Cinderellen

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Well, it's been two weeks since surgery.  It went very well, they were able to do it laparoscopically and there were no complications.  I went to my two week post op appointment today and was down 26 pounds.  Dr. Chapman seemed pleased with my progress.

I have  a date, March 28th.  Not a lot of time, but that's probably a good thing. :)

Finally!  I don't have a date yet, but I have an approval from my insurance.  They say it's medically necessary.  Duh!  Persistence pays off I suppose.  Frankly, I think that all things happen in God's timing and this is His time for me to have this surgery done.  It's in His hands and for His Glory.

I feel excited, scared, a little sad, and ashamed.  Excited because it's finally happening.  Scared for obvious reasons.  Sad because of how long it took me to get to this point, and ashamed that my weight got this out of hand.  However, as Paul says,"...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.:"  Phillipians 3:13b-14

The boys are doing great.  Matt's been accepted by several colleges, and has chosen East Carolina University.  So we have to start facing that challenge.  Thomas is taking piano lessons and doing wonderfully in school.  He's been accepted into the Health Sciences Academy for High School which he starts in September.  He says he's going to be a Neurosurgeon.  YIKES on the college bills!

I'm about half way through my degree at Liberty, I should be finished next spring.  Then I can get a real job.  I am looking forward to that day very much.  I might even be close to regular sizes by the time I walk across the stage! :)

Again with the long time between updates. I guess in this stage of the process, there isn't much to update on. I'm either losing weight on the supervised diet or I'm not. I'm not. Oh well, that's why I'm looking into the surgery in the first place, if I could have stuck to Weight Watchers for long periods of time, I would have by now. I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds over and over during the last 6 months. I will say, I am in much better shape than before, that's thanks to the gym, and I'm definitely a 4x now, in tops. So it's not all bad.

This past weekend we went to Kitty Hawk to see the Wright Brothers Museum and Memorial. That was really cool. I was able to walk all over that place, from one end to the other, including the really tall hill that the Memorial is on top of. I was proud of myself, a year ago, I couldn't have done that. More evidence the gym stuff is paying off, I suppose.

It looks like I'm nearing my 6 month end. I have 2 months with WW and 4 months with the Nutritionist, 6 months of gym logs, and 6 months of Dr. visits from Virginia, 4 from here. My insurance company says that the Dr. visits don't have to be concurrent with the gym and exercise attempt, so at the end of this month we're going to submit. I'll continue to do the visits until I get approval, in case they don't want to take my Virginia notes or the 2 months of WW for some reason. I am getting excited now, it could happen before the end of this year.

As far as general life goes, it has it's good days and it's bad ones. The boys are doing well. My older son is doing well in school and football. My younger one is also doing well and developing an interest in writing and poetry. It's neat to see them developing interests and growing into young men. Other things have good days and bad days, but I have to keep pressing on towards the prize.

That's all I have for now. God is good, all the time!! All the time, God is good!!

~Ellen

Again, it's been awhile since I've updated. I don't really have much to say. I am going to have to do another 6 months with Dr. supervised diet, although with a different twist. I have to see someone twice a month for weigh ins, separate from the PCP visits. Also, I have to have 6 months of supervised exercise program, like curves or a gym. The nutritionist that has to see me bi-monthly doesn't have any openings and I am on a waiting list for her. My PCP that has to see me monthly didn't have a new patient opening until the end of June. So I started WW and Ladies Workout Express just to get the ball rolling somewhere, plus it's good for me. It's really frustrating though, the "hurry up and wait" thing.

As far as WW and working out have gone, I haven't lost much weight. I have found it very difficult to stick to the diet. What's new about that? Anyway, I keep going, hoping that something will change there. I am having good success with the gym though, I have lost an inch off my arms, calves, and breasts, and 10 inches off of my chest just below my breasts and also my waist. I have found that the "crunch machine" is my new best friend. I have almost no back pain anymore. I haven't lost much weight at all, maybe 5 pounds overall, but I have dropped a size in my tops. I can wear a 4x top now. I keep hoping that I will get a handle on my emotional eating, so that I can give WW a good go. It's funny, you know that something is good for you, but you can't do it because it's so ingrained in you to do what's hurting you. I like to think I'm stronger than that, but I guess not. Oh well.

God is still good, I will keep my eyes on Him.

~Ellen

It's been a very long time since I've updated my profile. We have moved to North Carolina. It's been an exciting, scary time for all of us. The boys are adjusting, finally, we were worried about that more than anything. Things are going okay in other areas, wish I could say it's better, but maybe someday.

I haven't lost any weight in a long time. Between injuries to my knees and back, holidays, and general stress from the move and other issues, I haven't been watching what I've been eating much at all, nor have I been exercising with any consistency. To that end, I am joining WW again today, and also Ladies Workout Express. My hope is to get my rear in gear again. Every pound lost and every step I take will better prepare me for success with the surgery.

I pretty much have to start all over again with the surgery hoop jumping. The new insurance does cover it, but it has new and different hoops that must be taken care of. I am very possibly looking at another 6 months of supervised weight loss and exercise programs. Oh well, that's not bad either, whatever road I have to take to get healthy is a good one as long as I stay on it.

God is still good, I rest in that.

So it's been a little over a month since I posted anything. It was a hard month, but I've lost another 10 pounds. I'm up to 50 lbs lost. I have almost lost more than the most I've ever lost prior to this diet. It has been a hard month, I've had a lot of ups and downs. But God is faithful, His love endures forever!

It's been an interesting weekend. We had family in from out of town for our oldest son's 16th birthday. I can't believe that he's 16. He doesn't seem that old, and I'm not old enough to have a child that age. I'm reminded continually how blessed I am to have been a part of his life and that of my other son and husband. God has blessed me so much.

In unrelated news, I'm up to 40 lbs lost. I'm so excited to have had continued success losing. I'm walking still, a mile and a half every night, and 2 miles twice a week in the morning with a friend. Again, God is good!!

Well, it's been nearly a month since I wrote anything. There's really not much to say right now. I'm in the 6 month doctor supervised diet "phase" right now. So far I've lost 30 lbs. Yay me! It's been a long time since I was able to lose much of anything at all. God is good!
~Ellen

I had a moment today when I realized something about myself. It started last week when I went to my first consultation with my surgeon. The day before I had read the memorial page and frankly I was so scared that morning that I was literally shaking all the way into his office. I did calm down after I was there, and ultimately came away feeling that surgery is the right thing for me to do.

However, in the week since I've done just about everything I could do to defeat the weight loss attempt I'd been making in preparation. Prior to the consult I'd lost 20+ lbs and was walking 20 mins a day. I haven't walked this whole week since, and haven't been following the diet that had previously been mostly working for me. I had been having trouble for some time with the diet since my pcp put me on metformin, but I had been fighting and keeping off the loss. This is a pattern consistent with the way I've behaved pretty much my entire life. See some good results, think "oh yeah, I can do this", then sabotage myself.

Now for my "aha" moment. I realized today that I do this totally out of fear. Fear that I will change, fear that I won't change, fear that the diet and/or surgery will work, fear that they won't. I cannot believe even for one second how scared I am. I would have told you that I was a pretty calm relaxed person until last week. I guess because this was more extreme stress and fear over what I have had over the years, it was easier to see this time. I could see, once I looked back at things that this was something I've been fighting all my life.

I've read that it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you. So now that I know that fear is what's eating me, what do I do with it? I haven't a clue yet, but knowing is half the battle.
~Ellen