brenda549

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I will continue writing and journalling.  However, I will be doing it on my already established blog.

www.entirelybrenda.com

Feel free to join me there for updates, food journals, and just everyday things. 

I am now home from surgery.  Everything went well.  Dr. Macik said he had no complications.  I was in the hospital the typical 48 hours.  I have a lot of soreness, but very little pain at this point.  I am still swollen and unable to take in more than an ounce of fluid before feeling restriction. 

I cannot complain too much about anything at this point.  It is all going as expected!

I sit here this evening pondering.  Why am I doing this?  Is it for the right reasons?  I am doing this to improve my health, which will lead to enjoying my family, friends, and life more.  Yes, these are the right reasons. 

It still does not take away the anxiety that looms.  Will the surgery go well?  Did I do the right things preop?  Will I be able to make this tool work?  It has all come down this evening. 

As I prepare for the surgery tonight, I just need to keep focused and the eye on the ball. 

No, not concerns about the surgery.  Concerns about life.  One of my main concerns is my love of cake decorating.  I starting taking classes when my son was about 9 months old.  I have always loved the arts and crafts.  So much so that I wanted to be an Art Teacher.  However, in Georgia, you never knew if you would have a job or not in art. So I became an elementary school teacher. Right after having Ian, I started losing myself.  I was only defining myself as a mother.  It wasn't something others were doing. It was something I was doing.  Taking the cake decorating classes became my outlet for the arts and redefining myself as an individual. 

I started out with the simple Wilton classes at out local Joann's store.  I had such wonderful instructors and really enjoyed learning the different techniques of the trade.  The WIlton Method of things is great for starting out (for me), but I wanted to do more.   I started searching different websites online, purchasing books, experimenting.  I am definitely self taught on some levels of the trade.

I would not call myself a professional, but I had hoped one day to be, until my insurance changed and decided to cover WLS. 

I have been doing cakes for friends and family the last few years.  Many have turned out quite nice and always taste good.  I have come up with my own icing recipes, ways to spiffy up a cake box mix, and I LOVE molding fondant and gumpaste into things to put on a cakes and cupcakes.  The temptation will not be the icing.  Since my husband and myself have been the taste testers for my icing recipes, we do not enjoy the icing as much.  My temptations will always be the cake and the fillings.  

It is something I will have to deal with personally.  I will need to take into account how strong I am and if temptation will get the best of me.   If I decide not to ever decorate again, I will need to mourn the loss of a part of my previous life I thoroughly enjoyed. 

I had my Preop with Dr. Macik and Emory Johns Creek Hospital today.  It was pretty straight forward and uneventful.  They went over pre and post op instructions, when and what medications to stop, took blood, took measurements, etc. 

So far everything is on track for December 18.  That is the day I move to the losing side! 

I am Brenda.  I have struggled with my weight my entire life.  I was 100 lbs at 6 years old.  I was one of the lucky ones though.  My family never gave me any grief about my weight.  I know people talked behind my back, but those were not the people that I surrounded myself with.  My mother has always been my biggest fan, supporting me in all the decisions I have made in life.  She continues to do so today as I prepare for surgery.  I have a wonderful husband that supports me and a wonderful little boy that I hope never has to deal with the problems that come with morbid obesity. 

Being obese never stopped me from doing things I wanted to do.  I was drum major in highschool, marched in parades, rode rollercoasters, went out dancing, partying with friends, etc.  The problems come with the comorbidities.  I am now a Type 2 diabetic with high blood pressure.  Just this year I started having problems with my feet and knees.  And just in the last few months I have been having a terrible problem with reflux.  I am hoping the surgery was timed right to solve all of these problems. 

This is my journey.  It is the path I have chosen to take.  I will follow it with pride.