beckysue531
So let's see, where to begin....I've been the 'fat kid' my whole life. Always looked at in disgust, told I have a pretty face, and that I'd be so beautiful if I lost weight. A constant reminder that I've never been good enough. Not that I'm trying to start a pitty party, but it was rough. It does a number on a girl's sef esteem and really hacks down any shred of confidence you might have built up. Either way, somehow I always pulled thru with a smile on my face and a joke in my back pocket to lighten the situation.
My dad was also very heavy his whole life, and in the early 90's he had gastric bypass surgery. I was totally against it. I felt he 'cheated' and I thought I could do better so I began to work on my weight and try and beat him the 'real way'. Well, little did I know (at the age of 12-13) that he would lose it faster that I could spell gastric bypass. LOL So, in came more discouragement and critisism from him b/c I was still fat and he was now skinny. And in came more food and my weight skyrocketted. After that for the next 10-15 years I went from diet to diet, trying to lose any weight I could. Under doctor's care, nutritionists, dietitans, counselors, phychologists, etc. I yo-yoed for years, never with losing more than 30 pounds total. It was awful, and felt like I was just never going to be thin, so I decided I'd better make the best of it and just enjoy me as me - fat and all. During this time, my dad hadn't gotten over the psychological addition to food and in turn, became an alcoholic. He turned into a monster and we grew far far apart. This only pushed me further away from the thought of the surgery b/c I didn't want to end up like that.
I met my finace, Mike, in July of '99. We worked together at Hardee's and he instantly fell in love with me. (So he says lol) We hit it off and haven't looked back on day since. He too is overweight, but never made me feel like I was any less of a woman because of it. He always tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me everyday. Then I realized why he was so sincere when I met his mother....she was 5'0" and about 330 pounds. The nicest lady you'll ever meet. LOVE her! And in 2002, she decided to have bariatric surgery. A big red scary flag flew up in my head and I was scared that she would change, as was Mike. Well, he surgery was a raving success and she's lost 200 pounds. SHe looks fantastic! Well, now I have a good and bad image in my head of surgery outcomes.
In late 2002, after being very much inspired by Mike's mom to lose weight again I joined a local gym and started doing water aerobics once a week, and swimming laps and working out on the elipital, tremill and weight lifting about 3 times a week. This resulted in me losing - you guessed it - 30 pounds. I could not shake one more pound no matter how hard I tried. Well, I became quite a regular at the pool and gym that they offered me a job. To teach water aerobics on any night of my choosing. So now, I teach a Wednesday night class, while still attending the Monday and Thursday classes as well. I've continued this healthy lifestyle for about 5 years now and have gained weight - from muscle i'm assuming - and feel better, but am still 'super obese'.
The next curve ball in life was when I had to bury my dad in August of '07. He was 63 years old. Too young if you ask me. What'd he die of you wonder? Liver failure. He killed himself by drinking. Suddenly an enormous hole was present in my heart. I dreamt of him several nights after he died and every morning I'd wake up and hear this voice in my head telling me that I should really look into WLS. Well, at first i scuffed it off like "hell no! Not me!" but after about night 6....I decided to look it up online and see what it's all about.
That brings us to about September of '07. I begin asking questions, talking to doctors, gathering information. Talking to my (soon to be) mother in law about her experience, and seeing if I could do it. Well.....here I am. In the process. Making changes to everyday life that will make the transition easier. Getting all the required tests done. Praying for a January '08 surgery date and praying that everything will go smoothly and I'll be ok.
I'm so ready for my new life. So excited. So scared, yet so determined and just READY SET GO! It's like a fog has lifted and it's all clear to me now. This is the path I'm suppsoed to go down. This is what I'm supposed to be doing. I've never felt more sure and more set on achieving. This is my time. My time to blossom, and to shed this 'shell' of fat and addiction and reveal my true self. Bet you can't wait to meet her....netiher can I!! =oD
