Dec 29, 2018
Yes, the 2018 Holiday Season is OVER! 2019 is two days away. I don't care much for resolutions because, as we all know, for the most part none of us are resolute.
I do need some direction in my head, though - a point of focus. A word. My word at this time of my life is MINDFUL - it applies to all areas of my life - in how I interact with other people (especially those I love), how I conduct my affairs, and how I treat myself to name significant ones.
It's so easy to take for granted our relationships with others and ourselves. It's too easy to overlook taking the time to say I love you - to hug your loved ones. It's too easy to let our personal affairs slide sometimes because we think we're too busy. And we are always the last on the list of "things" to take care of.
This is my year to be mindful - especially with myself and my loved ones.
This week I read something said by the fictional character Meredith Grey (Grey's Anatomy) that, thank you whomever wrote the script, truly resonated with me for this year -
"So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you an be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More compassionate? Decide. Breath in. Breath out and decide."
Be mindful my friends. Mindful of where you are in your life, what you are, what you want to be. Be mindful of how you treat yourself. Be strong, be kind, be compassionate -
Happy New Year!
Dec 22, 2018
Merry and Happy everything!
Six months later and I realize I've lost another 10 pounds - 25 more pounds to my happy place!
Time flies by and so does life - don't ever take anything for granted.
I'm still not being perfect - but continuing to focus on eating mindfully.
It's been an interesting year. I sent the friend with benefits on his way - it seemed simply useless. I went to Norfolk, VA at the end of June for a meeting professionals conference with other Sacramento associates - my first time there made it an enjoyable trip. The end of July I went to Honolulu to my 50th class renion - was on the planning committee - another fabulous (albiet quick 4 nights) trip "home"! Got to catch up with many friends!
As off the wall as it may sound, somewhere along the line this summer the "the ex" and I have grown (platonically) closer - he calls it "best friends" (how about best friends without benefits? ). We both acknowledge that though we chose to divorce, we still love each other and want to be in each other's life - in whatever form that takes. Neither of us are seeing anyone. We spend a wonderful 10-day vacation in Princeville/Hanalei, Kauai in October and are already booked to go back next year for 2 weeks - 1 week with family and 1 week with friends.
All this is being said as a reminder to post ops that LIFE goes on in spite of where our heads are. We CAN if we choose to continue to be mindful of what we stick in our mouths.
Remember that this Holiday Season! And also remember - PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!
Jun 21, 2018
So I'm 10 days in from my June 11 blog post - got my head on straight - and in 6 days have lost 2.8 lbs. I have chosen to dedicate to a low carb/moderate fat program - as I should have been doing all along. DOH!
And while I am not being PERFECT, I am eating mindfully and am making PROGRESS. Thank you Dr. Connie Stapleton, for reminding me of that - Progress Not Perfection.
My target is 20-22 carbs a day and 90-100 grams of protein a day. And of course, the requisite minimum of 8 glasses of water a day. I'm at the point where I am finally feeling leaner intestinally, rather that bloated all the time. Getting in walking almost every day at least 30 minutes - or (lucky me) a good, healthy sexy encounter with my friend with benefits (I am not looking for another relationship right now after being widowed 26 years ago and 2 subsequent divorces).
This is probably on my tracker, but I like to see it ...
Highest Weight - 225 1/15/2005
Surgery Weight - 195 6/15/13
Lowest Weight - 130 5/26/2006
Happy Weight - 140-145 1/20/2008
Highest Regain Weight - 192 2/28/2018
Current Weight - 179 6/21/2018
I can do this!
So Can You!
Jun 11, 2018
I am now 13 years post op - and life just keeps on happening - you have to know that, especially you who are just beginning your journey. LIFE JUST KEEPS ON HAPPENING - head battles just keep on happening.
In the last 6 years I have:
I always have to take advantage of those moments of clarity where I am in the headspace that got me to have WLS - I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired to coin a 12-step phrase - I'm not really sick - but definitely tired of living in this regain.
13 years ago 'NEVER AGAIN' was my mantra - well, wisely say never say never again because unless you control your headbattles and are EVER VIGILENT, that creeping regain is always banging at the door.
This morning I weighted 180.6. Amazingly 3 pounds down from a week ago on my way to a 5-day conference. Today I am cognitive of what is going in my mouth. Another coined phrase from 12-step (which I am not personally involved in, but have family and friends who are) ....
JUST FOR TODAY. Let's get through today.
Love and light ...
Jan 09, 2012
Mar 24, 2010
Mar 11, 2010
Mar 01, 2010
Jun 08, 2007
Nov 03, 2006
Had my orientation today - while I don't think I learned anything new (except for Kaiser SSFO's process), it was nice to have all of my research, listening, observing validated. Dr. Baxter, Dr. Li, Dr. Stiles and Beth Goodrich were all very informative and interesting! 210 on Kaiser's scale.
May 17 - 207 on Kaiser's scale
Appointment with Beth Goodrich - she expressed being impressed with my understanding of the program, of my getting on board with it prior to orientation, of my adherence to the menu plan - said I was obviously doing something right as I was losing - since it "wasn't broke, she wouldn't try to fix it" - Whew! One down, two to go.....
