Big B.
I believe that I am a very intelligent and talented person. But I can't be anything that I really want to be because the weight will not allow it. I attended a seminar at the Obesity Surgery Center in Houston on Sat. I was very excited to go to any type of meeting that would point me in the direction of the surgery. I had a ton of Questions and all of my questions were answered.
2005
MONDAY - FEBRUARY 14,2005
Valentines Day, and of course I do not have a date for anything. The same thing I have had for the past 10 years. Feeling a little depressed. I called the Surgery Center to see when I could start my consultations. They informed me that the doctors had acceptied me for the surgery and I could start on Thursday, Feb. 17. My insurance is requiring a three month weight management plan before they will look at the file. The girls at the surgery center say that my insurance is very good about approving the surgery. They informed me that after the three months, I could probably be scheduled for the surgery in May. I am excited.
FRIDAY - FEBRUARY 18,2005
Well I went to my first day with my nutritionist. I discovered that when youi have to write down what you eat in a day, it's sad. I was told that my liquid consumption is way too much. I have to cut down on soda and kool-aid. I was excited to learn that I may not have to go through the three months of dieting. I don't understand why we have to endure that anyway. I have been trying to loose weight for 20 years. I don't see how three months will make a difference. But that is what the insurance needs so that is what I will deliver. If I have too. I had a wreck a few years ago and I was put on a diet and had to be weighed every week. So maybe I can use that instead. If so I will have surgery in March. If it is in God's will. And I truly believe that it is. I have so many things to do in my life. But I can't even begin to do them with all of this weight on me.
MONDAY - FEBRUARY 21, 2005
I found out Friday that the Chiropractors weight plan was too long ago, so I guess I will have to do the three month thing. That went extremely well for the first day. I didn't drink any soda. Only water. I ate three meals and didn't do anything wrong. Sat. Morning I went to a prayer breakfast and I had two cups of orange juice. I did fine thought the rest of the day. Tea and water. Sunday I fell of the wagon and had two cokes and a sprite. But since I didn't have any the other two days I guess it balances itself out. I have a huge gas bubble in my back now. Should have not had the cokes. The gas bubble feels terrible. Like I have a broken shoulder blade. I won't do that anymore!
FRIDAY - FEBRUARY 25, 2005
I have been doing pretty good on the 3-month thing. I am feeling very ready to get this all over with. I do find myself obsessing over the no sugar thing. But that's good I guess. I keep forgetting to write down what I eat everyday. It's hard trying to eat a breakfast, lunch and dinner. But it's going pretty well. I am a very busy person. Work, Church, Kids, so sometimes I don't get to eating in the evening. So if it's too late too eat when I get home I just have some fruit and some SF jello, and water. It's all good.
TUESDAY - MARCH 1, 2005
Well it's been a few days since I have written but everything is going fine. I do have to be on this diet for three months. But it's doing okay. Actually staying away from soda is pretty easy. The juice part is hard.I talk to the Obesisty Surgery Center alot. I just like to keep in touch to assure myself that this is really going to happen. A sad thing happened to me last night. I was playing with my little neice and she wanted to show me a dance. She did and I told her that I could do it. She said, "No you can't because you are too fat'" Knives to the heart. But hopefully next year by this time, I won't be.
THURSDAY - MARCH 3, 2005
Well thanks to some good advice on the message board, I am trying not to be too depressed. I really hate the wait. And I know that my wait hasn't even started good yet.
TUESDAY - MARCH 8, 2005
Everything is going well. I am loosign weight allready. Everybody is asking questions about when I am going to have the surgery. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up three months from now. It seems so slow. March 17th will only be one month into the three month diet. Darn those insurance company rules. But I am willing to endure. I know if I just don't think about it then it will go faster. But if I don't htink about it then I won't do what I need to do. I've eaten some sweets this week, but it is because of that time of the month. I was doing okay until I went to the Rodeo and watched everybody walk around in the little clothes and hills. And I couldn't even fit in the chairs. I wanted to just die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WEDNESDAY - MARCH 9,2005
Not much to say today. People keep saying that I look like I'm loosing. They are just nosy I'm sure. Eight more days before my first month is up. I can't wait. Sure wish my pictures were on this board. It has been a long time since I emailed them to the Helpers. I guess they are really busy. But I would really like to see them here. I also have asked for help in makeing my page pretty. Well I guess eventually they will get to me. I'm not fussing because I love this site. I am just anxious.
