chris_s_ga
Wow. Where do I begin? Telling my story is a bit difficult for me because I tend to be a very positive person and don't like to dwell in the past.
I'm almost 40 and the most important thing I learned during this decade is how to forgive myself and how to forgive others...to let go of the past and move on towards the future.
My faith and walk with the Lord has become so much more dear to me and I can honestly say that the Lord God is my Salvation - my Rock. As best described in Hewbrews 11:1, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen."
I have gone through a lot of family and also medical problems in my lifetime - straight out of the womb. Over time, I became bitter and was very critical of myself and of others. Through God's grace, christian counseling and lots of work I have come along way healing emotionally. Equally, my health issues became very prominent during my 30's and peaked with some very serious life threatening conditions: Gall Bladder burst (due to excessive dieting), Sinus Surgery required for Sleep Apnea, Multiple DVT's requiring surgery and angioplasty, Diabetes and Neuropathy in the lower half of my body - and this is just to name a few of the things going on with me. On top of all that I have been fighting a losing battle with my weight.
I am so very glad to say that things seem to have "leveled" off the last couple of years with my health and I finally "feel" better than I have in many, many years. Back in 2004 I had my surgery approved with insurance and was just about ready to go and then the multiple DVT's were diagnosed - and it had to be canceled. The recovery process was very slow and took such a toll on my body. I now have neuropathy (nerve damage) and extreme pain unless I am on medication from my naval down to my toes. Also, my veins were so damaged that I have severe swelling from my naval down. Losing weight is the only thing that is going to help me with the swelling and pain.
I am so excited about finally being cleared to have the surgery again - I really didn't think I would be able to and have continued every diet under the sun! They will be taking precautions because DVT's are a risk for any surgery. They will be putting filters in my major leg veins to prevent any problems.
What I hope to accomplish with this surgery is to increase the quality of my life...to be able to do normal things without all the baggage! Do you know what it's like to go camping with me or go out of town? Oh my gosh! I have to make sure I have enough of all 10 - yes 10 of my medications to last while I'm gone. I must take my sleep apnea machine (and make sure there is electricity). Since I can't take my adjustable bed with me, I have to take about 6 pillows to sleep on so I can breath and for reflux. I am slow about getting around - especially when the swelling is bad, plus I naturally lack energy. Being fat makes you sweat alot, unable to handle extremes in temperature and huff and puff on a short walk. I have to make special food allowances because of diabetes. Plus, what does a girl in a size 20 wear to the beach? Are you getting the picture? Bottom line it's not much fun.
I want to feel good and to look like I feel good! I'd like my exterior to match my new and improved interior!
As far as my friends and family go...I don't have a lot of "real" support. I am truly blessed that my husband is with me 100% although makes it clear that it is 100% my decision. My family is not too thrilled with the whole idea. I get the "well, if that's what you want to do" or "I don't like it, but if that's what you want". Along with some very well meaning but stabbing remarks like, "you know, I just cut out carbs and lost 10lbs". Or, "If you could just excercise and diet I think you could do it". Or, "I hear it's dangerous". Or even, "I have a friend, who has a friend who had the surgery and they gained back all their weight."
Just to put all doubt aside, I have tried all kinds of diets. I have been diligent, not put anything in my mouth that wasn't one of their foods and on my menu. Had a personal trainer and really went to all my sessions. I have been on several Dr. supervised diets. I have taken diet pills prescribed by the doctors and even given myself metabolic vitamin shots 2's per week that were extremely expensive.
My husband looked straight at the surgeon and asked him why I can't just lose the weight by diet and exercise. He explained that you can have 2 people identical in size, weight, calories and exercise...one will lose/gain and the other won't. If ALL things are equal then it is down to genetics and metabolism. Some people do not metabolize food efficiently no matter what they do. Here comes the science lesson. I have something called insulin resistance and goes along with diabetes. In insulin resistance, which is an auto-immune disorder, the body become resistant to insulin and therefore the pancreas must make more and more and more for the sugar level to come down. All this extra insulin floating in the blood stream gets stored as fat. Short of taking medication, watching what you eat, and moderate exercise, there is not much else you can do...science has not caught up yet.
The last thing I want to say for now in my story is that I feel completely at ease with this decision. It's something I've wanted for over 5 years and didn't think I'd ever be able to have. I am looking forward to the next decade being the best I've ever had. God has given me a peaceful heart with this decision, I have no fears...he's taken such good care of me my whole life and kept me from danger many times. I know he loves me and wants me to be happy and healthy.
The following sums up my thoughts on what life is all about:
Love 1 Corinthians 13
1) If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2) If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3) If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.
4) Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5) It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6) Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7) It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8) Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9) For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10) but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11) When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12) Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13) And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Thank you and May God Bless You!
Chris -
