Blackthorne

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10/3/05 Home from Brazil at last. I weighed yesterday, and am down to 238 (BMI 46.5). That's 22 1/2lbs lost in 18 days. Good to be home. Seroma still weeps, but I am doing MUCH better. I ate some yogurt last night that made me throw up (I had a feeling it had sat out too long), and throwing up didn't hurt my incision, so it's healing very well. Cat is petted & fed, so he's happy. Now I need to find a job. Anyone hiring?

9/27/05 Had my followup appt with Dr M last night, and he removed my stitches (completely painless - surprised me). We also did a weigh in - The Tuesday before surgery I weighed 260.7lbs (BMI 51), and now I was 242 something. so I've lost 18lbs in 11 days. And I've developed a small seroma which is weeping.

9/24/05 A little over a week post-op. I'm in a little bit of pain now, but I'm trying to see if this is it. If it is, then I plan to go off pain meds today. My follow-up appointment with Dr M is on Monday.

My sleep is very disturbed right now, and sleeping pills are having no effect. I've also found my personal thermostat seems to be going haywire - one minute I'm hot, then I'm cold, or my upper half is sweating and my feet are cold. These seem to be my only "complications" thus far. All in all, I'm probably a poster child for the DS - healed quickly, up & mobile, and surrounded by gorgeous men.

--BT

9/4/05 A lot of folks are talking about cold feet & fear. I still have 11 days to go before surgery, but I am not afraid.

I'm nervous and excited, and yes I've had irrational fears such as not being able to get to Brazil or finding out that after all this, I'm the one person it WON'T work for. I've posted a lot about this, but wanted to keep it here for posterity.

One of my favorite quotes says "It's better to die on your *feet* than on your *knees*", and I like that because it says - at least if I die, I died trying! I will not live my life in FEAR. If you're reading this because I'm on the Memorial Page, don't use ME as your excuse not to pursue something that has helped SO many of us. Of course, no one wants to die or have complications, and I am taking practical steps in that direction including having a living will, and a directive if things go awry.

I'm *hoping* that I'll wake up and Dr M will tell me it was a textbook surgery, and everything went very smoothly, and I'll come home & start a new life. I don't want to be a new person. I just want to be the new & improved version of THIS one. I like who I am. I just wish other people could see me the way *I* see me....and I believe that this surgery can help do that.

I finally got my visa back from the Brazilian consulate, which is a great relief. That was the last travel barrier that I was waiting to cross. I have everything else planned. My living will & directive will be notarized on Tuesday, and I'm ready to go.

Of course, that doesn't mean I'm done PACKING yet. That's going to be an ongoing process that culminates about 20 seconds before I walk out the door.

I love my family dearly, and I know that THEY know I'm going into this with my eyes open. And if it's my turn to leave, well - ya gotta die of something.

Ciao!

--BT

8/23/05 My road to Brazil has encountered some speed bumps.

At first, my best friend wasn't sure about being able to go. Her husband wasn't wild about sending his wife off to a foreign country by herself for three weeks. Once I clarified that I needed her to help me post-op, and to be there with Power of Attorney, then he was like "Oh - you HAVE to go!!" He thought she was coming along to keep me from being bored. No, I'll have drugs for that. :)

Then I lost my cell phone, had problems (for months) with my internet provider, and lastly - the airline I had purchased tickets through discontinued flying that route on Sundays. They moved me to a Monday flight which then had me miss my connection by 14 hours. Not without a time machine, people. My airline tickets were no good, but Orbitz didn't want to refund my money. Uhm - hello?! You have given me tickets that are no good. You HAVE to refund my money. "Oh, okay - we'll refund most of it, but it could take up to sixty days." It only took you two days to take my money, and it takes two MONTHS to give it back?????? I'm furious! I'm still arguing with them over that, and may have to contact the Attorney General's office.

In the meantime, my friend used her card to buy tickets for us, and I sent her the money via PayPal. They actually turned out to be better tickets than the original, so it's good.

Oh....and I discovered that I have a stone in my bilia-pancreatic loop. I advised Dr M of this, and he said he would take care of it while he was in there.

When I get frustrated and want to shout epithets at the world, I just have to remember that these are not problems, they are stepping stones to my new life.

Which is 23 days away. But I'm leaving in TWO weeks.

Oh. my. god. TWO weeks?! One minute it seems like forever, and the next it seems like I need to leave for the airport tomorrow. I'm not ready - I still have so much to do, and it all seems like it's taking FOREVER to get done.

I still need my visa for Brazil (which I couldn't get until the ticket thing got straightened out).

I still need my endoscopy (Thursday) & a CT scan (this afternoon).

I still need to set up my will, my living will, and the power of attorney. I need my friend present for the last one, and I won't be seeing her until the day before we leave the country. Doesn't leave much time.

What do I need to take with me? I have no idea. My brain seems to be deleting files when I'm not looking, and I can't remember what people told me to pack.

I can truly empathise with the runaway bride - I know what it's like to be on a speeding train, and wishing you could just slow things down a little. It's not that I'm worried or nervous about surgery (although yes, there is some natural fear of the great unknown). It's just wondering whether or not I'm prepared. Will I have time to do everything, or will I say at the last minute "this will have to do" as I leave things undone.

8/02/05 I have a DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! September 15th, 2005 at 7:30am I have chosen to go with Dr Marchesini in Brazil, and am currently looking at flight plans.

It's funny - the more friends I tell that I am having WLS, the more I find out have actually been thinking about it themselves. Small world.

7/17/05 In two days, I'm done with my job of eight years. In many ways, this is a blessing for me, but it's still hard to break a habit of eight years. I hate looking for a job. I'm quite certain I'd be faithful to a husband for life for the same reason I stayed here - even when I hated it, it was comforting knowing it was there.

So now, I leap into the abyss......I have been blessed by several natural disasters in my area, which have left me with enough savings to live for 6months or longer without a job, and the ability to self-pay for my WLS.

Because of this, however, I must once again, find a new surgeon. I liked Dr. Lord, but the cost of surgery in the US is prohibitively expensive. I am now looking into either Dr. Marchesini in Brazil or Dr. Baltasar in Spain.

I have to admit, I'm beginning to think of this period as an alchemel time in my life......I have MUCH going on. I plan to sell my flood-damaged home, put everything in storage, move to another state, have WLS, fix up and sell my other property, and become debt-free.

07/08/05 - Hurricane Dennis is headed my way....and I'm getting the you-know-what out of here. Ciao!

06/14/05 I'm getting addicted to this site - I'm constantly checking in. Asking questions, reading questions, and reading, reading, reading, every bit of data I can get my hands on. I've spent 6-8 hours a day here devouring each bit of knowledge I can find. But - for me - that's comforting, because everything that I've read just reinforces my decision to have WLS, and specifically, to have the Duodenal Switch.

06/06/05 Received a phone call from Dr Lord's assistant today. She received my referral from my PCP. Reserved a space at the seminar on Monday the 27th when he'll be in town. It will still be another month before he'll be here permanently, but I don't mind the wait. I've waited 35 years - what's another 30 days?

I talked to her briefly about what I want, and why - that I feel this surgery fits my personality, the quality of life and lifestyle I want, and she said she understands completely. I also verified with my insurance company that my preferred surgery, (BPD/DS) Bilia Pancreatic Diversion with Duodenal Switch, IS, I repeat, IS covered. Doors are beginning to swing open.