C1SSACT
I'm 36 and I've been in denial for over 15 years about my weight. I used to say that I was voluptuous or pleasingly plump. I used to say, "I'm big but it's my choice and I can lose weight whenever I want." I was basically lying to myself. As time went on, I continued to gain weight. In high school, I was heavy but not too big where I didn't date or have fun. I weighed 195 in my senior year and I was popular and was a queen in homecoming (though not the top one).
The older I got the more I gained. For several years, I stayed at 260 which since I'm tall, I hid with big, dark clothes and jackets.
Then, I was diagnosed with several medical problems like thyroid, poor circulation, allergy problems, and had to get knee surgery. My back hurt everyday and there was nothing I could do. I went on every diet I could think of: Atkins (lost 30, gained 40), Phen phen (lost 65, gained 78), Southbeach (lost 15, gained 30), Weigh down diet (lost nothing), Weight Watchers (lost 20, gained 30). I even did doctor directed diets. I joined three gyms over a 8 year period. I even paid for a trainer, but most of the time, I would avoid going. I read several self-hep books too, but nothing seemed to work. More and people would tell me that I had a pretty face, but needed to lose weight. People can stick their noses where they don't belong, but I tried to just push those ideas out of my mind. I would get stressed and treat myself to iced coffee or ice cream, but then I stopped doing that for the most part.
I went on a vacation cruise and felt really big from the moment I got on the plane and had to squeeze into that small seat. I love water but felt uncomfortable at the beach or at the pool. So, I felt out of place totally. I love to dance but I get tired fast. All of this just made me want to change. I even had trouble sitting in those tiny little lawn chairs on deck. I broke one of them and felt so stupid and embarrassed. So all of this leads me to the here and now...
Nov. 14th is the beginning of my life. I can't wait.
2005
November 6, 2005
Almost one week to go before I have my surgery. I'm more excited than anything. The only worries that I have are of not being able to keep food down because I detest vomiting. Also, I've had three other surgeries for various things and each time, I get jittery right when I get on the table and they stupidly ask me to count backwards. Then I feel disoriented when I wake up in another location. I don't mind the needles, but I have the tubes that they put in private areas so you won't have to get up to go to the bathroom.
What will I NOT miss once I have surgery?
1. Straining to tie my shoes when I have on pants that are tight at the waist.
2. Straining to cut the grass and sweating like a pig while doing so.
3. Not able to wear heels because my feet and ankles are swollen.
4. Not being able to do a lot of walking on vacation because shortness of breath.
5. Wanting to dance when a nice song comes on, but not being able to hang like back in the day.
6. Not being able to take compliments well and always doubting that the person was being anything other than kind and generous.
7. Feeling self-conscious at functions like people are looking at me and wondering if I'll eat up all of the food, especially buffets. :)
8. Having my tummy sag lower than it needs too.
9. Having large arms that make the sleeves of most of my shirts tight as heck and uncomfortable.
10. Not feeling comfortable to undress openly in sexy situations without feeling that he's looking at my flabby body.
11. Wearing out my pants in the thighs because my thighs are burning a hole in them.
12. Not being able to strut like I want to because my feet and ankles are jacked up.
13. Not feeling confident enought to wear shorts and tank tops because my stretch marks will show.
14. Not popping the buttons on my pants for obvious reasons.
15. Not being forced to wear elastic waist bands for dress suits because when I wear zip up and button up pants, I have marks on my stomach.
16. Not popping lots of meds. just to keep going each day.
17. Not squeezing my seat mates on an airplane, especialy when I'm stuck in the middle (poor people).
18. Not having to adjust my face when taking photos so my double chin won't show.
November 7, 2005
I have one week to go and it seems so surreal as if it's not really happening to me. Hopefully, I will snap out this mode. All I do is search online for recipes. I guess it's because I've thought about doing it for so long (2 years), and didn't actually try to do anything until two weeks ago, and I was approved and received my surgery day in record time. I really didn't have time to worry about it. I'm like this, once I make up my mind, I'm set in my decision. I have made my final arrangements by completing my will and advance directive. I've called all of the people who matter to me and told them about my surgery just as a courtesy and to let them know how I feel about them. I feel at peace and confident. I'm ready to take the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm hoping for lots of sun shine, some rain, and a few storms, but as I always do, I'll get over them. They shall pass and God will see me through.
I know that I'm ready. All of the signs are there.
At church, Sunday, I was so happy and felt such a sense of calm. I'm in the choir and I love it. The bishop came and I smiled so much my mouth hurt. In the last few years, I've gotten a closer walk with God, and that's a great success. I've travelled to the places that I wanted too. I've received my master's degree. I've bought a house. I've lived, loved, and laughed even in the face of fear. I love the way I look even with the extra 100 pounds. I help others even more than I help myself and it feels great. Now is my time to concentrate on my health and not being a type A person who works so hard that I don't take care of myself.
Being a teacher has been my great joy. I work hard each day. I take lots of work home every night. I spend my time reading. When things in my life were difficult, I buried myself in my work. There are days that I gulp my lunch down in 7 minutes because most of the time I'm working during lunch. Sometimes I don't use the bathroom because I put other job duties before taking care of my own needs. I've had lots of bladder problems over the past 15 years that I've been teaching. I've gone to a specialist twice to get help. I've had minor surgeries. I deserve better.
November 8, 2005
Today, I took off work to visit my pcp, whom I've never bonded with. I inherited her when my other doctor left the state to move to Florida. :( This lady is emotionless and half of the time I believe she thinks I'm crazy. I never asked for her opinion about WLS just because each time I ask this heffa about something, she always tries to talk me out of it. When I said, I need help with my weight, she said, "That's not your biggest problem. Let's concentrate on other areas first." UGhh! She frustrates me. Anyway, when I got there today, she said, "Am I missing something? Why are you having surgery?"
