CHChurch
If you are interested in my story keep reading below this entry. I am changing the order of my comments.
January 26, 2007
This is somewhat passed my 1st anniversary but it has taken me some time to sort through my feelings and decide what I wanted to remember and what I wanted to forget. First of all, the answer to the burning question, “Would you do it again?” is YES! I thank God everyday for this experience in my life, for the changes and the challenges. I feel better and look better. I finally look like the woman I feel like.
Most have been supportive. A few have not. What I choose to remember about those who are not supportive is that I have a duty to prove them wrong and live happily. What a complete surprise where comments and support has come from! Strangers, family members, friends and co-workers blow me away with their support. There is nothing more satisfying than looking into the eyes of someone who MEANS what they say. To see yourself the way they see you is humbling.
What has changed?
My diabetes is “resolved” … gone! My sleep apnea is gone! My joints do not hurt. I can breathe and walk. I can buy “normal” clothes. I wear high heels. I get out of bed every morning at 6 a.m. and do not nap during the day. I do not hide from cameras. My shoe size went down 1 whole size and my bra size went down 5 sizes. (Wait… I think that is in the wrong column!) I am all that!
What has not changed?
My brain did not shrink. My desire to eat my way through emotions is still there. There is still stress and unhappiness and unresolved personal issues. There are still naysayers and those who do not voice what their faces reveal. Some days are harder than ever. Some days still suck. Some people are still asses. BUT…. It is amazing how much of this can be minimized by wearing a pair of rocking hot high heels!
~~~~~~~~~~ This begins my story~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I LOVE to laugh. Practically never met a joke I didn't like, to be "PC" don't love the hateful ones!
Tired of people judging a book by its cover. Ready to begin a new chapter in my life - I hear WLS is a real page turner?
Nov. 3, 2005
I am a 47 year old empty nester who has changed the focus from child and husband rearing to reclaiming my health. If we can make it until December 7 my husband and I will celebrate 26 years of marriage. (This is an inside joke to family and friends). Our two adult children have "spread thier wings" and are on their own journeys. I am a recovering army wife.
Nov. 5, 2005
I emailed the family and friends about my decision to go ahead with WLS and gave them the link to my profile. Then it occurred to me that my weight was listed under my picture. Now EVERYONE knows. Geez, being 5'3.5" and weighing 265, I thought I hid it well. The truth shall set you free they say and you are only as sick as your secrets. (Trust me, I am a walking trivia encyclopedia and famous quote quotter.) And I like to make up words.
I asked for prayers and support and if they did not agree with my decision to keep it to themselves. My daughter told me that was really harsh. I told her I was working on curing my insane need to be a people pleaser and she did not want to be my first "victim" - go figure!
Nov.15, 2005
Today was a almost-good-for-nothing day. Since I had to make a run to the airport in Nashville early in the day I decided to stick around until the Vanderbilt WLS support group met at 4:30 p.m.
I passed some of the time looking around a vitamin store to see what some of the things I had been reading about in posts look like and what they cost. I felt like a bull in a china shop. What a surreal world for me to be in. I felt torn - should I be a body builder or an au natural herb sucking health freak? I finally made a purchase of what the woman stocking the shelves said was a "high protein - sugar free drink." And I figured she MUST know what she was talking about since she was wearing the polo shirt with the official vitamin store patch on the right breast pocket. It was three dollars and change. It tasted OK but then I started feeling a bit sick. I check the label after consuming about half of it to discover the WHOLE bottle had only 20 grams of protein and it was chock full of sugars in drag, fructose and dextrose. I don't drink sugar well at all and so up went my blood sugar. Note to self: Never trust polo shirts!
This called for an immediate trip to the nearby mall to walk it off. I did a lot of window shopping. I found a few bargain items for my daughter and one little black cocktail dress for her that will be MINE someday - Oh yes, it will! But with blood sugar- what goes up must come down and mine plummets and I tend to get emotional. After a very intuitive aunt called me I just broke down and cried right there in a JCPenney dressing room. You name it - I cried about it. I like to call it a misery roll. No sense wasting good tears on one or two trivial things when you can make one fell swoop and include every blasted thing wrong in your world real AND imagined. To cover up this little pity party when someone entered the dressing room I just very loudly, "Ohmigod these size 8 pants fit me and makes my ass look so good." (I HAVE TO START PRACTICING FOR THE FUTURE) Then, of course, I had to dash out of there before someone ACTUALLY saw me and called mall security and reported me for serious denial.
But I digress. Here is the one of the very few bright spots - The Vandy support group meeting!!! I was the only pre-op there and I got some great insight and advice. I felt validated and even more sure I was on the correct path. Now I KNOW why you have to go to meetings to make it - it is the "been there and done that" group that gives you hope and encouragement. It would have been so lovely if it wasn't for the bad weather and getting dark so early.