THURSDAY - MARCH 10,2005
Was out sick yesterday. Had some kind of stomach virus. Running back and forth to the rest room all day. Best thing about it though, I am totally empty. Feel a little lighter. I can only imagine what it's going to feel like after I have the surgery and I start to loose weight.
MONDAY - MARCH 14,2005
Hello all! I had a really long weekend. I am not totally well. I still feel a little queazy. I am glad that I go to the Nutritionist Thursday. I know that I have already lost weight. I got the results from my Ecocardiogram. As I suspected, normal, which is good. I thank God that I am healthy now. I know that this surgery will prevent me from developing all those things later. This one month seems like it went on forever. I still have two whole months to go.
THURSDAY - MARCH 17, 2005
YIPEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I have completed one month of dieting. I did pretty good. Didn't have much soda or candy or chips. But I ate some doughnuts and some cake during my time of the month. You women know how that is. I leave today to go to the nutritionist. I know that I have lost weight since my last time there. Anyway, I am glad that month is up. The girls at the office are very optimistic about Aetna. I am too! I know that most people get turned down because they don't have the necessary proof. But the Obesity Specialist Center is making sure I have all of the right stuff before they even submit. That's good. They really know what they are doing there in Houston.
FRIDAY - MARCH 18, 2005
Well the nutritionist visit went very well. She says that I am doing wonderful. I lost 6 pounds. Hey Now!!!! I had been having some concerns about my insurance. But all is well. I have what I need. I need a psych. evaulation. Oh well, I'm not crazy so I am sure everything is going to be allright.
THURSDAY - MARCH 30, 2005
Wow! I've been inspired to write again. My page is great. Thanks Renee. Well I've been doing great. Still losing weight. Feeling Great. My three months are sailing by. I can't wait until the day.
THURSDAY - APRIL 7, 2005
Well, my Dr. has changed. I am not sure what that is going to mean for me yet. I haven't met him. Plus I don't know the reason my Dr. left the Center. The time is really passing by. I didn't realize it had been so many days since last update. I have been seeing people that I know that have had the surgery. I am about to blow with anticipation. I can't wait to be on the loosing side of this whole thing. I read every single memorial page last week. I wanted to know all the bad stuff that could happen. Is that healthy? Well I am still going to have the surgery. I can't even imagine what it will feel like to be small.
TUESDAY - APRIL 12, 2005
Another day! I have been having severe anxiety attacks. Screaming at the kids, crying, depressed. Seems like I am in a hole, financially, can't buy anything. I am not liking this at all. I hope that when I am skinny I will have the energy and the will to go and get a second job. I have approached the two month mark. One more to go and I would have finished the stupid insurances requirements. I hope to have the surgery on May 16th. That is what the girls at the OSS said could possibly happen if all goes right. I hope that change of doctor thing doesn't put a damper on the tentative date.
WEDNESDAY - APRIL 13, 2005
Well I was already depressed for a lot of reasons, now to make matters worse, my appointment with the nutritionist has been canceled. I was so looking forward to this. I would get to check my weight and just get a little hope like the time was really passing by. But now I won't be able to get the little inspiration. I am really depressed now. I even look forward to the ride going. I don't even have that. Man what a bummer. And also my head hurts and I saw an abundance of shiny streaks of lights when I sneezed this morning. What's that all about? I hope I don't be one of those people who die while waiting on the surgery. I feel drained or something. Kids are getting on my nerves. Well anyway, our church is going to take the kids to see Nemo on ice tonight. Maybe I will feel better. O maybe I won't when I get there and can't fit in the seats. What a life this is. At least I am not dead yet. Thank the good Lord for that.