I basically felt like I was getting the 3rd degree, but I forcefully told her how I felt from beginning to the end. She said, "I'll try to come see you, but that's if I'm not busy." Yeah right! I'd be shocked if she did. As soon as this is done and I'm on the road to recovery, I'll switch to another PCP. Then we had an arguement. I've never been furtile enough to conceive and I absolutely don't want a baby. So, as usual she wanted me to take bc pills and I told her that I'd prefer not to since they may not go down easily, I'd prefer a shot or a patch. So declined to give those to me. Ughhh! That biaaaaaatch is on a different level!!!!!!
I am ready for surgery. I have ordered Sylvester Stallone's (Instone Stallone) sugar-free high protein banana cream pudding. It came today, and I absolutely love it. I have 24 6.4 oz. pudding cups. 20 grams of protein; it costs 31.95 (www. discountanabolics.com) . I've also have GNC vitamins, minerals, and why vanilla protein shakes.
A friend of mine has a business that sells all kinds of products. I've figured out that they have a lot good stuff, such as protein shakes, crystal light, soups, puddings, applesauce, etc. The website is www.quixtar.com.
Today, I also went to see Sherita. She's doing really well. I got so excited when I saw how well she was doing. I'm glad for her!
November 10, 2005
Today was a great day. I had two appointments today. The first one was at 9 a.m. at the hospital to do my pre op testing. That went fine as far I know. A nurse took my blood and did an EKG on me. Then I was interviewed by another nurse and had to fill out several pages of medical history. Next, I went to radiology to get my upper GI and stomach xrays. That went fine. All of the medical personnel were polite and very helpful. Around 2 p.m. I headed to my surgeon's office. His assistant sat down with me to talk about my food lists. She weighed me and told me not to weigh myself until my 3 week follow-up appointment on Dec. 5th. She also took my picture and told me that each time that I return I would receive the pictures. Also, I only paid a $20 copay and I was told by the office manager that the other follow up appointments are no charge. WOW! How wonderful is that? Next, Dr. Schechner sat down and spoke with me about the possible complications and how he'd go about the surgery. He explained what I could expect and the time table for everything. I was told that I would have a pain pump. The doctor also indicated that I could possibly go back to work within two-three weeks. I had taken off four just in case. I will play it by ear. After that, he had me to change into a gown and he and his nurse returned. He then did an exam of me to see how my body looked and he listened to my heart. He tried to feel where my ribs were (lol). It was pretty okay. I received free samples of proteins and a vitamist spray of vitamins.
Next, I went to the store to purchase the things that were on my soft food list: AvantEdge protein shakes, Dannon Lite, Skim milk, applesauce, frozen fruit, soups, crystal light, pudding, aspirin, kids' chewable vitamins with iron, Centrum chewable, Gasx, pepto, frozen sugar free pops, etc. I spent more than I should've, but oh well. I wanted things to be ready for Monday. I was also given two prescriptions: a liquid pain med. and a suppository for nausea.
November 11, 2005 3 More Days!
| A | Astounding |
| N | Normal |
| I | Industrious |
| S | Spunky |
| S | Sultry |
| A | Arty |
Name / Username:
Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com
November 13, 2005 A few hours to go!!!!
Tomorrow is the day! I'm so excited. All I can think about is getting out of the situation I've been in for so long.
Pre Op Stats:
BMI - 48
Shoe size - 10 wide
Bra - 42 DD
Clothes - 22/24 wide/tall or 2x/3x
What I can't wait to do?
I can't wait to wear clothes that aren't in the 20's. I can't wait to wear clothes and shoes that aren't wide. I want to wear real shoes with a heal. I want to be able to wear long boots that fit my calves. I want be out of the 300's and eventually the 200's. I'd like to walk a few miles per day without being exhausted. I'd like to feel comfortable going to the beach and/or pool with a bathing suit on. I want to dance! I want to live life to the fullest and not have to worry about carrying around all of this excess weight. YEAH ME!!!!! Tomorrow the journey begins.
November 19, 2005
THE HOSPITAL
I'm 5 days post op. Basically the surgery was uneventful except for the several IVs I had to have since my little veins couldn't handle them. My arms are bruised, red, and swollen. I had minimum pain from the surgery, but I had awful gas pains all over my body which were worst than the pain from the incision. My incision site hasn't bothered me at all so far. In the hospital, it was pretty easy for me to get up and walk. The only thing that made me walk slowly was the pain medicine I was on. I had a pain pump and I was too afraid not to use it. I was told if I didn't use it, it would be taken away from me. I knew that I didn't want the nurses to have to administer my pain medicine to me since they were always busy busy busy and very under-staffed. It appeared that 1 nurse and 1 nurse care partner were assigned to 10 patients or more. If you weren't that complaining, like I was, you'd hardly see them except for vitals checks throughout the day and at odd hours of the night. I didn't get much sleep in the hospital because the nurses are always running around doing stuff and making noise. Also, they would disturb me once I would doze off.
THE DARK SIDE
Since I've been home, I've had some emotional outburts from trying to adjust to this new life style. I'm doing well physically, but mentally, I'm a wreck. Physically, I'm able to walk around and fix myself shakes and small meals. I've been eating without nausea or vomiting. As a matter of fact, I've never been nauseated since the surgery. I'm just having issues getting this stuff out of my body through bm's. I hopefully that'll change. I've been increasing my water and chewing Benefiber.
No one can prepare you for something that's unknown for you. Each person's body is different and someone else's experience may not be your experience. I had been happy and laughing while I was in the hospital, but once I got home, it really hit me - this is for life. Reality is hard for me, but when it hits me, it hits me very hard. Seeing someone eat something that I can't have right in front of my face, just set me off in the worst way, and I began to have a temper tantra with tears, cursing, and screams. It wasn't pretty. It got pretty ugly. I even tried to leave on my own and I was only four days post op. Things died down when everyone in the house and I spoke about the challenges I'm facing. I realized that I'm never hungry in my body, but I'm hungry in my head. The bad part is, I know it's wrong and unreasonable, but I couldn't stop myself from doing it. I pray it will be the one and only melt down.