As I was leaving the parking lot I got a phone call from my sister telling me the area I live in had sustained damage from a possible tornado. Then the intuitive aunt called and convinced me to stay in Nashville until the storm passed through. (I live 45 miles NW of Nashville out in Montgomery County) I headed to the nearest mall with a parking garage to wait it out. In the meantime my husband calls me from Florida and tells me to stay put and I tell him about the damage report. Through the miracle of cell phones he was able to acertain we had recieved damage to our property and we had no electricity. He tells me NOT to head out until it passes through Nashville. And being the submissive wife I am I agreed. LOL
On a bench in the middle of Green Hills Mall I was talking to my sister on the cell phone when I heard loud sirens outside. Soon a security guard begins to herd mall shoppers downstairs and into a narrow corridor. So there I am in a hallway with about 75 strangers waiting for the mall to blow away. I must stop here and say that I always pictured it ending that way for me, except I have my hands full of shopping bags and Godiva chocolate. I knew it wasn't going to happen then and there because I didn't have either of those things with me and my maker wouldn't take me like that.
So I have written all this to say, in a Reader's Digest version, most of the damage was to the detached garage. It blew in a garage door but stopped short of damaging one of my hubby's prized possesions a red corvette, ripped siding off of the side and sucked a back window out. We were luckier than a lot of people in our county. The electricity was even back on within a half of hour of my return home.
Lessons learned today:
Check out labels for myself.
Cry in a dressing room and you cry alone.
Vandy Support Group ROCK.
It sucks to be 265 pounds in a narrow hallway with 74 other people.
It is NEVER as bad as it could be.
I need to thank God for an intutive aunt.
I have lived long enough to hear my husband demand I stay put in a mall.
You should never let your two schnauzers watch the Wizard of Oz and then leave them alone during a tornado. It just freaks them out.
The winds of change are a coming.
December 1, 2005
I had my psych evaluation today and guess what? I AM SANE! Take that all you naysayers and you know who you are.
It was painless, except the part when I talked about my parents. My mother died in August 2003 after a six month battle with lung cancer. She gave me unconditional love and helped me to be the woman and mother I am today. To say that I miss her is the understatement of the century. My heart aches for her although I know she is in a far better place I still want her to be here with me. My father, on the other hand, is one sick puppy, hell-bent on revenge and destroying everyone in his path. We are not close.
This is my last hurdle before it submitted to TriCare for final approval. Within a couple of weeks I will have my date. GO me!
Things I have learned today:
You can elect to have your stomach reduced from the size of a deflated football to roughly the size of your thumb and someone will certified you ARE sane.
When you are asked to give the reasons you want WLS, it is probably wise NOT to mention a deep desire to become a 47 year old swim suit model as the number one reason.
I will never stop missing my mother.
My Father in heaven has unconditional love when the one here on earth chooses not to love me.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
December 14, 2005
I HAVE A DATE. Vanderbilt called this morning with a January 17, 2006 date - high noon. I think I actually squealed. Last night I shared my news with my bunco buddies. I really, sincerely felt the love and support from them. 2006 will be my year. I am going to claim it as mine and devote the year to getting healthy and thin.
December 27, 2005
I can happily report that I have made my last purchase at Lane Bryant. I bought a decent pair of p.j.s for my post op period at home. My mantra all through the mall was, "this time next year". I have actually said that EVERY year at this same time but I KNOW it will be different and I am so looking forward to it. I also swear when I wear a "normal" size I will NOT purchase ugly clothes. Tomorrow I have my pre-op nutrition classes. More later....
Sunday, January 22 (5 days post-op)
Well, it is - straight from the horses's mouth sort of speak. I have made it up the two flights of stairs to the computer to send an update.
First, let me say THANK YOU for all the words of encouragement and prayers during the past week. I went in expecting one thing and ended up with another so it has taken some adjustment. Instead of the laparoscopic 5 small incisions I ended up being converted to an "open" procedure - the 5 small incisions and one long vertical incision with about 55 staples. It turns out there were unforeseen problems with my bowels that required an hour of extra surgery to fix. This has made moving, breathing, turning, laughing, sneezing a chore - other than that it is a breeze.
Instead of being sprung on Thursday I had to wait until Friday when my infection and fever cleared up. Believe it or not I tried to be the model patient. I got my daughter Jennifer and a nurse to get me up at 3 a.m. to walk the halls the first night. (This was pay back for Jennifer for waking me up at 3 a.m. 24 years ago)
I am bruised and have been poked more times than a porcupine on her honeymoon. BUT the experiences at Vanderbilt have been exceptional. I did not have a bad experience at all. There were even some doctors who stopped by at the same time everyday just to see me. I think they were crushing on me but Rick insist it was something called "rounds"?