TUESDAY - APRIL 19, 2005
Well, hello all. Just wanted to let you know that I got a big surprise on Wednesday. I had told you guys about not fitting into the seats at the Reliant Center. Well much to my surprise the little 6-9 pounds I lost made a huge difference. I fit just fine. I was so shocked. I still used the handicapped elevators and entrance though because I was afraid I wouldn't fit in the little turning stall. Any way, all is well. The waiting is still hard but I am grateful that I have the chance. I got a raise at work. And my sorry x-husband has been made to pay child support. Maybe I will start getting it soon before the lights go out. My date for second nutritionist visit is now Friday the 22nd. I will be happy when that is over. I am looking forward to our plus size fashion show that I am having. This will be the second annual show. The girls are all very beautiful inside and out. We have make-overs and self esteeem lectures and poetry. It is great. Wish some of you could be there. Good bye for now.
FRIDAY - APRIL 22,2005
I can't hardly believe it. I have lost another three pounds. That gives me a totol of 9 pounds since I started my visits with the nutritionist. It was a good day yesterday. They plan to submit to the insurance of May 12th after my last visit. I am excited. I hope that I wil be having surgery on the 16th of May. I need one more recorded year of weight. I hope to get that today. Thank you God for getting me this far.
THURSDAY - APRIL 28, 2005
Well I know now that I won't be having the surgery on May 16th. I had to move my last nutritionist visit back a week. So now my last date to visit the nutritioist is May 16th. That's ok though. I am content. I just hope I can have the surgery before my cruise. I have finally gotten five years of history taken care of. The girls at the office say that it should be all I need. They will submit the paperwork on the same day I come in for my last months vistit. That great!
TUESDAY - MAY 3, 2005
Well, the excitement has worn off for now. Although I am making sure everyday that I have all I need fo rthe surgery, I have stopped being so consumed. That's a pretty good thing because if I stay as consumed as I was before I will go crazy. I have an appointement on May 16th. As some of you know that was suppose to be my date for surgery. Even though we had not submitted to the insurance yet, one of the girls a the office thought that if all went well I would be havign surgery by then. Yeah right, but I am glad because things are going pretty well besides the little set backs. I have a few trips lined up at my job. I jope the surgery lands on a good date. Iv'e been reading alot about women who gain the waight back. It's hard for me to know that part. It destroys some of my hope. Anyway, I know that I am willing to do anything they tell me to do to loose the weight. Anything! And furthermore I don't want to be and 18 or 16 or anything in the 2 digits. If I am goin through all of this I am not stopping until I am a 3 or 4 or 5 or last resort 7/8. That's my ultimate goal. And I want to reach that goal very quickly.
FRIDAY - MAY 10, 2005
Well I am ashamed to write this today. Last night I could take it no longer. I went to the store and bought brownie mix and nuts. I made a nice dinner for me and my kids. I made a pan of wonderful brownies with walnuts and pecans. They were delicious. We could not stop eating them. I feel so bad for my babies, 14-8, they were eating right along with me. I told them that this was a freak accident. That it was wrong to eat that whole pan and that we would never do it again. Poor kids. Anyway, my final date is approaching. The office will submit to insurance on May 16th. I will see what happens then. I can't wait. surgery could be very soon.
FRIDAY - MAY 20, 2005
Well, my paperwork was submitted on Wednesday, May 18th 2005. Now I must wait on the Insurance company for approval or the dreaded denial. The nervousness has begun.
MONDAY - MAY 23, 2005
I HAVE BEEN APPROVED! GOD BLESS AMERICA! ALL PRAISES TO MY BLESSED FATHER. THE ONE WHO DIED FOR ME AND HAS SET MY SOUL FREE.