MEDICINE/VITAMINS
The surgeon gave me a Vitamist spray to use 3 times a day, and I've been reluctant to use it, since the taste is orangish but not like tangy-like; it's pucky-like. But I've managed to spray it and then take a swig of something with flavor to soften the blow. I'm not sure if this lessens it's affects. I'd rather take Flintstone's vitamins or Centrum chewables and I have bought both, but I'll follow the Dr.'s orders. The doc wants me to start B12 and Calcium Citrate after three weeks. I've bought those too. I chew a fiber chewable but I feel like I need something more effective.
I've bought a pill splitter/crusher and it's a life saver, but meds. taste so gross when crushed. I have to hold my nose and try to swallow without gagging. So far so good. I had stopped taking my allergy meds for a few days since I didn't have a crusher and I've been coughing like a mad woman and it does cause a great deal of pain to cough or sneeze.
TH BRIGHT SIDE
I've even found some good eating foods that I like and that my body can tolerate, but it's the mind that's trying to play tricks on me. I've been making oatmeal with bananas for breakfast. I also have a protein drink that is coffee flavored which I add ice and no carb ice cream to. I eat grits, soups, broths, sweet potatoes, pudding, Edy's sugar free whole fruit popscicles, and yogurt. I've found the whey protein powders difficult to add to food or to tolerate their taste as of yet, but I do add Any Whey to food and it's decent. I've bought all kinds of powders that I'm unable to use right now. I've bascially spent a forturne and may not even like some of them, but it's a trial and error kind of thing. I also love Crystal light, and Lipton on the go tea packs (uses Splenda), Walmart has a line of Great Value on the go drink packs, my favorite is fruit punch. I freeze it some and sip it as it melts.
As soon as I left the hospital, I had lost 12 pounds. Now I'm down 16 pounds (from 325 to 309). I now have ankles!!!!!!! My legs are not swollen and neither are my feet. Today, I'm going to try on clothes and shoes just for fun. I feel healthier in just a few days. I'm happy about my legs so far. I've been able to move in any position that doesn't hurt my incision. I can walk up the stairs more easily and quickly already. I have energy and I am rarely tired. I don't sleep much at all, but I'm working on that. Last night, I sleep three hours, then statyed up for three hours, then sleep for an hour. It was the most sleep I've had all week, which is why I feel so much better today. I will concentrate on my mind too. Don't forget to heal the mind as well as the body. The mind is the most important part. I must stay focused on my goal. My goal isn't going to be in terms of pounds but in terms of health and happiness. If I'm happy at 210 pounds, then so be it. If I'm happy at 185 pounds, then that'll be good too. If I'm wearing a size 14 or 16, then I'd be very pleased. I don't want to wear clothes any lower than a 12 because of my bone structure and height.
I need to keep going forward and not think about yesterday. Today is a new day!
November 21,2005
Today was a busy day full of learning experiences. I mopped the kitchen floor and felt several horrible stomach muscle pains afterwards. I ended up getting a binder to make it feel more supported and that helped a lot. I also went to the store to buy some fruit and veggies that I like to eat. I'm spending a fortune on food so that I'll get plenty of protein for energy.
At 6 p.m., I went to my first group support session. I liked it. I'm one of two nubies. The other one is four weeks post op and has had major problems because she hasn't been eating. While was at the hospital heading to the support group meeting, I saw the daugther of a lady who I had met at my doctor's office. She and I had our surgeries on the same day. We were in the same hospital too. She had hers at 9:30 a.m. and I had mines at 1:30 p.m. The second day, I walked to her room to visit her but she wasn't up and she was sweating and very ill looking. The next day when I went to see her, she had lots of nurses around her and she wasn't getting any better. Well, today, I found out that they had to go back into her stomach since she had a leak. I pray she'll make it. Right now, she's in ICU. I feel so bad for her. How can I be happy when someone else is on a breathing tube? I will continually thank God for helping me each day.
November 26, 2005
I've been trying to get out of a blah feeling the last few days. I'm usually full of energy but since my surgery, I've barely left the house and it's taking its toll. Today, I ventured out and got something I had no business getting - fish. I had two more days left before I was supposed to get some, but no - I just couldn't wait. I even picked it up at Red Lobster, my favorite restaurant. I eat an entire broiled founder and some soup. The soup was way too much because I felt a tightness in my chest for about 2 hours and it wasn't painful, but it let me know, "You should've done that!" Live and learn. I must learn that I have issues with food when I'm feeling down. I eat way too fast. I eat way too much. I will slow down a great deal and I will remember that I eat to live not live to eat. I have to keep reminding myself. Today, I felt bad because I couldn't control myself, but tomorrow is a new day. God willing, I will get things back on track tomorrow.
November 28, 2005
I'm still learning when enough's enoughs. Today, I evidentually filled my pouch with something it didn't like or either I overfilled it. Basically, I puked up the offending culprit, which I've gotten used too now since that was my third time in two weeks. I'm doing well with soft food, but when I eat something more filling, I seem to just scarf it down and pay for it soon afterwards. I hate throwing up and feeling a tightness in my chest, so I have to learn when I'm full. I'm going to have to eat slowly and wait to see if enoughs enough. I pray that God helps me and shows me when to stop. It's just like gambling. Kenny Rogers said it best, "You have to know when to fold 'em ..know when to roll 'em know when to walk away know when to run." Sometimes, I need to run away from the table and say, "That's enough." Lord, please help me to figure out which foods I can eat a couple ounces of and which I can only have a bite or two of. Until I learn this lesson, I won't be able to move forward with my weightloss goals.
On a brighter note, I walked a great distance yesterday with my niece and I'm under 300 pounds. My energy level is still not what I'd like it but I'm sleeping very well through the night. I've stopped taking all of my medicines mainly because I can't stomach them when they're crushed. I still take my vitamins and supplements.