Speaking of my Rick - let me say he has more than fufilled those "Sickness and Health" part of the vows. I have MAJOR issues with men who dump women when the medical needs get to be too much so it was very important for him to step up to the plate and be there. He was not only he was above and beyond duty. I am writing this now so one day, and I am sure it won't be too long - I will need a reason not to strangle him and I can remind myself why I do love him.
At home I am dealing with scheduling full liquid meals, plus my meds and making sure I take in enough water. I have not been hungry and I have not been nauseous! I am trying to stay up and walk around but the weather is not cooperating too much.
I go back to see Dr. Richards this week and then I move to pureed foods.
Once again, I am humbled by the attention I have received this week. In my life, I am truly blessed to have good friends, caring family, understanding co-workers, skillful surgeons and compassionate nurses. My heart is overwhelmed and nearly burst when I think of how truly blessed I am. Thank you for being a part of this and putting up with me.
February 24, 2006
I am now back at work, despite a false start a couple of weeks ago. I am losing weight quickly but not without problems. I just got out of Vanderbilt on Wednesday after being admitted on Monday for persistent pain in my left side. It was an inflamation in my bowels. I am back on clear liquids for a week and three more medicines.
Would I still have the surgery? YES! Sometimes problems are opportunities in disguise. I have been forced to take some time off and reevaluate my life. I have been forced to slow down.
March 1, 2006
I had my 6 week check-up last week. (Actually week 7, but who is keeping up?) I am down 43 pounds. I am only seriously obese NOT morbidly obese anymore. Go me! I have turned the corner as far as thinking that I might actually learn to live through all this. It is self imposed discipline that constantly reminds your brain it is NOT in charge of your stomach. Any vomiting I have experienced has been a result of too fast or too much. Evidently, I am a slow learner. The differences in my clothes has been amazing. I am into 1X and size 18 pants. Everyday I put on make up and a smile and face the world. So far, the world seems to be smiling back. Until next time....
May 16, 2005
Tomorrow makes 5 months and I am FINALLY in "one"derland. I got my first glimpse of it on Mother's Day but when I tried to take a picture of my scales it wouldn't display it again. I wanted to hurl that big white plastic lying disc into the pond.
Otherwise, I am feeling very well. I have travel a lot and eating has been good. On Sunday I leave for a three week trip to England. I can't wait to see the difference in the airplane seats. It is amazing how this WLS brings into focus how short life really is. I have a list now of things I want to see and do and I am actually DOING them instead of talking and day dreaming about them.
I am still a bit uncomfortable with the attention weight loss brings. It is hard to accept complements about my body after so many years of trying to dress "100 pounds lighter". For my cousin's wedding in Virginia I wore a red dress (MISSES size 18) with red shoes (Size 7 & 1/2 -down a whole size) and danced at the reception. Sure, it was out of town and I will never see 97% of those people again but I had to start somewhere.
My only regret? I didn't do this 10 years ago!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
I am on vacation near London, England for three weeks. I want to report some MAJOR improvements since WLS:
No seat belt extension needed!
Room to spare in the airline seat
I dropped something and could actually reach it
I do not feel conspicuous in a crowded resturant or store
Can you say ENERGY????
Posing pictures not a BIG deal - just smile
Packing not a problem - sizes change so often there are just a few essentials to carry.
Finally, having the courage to make a dream come true is the biggest change in my life. I am not a bystander I am a participant and you can be too - JUST DO IT
FYI - down 70 lbs.!
July 26, 2006
It has been a long hot summer here in Tennessee. I am down 80 lbs. It seems I have been on a plateau for a while but it has given me some time to adjust to my shrinking self. Yesterday, I wore a size 16 misses pants and I visited Curves to see about their set up. I have been swimming all summer and love the freedom of the water but it is time to step it up in the exercise department.
I have a nutritionist appointment tomorrow and an appointment with Dr. Richards on Friday so I will "officially" update this weekend.
September 11, 2006
(Better late than never)
Yesterday was my 48th birthday and what a happy one it was. YES!, one can live without birthday cake. (Seriously, I never thought it was possible either but I am living proof)
It has been almost 8 months and I am currently wearing a loose size 16 jeans and large T-shirts. The pants I wore to the hospital on the day of my surgery were size 24 with pulls in the seams and my sweater was a 3X. My feet have gone down one entire shoe size. My wedding ring was just sized down two whole sizes.
Life is good.
The biggest suggestion I have to pre-ops and post-ops? Get thee to a support group meeting!
About Me
Before & After
rollover to see after photo
