Anxiety Attacks

Feb 26, 2012

My surgery is in 2 days. Wow it is getting close. For the past 4 months or so I have been having panic attacks. These aren't sitting around worrying until you hyperventilate attacks. These are wake up in the middle of the night gasping and not knowing what the heck is going on.

The first one scared me. After that I kind of figured out what it was and that I was really ok which helped, but they started happing about once or twice a week. So I started asking my mom who has had some experience in the area and is a nurse. Then I had discussions with my PCP and the Weight Wise Psychologist.

They of course said it was a fairly reasonable reaction with what I was taking on. I had a longer road to get to a surgery date than many others on the program. I also have a more than full time job and am attending online college to get a degree. Between those things and the financial burdens I guess I was carrying a lot of concern in my subconscious. On the conscious level I didn't feel like anything was really that far out of the ordinary. It took my physicians and mom to remind me of how much I was doing.

My PCP gave me Xanax to take as needed to get me through the next few months. I didn't really take it at first. I didn't want to be on anxiety meds. But I ended up relenting as in the past few weeks leading up to surgery they started up again and I need to sleep.

I have been able to step back and realize the underlying fears that are plaguing me during all of this. I've been getting out more and am able to do more so that alleviates some of the fears. My big things to tackle are coming.

The pre-surgery diet has me eating 6 times a day and after it will be liquids for 2 weeks then soft foods, then back to regular foods. BUT only 3 times a day in very small amounts. At least I won't have physical hunger but I'm a little worried about emotional eating temptations. I've followed the pre-surgery diet to the T. And eating something 6 times a day has made that possible because I only had so long to go before I'd be eating again if I was feeling some emotion I used to treat with food.

After surgery not only is this not possible but not allowed. I know I can do it and I'm doing the right thing but I also know that this is something that is bugging me. I have the same fears as many others. Will I be the one person who completely fails or just doesn't lose more weight? Will I blow it and gain it all back?

I don't really believe that either of these will happen. I also know that come surgery day I will psych myself up and be ok. I can't wait until it’s done. I'm pretty convinced that once I get past the surgery and into the next phase my anxiety will become less and go away.

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