December 3, 2005
I'm feeling really good today. The past few days were a bit different since I've vomited three times over the past week. I was leery of eating anything, but I've bounced back and took it as a learning experience. Not only will sugar make me sick, but too much fat will too. I learned that the butter I'd bought was making me sick. Once I stopped it, I was better except for two times when I overate by one bit too many. So, I'm learning when enough's enough. Yesterday, my sister encouraged me to get out of the house and buy comedy club tickets to see Ricky Smiley and I told her I didn't have anything that fit. She took me to get an outfit at Catherine's. They have a new store in Janaf and it's the bomb and it's very expensive too. I bought a cute flare blouse that has gold and black and I bought a pair of pants size 20. I normally wear a size 24 or 22. In almost three weeks, I've gone down about 2 dress sizes and I've lost 25 pounds. I'm happy about that. I feel sexier. I've always thought I was sexy, but my hormones are raging even more now. Ha ha ha! lol It's not like I need that now. I'm even getting better with having other people eat around me. I've been doing well mentally with the help of a counselor and support group meetings. I have one more week off from work and I'm going to make the best of it. I'm learning how to get my protein, water, vitamins, and supplements in to be able to have energy to do what I need to do.Today, I attempted to do a few exercises to music and I felt good. God is still blessing me. I feel good.
December 6, 2005
I'm 3 weeks post op and feeling pretty good. Today, I've decided to go back to work Monday. I'm also going to go back to the gym today. I called my old workout partner and said, "Let's workout." So today's the day. I'm feeling a bit more energetic each day. I'm so excited that I'm losing pretty well. I'm feeling pretty healthy. There have been days when my food didn't stay down, but I didn't feel sick. I just got rid of the food and kept going. That's a blessing. I'm feeling very sexy these days. So things are getting better each day.
December 17, 2005
I'm almost 5 weeks post op, and I'm doing really well. I haven't thrown up in about two weeks. I feel confident in what I'm eating because I can tell when I've digested the wrong combination of food. I start feeling like I need to continuously burp. Then I quit eating whatever it is, and that seems to work for me. My weightloss is slowing down because I'm doing weight training and I'm gaining muscle and definition, which is just fine with me. I need to feel healthy and fit instead of losing more weight. I want to be toned and feeling good. That's my goal.
My stats:
Pre Op Stats:
Weight - 325
BMI - 48
Shoe size - 10 wide
Bra - 42 DD
Clothes - 22/24 wide/tall or 2x/3x
Post Op Stats as of 3/24/06:
Weight: 257
BMI - 41
Shoe size - 10 m
Bra - 42 DD
Clothes - 18/20 a few 22's
December 23, 2005
I weighed myself today. I now weigh 295! I'm so happy! I haven't felt deprived at all. I've been eating good food like shrimp, salads, veggies, and fruits! I'm so glad that I did this for me. I feel so wonderful and God has made this an easy transition for me. I feel so blessed. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Thanks to Rene' for hooking up my page and making it look so nice. Hugs!!!!!
2006
Happy New Year!!!! I'm expecting the best that life has to offer this year. I'm in a great mood considering my boyfriend left this week to go back to Iraq for the fourth time since we've known each other in two short years. I'm thinking positive thoughts right now. I'm feeling like life is just beginning for me. I spent a week out of town just to get away and enjoy myself. It was wonderful and just what I needed. I ate really well. I didn't deprive myself or feel sick all week long. That was an accomplishment. Tomorrow will mark my 7 weeks post op milestone and I'm currently 37 pounds down from where I started. I skipped the gym this week to relax. I hope my personal trainer will understand when I return tomorrow and not try to kick my butt. But either way, it's for the good.
January 7, 2006
This has been a good week for me. I've done well with getting my protein in. I've increased my water intake, even though I should be drinking more. At least I'm improving. I've done well with taking my B-12 supplements, vitamins, and calcium. I'll schedule an appointment with a new pcp soon to evaluate my iron levels. That way, I'll know if I should take an iron supplement. My energy level has been wonderful this week. I was disappointed with my personal trainer this week; he cancelled every appointment and once he didn't even bother to tell me. I spoke with the manager of the gym and she promised to get me someone more reliable. I hope so! My arms have never been very strong and this week I can work on getting these rolls flatter in my stomach. I've taken a few pictures and I'll put them up here as soon as I can.
I'm debating as to whether to buy a new car or not. I've had the same car for six years and I'm past ready for a new vehicle, but I don't want the monthly payments. I can afford one, but I like having money to save and not struggle. I'll pray that God helps me by keeping my car running okay and not making me choose to upgrade.
January 18, 2006
My weight is fluctuating between 283 and 286. I'm not concerned because I'm working out and I'm gaining muscle. I'm also able to eat a bit more than before, which is good. I want to make sure that my body is getting enough nourishment each day. I try to eat at least 60 grams of protein each day. I still don't drink enough because I'm averaging 40 ounces a day. I'd like to drink 64 ounces per day. I'm trying to work my way up to that. I've been working out with the personal trainer and I've noticed a big difference. I plan to keep it up.
January 25, 2006
Yesterday, I made a big change in my life. I changed primary care physicians, and I am much happier that I did. My old pcp was not what I wanted or needed. She dismissed my requests for diets and help with my weight. She even told me that my weight was not a major problem, even when I weighed over 300 pounds. I got the surgery against her advice, and I just didn't feel like she was working in my best interest. My new doctor is very thorough and has several bariatric patients, which made me feel at ease. Her nurse is also a bariatric patient. She spoke to me about vitamin deficiencies and drew my blood to have it analyzed. That impressed me. I've lost lots of inches lately because my clothes are sagging. I will get them adjusted a bit to fit better. I've bought a few items even though I said I wouldn't. I just couldn't resist. My weight still fluctuates from 279-282, which is fine with me because I've been able to eat more food. I'm worried that my weightloss will slow down if I can eat more. I'm still following the rules: 1. eat protein first; 2. drink as much as I can (probably not nearly enough) 3. no fried, fatty or sweet food. 4. workout/exercise at least three times a week. 5. get plenty of rest.
