Becky D.

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I can't begin to comprehend what my body will go through after today. I can imagine all kinds of things and dream about what my body might look like. It seems so overwhelming to figure out what to eat, what not to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. The house has been so chaotic the last few weeks trying to adjust to my Opti Fast diet before surgery and a 9 & 10 year old getting older and ready for school. Everything seems so out of control. Hopefully in a few weeks we'll be back in a groove and things will be a little more peaceful.
I've received so many well wishes from our friends and the pastor came and prayed with us last night. So no worries today, just anxious!

I don't get it! How can you not eat anything and sit at the same weight for 4 days? Then I wonder why I feel so worthless. I can't even do this right. It would be different if I was cheating, but the only thing I had that I wasn't told I could was a piece of a raw hot dog. I've been out walking, drinking lots of water and it just doesn't matter. Must be why the Dr. said that he doesn't think I'll be able to lose weight on my own, but what if having surgery doesn't work either?
My psoriasis are getting worse and I ended up with a cold sore now on top of it. Can anyone say STRESS! Starting to have melt downs at night, short fuse, no patience.
I'm trying not to be a slave to the scale. Maybe my body is trying to survive being starved and trying to store fat. Maybe the walking is turning things to muscle. Yeah, right.
I'm supposed to go to a couple's picnic tonight and I just don't feel like it. Having to eat veggies when everyone else is eating food, food. But worse then that is having to talk about the surgery one more time!

The liquid diet is getting a little better. At times I even feel full. It seems like such a long way to go, but I think I can be proud of the 7lb loss already. Scott and the kids are sure good supporters.

The psoriasis is getting worse. Put a message on the board this morning to see if anyone had good results getting rid of it after surgery. Most of them have said it gets worse. I figured that since the body is under stress from surgery. I figure God is really trying to let me know it's not about being vain about my body image. I'm reminded I'm really having the surgery to get healthier.

I've been thinking of things that will be easier and more fun after surgery. I don't know if these are goals so much as things I want to do after surgery:

1. Ride horse, lots
2. Ride bike with the kids
3. White water rafting
4. Canoeing
5. ENJOY vacations totally- like being able to hike and walk around all over
6. Fit into chairs decent
7. Enjoy being in pictures
8. Wear clothes that are pretty, not just the ones that fit
9. Play volleyball
10. Play baseball
11. Go bowling
12. Try to water ski

Some of these things I haven't been able to do because of my back. Maybe losing weight will help alleviate some of that pressure so I can do some of these things again.

I will not fail.  I  will not fail.
I did okay yesterday and so far today with the liquid diet, but my stomach is in constant knots of hunger.  I got shaky yesterday and cold, today I have a headache.  Trying to eat with my family at supper time stinks.  My veggies compared to their sausage sandwhich just wasn't cutting it. Lost 3 lbs though.  Keep focused!

Last night thinking about today was exciting.  Almost more then the surgery day because it's a beginning of changes.  I had peanut m&m's this weekend and homemade pizza as they are some of my favorites.
This morning I had the first optifast chocolate drink and it goes down okay, but the after taste is kinda bad.  Going good so far, but let's see I've only been awake how long?

We had a big day on Friday.  First stop at the surgeon's desk on 3rd floor.  Dr. Garcia in surgery so was sent to 2nd floor to get the blood draw done.  Back to 3rd floor for the official weight, 308.5.  Then visited with nurse and an intern until Dr. Garcia got there. 
Nothing surprising from our visit.  I won't be able to donate blood for a couple years because of anemia issues.  I should be able to travel a couple weeks after surgery and barring any complications should feel pretty good.  My September & October calendar are filling up!  Have to be ready for my Mom's weekend on September 12th. 
They still don't think the surgery is going to help my psoriasis so guess I'll have to make another appt. with dermatologist.  My back doesn't want to let up so guess I'll have to give in and go to the chiropractor too.
After the Dr. visit it was downstairs to the nutrition office to order the food, back down the hall to pay for the food and opti fast and then back to nutrition office to pick up the food.  Weird set up if you ask me!?
Liquid diet starts on Monday.

It seems like the process started a long time ago, but I know it's went faster for me then for a lot of other.  Pre Op is tomorrow.  I've been reading a lot of messages on the message board about things to expect and tips for making it through the 2 week liquid diet. 

I"m trying not to get too hyped up about what I'll hopefully look like.  Just don't want to be disappointed if the picture in my head doesn't match the outcome.