TUESDAY - MAY 31, 2005
I HAVE A DATE! JULY 18, 2005. THE DAY I COME HOME FROM MY CRUISE. THINGS ARE GOING SO FAST NOW. IAM STARTING TO GET A LITTLE FREAKED OUT. I JUST CANT BELIEVE THAT THIS IS REALLY ABOUT TO HAPPEN. I GOT MY APPROVAL LETTER IN THE MAIL ALREADY. ITS LIKE I AM LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD. LOOKS LIKE THIS IS REALLY ABOUT TO HAPPEN. WHAT A BIG DEAL THIS IS. THANK YOU JESUS!
TUESDAY - JUNE 7, 2005
Hello everybody! I have been through alot in the last few days. So many tests and Doctors visits. I had a horrendous day at the downtown hospitals on Monday. I was lost, and parking was horrible and I had to walk sooooo much. It just made me think about how much I hate being a fat woman and how bad I want to not be one anymore. Sweat dripping and legs rubbing and everybody looking at you wondering how is that big ole' girl making it. I had to cross the street at the walk signal and I hated that. I just knew I would walk too slow and a car would dent itself running into me. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired of being fat. Especially since I am so cute!!!!! A lady told me the other day that I was going to be ugly after I lost the weight. I was like, man, so blunt. I think she wants me to be ugly, she is just probably jealous. Anyway, they made an announcement in our church Sunday about a walk-a-thon. The lady got up and started her announcement off by saying that the women of Shiloh were some of the fatest women in America. She kept saying, let's get to walking so you fat people will get skinny. I was so embarrassed I wanted to run out of the church. There I was in teh choir stand about to stand up in front of all those people who have just listened to a 15 minute speech about being sooo fat. I could have thrown my fat leg at her.
WEDNESDAY - JUNE 15, 2005
Well I had my EGD done on yesterday. Everything went wonderful. I was at the hospital that I am going to have surgery at. It was great. I liked it because it was small and the people were kinda scary too nice. Like I was in the twighlight zone. Everybody was great! My initial nurse tried to put in a n IV and it really hurt, but she quickly took it out, only thinking of me and not thinking about her putting in a perfect IV. She was very nice and she called in another guy. I think his name was Jeff. He was excellent. He did the IV, no pain. I loved the hospital and the people. Can't wait to have surgery!!!!!
SATURDAY - JULY 9,2005
Sorry I have not posted in a while. It's been heactic. Well I am in my last week. I leave for the cruise tommorrow and when I get back I go into the hospital the next day. I still cannot believe that this is going to happen. I am just amazed. Thank You Jesus for my chance at a new life!!!!!
TUESDAY - JULY 26, 2005
I have had my surgery and I have a lot to say but I can't until I get back to work. Thanks to everyone for praying for me and being concerned about me. I had a great experience and I have already lost 27 pounds since the surgery. Thanks All.
TUESDAY - AUGUST 9, 2005
Hey everybody! I know it's been a few weeks since I have updated but I have been getting used to all the new things going on in my life. I have lost 33 pounds and I am very grateful. I can't wait until I have lost 233 pounds. I feel that I am a little too anxious to loose. I want it off as soon as possible. My clothes are getting bigger and bigger. It's too funny. Surgery went great and I have not been in very much pain at all. I couldn't have a bowell movement for awhile put supository and prune juice took care of that. I know TMI, but we are all in this together, right. People are really noticing the weight lost and I am finding out that there are a lot of haters in the world. People I would have never expected. So jealous. It's funny too! I have only lost 33 pounds. I can only imagine what they will think when I have lost my first 100. It's going to blow their minds. Anyway, my knees don't hurt as much. I am managing to get around better already and when I am not totally low in energy I feel like I can float like a butterfly and sting like a bee. It's been going well. Somtimes I feel like I can eat too much. But I was told that I was not eating enough. I am so scared that I will not loose all the weight I do not want to eat anything at all. I have not thrown up at all. I am 21 days out from surgery. I guess that is a good thing. Oh well, I am just grateful too God that he saw fit to lead me into this journey. I know that he will never leave me nor forsake me. I am totally commited to him and whatever he has planned for me and my new life.