If I continue to follow these rules, I'll do well. I'm close to losing 50 pounds. I'm 4 pounds away from it! I can wait until I'm down another 20 pounds because that's the smallest I've been in my adult life. I weighed about 260 when I lost weight using Phen Phen. Of course, it was short lived, but I did it.
This time, I'm savoring every inch and pound. I think consciously about what I'm doing and why. I'm not tempted to cheat because I hate throwing up. I haven't been sick in a long time. I can basically eat heart healthy food with ease. I feel so blessed. I get so many compliments that at times I don't know how to take them. This is definitely the best thing I've ever done for myself. It's forced me to be a better, more disciplined person. I also had control over other aspects of my life, but this was one area where I continually struggled.
Think about looking in the mirror and not recognizing the face that stares back at you. Now, I look in the mirror and I not only recognize my "old" face, but I like what I see. I like the hard work I'm putting in. I love the sacrifices I've made in getting the surgery. It is definitely not the easy way out. It's dangerous. I had my stomach operated on - not my mind. Sometimes the mind is weak, but the body has to resist and vice versa. I still live in a world where it's easier to eat junk than to eat healthy food. It's lots of work and effort. It's not easy to have to provide oridinary food for my family and not touch it. It's not easy to be offered desserts or fatty foods by co-workers who love to bring in donuts on Fridays just to celebrate TGIF. It's not easy smelling the aromas of great foods that I can't have. But guess what? It's damn sure worth it! Yep. I said it and I mean it.
My heart will thank me. My knees have already weighed in with gratitude since they don't hurt anymore. My back is feeling much better. I have more energy. I feel happier now. I'm smaller in size. I even walk faster. I don't waddle or sway side to side. I strut now. It's amazing and I'm quite grateful to God for granting me this second chance.
I had a lot to say today. I went to the gym for the umpteenth time today and worked out with my personal trainer. Sometimes I feel like the biggest person there and I feel self-conscious, but today I felt like I fit right in. It was an awesome feeling. I could've cried but he was working me harder today so I concentrated on working up to his expectations.
I look forward to the rest of the journey.
January 28, 2006
I worked out with my trainer last night. He measured me and these are my current stats:
Chest 50 inches
Shoulders 47 inches
Waist 40 inches
Thigh 33 inches
Arms 16 inches
Hips 55 1/2 inches
Calf 18 1/2 inches
Lean body mass - 163 pounds Fat mass - 123 pounds % 43
I figured that I'd like to weigh between 185-195 since I'm so tall. That will mean losing an additional 100 pounds and total weight loss about 150.
I know before wls my numbers were way over 57. So I'm happy with those for right now. I expect them to continually go down.
Future Update
February 11, 2006
I've lost a few more pounds and I'm so excited. My clothes are really fitting very loose. I now weight 274! That's 51 pounds gone! Yippeee! I feel so happy and I am able to feel good about how I look. I've been getting so many nice and flattering comments from my co-workers. I have a moment this week where one co-worker pulled me to the side and said that I inspired her. Me? Yes! She noticed how I've been sticking to my eating plan while the people around me don't. She said that she's been eating more healthier foods as a result of my lead. I feel so blessed to be used in this way by God. I have role models that I look up too: Cherri and Jacque. Without them, I wouldn't have done this and wouldn't be reaping the benefits of better health.
February 18, 2006
This has been a crazy hectic week at work, but I've made it to the weekend. I know that I've been slacking on my water and vitamin intack, but I plan to step that up a bit. I've bought biotin lozenges that melt in my mouth. I already had sublingual B-12 supplements. I just get too lazy to pop them in. I come home from work exhausted and I just sleep and lie around. My trainer cancelled both sessions this week, so I've been practically immobile except for at work. Today, I will do some exercises at home to catch myself up a bit. I've been eating a lot meats to get my protein, but I've also slacked off the protein drinks. I know I have to drink at least one protein drink a day. I have plenty of them and lots of powdered drinks that I've purchased that are just sitting around because of the after-taste. I've still been steadily losing weight very well and I'm quite pleased with that. I just need to be more disciplined. I currently weight 270. I'm down 55 pounds!!!!!
March 3, 2006
Things are going well, but I've been a bit lazy lately because I've been feeling tired and my side has been hurting a bit. On the flip side, everyone is in awe of my current weightloss. People at work who've never said a word to me have been just raving over my weightloss and saying such nice things to me.
I currently weigh 266 and I feel pretty good most days. I do have an iron deficeincy that requires me to take prescription iron pills that cost $60 dollars (my insurance won't cover it). The down side to that is those pills hurt my tummy and have so many restrictions as to what can't been taken with the pills. I can't eat wheat products, drink milk or eat other dairy products, and consume caffiene while taking the medicine. Hey most of my protein drinks contain some milk, so I've been trying to do the right thing but I haven't been getting much protein. Of course, my hair is shedding more than usual, but I'm not worried. Today, I just drank two protein drinks to make things a bit better. I'll try to take the medicine late at night. If I take it late, I have to remain upright for 30 mins. after taking the pills, which is bothersome. I will deal with it.
I've had some good wow moments lately. I haven't weighed in the 260's in ten years. I feel good about that. I haven't worn size 18's in 15 years. Once I go below 260, that will be a milestone in my life because I haven't weighed the amount in over 20 years. I'm so pleased with that. Also, a guy tried to get my phone number while he was driving and I was walking to my car after shopping. That was a good feeling but I declined the offer. At any rate, I felt like I was beautiful. I smiled a lot that day. I've had to buy new clothes even though I've had some clothes taken in, they still don't fit right. I broke down and bought new clothes this week. I used to wear 24's now I wear 18/20's and they're getting loose too! Praise the Lord!!!!
I go to the surgeon Monday to find out why I've been having some pain in my side. I think I've done too much lifting lately.
