BlooEyez
December 28, 2007
Dec 28, 2007
For dinner on Christmas Eve, I had 1/2 of a tamale and some beans & rice and of course some chips & salsa too. I thought I did pretty good ... even held back when I wanted to go off on my Mother who yet again was trying to control what I ate.
Christmas Day was a different story though ... Grandma sent these delicious homemade tamales home with us and I had a tamale w/ rice for lunch AND again for dinner, not to mention the fact that I snacked on chocolate here & there throughout the day. OK so it wasn't the best food choices but hey, it was Christmas! I don't feel a bit guilty ... that 1 lb gained isn't gonna kill me.
So Christmas Day my in-law's come over ... that was probably the worst part of the holidays, having to be in their presence. I really, really, REALLY can't stand both my MIL & FIL ... they are the most arrogant, self-absorbed people I've ever met. So anyway they show up bright & early at 8:30 because MIL wanted to be here before the boys woke up so she could watch them open their presents. Well, I wasn't having any of that so I made sure to wake the boys up at 7 and get it all over with before they got here
... so anyway they came over and sat here watching the boys open what they brought for them and they handed my husband and I each a small gift bag. I got a pair of socks and a notepad 
... my husband got a package of underwear, and a couple FREE samples of cheap cologne. 
Now seriously, I'm not trying to be an ungrateful little b*tch but c'mon now ... if you're going to go out of your way to give someone a gift, for God sakes put some thought into it! I can't believe these people. It was the actions of my FIL that caused him to be forced to close his business leaving my husband without a job ... they promised to help us out for a few months with the rent & bills until my husband found another job yet they never followed through. These people have more money than they know what to do with and all they can manage to buy their son for Christmas is a damn package of underwear?? They live down in San Diego on their yacht, they own condos in South Padre Island, Texas which they rent out for $1000+ A WEEK yet they claim to have not had enough money to buy decent presents ... uhhhh bullsh*t! I can't believe I married into this family ... LOLSo anyway, that was our Christmas ... so glad it's over!
December 23, 2007
Dec 23, 2007
I am ready (as I'll ever be) for Christmas. Yesterday I did something crazy and my family thinks I'm NUTS! I've had an artificial tree for 15+ years now, but every year I sorta wished we could get a real tree because I love the smell, LOL ... so a couple weeks ago we did just that. Went to Target and bought a real tree ($60 which I absolutely could NOT afford to spend) ... so anyway, we've checked the water everyday and made sure it never went dry and sure enough the damn thing started to die anyway. You always hear of Christmas tree fires starting when the lights get too warm and that thought had been sticking in the back of my head for days now so yesterday I decided I had enough of this dead tree that I couldn't even enjoy because I was afraid to have the lights on ... my husband insisted it would be OK for 3 more days and to just leave it alone but I couldn't ... so I undecorated it, tossed it outside, brought in the fake tree from the garage and decorated it. Took me close to 4 hours and the whole time my husband and oldest son are watching me and shaking their heads in disbelief (of course, they refused to help) ... Never again will I waste money on a real tree .....
Oh hey, I forgot to mention that my husband finally finally FINALLY got a job, actually the one he wanted and was waiting for. Unfortunately it's keeping us here in SoCali (I really was hoping we'd move back up north) but as long as he gets his foot in the door with this company, theres always the chance of transferring later. We're still waiting on his "offer letter" which will include details of his pay, when he'll start and hopefully a company vehicle!
Christmas Blessings to ya'll and your families!!
December 17, 2007
Dec 17, 2007
So yesterday I spent the day with the Black Sheep ... for those that don't know, Black Sheep Harley-Davidsons For Christ is a motorcycle ministry, my Mom & her hubby belong to the local chapter. I get involved with their events as much as possible, and the chapter members have become second family to me. So anyway, their chapter decided to provide presents to some low income families in Cabazon. They all rode their bikes out there, and I followed them in the truck filled with presents. It was great to see these kids faces light up when opening their presents ... and the parents were so thankful. Afterwards, we went to a chapter members house for the annual chapter Christmas party. By the time we got there it was 1:30-2:00 in the afternoon, I hadn't had anything to eat yet and I was famished!! I went through the "food line" and of course my Mother is right there with me watching everything I put on my plate. I chose 1 slice of the beef tri-tip (1-1.5 oz maybe) and about 1/2 C of mashed potatoes. I also had a couple tortilla chips w/ salsa. So we're sitting at the table eating and she kept asking "Are you OK?" "Is it going down?" and I'm like "Yeah" (but really I was thinking LEAVE ME ALONE!) then my step-dad, who apparantly was watching me eat, said "C'mon you can take bigger bites than that!" and I was like "Uhhh no I can't" so then everybody starts watching me and it was so uncomfortable!