May 21 - 204 on Kaiser's scale
Appointment with the surgery Goddess - Dr. Stiles. Mom and daughter were with me - she asked them questions, asked me questions - was again very impressed with my pro-active approach to the program and my preparation - she took my referral weight (or a weight from an appt I had in January that was reflected in my SSFO file) as my starting weight (223) and told me I was done with my required loss (at 204...) and when did I want surgery as I seemed to have it all together. WOW!!!
She couldn't locate the latest copy of the surgery schedule, so we ended up having to wait til' Monday to get a date.... as my daughter said... I did the happy dance all the way out of the hospital to the car!!!! Two down, one to go.
May 23 - got my date!!! June 16 with Dr. Gorrin..... woo hoo!
May 24 - got my pre-op appointments! This Friday May 27 for pre-op class..... Next week 6/1 with Dr. Gorrin - and 6/3 with Susan Dykhuizen, case worker and Maria Bibat, anesthesiologist. I am so happy! This is right where I wanted to be... on the FAST TRACK!!!
May 27 - pre-op class- I was almost embarassed to say when I had orientation because of the other 9 patients in the class, one started LAST MAY and the others had orientation in February and March. Here I am with orientation in May.
June 1, 2005 - 202.5 by Kaiser's scale
Had my appointment with Dr. Gorrin today - and it went very well - he is so nice - friendly - informative - had him explain to DH exactly what is going to happen. I am even more calm about all this than I was before. Have a very busy 15 days with work and preparing for this = it's gonna go waaayyyy fast!
June 13 - 3 more wake-ups - I am not nervous - I am still so amazed that this is actually happening - my husband just asked me if I was ready for this surgery - YES! YES YES!!! I am in awe - I cannot even begin to imagin what my life will be like. I understand the risks involved - I am not kidding myself that this will be an easy row to hoe - but I also know that I am prepared to work for my success. I am packed - have my Isopure protein drink in my bag so I can start taking in protein as soon as I can take clear liquids - at least sipping it - wherever this journey takes me, I'll be there doing everything I can to succeed.
WHEN YOU CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT THINGS, THE THINGS YOU LOOK AT CHANGE..... Dr. Wayne Dyer....
I have changed the way I look at my life over the last two years - and, by golly, the things I have been looking at have changed!!!
More later -
June 27 - WOW! It's been 11 days since surgery - I have now lost 12 lbs - had a laprsocopic RNY - was out of the hospital on the 2nd day after surgery - up and about since - no eating issues! As with the rest of my journey, I have had an easy time and I am grateful for whatever the reason - I am thankful every day.
November 11, 2005 .... 147.5 ... Total loss 77.5 since March... 53.5 since surgery on June 16... average 10 lbs per month. I don't know where the time has gone... almost five months since surgery. My experience has been so absolutely awesome and flawless that at times I wonder what will go wrong.
April 11, 2006 - Current weight - 133 lbs, total loss - 93 lbs since March 31, 2005.
In looking back, what a year it's been. I look at photos of me from last March and photos of me now and the difference astounds me. I have gone from a size 18/20/22 to a size 8. As Dr. Giti at Kaiser South San Francisco so accurately put it, this is stomach surgery, not brain surgery. I'm working on the brain surgery.... lol! The issues that were in my life before surgery are still there now. I am dealing with them, but not with food! I AM DEALING WITH THEM.. read that filing for divorce. If you have read this far, you know why. I'm happier with ME than I have ever been in my recollection. I'd do this surgery again in a heartbeat - and recommend for anyone considering it to learn all they can about it - the good, the bad and the indifferent - talk to people - read, read, read.... it's not an easy lifestyle, but it's not hard. It takes caring about your body, your nutrition, your health, your future - which if we had all done that all along, would not be here, right?? My hats off to all of you who have undertaken this journey - and I will continue to read your stories, and add to mine from time to time!
The magick is in you!
November 3, 2006
Current Weight - 134 - 17 months post op
The journey continues!
NUTRITIONALLY - It's an every day battle, people! Though I have maintained my weight since April, it is a daily conscious effort, don't ever forget that! Vitamins, supplements, protien, water... and what you stick in your mouth!
Over the last few months I've found I'm craving carbs... a hard one to fight! Good, bad or indifferent, I allow myself a little each day to satiate that need - and the rest is protien, fruits and vegetables.
EMOTIONALLY - Since April? My mom was diagnosed with cancer at the end of March and passed away at the end of May - treasure those people in your life that you love. Never take a day for granted! "I LOVE YOU" - three simple words that take about two seconds to say.
I started divorce proceedings in January, put it aside while my mom was ill, picked it up again in June after she died. It's now a done deal. A second big change in my life. We remain friends (for now anyway and I sincerely hope that continues - we just had too many philosophical differences to stay married).
My 7 year old grandson was just diagnosed with Childhood Bipolar Disorder. My daughter (his mother) with Fibromyalgia.
Life goes on... we do what we need to do. DO IT WITHOUT USING FOOD FOR COMFORT. Find other positive, healthy ways to comfort yourself.
Hugs and love and light to you all...