Clirishu

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As I've written before, my impatience with having to wait for my initial appointment with the NP has been driving me nuts.  I am not usually an impatient person, but this is probably the biggest endeavor I am ever going to take on and when I decided to take the first step, I was already ready to walk the mile.  

I have always been fat, but I was never allowed to live like a fat person.  I never missed out on school events, sleep overs with friends, vacations, etc.  My motto was, have fat - will travel.  My weight was a part of who I was just like my brown hair and my bossy attitude.  I am a lucky girl...while I experienced societial ridicule on countless occassions, I have the support of a family who has always recognized my weight as something out of my control.  Because of these circumstances, I don't suffer from the stereo-typical problems of most obese individuals...low self-esteem and low self-worth.  

With all this said, since deciding on wls I have been doing lots of self-reflection.  Do I emotionally eat?  Do I graze?  Can I not drink while I eat?  And finally, why now am I no longer content to be fat?  And then I realized, that is where my impatience originates...I am no longer content to be fat.  I want more and wls is the only way to get more.  So now...on Monday...I take another step in my journey for MORE!!!

Well, after having read countless blogs I know that the path to weight loss surgery is not always easy and while I am sure there will be many hurdles ahead of me, you just never can really prepare for what they are going to be.  I sure didn't see this one coming.  I was a lucky one..I had a family member who is in the medical profession.  She had committed to taking this journey with me.  In fact, I felt like I was going to be able to do this because she was in my corner.  Well it is not that she is no longer in my corner, but she is unable to get away from work to attend my first appointment.  I know that she would be there if she could, but it doesn't make the disappointment any easier. 

I am sure as I begin this journey, I am only just beginning the game of hurry up and wait.  But, I have to say...I am having enough of it already.  I want March 3rd to be here NOW!  I am all psyched up to do the things I need to do to get to surgery day, but I can't start until I know what is expected of me.   YIKES!!!!  I keep talking myself down and reminding myself that the date will come, but oh boy I am impatient about this!  Just needed to vent. 

I heard from the doctor's office today.  Of couse, as I already knew, my insurance doesn't cover the surgery.  However, I am not letting that stop me.  The car I presently drive costs more than the surgery.  I have my priorities in order, my health is worth it.  And because of that, I scheduled my appointment.  On March 3rd I expect to have a better idea of a course of action. 

I went to the seminar tonight.  I could have done the presentation for the doctor given how much research I've done since deciding I was going to have WLS.  It just seems to easy to be true.  I am waiting to hear from the doctor's office to schedule my initial appointment.  Guess after I go to see the doctor, I will see if it is as easy as they say it is...Good Luck to me!