March 15, 2006
I currently weigh 263 pounds. I've lost 62 pounds and I'm happy about that. Last weekend, I was under the weather and I hardly drank water. As a result, I had to get an IV of fluid. Now, I'm all better and drinking lots of water. Today is the first day for me to get back to the gym in two weeks. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I've been lying around trying to get well; so, I'm feeling lazy as all get out.
I worked out with my trainer tonight. He measured me and these are my current stats:
Chest 50 inches
Shoulders 45 1/2 inches -1 1/2 inches
Waist 40 inches
Thigh 32 inches -1 inch
Arms 16 1/4 inches
Hips 53 1/2 inches -2 inches
Calf 17 3/4 inches -3/4 inch
Lean mass 159 pounds fat 109 pounds or 41%. I'm making progress.
March 21, 2006
Things are coming along with my weight loss. I'm a bit concerned since I went to the doctor yesterday and she said that my blood work showed a decline in my vitamins. I know for a fact that I've consistently taken them. I wonder if I'll have to take injections if I'm not absorbing the vitamins properly. Also, I have still had an occasional pain in my left side. The doctor seems to think it could be a number of things: dehydration, lactose intoleration, or muscle pain from working out. I have to give her three stool samples which is very gross. I'm hanging in there.
My stomach seems to hurt at different times for different reasons. I sometimes think it's spicy foods that do me in. I love Mexican and I seem to eat a taco salad once or twice a week, sometimes three times a week. That might be a bit much and too fatty to eat that much. Who knows? Other than that I feel fine. I'm pleased with my slow progression of weight loss. I tend to lose about 15-20 pounds per month which is fine with me. I like the fact that my body isn't as flabby as I thought it would be.
March 24, 2006
My Birthday Weekend!!!!! I'll be 37 on Monday, March 27th! I am going to have fun the entire weekend. The only thing that's bad is I can't drink alcohol. Well, I love wine and I wish I could have a glass to toast my b-day, but oh well another time for that. Tonight I'm going to a comedy club to see David Allan Grier. Tomorrow, I'm going to have dinner with my boyfriend and possibly go to a movie or something like that, but whatever we do, we'll have fun. I want to go bowling even though I'm awful at it. I love it when I knock down something. Sunday, I'm going to church and after church my aunt and her boyfriend are taking me out.
April 1, 2006
DOWN 74 POUNDS!
I'm feeling great. Today was such a beautiful day that I cut the grass and cut the bushed down in the back yard. I love doing yard work when I have the energy to do it. I get such a feeling of satisfaction with the yard looks nice. Today, I was so surprised that I did the yard and wasn't wiped out like I used to be. I currently weigh 251 pounds!!!!
I've lost about 74 pounds thanks to God! I feel like my old self from back in the day. I haven't weighed this little since the 1994. In 1991, I weighed about 225. I can't wait to hit the century mark in the next month or so. I will be just getting so excited. I won't be able to contain it.
My boyfriend loves the way I look and he always used to say I was beautiful. He said he wants to get married and have a baby. I spoke with my doctor about that. She switched some of my vitamins to prepare my body. I plan to wait at least 18 months before getting pregnant. I have so much to look forward to that my heart is overfilled with joy. Who would've though? My only concern is my drooping boobies. I know I can't get any work done until after the baby, especially if I breast feed. I can wait a few years to get my boobs lifted and my body lipoed and lifted. I would love that. I feel this way, there's no need in me losing all of this weight without getting the body I want in return.
My co-workers continually say nice things about my new look. I will update my pictures soon.
April 15, 2006
I've had Spring Fever lately and I've been lazy with my diet and exercise. I went to the surgeon this week and he told me that I don't have a hernia. I was so happy. I also went out of town for a few days with my mom and we had a ball. It was nice to get out of town and just relax. I ate fried chicken and it was sooooo goood! I know I was bad but nothing happened. Also, I had a glass of white wine. It was fine. I expected to feel funny but I didn't. I've had apple pie a few times over this Spring Break, but now I have to stop tripping and get back to reality. I weigh 249 and I've weighed this amount for a couple of weeks since I've been vacationing. Now, I will call the trainer and get back into the swing of things. I will be good and take my vitamins. I will start back taking my protein drinks since my hair is thinning out a bit. It's still growing long but in the front it's just shedding big time. Oh well!
May 6, 2006
my old stats:
Chest 50 inches
Shoulders 45 1/2 inches -1 1/2 inches
Waist 40 inches
Thigh 32 inches -1 inch
Arms 16 1/4 inches
Hips 53 1/2 inches -2 inches
Calf 17 3/4 inches -3/4 inch
my current stats:
Chest 45 inches -5 inches
Shoulders 45 inches -1/2 inches
Waist 38 inches -2 inches
Thigh 32 inches
Arms 15 inches -1 1/4
Hips 52 inches -1 1/2 inches
Calf 17 3/4 inches
I now weigh 244! I feel good. I've lost over 80 pounds. I'm been hanging in there in so many ways. The weightloss seems to be going well, but it has slowed down a bit, which I don't mind. But other areas of my life seem to be heated up! I absolutely hate drama, but sometimes no matter what I do, I seem to get mixed up with something every now and then. I pray that things work out for my good in the name of Jesus. I am very happy with my life, but there are areas that need work. I plan on praying and doing more soul searching to bring things into balance.
May 14, 2006 Happy Mother's Day! I'm a god-mother and an auntie but I feel like a mom most of the time. Today I'm celebrating because I'm under the 240's for the first time in 15 years! Yeah me! I weigh 237!! Thank YOU JESUS! He's so good. Sometimes I forget just how good He is, but today I am thanking him for all of my blessing and praying that he keeps me on the right track in this journey. I'm praying for all of my co-journers too! Sometimes, we get settled with losing a good amount a weight, but I still see my ultimate goal a bit aways. I need to continue to work out and I have to take my meds and vitamins and I need to drink more water. I really need to increase my protein because I get laxed and I do eat sweets more than I should. I will ring in those bad habits. Those are the habits that had me weighing 330 at one time. I'm close to the century mark!!!! I'm so excited. I need to keep these feelings alive.