Anyhow, I made sure to save room for dessert because I wanted it ... I've lost over 50 lbs in less than 5 months and I deserved a f*ing dessert. So I got a small piece of cherry cheesecake and OMG the looks I got from my Mother! She was like "You don't need that" and after I had taken 2 bites of it, she literally tried to take the plate out of my hands. I was furious ... I'm sorry, but I don't deserve to be treated like that. She acts like I haven't had any success with this band and she feels the need to monitor me. If I wasn't in a room full of Christians, I probably would have had it out with her right then and there. I love my Mother, and I am so grateful to her for paying for my surgery and for all she has done for me throughout my life ... but I don't want or need her to act as the food police. I have my portions under control, I feel I have been successful with the band so far and will continue to be successful in the future. One f*ing slice of cheesecake at a f*ing Christmas party wasn't going to kill me!! I just don't know how to deal with her, don't know what to say without upsetting her ... last thing I want is any animosity between us. She just makes me feel ... not good enough
December 10, 2007
Dec 10, 2007
and have everyone watching what and how I eat. So right off the bat I'm uncomfortable and annoyed. I open up the burrito and cut the chicken up into small pieces. I ate probably 1/3 of the chicken inside along with a couple bites of rice. After I was done, my Mom says "You ate ALL that??" I'm like wtf?? Damn, I love the woman but she pissed me off and embarrassed the hell outta me. It was just so totally rude and completely uncalled for because I really didn't eat much ... and here she is supposed to be my biggest supporter. This isn't the first time that she has done this, let alone in front of others. I haven't said anything to her about it (yet) because she gets sooo emotional and the last thing I want to do is upset her but after yesterday I realize that something needs to be said and will probably talk to her about it after the holidays.Anyhow, after lunch we went to the theater ... it was my first time being in a theater since banding. Before I always had a hard time getting my wide load into them seats ... I always had to sit down at an angle and then squeeze my other half in there ... then end up with pain & bruises on each side. So I sat in my seat, my hips didn't even touch the sides! WOW! Then I was able to do something I never thought I'd do sitting in a theater seat, I crossed my legs too! WooHoo! Major NSV for me!!
December 6, 2007
Dec 06, 2007
He STILL hasn't found a new job ... every lead that he gets doesn't seem to work out and we're both growing more & more frustrated as each day passes. I have bills that I can't pay, I have 3 children whom I can't buy Christmas presents for and it really sucks to be in this situation at all let alone during the holidays! How the CA unemployment system expects families to live on $413 a week is absolutely beyond me!! So I've been really down and depressed, in no mood for the holidays and anything having to do with the holidays. A few days ago we hung the Christmas lights on the house though, at least give the boys that much because they love lights. So we hung the lights on the house, and we lined each side of the driveway with our red candy cane lights. We had more stuff in the garage but decided we'd finish the next day. So that night we went outside to turn the lights off, and our candy canes were gone! Of all the houses on my street/cul-de-sac, the f*ckers had to steal from mine ... kick me when I'm already down why dontcha! So we decided we weren't going to set up any of our other decorations and I had to explain to my 3 & 4 year olds why their candy canes were gone.
I just want this all to be over with ... is it January yet??
November 29, 2007
Nov 29, 2007
November 28, 2007
Nov 28, 2007
I do believe I've come across the downside(s) to losing weight (besides the pesky plateaus) ... it seems that as I've lost weight, my husband has become less attracted to me. He's always said he likes big girls which is why he never had a problem with my weight and why he was totally against my having surgery. So, while I'm starting to feel so much better about myself, at the same time I'm feeling so rejected by him ... and if that wasn't bad enough, I have friends who aren't talking to me anymore either. All because I chose to do something to save my own life! I'm starting to feel that my husband and friends would rather I had stayed fat & miserable ... why can't anyone just be happy for me, encourage me and support me?
November 26, 2007
Nov 26, 2007
I was under the impression that plain black coffee has zero calories, so in my daily caloric intake (which I track on TDP) I was including the creamer & splenda and of course making sure not to go over my daily limit. So what's the deal?? I can't imagine what else could have made me gain ...
Check this out ...
I took that pic of myself back in June ... at the time I thought it was an OK pic ... now I look at it and I'm absolutely horrified by what I see
So has anyone else become camera happy as the weight started to fall off? I spent many years hiding from cameras, many years hiding from the world and hating myself. So in addition to being on this banded journey to better health, I am also trying to find a path to self love, self acceptance. I take pics of myself every month and compare them with the previous months pics. I have alot more weight to lose, but I have gained so much in that I finally like what I see.
November 24, 2007
Nov 24, 2007
This post may contain TMI (too much info) so consider this your warning!
OK all had been well since my unfill back on the 15th ... quite a few pain-in-the-chest episodes but no PB's ......... until tonight! And it was the weirdest thing, I was eating my dinner and everything was going down fine then all the sudden it came back up! No pain, no warning really ... was pretty forceful too so I'm doing liquids for the next 24 hrs. I'm wondering if it was the corn on the cob ... I've heard that some people have problems with the skins on fruits & veggies and maybe it was those dang little corn skins that did me in. I learned my lesson ... no more corn for me!
I did manage to lose 8oz the day after Thanksgiving (nothing since) ... so I'm at 46.8 lbs down