TUESDAY - AUGUST 16, 2005
Well things are going pretty good. I am planning a M&G planning meeting on Oct. 8, 2005 For Houston. Anybody reading this profile and want to join email me soon.
I was in the emergency room all day on Saturday. Some strange and terrible pains in my lower stomache. Fortunately the staff that was there could not find anything wrong. The good news is that I have lost 41 pounds in this first month. For the first time in 10 years I was able to be weighed on a regular scale in the doctors office. It goes to 350 and I was 348. Wow, it was a great feeling. I also can buy some clothes out of the regular stores. I am loving this.
WEDNESDAY - AUGUST 24, 2005
Everything is going fine. I am trying to make it without buying new clothes. I can't grasp the concept of eating so much all day, will make me smaller. I have been very tired and not very hungry. When I sing in the choir at church I can hardly breathe or stand. It is so tiring and it makes me weak. I haven't weighed since lask week so I don't know if I lost anything this week. I was on my monthly so I know I didn't feel like I lost, but that will probably change after I loose the water weight. I got some new clothes from my God-sister. They are too big, but they are nicer than my clothes and they don't look bad on me. I can use them for a while.
THURSDAY - SEPTEMBER 8, 2005
It's been a few days but rest assured I am still alive and kicking. Working on being small. I have lost 45 pounds. I have not weighed in on the official scale though so It may be more. I feel smaller sometimes. Water is working much better for me. I find that when I have something else inside my stomache besides air, water doesn't cramp me so much. I've been trying new things to eat and so far nothing has made me throw up. A few "heartattack like" pains when I eat too fast, it hurts like heck, but I have vowed to to let that happen again. Hurts too bad. I don't eat that much because I don't want to throw up. I tried some dole light orange juice, 9 grams of sugar, it was good, but I don't know if that is too much sugar. Oh well, I will get around to asking someone soon.
WEDNESDAY - OCTOBER 26, 2005
It has been so long. Doing fine.
THURSDAY - NOVEMBER 10, 2005
I can't believe that I have waited so long to update my profile. I used to look at everybody elses's profile and they would have waited a long time to write and I would always say that I would never do that. But I have , now I see what happens. I have been doing pretty good. Enjoying the 89 pound loss. It is amazing. I can't remember when I have weighed under 300 pounds, but I am officially under 300. 298, but it is still under 300. It's weird to have all of my clothes falling off of me. I feel so light even though I have 150 pounds to go before I reach target. I guess I was carrying around so much on these knees that they were actually getting very strong. Now it feels like I am walking on air. That is until pre-menstrual. I don't care how much weight you lose you can't get away from that agonizing feeling. Anyway, Life is good. Thank God for his amazing Grace.
DECEMBER 12, 2005 - MONDAY
Well it has been awhile again. I have finally made the century club. I have lost 108 pounds in 4 months and 23 days. I have lost a whole person. I have another 134 pounds to go before I reach my first unthinkable goal of 145 pounds. I know my goal is a little much but I want it bad. I don't want to be still fat after all of this. I have been doing very well I think. Too scared to eat wrong and I don't eat too much. Cravings are not too bad. I can get pass them way better than before surgery. I am having fun though. Love me!
DECEMBER 28, 2005 - WEDNESDAY
Hello all, feels good to writie again to all of you. I am officially down 116 pounds. It's been 5 months and 11 days. I hope that I can loose at least 150 by my 6 months mark. They may be a bit much. I ate a lot over Christmas. Well alot to me. I ate dressing three times in that day. A little bit each time. But I still keep loosing. It seems like the more I eat the more I loose. I can do that. But I will not eat wrong stuff. Like cookies, candy, chips, fried foods. None of that mess. Or soda. I stick to what's good for me, even when I eat too much of something, I always make sure it doesn't have too much fat in it. That's the only think that I have to look out for, because the other stuff is adefinite no, no. I'm feeling pretty good and as always very thankful to God for all of his awesome blessings. I have a hard time still staying regular. I got to find me something to take everyday to keep me moving. If you know what I mean. Until we meet again. Bye all.