Post Op Stats as of 6/16/06:
Weight: 233
BMI - 34
Shoe size - 10
Bra - 38 DD
Clothes - 16-18
June 13, 2006
My weight is coming down much slowly these days since I've been basically eating whatever I want the past three weeks. That too shall change. I'm about 9 pounds away from the century mark. I can't believe that it's come off so fast in seven months. I'm very pleased with how I look and being able to fit extra large clothes. I don't like having to spend money on new clothes because it can be pricey to get something cute. Oh well, I've had worst problems. I am taking it all in stride. Lately I'm craving chocolate once a month mainly. I need to keep my perspecitive. I've stopped drinking protein shakes each day, and I will go back to that starting Monday.
I start my summer break Monday and I'm looking forward to a great summer break. I do have a part-time summer gig but I get to work from home most of the time and still get paid how nice is that? I have so much to be thankful for.
June 24, 2006
I'm starting to feel like I'm out of control with the snacking and eating sweets. I'm going to start the protein train for a week. I will also go to the doctor tomorrow to tell her about my struggles. I've been six months without sweets and then all of a sudden I crave them like crazy. What's wrong with me? I might need to go to the support group tomorrow at six to talk to them about it. I think that's what I'll do. Either that or go back to the pyschologist to have him help me get back on track. I'm down 95 pounds in 7 months. I'm wearing size 14 and 16 clothes. My bra size is down to 38 DD and my shoes are regular 10's. My hair isn't shedding too much anymore. I know I need to drink more water. I need to get back to the gym too. I've been just chilling lately. I've been abusing my body with the sugary treats of Twix candy bars, ice cream, cake, cookies, pies, and anything I can get my hands on. I only got sick once when I tried to eat too much of a brownie. I haven't been throwing up in like six months. I just have to go to the bathroom right away when I eat too much of the sugary stuff. I just need to get a grip. I'm proud of what I've done, but I just need to get back to that place where I didn't think about them or want them.
July 2, 2006
I hit the century mark!!!! YEAH ME! 101 pounds lost as of today.
I am so happy. I only want to lost about 25 more pounds to be at my goal weight. Thank God for blessing me.
Let's see which ones I've reached:
1. Straining to tie my shoes when I have on pants that are tight at the waist. (NOW - I don't have any problem tying my shoes.)
2. Straining to cut the grass and sweating like a pig while doing so.(NOW - I cut the grass faster than ever and easier.)
3. Not able to wear heels because my feet and ankles are swollen.(NOW - I have ankles and I love showing them!)
4. Not being able to do a lot of walking on vacation because shortness of breath. ( NOW - I walk miles without getting tired.)
5. Wanting to dance when a nice song comes on, but not being able to hang like back in the day. (NOW - I can dance like crazy!)
6. Not being able to take compliments well and always doubting that the person was being anything other than kind and generous.
(NOW - I get too many compliments, but I say thanks and keep going. Sometimes, I feel really great about them.)
7. Feeling self-conscious at functions like people are looking at me and wondering if I'll eat up all of the food, especially buffets. :)
(NOW - I feel comfortable in my skin. I feel skinny! )
8. Having my tummy sag lower than it needs too.
(NOW - My lower stomach has shrank big time!)
9. Having large arms that make the sleeves of most of my shirts tight as heck and uncomfortable.
(NOW - My arms are much smaller. I still have a ways to go.)
10. Not feeling comfortable to undress openly in sexy situations without feeling that he's looking at my flabby body.
(NOW- I'm better about that.)
11. Wearing out my pants in the thighs because my thighs are burning a hole in them. (NOW - That's not a problem.)
12. Not being able to strut like I want to because my feet and ankles are jacked up. (NOW - I strut some.)
**13. Not feeling confident enought to wear shorts and tank tops because my stretch marks will show. (NOW - I feel so so.)
14. Not popping the buttons on my pants for obvious reasons.
(NOW- My clothes are too big. I don't have this problem.)
15. Not being forced to wear elastic waist bands for dress suits because when I wear zip up and button up pants, I have marks on my stomach. (NOW - I wear all kinds of pants.)
16. Not popping lots of meds. just to keep going each day.
(NOW - I don't take 8 meds. a day - 0 a day.)
17. Not squeezing my seat mates on an airplane, especialy when I'm stuck in the middle (poor people).
(NOW - I can fit on roller coaster rides and airplane seats!!!)
18. Not having to adjust my face when taking photos so my double chin won't show. (NOW - I don't have a big chin.)
** Keep working on that problem.
Post Op Stats as of 7/02/06:
Weight: 224
BMI - 33
Shoe size - 10
Bra - 38 DD
Clothes - 14-16
7-19-06
I'm feeling good! Yesterday, my boyfriend gave me two dozen roses and a box of chocolates. I ate 3 of the chocolates, which I didn't need but they were oh so good. I am so in love right now. The only thing that could mess that up is this conflict with Israel and Lebanon. He's in the military and may get deployed this week. That makes me pray for his safety and makes me value our relationship. It has grown during my weightloss adventure. He was against the surgery because he said I was fine the way I was. He's nice and sometimes in denial too, but I love his for loving me the way I was and am now. He's fine, smart, humorous, loves God, and works hard. He's everything I've always wanted in a man. I just hope things go to the next level.
I haven't worked out in a while. I also need to drink my protein shakes. I got my hair cut since it was growing long, but shedding and thinning out. It'll grow back.
August 11, 2006
Well, I've done somethings right and I've done somethings wrong with this weightloss journey lately. I've been drinking about 30 grams of protein shakes per day, but I've been eating out too much and eating non-healthy crap. I'm about to rein that in and go back to my old semi-disciplined self. My weight is pretty consistent at 223 of 224 which is okay with my since I'm able to fit in 14's. My goal was to wear that size, but I thought I'd have to weigh 199 or so to do that. Little did I know. I'm proud that I've made it to the size goal, but I realize that I'm probably not shooting for the weight goal as long as I feel as great as I do, I'm happy. Perhaps, I will get to 199 but being tall has helped me look thinner than most. I'm so proud that I've lost over 100 pounds in about nine months.
