10 oz. of water today.  that is NOT good!  i HAVE to drink at least 60 oz. of liquids according to my instructions from the doctor.  it's just that i don't want to drink ... i don't feel like it.  but, i'm going to have to FORCE myself to get more liquid in.

i know i'm supposed to exercise more, too. ... ha.  i walked around the block at work twice today.  yeah, that's a little bit of exercise, but not much.  i think i'm supposed to be up and walking more than this. 

i'm still feeling that full and hungry feeling at the same time.  but, as somebody posted, it's because the little stomach is full but the big stomach is still empty.  once i start eating more protein, the big stomach shouldn't be so hungry.  

tonight was the first night since surgery that hubby and i sat at the dining room table for dinner.  (that's one thing we always do ... we always set the table and eat together around the table ... not in front of the tv).  i had my strained soup ... he had hamburger helper and a salad.  yeah, it was rough sitting there, smelling his real food and omg, especially that salad .... i have been craving a salad for about four days now.  but, i know i have to get used to him eating his normal, unhealthy foods while i eat the healthier foods.  it's just hard at this stage because i'm still on liquids.  (this sucks!)  

but, i knew it would be like this and i'm trying to be strong and keeping a positive attitude.  it WILL get better .... and, actually, it's not THAT bad.  :)

even though i went to work today, i got really tired around 4 p.m. .... my drive home from work seemed really long today because i was tired.  i took a crushed vicodin when i got home, but then got busy with other things and i'll head to bed around 11 p.m. tonight.  

i had trouble sleeping again last night.  i really, really, really want to lay on my side, but when i get there, my stomach pulls down and it hurts the incisions.  i'm going to try one of those body pillows tonight.

morning weight:  241.5

today is thursday, april 17, 2008.

well, i went back to work today.  getting in and out of the mustang was a bit rough, but i took some liquid tylenol and it helped me get through the day.  i'm still existing on clear liquids and i'm soooo sick of sf jello, clear broth and popsicles.

i'm experiencing that full feeling and hungry feeling at the same time.  i guess that's something very common, so i'll just get used to it.

i met William after work at the park for a couple hours of fishing.  it felt good to be sitting out in the evening sunshine and chatting.  we usually have snacks, but this time, he brought his dinner with him instead and asked if it would be ok if he ate it.  (peanut butter and jelly on white bread and a package of oreos.)  i told him it was fine with me .... i had a container of sf jello as my dinner.  yum.  

i had a mini-meltdown this evening .... i guess it hit me that i'm banded .... and, that i'm tired of clear liquids, the cat died, i no longer smoke and i'm tired from not being able to sleep at night because i can't get comfortable.

oh, well, i'm sure tomorrow will be a better day.

morning weight:  243.5  (WTF!!!! ... i'm up six pounds from surgery day, but i'm sure it's just from all the fluids they pumped into me at the hospital .... and TOM.  wonderful.  urggg.)

today is wednesday, april 16, 2008.

well, my cell phone rang at 5:45 a.m. and it was the security guard at work letting me know the security system crashed and that we needed to call the technician.  ok, ... then you call him ... i'm out of the office because i just had surgery!  urgggg.  after an exchange of phone calls, the guards finally called the technician.  at this point, i'm wide awake, so i rolled out of bed and just wandered around the quiet house as hubby slept like a baby.   why can't "I" sleep?  i'm tired.  i'm uncomfortable.  and all i want to do is sleep!  

finally, at 10 a.m., after another dose of that disgusting crushed vicodin, i climbed into bed and took a 90-minute nap.   after my nap, i felt a little better.

i spent my day eating clear liquids .... sf jello, sf popsicles and chicken broth.  i guess the clear liquids aren't too bad ... it feels good to feel something going down my throat.

i'm thinking about going back to work tomorrow.  i'm bored.  and i don't want to sit around the house thinking about food.

today is tuesday, april 15, 2008.

the saga in the hospital continued.  when dr. williams came in at 6:30 a.m., the first thing i said to him was "i want to go home."  and then i started to cry.  he asked what happened and when i told him what went on during the night, he was angry.  he went out and got the nursing supervisor and she came in and took my statement.

dr. williams calmed me, said he would send me down for my x-ray and that if the band was on there correctly, he would send me home.

at 10 a.m., i went down for my x-ray and then at 11 a.m., the nurse came in with my discharge papers.  yay.  i'm free from this hell-hole.

it was very difficult getting into the car ... i burst into tears because it hurt so bad.  i slept the whole way home and as soon as i got in the house, i went down to the gameroom, climbed onto the recliner and slept most of the afternoon/evening.  

the gas pains are present ... i can definitely feel it in my neck and left shoulder.  you know when you wake up with a stiff neck? ... that's what it feels like to me.  i've been flapping my arms and trying to walk around as much as possible ... that's what everybody suggests.  the gas pains aren't too bad. ... tolerable.  didn't even use the heating pad that everybody says to use.

hubby woke me up a few times to see if i wanted some pain meds and they tasted so bad that i didn't take any.  bad idea.  by the time midnight rolled around, i begged him to figure out something to put the crushed vicodin in so i could take it.   he used about a cup of grape juice and mixed it with the meds .... it was tolerable.  thank god.

slept the whole night in the recliner, but then around 4 a.m., i went upstairs.  oh, i wanted to get into that bed so badly, but it just hurt too much to lay down.  the pressure was bad.   i took some more vicodin and then layed down slowly on a few pillows.  ahhhhhh.  finally, i was able to lay down.