2006
HAPPY NEW YEAR
JANUARY 3, 2006 - TUESDAY
I can't believe that I am under 300 pounds. I would have never guessed that in the year of Our Lord 2006, I would weigh 266 pounds. I don't think I was that at 10 years old. Wow! What a difference 5 months makes. I know that I have a long way to go, but I am so grateful. God is an awesome, amazing, wonderful God. I am blessed to know him and more blessed that he knows me.
FEBRUARY 20, 2006 - MONDAY
IT HAS BEEN OVER A MONTH SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. EVERYTHING IS GOING PRETTY WELL. AWESOME AS A MATTER OF FACT. I AM NOTICING A LOT OF NEW THINGS ABOUT MY BODY. MY WAIST IS SO SMALL TO ME. AND MY NECK AND SHOULDERS. I STILL WEIGH 247 POUNDS, BUT PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE ME. I AM SO DIFFERENT NOW. CAN DO A LOT OF MORE THINGS NOW. I STILL GET SO BLOATED DURING CYCLE AND I GET THE MUNCHIES DURING CYCLE WHICH SCARES THE HECK OUT OF ME BECAUSE I THINK I AM GOING TO GAIN WEIGHT. BUT I NEVER DO. I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER NOW. GOD IS GOOD.
MARCH 2, 2006 - THURSDAY
Life is good. It has been 7 months ans a few days since my surgery. I am doing well. Rodeo time is here again and if you look at my last post about the rodeo, you can see that it was a horror story. I am sure that fitting in the seats will not be a problem this time. I love the new looks I get from men now. Even though I am back with my husband, I still like it. I can't wait to go. I wish I had me some tight jeans and some ropers to where. Ha! I have lost 142 pounds. I wear a size 16/18 now. Long ways from a 30/32. I'm loving this new thing. I want to loose another 100 pounds. I hope I will lose it by this summer. I have 5 more months. I need to find a quick diet to help me lose fast. Oh well, I just hope I stay healthy.
MARCH 17, 2006 - FRIDAY
Well it's been a few weeks since I have posted. Everything is going fine. I can't believe it has been over a year since I started posting on this site. Amazing. Time passes so fast. I now weigh 239. I don't ever remember looking like I look now. I think the last time I weighed 239 was the 5th,6th or 7th grade. My husband and I are doing wonderful. It's pretty fun! I am losing wieght so slow now. I wich I knew a way to speed it up again like when it first started. I think I am eating too many carbs. I don't know how though. I still don't eat that much. Unless it's during my cycle, then I eat the heck out of some sugar free candy. I can't seem to get under 200 pounds. I truly hope that I am not stuck here forever.
MARCH 29, 2006 - WEDNESDAY
Doing well, I m at a sort of stand still with the weight lost. I now weigh 237. I am working on starting to lose more.
Future Updates
MAY 8, 2006 - MONDAY
All is well with me physically. I am an emotional wreck and some old habits have returned, but I am trusting that God will see me through and restore me ckoser to a perfect walk with him. I have lost a few more pounds and I am down to 218. Trying to get under 200 by my year anniversary. I am in a show and I am able to get physical activity in when I miss my excercise for the day. I am currently desperately seeking a cheap divorce. I am glad to be free, but I do miss the good side of my husband. I miss it terribly. I did love him very much and I still do. I hate what he did to me and I Hate that he is strung out, but if her were not on drugs I think we would have had a happy life together. Now, even if he cleans up for years, I still could never go back to him. To many bad memories. Oh well, gotta go.
Future Updates
JUNE 18, 2006 - TUESDAY
Happy Anniversary to me!!!! Well I have made a year. And besides my Internal Hernia operation in June, I haven't have too many major problems. I am wearing a 10/12 Top and 14/16 bottoms. I am amazed with this whole thing. Thank you Jesus!!
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