I broke down and bought a car after having my hooptie for seven long years. I'm very pleased with how nice it is, but I'm sad that I'll be making payments for quite some time. Oh well, that's how life is. You have to pay to get what you want. You have to pay and pay until it hurts. Hopefully, my raise will cover most of the expenses of the new car.
August 25, 2006
I went to Water Country USA and I wore a bathing suit the whole day and didn't feel sel-conscious or weird at all. I was shocked at how I felt good about myself. I still have flabby thighs and arms but who cares? I certainly don't. After losing 100 pounds, I deserve to feel great about the way I look and how nice I feel inside too. No one can take that from me. I've hit my first plateau and my weight does seem to want to budge from 222, which is okay with me. I barely have anything to wear. I still think that I'll slowly creep down to 199 in the next six months if I stay away from junk food.
I start back at work Monday, and my goal is to keep my eating habits stable and on the up and up. They'll have all kinds of junk in my view and I'll have to just keep going and stay focused. I dread how everyone is going to view my significant weightloss and all the comments I'll constantly get. I hate having someone constantly comment on my weight each and every freaking day. I drives me nuts. Hopefully, they'll be used to the new me.
I still need to get in more protein, but I loathe the protein shakes - uuggh! They are so nasty. I force myself to drink them. There must be an easier way. I have lost some hair and what I have left has thinned out big time. I am really trying to take the vitamins each day and to drink protein shakes as much as possible. It's a major challenge though.
I'm still dating the same guy and things are going well. I hope things will get more serious as the months go by. We shall see.
October 11, 2006
I haven't updated in a long time. I'm still doing well. My weight is down to 215 and I'm happy about that. I am looking forward to getting under 200! That will be my goal for the new year. I have been eating basically what I want. I do need to drink more water and to get more protein. So far, I feel like a new person and my energy level is still good. I haven't worked out in a while, but I will go back sooner or later since I'm paying for the gym. I will be doing the Walk for the Cure on Oct. 21st. I'm looking forward to that. God is so good!
November 4, 2006
One year post op thoughts
Things have been okay for me lately. At work, I've been working like a slave, but I received Reading Teacher of the Year Award. It made me happy that the work I do is recognized and appreciated.
In church, I've been singing in the choir and we have a concert tomorrow that I think we haven't prepared enough for but we should still do okay. I'm in a guild at church too and it's a blessing to me also. I do seem to spend more money though, and since I've bought a new SUV, money isn't as plentifull as it used to be. I may do some extra tutoring to supplement my salary. I also have an opportunity to work at my alma mater, ODU as an adjunct instructor. I really want this gig because it can further my career big time! I may even be able to work toward my doctorate or CAS without paying a lot for it. That would be wonderful and a dream come true.
I really want to become an administrator next year. I hope to goodness that it comes true. I love being an English teacher, but I'm ready for the next step. I feel that if I concentrate, I can do it. If I pray, then anything is possible.
Weightwise, I'm holding steady. I've lost 115 pounds in about a year! I have been really bad about my eating habits lately because of family celebrations and the upcoming holidays. I do take my vitamins for the most part. I have not been drinking any protein shakes since the summer, which is bad. I try to but the taste just turns me off. I will try to do better with that. My weight is holding steady at 215, but I seem to have lost inches because my clothes are falling off me. I can eat about anything I want without feeling sick. I don't "dump" at all! Last night, my cousin and I went to dinner and I had a martini. It's been my first real drink in a year. It didn't affect me at all. I got the kind with that was called a Frog or something and it was made with Kuloa. So it was tamed and made me feel mellow. I've never been a big drinker, so it was cool. I did eat a lot while had the drink, so that might have helped too. I haven't had one soda the entire year. I'm fearful that if I do drink a soda, there will be no stopping me from doing that more and more. So I force myself to stay away from sodas.
I think God is trying to tell me something. It took me most of my life to lose this weight and now I'm like a new person. Life is good for me. I shop and can fit smaller clothes. I can wear 14's and XL's instead of 26's and XXXL. I can just go in any store and pick up something and buy it. It feels great. I can cross my legs. I can sit on an airplane and have room. I can sit in a movie seat and have room. I can sit at a concert and have room. I can go to the pool or amusement parks and walk around all I want. I can fit on rides easily without any trouble. God is good. I can feel like normal human being without people staring at me. I can't really eat much like I used to, but that's cool with me. I've fully adjusted to eating more often and drinking a lot water. My face is smaller and my legs are smaller. I can actually wear boots without them being too tight on my calves. I can wear sandals without my ankles being too bloated and swollen. I can wear heals without prescription stockings or worrying that I may break the heal. I can sit in seats without worrying I'll break them. I can wear a bathing suit without feeling self-conscious about my size. I still have stretch marks, but I don't care if people see them. They're my war scars. I'm proud of them. I can feel sexy and cute when I walk into a room. I can be my outgoing self without people thinking that I'm doing that to compensate for being fat. I get honks when I walk on the streets and I feel happy about it. People look me in the fact and smile and say hi without thinking I'm a pig or some monster who eats hell off a cross. I feel energized to live life to the fullest. I feel like God has guided me through this process.
I have been in a relationship for two and a half years. Things have been great emotionally, but he's in the military and his time has been limited. For the last year, he's been in one state but has traveled a lot. Now in the next two weeks, he's being shipped off to another country and things will never be the same. We were progressing to a longer commitment, but I'm very doubtful about the future now. I ain't getting any younger and my clock is doing more than ticking. I just wish this didn't always happen to me. Everything happens for a reason and I know that I'm here to learn patience. But my goodness, I'm starting to get a bit over this lesson. When can I move to the next level???????????? I'm still happy and won't let any situation steal my joy.
November 17, 2006
I'm going to try to update my page by adding some pictures. 
